I didn't have to keep my secret anywhere near as long as I thought I was going to. It hadn't happened yet, but when I got the call from Lissa, I grabbed the ring from Brett's dresser drawer. Neither Brett nor Dan knew it, but she would have a harder time with this than either of them believed. Over the last few weeks, she'd dropped comments about being sad the pregnancy was ending and that she'd miss having the baby with her all the time. I hadn't asked because I didn't want to know, but if I had to guess, Lissa had changed her mind about wanting children. "Hello?" I hadn't made it over to Lissa's to check on her yet. The bigger I got the slower I moved, but I loved every minute of being pregnant. I started working from home when Lissa hit thirty-five weeks just in case she needed anything. As a college professor, she'd chosen not to teach summer classes and had been done in late April."I keep peeing on myself." We'd had lots of these types of conversations. The things that hap
Before I could be coerced to share my secret, Dan and Brett joined us. They'd helped Meegan out, and the house was finally quiet. I got excited when Brett whispered in my ear to ask me where the ring was. I hadn't thought we would get to be a part of this, but maybe by some slim chance, Dan was going to let our family watch.I gave Brett the information and watched him walk off, returning moments later to give Dan the little box. With Lissa still on the couch, Dan took a seat on the coffee table. Brett sat on the arm rest of the chair I was in and put his arm around the baby and me.Dan's hands were so large they easily concealed the black box he had in them. I could tell he was nervous by the way his leg bounced, and he chewed on the inside of his cheek. I'd been all smiles and tears for hours, so my joy gave nothing away, and Lissa was completely clueless as to what was about to happen. Dan sat like every other guy, with his legs spread and his forearms propped on his thighs, and
Life changed overnight with the addition of Alissa to the household. I didn't believe it would be possible for Brett to love another female more than he did me, but that little girl was his life. From the moment he got up, to the moment he went to bed, if he was home, he was with her and wanted me nearby. Being pregnant with an infant isn't for the faint at heart, but if I was going to do it, Brett was the perfect partner to do it with. We were lying in bed, with me on his shoulder having just put Alissa in her crib. My belly rested on his side so he could rub it. I loved his hand caressing the child we couldn't wait to meet. The bigger I got, the harder it was to get near him, the sheer size of my belly preventing it, and I felt like I was smothering him. But he continuously pulled me to him, just like this. My eyes found his when I gazed up to meet them. He hesitated to take my lips, but when he did, it ignited electricity, and desire pooled between my legs. It had been far too lon
Six hours later, the doctor placed our baby in my arms. The exhaustion I'd felt minutes earlier, dissipated when I saw that sweet face. Chubby little rosy cheeks, a mat of dark brown hair, ten little fingers, ten little toes, and legs that went on forever. We had asked the doctor not to announce the sex of the baby. I had loved discovering that on my own with Alissa, and I wanted our own version of that with this child. Brett had humored me and allowed me to have my way, but I think he had enjoyed it with Alissa. There's something so different about that level of anticipation-it was the greatest high I'd ever known. The man had a heart of gold and the patience of Job. That conversation took place the same time he asked if I had thought about names. Again, we'd agreed we couldn't choose a name for the baby until we'd met him or her. The nurse encouraged me to open my gown to allow the baby to find my breast when I'd been allowed to get my bundle back. As I did, Brett joined me on the
I woke sometime in the middle of the night to find Brett sitting on the sofa chair watching me. Wiping the haze from my eyes, I saw concern in his. I sat upright, bolting uncomfortably. "What's wrong?" I looked around the room for my son, but he was nowhere to be seen. "He's in the nursery, sweetheart. Don't panic. Everything's fine.""Why do you look like that then?""Will you let me name him?" That was random and completely unexpected. I was taken aback by the fact that he wanted to and even more so that I wanted to let him. He hadn't so much as hesitated when I wanted to name Alissa and didn't quip about the name I'd chosen. This was his son, he deserved this rite of passage. "Yes." It would give him a forever bond that I already had. "Do you have a name in mind?""Yeah, but I want to wait until right before we're discharged to fill out the paperwork." A hint of a mischievous smile flashed across his face. "Brett, that's almost two days away! What do you want me to call him
The beeping startled me awake. My lids fluttered open in fright, unexpectedly brought from sleep. Instantly alert, panic set in. I had no idea where I was, but from the looks of it, I was in a hospital-not a good place to find myself in. My hands were sore where the IVs entered my veins, but other than that, nothing felt off. I didn't hurt, maybe a slight headache, but certainly no broken bones. There was no indication of why I was here, nor how long my stay had been.Other than the machines methodically marking my heartbeat, the room was silent and dim. A light above the bed offered little illumination and only created more shadows. The antiseptic smell of the building filled my nostrils when I inhaled deeply and looked around. Night welcomed me to consciousness, and the sight of the moon through the window was deceptively peaceful. Joshua.Oh, God. "Joshua." The way his name crossed my lips brought dread coursing through me. Softly at first. He should be here with me. "Joshua,"
The sound of the doorbell roused me from papers I'd been grading for the last three hours. Music theory was dull even to those of us who taught it. I set my coffee aside, slipped on my house shoes, and tossed my cat out of my lap before I meandered down the hall toward the door. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I wondered who would be stopping by at seven at night. Living in the country, the only visitors I ever had were the mailman and occasionally the UPS driver. I hadn't made any friends since moving here and hadn't ordered anything. Late in the spring in South Carolina, the days linger long past dinner. When I opened the door, the features of the man standing in my doorway were blacked out by the sun setting on the horizon.I glanced behind him before shielding my eyes to meet his face. It was hard not to notice his height and broad shoulders, but when he spoke, my heart soared to the melody of his words. "Remmy?" He was clearly unsure if I was indeed who he was looking for.
