The conviction in his voice, the gentle way he strokes his thumb over mine and pulls me to his chest to lean his nose against my temple, stirs a belief in me deep down that this is a genuine apology, for all of it. Alexi really does regret the past between us and for the first time, without doubt, question or niggles, I truly believe him.
We have hit a crossroad and I need to choose a path. I can either dwell and continue to find fault and put hurdles in his way, or I can take his hand and see where this takes us. I’m so tired of living in the shadows and misery. I have a longing to walk into the light and maybe my master of darkness will be the one to lead me there.
“No point dwelling anymore. The past will only drag you backwards.” I deflect the tender moment and push him away gently to give myself breathing space. Hating the route of our conversation and stare at the fire instead. Hating myself for being so conflicted and hot and cold with him, eve
The awkwardness and weird strained silence disappeared once the wine flowed more freely, and we found we had a lot of things we could talk about between movies. Alexi is funnier than I thought he could be, with a dry humour not unlike mine, a wicked childish streak that can be adorable when it shines through. He annoyed me immensely, more than once, and we bickered frequently, but he just swooped in and shut me up mid rage with a tongue in my mouth. He’s too good at doing it, like stealth snogging and you don’t see him coming at all. My legs gave out and body melted the second his lips glued to mine and I ceased to think about anything, except him.This morning, however, in the cold light of day with a mega headache and fuzzy brain, waking up cosily by his side, all my doubts and
“Maybe we should revisit the kissing thing. Not sure I can give that up on top of sex and heavy groping. I mean there is only so much I can handle keeping in check. I’m not really that much of a good boy.” Alexi slips me a sexy smile and picks up the kettle when it clicks, to pour us coffee. Watching the steam rise and hit with the heavy aroma as soon as the cups are filled.“You’re not a good boy at all, that’s part of the charm. I think if we are revisiting the kissing, it requires a proper negotiation. I have to get something back if you are getting free rein to kiss me,” I jest huskily, flirtation coming out all by itself and aware I have slid my arm through his and am pressing my body to his side a little too possessively. Pushed up tight so I can get as much of him as possible.“You get my tongue in your mouth with all its expertise, several times a day. That’s reward enough.” Tha
He tells me things like this, he told me about things even before, so I have no doubts.I walk in, this time keeping my eyes off my sulky bastard of a man and slide the tray down in the centre of the seating on one of the low tables. I have to avoid looking his way and get with the programme that we can barely stand each other. Jackson slides his beside mine neatly, an eerie silence of men staring at us, and as I go to follow him out, I’m halted by that snappy tone.“Pour it … get your head out of your ass, Walters.” A harsh cutting tone that signals I’m not done here. Alexi sounds pissed still, and I spin to catch him glaring at me as though I have committed the ultimate sin by expecting them to pour their own. They expect servitude of women in his world, even I know that. What I didn’t expect was him to still be in the throes of prick mode and singling me out again.Why the fuck did he make me come up here if he was going t
I’m watching the floor half-heartedly, picking my nails and sighing with boredom. There is a weird, eerie quietness to the club tonight, and it hasn’t escaped my attention that several members failed to show for their pre-booked night of fun. There is an aura of seriousness in the air and it’s affecting everyone in here. I’ve even caught Jackson pacing the room and looking around in confusion as to why the atmosphere is so sombre.It’s given me an anxious knot in my gut all night which has only grown larger by the hour and has me fidgeting uncontrollably. I hate the atmosphere in here and the fact no one seems to be in the merry frame of mind like on a normal night.It’s not like we have changed anything that would have this kind of negative effect. There is a full strip floor show going on, tenders serving booze and drugs and the girls are working extra hard to get the men going. The men, however, are huddled in little serious group
“I don’t know. I think it’s best to assume you are not in the clear. From this moment on, you won’t be anywhere I am not if it can be helped. I don’t want you on the club floor until I know what’s going on and why. You are exposed down there, and when it’s dark and crowded, all it takes is one moment with the wrong guy in the shadows. I can’t lose you.”My heart sinks at the thought of being a prisoner in this apartment once more, but what can I do. Spies everywhere and down there I’m too accessible on a busy night. He’s right. Security would need to babysit my every move; all it would take is a minute. A poisoned drink, an injection, or even a blade to the right part of my anatomy. These are the means these people use and they have the courage to go after someone in a club on a busy night. They already tried once.“Santagato, he came to you for help … so it’s definitely not him,
I’m being ridiculous.“You did.” I smile shyly, knowing he did, can’t deny it really and stare at the desk instead, aware of both of their eyes eating into me now, and once again that overly heavy uneasiness comes over me. I jump when Alexi touches my shoulder to pull my attention to him.“Mico is the one person I trust most in the world, besides you … and sometimes my idiot brother.” He jokes in afterthought. That soft, subtle hint of a smile, his voice husky and affectionate, so much depth and meaning in so few words. The way his pale eyes bore into mine as he says it sets my nerves tingling and heart hammering in my chest in a gooey, lovesick weirdo way that only adds to the blush spreading across my cheekbones.“I’ll give you two some privacy. I need to go check on the men, anyway.” Mico shifts from his perch, hearing the change in Alexi and sensing the heaviness of the moment and gets up. He knows
Tears blind me as the elevator hits the ground floor and I take a moment to compose myself fully. Using the backs of my hands to stem the tears and blot my face without smearing it more. Trying to use the reflection of the chrome doors to clean myself up and wipe my liner and mascara from under my eyes and hide them mess on the black part of my dress. I have always been good at a quick recovery and manage to bring myself to calm and presentable in mere minutes of deep breaths and gulps. Shaking myself, pushing the pain into a deep dark hole that is turning my body icy and my heart numb. Hysteria drying up as logic boots me in the arse.You should have seen this coming, Camilla. You should have never believed in him.I make my way through the hall, head down to avoid security taking a good look and glad Jackson isn’t milling around here. He has a day off. I slide into the main part of the club which is crowded with staff doing the daily prep for tonight,
I stand for the longest time in the kitchen area of the lower floor, knowing I’m delaying the inevitable. Alexi upstairs barging around like a crazed panther and looking to take it out on the person who just publicly disobeyed and humiliated him. I can almost visualise him in all his vicious glory. Caged, wild and ferocious while his family try to contain the eruption.We were to be a secret … I have made that impossible now. I feel like I can’t breathe, lungs constricted and wrapped in chains. My body is heavy, running cold with the profound acceptance that this will only end badly for me, and I can’t stop shivering. I’m so jittery. Avoiding him is delaying what I deserve but facing him is a fate worse than death.I need air; I need space; I need solitude. My head is spinning a million miles an hour and the pain from his ‘date’ revelation is numbing out as logic and sense filter through to give me a massive s