Three hours had passed, no one had been out to update me, and I began to panic, more than I had when we passed the two-hour mark. Dr. Matthews indicated the procedure normally took one to two hours but could go three depending on what they found. He said nothing about it being longer, and in my estimation, she should be in recovery by now. I'd been up to the nurse's desk a handful of times, and with each visit, she was more sympathetic than the last but still had no answers. Dr. Matthews came through the double doors after three hours and seventeen minutes with a grave look on his face. He balled his surgical mask in his hand before extending the other in a formal greeting."Mr. Ryann, you can come back to see her. I'll go over what we found with you, but she'll likely be in recovery for another hour before you guys move to a room. Once she's awake, I'll be happy to answer any questions you have in greater detail." He clapped me on the shoulder in a brotherly fashion and led me to m
When her eyes began to open, she found me instantly. A sleepy smile graced her lips, and my heart beamed with pride amidst the pain she was soon to face. Even in a hospital bed, she was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever laid eyes on. I stood and kissed her cheek."Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?"She didn't respond, but her smile grew larger, and her eyes closed. It was hard not to chuckle at her drug-induced haze. There was no point in rushing her through it-reality would be sobering enough when it hit, and it would wait on her. In and out of consciousness, or maybe just sleep, she finally spoke a little when a nurse roused her. Her vitals were good, and the nurse assured me she just needed to rest, so we moved to a room upstairs. My legs grew numb sitting in a miserable chair watching countless programs on television while I waited for her. Part of me wondered if subconsciously she knew what she would face if she opened her eyes and welcomed the world back. The mind was capa
I hadn't been able to persuade Brett that buying a baby wasn't an option. He had convinced himself we could simply put out feelers on the black market and have an infant next week. In his mind, with enough money, we could have whatever we wanted. While I loved his exuberance, he wouldn't even know how to go underground if it were an option. One thing he had proven, repeatedly, was his love and devotion. It was unwavering, and regardless of how much I struggled against it, his commitment remained intact. In the weeks following the miscarriage, I spent more time with Dr. Carthage wondering why everything was such a struggle for me. Normal people moved on, tried again, kept hoping, and considered other options. For me, there were no other options-everything was absolute and final. I wasn't interested in adoption the more I'd thought about it, and infertility treatments just weren't for me. We looked at in vitro, spent tons of time researching it, and even went to a specialist in Atlanta
The four of us met at a little Greek restaurant downtown, and the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew why Dan had kept her around. Lissa and I were so much alike it was uncanny. Brett and Dan were like twins, and this girl and I could have passed for the same. I assumed when Brett told me where we were going it was to appease my casual style. Turned out, Dan had picked the restaurant, and it suited both me and Lissa. All the way down to her worn black Docs. Lissa's kind heart showed through in everything she did, from the way she watched Dan, to her touching his forearm when she recalled a story from one of their dates. But she could go toe to toe with him. When he gave her a ration of crap, she held her own. Her eyes danced in playful jest as they bantered back and forth. I'd never seen Dan with a woman who complemented him as well as Lissa did. The fact she was stunning only further helped her case. Dan's features never registered with me. He was my husband's best friend since birt
Brett left early the next morning to meet Dan for a basketball tournament at the YMCA. The league they played in held a tournament at the end of every season, and their team typically made it to the finals. This was the semi-finals, and they'd be gone most of the day. Leaning off the side of the bed, I dug my phone out of my jeans to send him a text wishing him good luck and to tell him I loved him. I'd forgotten about silencing the conversation with Gray until I saw the red notification that glowed on the message app.Gray: How'd you know I got divorced?Gray: Never mind. I'm sure Brett told you.Gray: I guess you're busy. I thought Brett was out of town this weekend and had hoped we could talk.Gray: Guess not.Gray: It's been a really hard day. Needed a friend. You're the only person who understands.I read his texts over and over, contemplating the best way to handle the situation, whether or not to reply. My text to Brett forgotten, my fingers hovered over the keyboard in
I'd been on such a high yesterday with Brett's game and hanging out with Lissa, Lynn's showing up this morning brought me crashing down. We'd made plans earlier in the week to take the dreaded monthly pregnancy test, but somehow it didn't feel right without Brett. Or maybe I didn't want to face the disappointment without him. I never understood how women said they knew until now-now I understood. I knew I wasn't pregnant and didn't need to pee on a stick for confirmation."You're really not going to do it?" Lynn asked, miffed."What's the point?" This had become harder each month that ended with the same answer."Maybe this is the month? You guys haven't been trying that long."I glared at my friend-time was relative. A year may not seem like much in her world, but it was an eternity in mine. I knew what she meant, but that wasn't the way my heart wanted to take it. As sweetly as I could muster, I responded, "You're right. It hasn't been the years many people try, but I've now had
Gray texted me daily. None of it seemed significant, and I shared every message with Brett, but he hadn't been interested in the details. I'd watched for signs of irritation but hadn't seen any. I offered to let him read the communication, but while he appreciated my telling him about them, he didn't need to see them. I guess he figured if I shared that they took place it wasn't likely I was doing something I should be hiding. But after a taxing night of baby discussions, miscarriage acknowledgments, and once again beating the dead horse about adoption, I made a mistake and reached out. It wasn't so much that I wanted to talk to Gray as I wanted to vent to someone who wouldn't stick up for Brett and tell me what a wonderful husband he was for trying to give us a family. I already knew all of that, but I needed an outlet who wouldn't insist on playing Devil's advocate. The words flowed too easily, the confessions too intimate. Every doubt, every fear, every frustration, and hang up-
It pained me to contemplate her wanting to see him again, but there was something in Annie that would never heal until she could recognize it wasn't her job to save him. There wasn't an ounce of me that believed she wanted to be with him although that may have been naïve. I just knew my wife. She had told me years ago she hoped they could be friends. Before we ever married, she confided in me her desire for friendship, but I never believed it would transpire. I assumed when Gray realized she had moved on, he'd leave her alone in favor of some other obsession. Maybe I had hoped some part of him loved her enough to do so. But that would require him to acknowledge he had hurt her to begin with, and he clearly had yet to do that. After almost four years, I foolishly believed he was out of her life forever. I knew our relationship was strong enough to withstand the likes of Gray, but I didn't want her confiding in him. Selfishly, I didn't want her sharing any of our lives with him. I didn