I didn't hear from Dan the next day, nor the following. I'd almost given up hope I would until Monday morning between my Musical Theory class and Composition when my phone vibrated in my desk drawer. "Hello?" I answered the cell as I gathered my things to go to the lecture hall."Lissa?" "This is she.""Hey. It's Dan."I hadn't recognized the phone number since I didn't have his name in my contacts. "Hi. I didn't expect to hear from you." My tone wasn't ugly, more detached, even though I was secretly thrilled to have him on the other line. I'd been manhandled too many times in the past-I wouldn't welcome it again. My defenses were up, my inner-security back on high alert."I'm sorry. I had hoped we could go out Saturday night. When I got home, I crashed. I didn't even change clothes. I woke up mid-day on Saturday and had the worst allergy attack I've had in years. Brett ended up taking me to the ER that night for allergy shots. They knocked me out most of yesterday, and I was a
Our story didn't stop at the courthouse. We had dinner with Brett and Annie that night and hovered around their kitchen table. My best friends allowed me to share Joshua with them and gave life to his memory. I showed them the only pictures I still had while holding Alissa in my arms. She smiled up at me as if she knew. That tiny human connected with me on a level she may never understand, but somehow, she knew-without Joshua, she wouldn't be here. Watching her run around with her friends as we celebrated her birth five years later, I couldn't help but think how foolish it would have been to walk away from all of this. Dan and I would never have children, but what we had was far better for us. Annie and Brett were more like siblings than friends, and their kids were amazing. We got to spoil them, take them anywhere we wanted, and send them home. We had family at holidays and special occasions, and we never missed out on anything either Grayson or Alissa were doing. But at the end of
I had called repeatedly, but each try had gone straight to voicemail. Either his phone was off, or it died without being charged overnight. I didn't want to speculate about which it was. I drove as quickly as I could and slammed the SUV in park in the first spot I could find before racing into the courthouse. I followed the signs to the Justice of the Peace, but when I reached the office, completely out of breath, Dan was nowhere to be found. The clock on the wall read 10:11 am. My eyes scanned the room, making sure to identify each person as a stranger before moving on to the next face. Surely, he hadn't left after ten minutes. He had to know I'd come. A guy slammed into my shoulder in his haste to rush out of the office, not even bothering to apologize for nearly knocking me over. But standing stock-still in the middle of the doorway probably wasn't the best idea. I just couldn't believe he'd left. I waited for hours for Matt to show up at the hospital, but Dan hadn't waited ten lo
My night had been restless, and just as quiet as the evening after Dan and I had gotten out of the bathtub. He left after dinner and went to Brett's house, but I didn't have the courage to ask him what he'd done while he was there. He returned in the same mood he'd left in, the one he was known for. To an outsider, he appeared unwavering-but I knew with time to think about it, he'd decide he couldn't stay."Did you want to get a new dress for tomorrow?" "For what?""To go to the courthouse? Or do you want to do the whole thing off the wall and wear jeans?" He kept unloading the dishwasher like he had asked what I needed from the grocery store. "I didn't think we were still doing that?" Maybe he'd taken up drinking.He turned toward me suddenly, dropping a dishtowel he'd used to dry his hands with. "What are you talking about? You said Monday. Tomorrow is Monday.""Dan...""No, don't Dan me. Has something changed that you don't want to marry me now?"Oh, for the love of God. I
I stood in the spot he left me in when he returned with towels from the dryer. He set them on the counter, turned off the water in the now full tub, and removed his clothes. I watched in a trance until he was before me with nothing on. With my hand in his, he stepped over the side of the bathtub and then helped me in. The garden tub was made for two, and I nestled myself between his legs while he leaned back. The bubbles created a cover, hiding our bodies except for the parts of us not under the water. My fingers fidgeted nervously with the white foam until he took my hand and wound his fingers between mine.He might have been waiting for me to start, but I didn't know what to say. The silence was painful, and I ran through the scenarios of how this might play out...none of which ended well."What was his name?" The words of inquiry fanned out against my skin like a warm blanket. They were gentle and softly spoken, inviting me to open up about a piece of me I hadn't shared with anyon
We walked into the sanctuary with two minutes to spare. Brett quickly found Dan, and Annie was in a tizzy. Alissa was nestled into a cradle her dad had created with his arm completely unaffected by her father's helpless panic. "Dude, slow down. What's wrong?"I held Dan's hand in front of Brett, but Alissa had my attention. Just as Brett started to answer Dan's question, Annie came around the corner. Her face was flush, and if I had to bet, I'd say she was roughly two minutes from pulling her hair out.I hadn't heard anything Brett said to my fiancé. The moment Annie got close enough, I saw why she was distressed. Grayson had spit up all over his christening gown...and it stunk, even from here.People started to fill the pews. "What do you need me to do, Annie?"Brett stepped in, suddenly relieved and in control. "Nothing. We're good. Dan went to get stuff out of the car."My brow scrunched in confusion. I had no idea what was going on or how Dan was helping."Seriously, Lissa.
