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2024-10-29 19:42:56I sit for what feels like an eternity, waiting with bated breath and extreme anxiety coursing through me. Finally, the door opens, and voices come into the apartment. There seems to be more than one and I can’t tell if any are Jake. I wait and listen. A male laugh that sounds like Daniel, possibly Arrick too and then I hear Jake, low and husky and my heart constricts with relief.
The bedroom door opens almost instantly, and he sticks his head around sheepishly, his brows furrowed as he locks eyes with me. Like a child about to meet the headmaster. There’s no evidence of any fighting on him at all, no messy face or mussed hair, no torn clothing. I look away from him, emotion rising in my throat, relief and upset. I want to cry suddenly now that he’s finally here and safe.
He walks toward me, I can smell the outside air from his clothes and the faint smells of nightclub and a lot of alcohol as he gets closer.
“You still mad at me, bambi
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The Carrero Effect 156
It’s what I want. It shocks me, that after everything in my life, every man who ever tried to force himself on me, I want him to do this to me. He’s right though; the thrill of what he’s suggesting has me writhing and arching my body below him in wanton desire, almost begging him to take me with force. I’ve so much anger and aggression within me tonight and it needs release. This endless need to have Jake forcefully take me must have deeper, emotional roots but I don’t care. Whatever messed up part of me switches this on is beyond my comprehension and I don’t want to begin analyzing it. He sits up, letting go of me suddenly so he can lift his weight over me at a distance, giving me space. He releases my legs, too. His eyes meeting mine.“One little word, Emma, and I quit, okay? Just say stop and I’ll leave you alone.” He looks at me differently, apprehension in his eyes for a moment. His voice unsure. I steel my gaze, lift
The Carrero Effect 157
“I don’t think so. I said when I choose, not you.” He lifts me up from the floor around the waist, igniting my flight or fight mode and I begin clawing and kicking furiously. Physically fighting him but he just laughs at me when he dumps me back on the bed. The anger searing now, teen Emma so undeniably on show and spitting teeth. All hands and claws, slapping and launching at him. No hiding my crazy from him anymore, she is on full show and he isn’t fazed by her at all. Instead he handles her like a pro.I was so close to orgasm that his stopping has sent me over the edge. I throw myself at him, trying for a slap, his hand catching my wrist, I try with the other, but he catches that too. Throwing me on my back hard on the bed and following fast, he kisses me harshly, his mouth demanding, his touch forcing me to open and let him in. His tongue pushing against mine almost commandingly. He’s forced my arms at the side of my head,
The Carrero Effect 158
“You took your hair down … It sounds so nothing when I say it aloud, but I saw you at your desk, sitting engrossed in work. I watched you for a moment, transfixed by the difference it made. You looked soft and innocent, almost vulnerable, like losing that polished, school mistress hair had made you forget the mask for a second and I knew straight away that I was in danger of having my head fucked over by a girl who didn’t seem to want to know me.” He kisses me again, more meaningfully this time.“How could you know that when you barely knew anything about me?” I giggle at him and his earnestness. My racing thoughts calming away as we lay here.“Because I had come to realize that you didn’t trust men. You didn’t trust me. There was something about you, a fear about letting me, or any guy, close, I could sense it even though I didn’t understand it … And seeing you just for that moment without the mask, a
The Carrero Effect 159
“You said you wanted to go see her, so we’re going.” He hands me my case to pack, but I put it back down on the bed moodily.“I’ve changed my mind.” I pout, trying to avoid his gaze on me, sitting on the edge and pulling at my hair. I’m emotional again and I’ve no idea why. This was decided by me and yet now he’s making good on my decision, I’ve changed my mind.“Look, Emma … I know things with her are messy, but I don’t want you waking up one day and regretting this. Go, talk … Just do it.” He picks up my case and flips it open, pulling my fingers out of my hair as he passes, wandering to the wardrobe he starts pulling out some of my casual clothes and throwing them toward it.What is this obsession he has with packing for me?“Why do you care if I see her or not?” I snap, irritated by his pushiness. We’ve had a week of lazing arou
The Carrero Effect 160
