Life changed overnight with the addition of Alissa to the household. I didn't believe it would be possible for Brett to love another female more than he did me, but that little girl was his life. From the moment he got up, to the moment he went to bed, if he was home, he was with her and wanted me nearby. Being pregnant with an infant isn't for the faint at heart, but if I was going to do it, Brett was the perfect partner to do it with. We were lying in bed, with me on his shoulder having just put Alissa in her crib. My belly rested on his side so he could rub it. I loved his hand caressing the child we couldn't wait to meet. The bigger I got, the harder it was to get near him, the sheer size of my belly preventing it, and I felt like I was smothering him. But he continuously pulled me to him, just like this. My eyes found his when I gazed up to meet them. He hesitated to take my lips, but when he did, it ignited electricity, and desire pooled between my legs. It had been far too lon
Six hours later, the doctor placed our baby in my arms. The exhaustion I'd felt minutes earlier, dissipated when I saw that sweet face. Chubby little rosy cheeks, a mat of dark brown hair, ten little fingers, ten little toes, and legs that went on forever. We had asked the doctor not to announce the sex of the baby. I had loved discovering that on my own with Alissa, and I wanted our own version of that with this child. Brett had humored me and allowed me to have my way, but I think he had enjoyed it with Alissa. There's something so different about that level of anticipation-it was the greatest high I'd ever known. The man had a heart of gold and the patience of Job. That conversation took place the same time he asked if I had thought about names. Again, we'd agreed we couldn't choose a name for the baby until we'd met him or her. The nurse encouraged me to open my gown to allow the baby to find my breast when I'd been allowed to get my bundle back. As I did, Brett joined me on the
I woke sometime in the middle of the night to find Brett sitting on the sofa chair watching me. Wiping the haze from my eyes, I saw concern in his. I sat upright, bolting uncomfortably. "What's wrong?" I looked around the room for my son, but he was nowhere to be seen. "He's in the nursery, sweetheart. Don't panic. Everything's fine.""Why do you look like that then?""Will you let me name him?" That was random and completely unexpected. I was taken aback by the fact that he wanted to and even more so that I wanted to let him. He hadn't so much as hesitated when I wanted to name Alissa and didn't quip about the name I'd chosen. This was his son, he deserved this rite of passage. "Yes." It would give him a forever bond that I already had. "Do you have a name in mind?""Yeah, but I want to wait until right before we're discharged to fill out the paperwork." A hint of a mischievous smile flashed across his face. "Brett, that's almost two days away! What do you want me to call him
The beeping startled me awake. My lids fluttered open in fright, unexpectedly brought from sleep. Instantly alert, panic set in. I had no idea where I was, but from the looks of it, I was in a hospital-not a good place to find myself in. My hands were sore where the IVs entered my veins, but other than that, nothing felt off. I didn't hurt, maybe a slight headache, but certainly no broken bones. There was no indication of why I was here, nor how long my stay had been.Other than the machines methodically marking my heartbeat, the room was silent and dim. A light above the bed offered little illumination and only created more shadows. The antiseptic smell of the building filled my nostrils when I inhaled deeply and looked around. Night welcomed me to consciousness, and the sight of the moon through the window was deceptively peaceful. Joshua.Oh, God. "Joshua." The way his name crossed my lips brought dread coursing through me. Softly at first. He should be here with me. "Joshua,"
The sound of the doorbell roused me from papers I'd been grading for the last three hours. Music theory was dull even to those of us who taught it. I set my coffee aside, slipped on my house shoes, and tossed my cat out of my lap before I meandered down the hall toward the door. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I wondered who would be stopping by at seven at night. Living in the country, the only visitors I ever had were the mailman and occasionally the UPS driver. I hadn't made any friends since moving here and hadn't ordered anything. Late in the spring in South Carolina, the days linger long past dinner. When I opened the door, the features of the man standing in my doorway were blacked out by the sun setting on the horizon.I glanced behind him before shielding my eyes to meet his face. It was hard not to notice his height and broad shoulders, but when he spoke, my heart soared to the melody of his words. "Remmy?" He was clearly unsure if I was indeed who he was looking for.
I didn't hear from Dan the next day, nor the following. I'd almost given up hope I would until Monday morning between my Musical Theory class and Composition when my phone vibrated in my desk drawer. "Hello?" I answered the cell as I gathered my things to go to the lecture hall."Lissa?" "This is she.""Hey. It's Dan."I hadn't recognized the phone number since I didn't have his name in my contacts. "Hi. I didn't expect to hear from you." My tone wasn't ugly, more detached, even though I was secretly thrilled to have him on the other line. I'd been manhandled too many times in the past-I wouldn't welcome it again. My defenses were up, my inner-security back on high alert."I'm sorry. I had hoped we could go out Saturday night. When I got home, I crashed. I didn't even change clothes. I woke up mid-day on Saturday and had the worst allergy attack I've had in years. Brett ended up taking me to the ER that night for allergy shots. They knocked me out most of yesterday, and I was a
I'd called Dan on my way home. He told me to dress casually and asked how I felt about pizza and beer. My love of pizza and microbrews was as essential to my identity as Doc Martens or Chuck Taylors. The debate weighed heavily in my mind about allowing this man to see who I truly am, but the idea of trying to keep up appearances if there were a second date was draining. I wear business clothes to work because I have to, but at home, jeans and a good pair of shoes were as good as it got. "Wow." Not hello, not how ya' doing, but wow was the only word he said when I opened the door. His eyes skipped my face dragging down my fitted t-shirt, to my skinny jeans, and black Doc Martens before returning to meet my eyes."Wow, yourself." The smile I gave him was wide enough to narrow my field of vision as my eyes scrunched up. "Let me grab my keys, and we can go."When I returned to the front door, Dan and Cosmo were in the midst of a standoff. The cat's hair stood on end as he perched on t
I signed the release papers with instructions to get plenty of fluids and rest. I'd left Matt a message that the hospital would release me at lunch but hadn't heard back from him-not that I was surprised. He and my parents had only come by the hospital once and not together. I thought it had been to make sure I hadn't slit my wrists, but the reality was, it appeared they'd hoped I had. None of the three stayed long. They came in to tell me how grief-stricken they were, as if I wasn't myself, and left as quickly as they'd come. My mother and father couldn't bear to look me in the eye, but Matt had. Matt had driven nails painfully into my psyche as he spewed hate. I accepted each word knowing what I'd hear from people who never loved me would be far worse. Everything that happened was my fault. I expected nothing less. There was nothing anyone could say I hadn't already said to myself. No words could be more demeaning than those echoing in my head whether I was asleep or awake. It had be