The time on my phone couldn't be right. There was no way it was a quarter to eight. Somehow in my haste to get to sleep I either hadn't turned on my alarm or had turned it off an hour ago when it rang. I threw the covers back and practically fell out of bed. The thud of my body on the floor woke Dan whose concern, while well intended, only slowed my progress out the door."Let me go. I have fifteen minutes to get to Annie's house, and I had planned to shower before I went."He didn't relinquish his grasp on me once he got up. "Lissa, calm down. You aren't going to do anyone any good in a panic." I relaxed until I felt the tension in his arms subside and then made my break. "I'll be back. Can you get the gifts out of the closet and throw them in the bags on the kitchen counter? There's tissue paper there, too.""Sure, where are they?"I raced around tearing my pajamas off to put on a bra and some real clothes. As much as I loved Brett, I wasn't interested in him seeing any more of
"You look like shit, Lissa. Did you have a baby that keeps you up at night, and I missed it?"I swung my attention to Annie to find her giggling to herself. "You don't look so hot yourself, heifer." The wink I shot her direction ensured she saw my playfulness. "I haven't slept all that well the last couple nights." I didn't need to tell her why."Bad dreams?" She'd become a pro at this whole parenting gig. She never missed a beat with either kid and managed to hold completely coherent, adult conversations while breastfeeding one and changing the other. Anyone else would need more hands but not Annie Ryann. "I don't know what it is. Just not getting a lot of rest."She stopped what she was doing and gave me the eye. The one that told me she didn't believe a word I said. I scooped Alissa up and ignored her."Spill it.""There's nothing to spill. I'm just not sleeping well.""Are you nervous about getting married?"Her question was natural, based on the fact that event loomed jus
I'd spent most of the summer with Annie, Alissa, and Grayson while Dan and Brett worked. As my vacation neared its end, I got excited about returning to work. I couldn't wait to be around my students again and the music. I dreaded seeing Rob, but hopefully, he'd be somewhat human now that some time had passed. I hadn't heard from him in the time I'd been off except for the email he sent out to the department today about meetings over the next couple weeks. It would be strange being away from the kids. Annie and I were more like co-mothers, with her taking the lead and the long nights. But I'd spent several of those with her as well. I knew how exhausting one infant was...I couldn't leave her alone with two, and Brett still had to work. Maybe it was an excuse to feel like I was an important part of their lives and their team. Maybe it gave me a piece of what I'd lost years earlier. Either way, I found myself having to be pried away from them. When I told Annie to let me know if I got
The addition of Alissa Danielle to our tribe had been profound. I loved being able to walk across the driveway to relieve my friend in the morning so she could shower, take a nap, or whatever else she was in the mood to do. I didn't care what it was. I'd help her with laundry, cleaning, anything to keep her from experiencing the sleep deprivation that had caused the end of the world I knew. It was twice as bad for her because with each passing day, she became more pregnant and less able to move...or stay awake. I took advantage of the time she granted me with Alissa and tried to maintain the bond the two of us shared. I knew it would change over time, but I hoped as she grew older it would strengthen in different ways. I wanted to be her friend, her confidant, her second mom. In the few weeks she'd been alive, Dan and I both had fallen head over heels for her. But at the end of each day, we got to go next door, have sex as loudly as we wanted to, stay out until all hours of the night