Strange. “I’m really glad you’re here … Both of you.” She smiles without looking up. I hand Jake the bowl of salad after dishing my own and watch her, I feel like there is so much to say yet I don’t have the words at all.Where would I start? Twenty-six years of pent-up emotions and accusations, yet here we are, acting like me coming home for a weekend with my boyfriend is normal. Not that she’s even asked if that is what he is now. Maybe that’s what that look was all about, maybe it’s obvious.Jake digs into his food, his normally chatty self, quiet, he’s leaving me to take the next step and for once I would rather ultra-sociable Carrero would just step in. He’s a master at idle chit-chat and dominating a conversation, normally.“I’m not sure how long we’ll be staying,” I mutter indirectly to break the silence.Maybe it’s best to
The Carrero Effect 161
“What the fuck?” I spin, yelling at her. “Is that how you justify it to yourself? That I just imagined it?” My pain can’t conceal itself. “Or was it that I asked for it, Mother? Like I seduced Ray?” I swipe the counter in my rage, sending crockery flying and smashing to the floor. Jake’s on his feet instantly and comes to me in two strides, pulling me to him as tears fill my eyes and he tries to reign me in a little. I push him away and turn on her again. Putting myself in front of him so I can face her.“Why do you always do this?” I yell but she continues to sit with her eyes faced forward on the wall across from her, her expression blank as though her child is just having a tantrum. “You always make me feel this way! You always act this way whenever I try to broach this subject.” It’s all ripping loose from inside of me, teen Emma not caring if Jake sees her in all her ugly fury. Jake tries
The Carrero Effect 162
He helps me pack my things back into my bag silently. We had lain in silence, just entwined, until the pilot called to inform us the jet would be ready for take-off by the time we got to the airfield. He watches me steadily but leaves me alone with my thoughts, he knows I won’t talk about this anymore. The wall is up on the matter and I’m already filing it into the back of my head with all the other crap I never want to face. I won’t bring it up again, much like I never bring Marissa up. He knows me well enough to leave it alone, now that he seems to finally understand how I tick inside.I feel like a complete failure. I’m numb from over thinking, pushing it all back into the recess of my mind, back into that little black box with the rest of my heartache and terrors.Back with the child who used to cry herself to sleep in fear of her bedroom door creaking open in the darkness. * * *
The Carrero Effect 163
The greenhouse is massive, more like a glass palace, full to bursting with flowers and bushes everywhere we turn, the scents strong and heady and blocking out most of the lower windows. It’s so hot it’s like a tropical jungle and Jake pulls me against him from behind, so my ass nestles his crotch, showing me how turned on he already is, and I giggle.“You haven’t even touched me yet.” I laugh as his hand skirts up my dress, cupping my breast.“I don’t need too, just looking is enough.” He catches my hair from behind with his free hand, tugging it back to reveal my neck to him so he can move in and devour me. I instantly lose all willpower, my body sagging back into him, his teeth toying with my jaw line and throat seductively. His hand on my breast, moves down my dress pulling it up and disappears under to find my lace panties.“Baby, you’re already so wet.” He groans into my ear in unison with me
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The Carrero Influence ~ The Dance ~ Jake shifted in his seat for the millionth time and tried once more to get his brain to focus on the laptop on the highly polished walnut surface. He just couldn’t keep himself on track lately. The sound of a female clearing her throat startled him to look up and the impatient stance of Margo waving a piece of paper with a raised eyebrow suggested she had been talking to him while he was zoned out. “Sorry. What?” He frowned and sighed heavily, pushing himself back into his molded leather chair and rolled up his shirt sleeves in agitation. “For God’s sake, Jacob. I’ve been here for three minutes talking at you. You need to just bloody well call her.” Margo’s stern tone did nothing to help his current mood, and he just shifted forward again to try to ignore that intent, chastising glare. He went to his laptop, ducking his head in an attempt to dodge her blue eyes and typed something aimlessly. “Don’t k
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The Carrero Influence~ The Elevator Scene ~Jake walked out of the boardroom meeting without any clue as to what he had just sat and endured for the last hour. Margo had been glaring his way and nudging him with her foot under the table every few minutes and making him all the more aware of how ‘out of it’ he was. He had been this way ever since his father’s email had come in, informing him that Emma was back in his building; Back within reach and he had no idea how to handle it. He didn’t know if he should be happy or panicked that he could just see her around his building again, he wasn’t sure how the hell to feel about it but couldn’t deny the slight feeling of hope in his chest that he could bump into her.If he was being honest, he hadn’t had his head in the game for weeks, not since he had sent her away and today was just another prime example of how ‘not well’ he was doing without her in his life.
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The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 2 ~Jake was searching under the water, too dark to see anything and scrambling with his hands at anything that felt like it could be Daniel. Panic gripping his stomach as he frantically surfaced for air and dove again. He had hit the water without a thought the second he knew Danny was in here. No cares that he was maybe too drunk for this and just endlessly searching despite his muscles aching and being so heavy he could barely move anymore. It felt like it had been hours instead of minutes and he still hadn’t found him. He wouldn’t give up on him, he wouldn’t lose his best friend this way.Surfacing for air quicker this time he took a moment to drag more into his burning lungs and wipe the water from his eyes. He could hear yelling from the deck, crying from Leila and other voices but he was fully zoned-in on the surface of the water looking for any signs of him.“He’s here, Mr. Carre
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The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 1 ~Jake strolled into his apartment and threw his bag down on the couch. It had been a long trip and an even longer week, but he suddenly felt restless at being back. Normally, getting home brought him all kinds of joy, but this time it felt slightly empty, and he actually wished they’d stayed at that damn dance just so he could still be with her right now. Pacing to the window and looking out across the New York skyline he ran his hand through his hair and cracked his neck in a bid to release some of the tension building up his spine. Flexing his arms over his head and straining the jacket holding him tight. He needed to get out of this monkey suit they called a tux and get comfy, maybe he just needed to feel less business-like and properly relax. Maybe he needed a drink.He needed to stop fixating on Emma; it wasn’t healthy, and the constant stream of thoughts he had about her was getting harder to control. S
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The Carrero Effect~ The First Meeting ~Jacob Carrero stood in his room in front of the large mirror over the vanity and warmed hair wax between his fingers, smirking at the familiar black and gold branded product on the wooden surface. His father was still lording over the decision to start a male grooming line with Jake’s face all over the advertising campaign; not that he cared. He was used to being publicly owned, always on show, and every woman’s idea of a fantasy male.Which guy wouldn’t? Women falling at your feet every day. Hell yeah.He rubbed it through his hair expertly and spiked it up toward the center and forward in its trademark style. He was never really one for much fussing over his hair, this kept it sorted and then he never had to care for the rest of the day or mess with it unless he ran his hands through and mussed it up. If he had his way, he would shave it all off, but he had done that in his teens and he
The Carrero Effect 266
I catch sight of some of my favorite women on the right-hand side of the aisle. Margo is wiping a tear from her eye and nudging Wilma in her side as both woman wave to me. They’re blowing their noses and crying as Donna throws tissues their way. My crazy trio of motherly hens. Donna’s mascara is pouring down her normally flawless face and I spot Rosalie wave from behind a very handsome man, grinning wildly and looping arms with him, a look of radiant happiness on her pretty face. I beam back at them with a tiny wave before moving on in time to the music, slow steps, with Giovanni leading the way.I catch sight of the Huntsbergers, my new extended family sitting close by and smile warmly at them. The row of adopted children and Huntsberger father looking so proud of his family. Ben and his baby son are near the end of the row. He’s is cuddling him proudly and looking every bit the doting dad. He is now the soul parent o
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“My son was in pain and hiding from what he wanted most,” he says so factually, looking down at me, “I put you back in his path, so he would stop being a coward.” Giovanni grins and all words leave my brain in an open-mouthed silent gawp; realization dawning on me so suddenly that I am literally rendered speechless.He sent me back to Carrero House? Making me believe that he was going to fire me if I didn’t … an ultimatum that led us to where we are now.Giovanni is admitting to maneuvering me back into Jake’s building, so we would end up back in each other’s arms, crafty jerk that he is. He giggles like a schoolboy at my obviously shocked expression and pats my hand tenderly over his inner elbow. That self-confident effortless look on a man who always sees all and knows everything.“No need to thank me, Emma.” He
The Carrero Effect 264
I smooth my hands down my ivory wedding dress. It’s classy elegance and understated top is lined with a simple sleeveless fitted bodice and tiny pearl detailing. It has a full wispy floating skirt, and layers and layers of chiffon puffing out to a full-length cloud of loveliness. It’s a fairy-tale princess dress and matches beautifully with the elegant engagement ring twinkling on my hand, sparkling in all its shining glory.I admire my flawless natural make-up in the mirror, touching up my nude lipstick. My tawny hair is wild and curled in its loose romantic style, tiny tendrils hang around my face and I appraise my reflection with pride.I look beautiful! I feel beautiful and serene. There is no fear whatsoever.I look like a woman hopelessly in love, about to marry the man of her dreams.I am that woman.I slide on my satin ivory stilettos that almost mirror the shoes I used to adore so much. It feels weird to be ba
The Carrero Effect 263
I am getting so frustrated at myself, my inner anger rears up. I’m surrounded by the song that gave me two of the happiest moments of my life, when he gave me his all, and yet here I am lying here, my sub-conscious holding me back from what I deserve. It’s like the beginning of our relationship all over again. I’m back to the defiant, closed-off Emma who never let him in, always holding back when he needed me most.No! I am not doing this to you, Jake. Not anymore, I won’t!The song is a reminder that he doesn’t always need to be my strength, but a prompt to show me that sometimes I need to be his too. I need to build my own force to find my way back. I need to hold him up and face whatever reality comes when my body wakes up. Maybe that’s why my mind doesn’t want me to wake up. It’s afraid that what Ray did to me will make me hide in the shadows again, that I won’t be able to love Jake and le
