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Chapter 121
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The Bound Collection Chapter 122: Past
We had moments of greatness after Joshua's death, but they were few and far between. Matt was stuck in a purgatory of indecision, or maybe it wasn't indecision so much as his reluctance to let go. We'd been together half of our lives and had known each other the other half. Generations of our families had lived in this same small town, and everyone we knew was thrilled when we'd announced our engagement. The ring still sat on my left finger, and I still twirled it without thought, but it no longer represented our future. It now signified the burden of our past. I wanted to believe we could get through this, that's what marriage would have been. Had this happened months later, we would have been legally bound, but now there was an option. He had a choice to make, and with each day that passed, it appeared he was going to let the government make it for him by taking him away from the problem. I knew he couldn't ignore deployment, or tell them he was struggling personally and ask if he
The Bound Collection Chapter 123
"What do you want me to do, Lissa? I didn't choose my deployment date any more than you chose the date for the trial to start.""I don't have anyone else, Matt. If you're not there, I will be alone.""What is your suggestion? Would you like my Sargent's phone number to see if you can get me an excused absence?" His callous words did nothing to help the situation, and the sarcasm was uncalled for. I sat down hunched over in the kitchen chair with my elbows rested on my knees and my head in my hands. My long hair created a curtain to shield my face, but I didn't bother crying. It wouldn't change the circumstances. "There's no one left." The statement was more an acknowledgment to myself than an invitation for Matt's response."Actions have consequences, Lissa. Yours were the gravest. You think being alone is worse than being dead?"I stood slowly and stared him in the eye. "I think being dead would be the easy way out for me, and I contemplate that route daily. But I'm aware I have
The Bound Collection Chapter 124
Lindsey secured a contract for full asking price four days after listing it. I removed all pictures so prospective buyers wouldn't know whose house they were looking at. Matt had all but abdicated any responsibility and gave his father his power of attorney to close on the house in his place after Matt deployed...which he did seven days before the trial. He never came back to the house after leaving that night, not to collect any of his things or those that might remind him of Joshua, no pictures, no mementos, nothing. He had washed his hands of me. Two days after Matt left the country, I faced his father for the first time since losing the only other male Nelson. Joshua and Matt were his life, and I dreaded what was to come. I knew I would have Lindsey with me, and the closing attorney would be there, so physically, he couldn't hurt me, but words could be just as damaging. What I hadn't expected was for him to grab me, pull me into his embrace, and sob. He cried for the loss of Josh
The Bound Collection Chapter 125
Annie and Brett had done the retrieval and fertilization on their own. It seemed awkward to intrude, like it was the equivalent of watching them have sex in some distorted way. The days after were agonizingly slow. The two of us made a point of spending more time together, meeting daily for lunch, but today, the four of us were making the call to find out how many embryos we had to transfer. We all sat anxiously waiting for each other to finish eating, but no one touched their food, and we finally gave in to the call. I tried to concentrate on what the embryologist was telling us, but all I heard was the magic number. Three.That one little word, a simple number-in nine months, Annie and Brett would have a child, and I would have given back to the world what I'd taken. We'd prayed for three; we got three. The signs all pointed toward success. Dan and Brett fired questions at the person on the other end of the call, but Annie caught my attention. Her eyes filled with tears that spi
The Bound Collection Chapter 126
Two weeks later, I'd gone in for the beta pregnancy test. Today we would get the results. Thankfully, Dan had been forced to go back to work, and I'd resumed my normal schedule, as had Annie and Brett. But today, I stayed home, and Annie called in. We were both far too anxious to bother with our jobs. Annie had spent the morning complaining about Brett and that jackass Gray, who was still lurking in the shadows of her life. I'd warned her not to open that can of worms, but she hadn't listened to me and was now paying the price.I agreed, this time, Brett was out of line. She'd set Gray straight, told him exactly how things were not going to be, but Gray had baited Brett, taunting him to think she'd lied to him. Brett fed into Gray's games, and here it was, wreaking havoc on their marriage. If I were Annie, I'd just apologize and move on, but she refused to budge. I hated for this day to be ruined by something so trivial, but I couldn't deter her. When Brett sent me a text asking if he
The Bound Collection Chapter 127
Thirty-eight weeks had seemed like a long time the day we sat waiting on the hormone levels, but eighteen weeks later, the time had flown by. I caught myself talking to the baby when no one was around, and caressing my belly. I practically lived with headphones on my stomach in an effort to instill the love of classical music before birth. It wasn't my child, but I wanted to give it so much. There were so many things I wanted to share with him or her but knew I'd never get that chance as a parent. I could only hope I could do it with the time I was guaranteed while I was pregnant, or that Annie and Brett gave me that opportunity when the baby arrived. There's something women aren't prepared for that pregnancy brings, that pre-birth bond that only exists between the mother and child, no one else can ever experience it. While this wasn't my child, the bond was still there. There's never a moment after conception, until birth, the woman is alone. There's another heart beating inside of
The Bound Collection Chapter 128
Living between two houses, both of which were constantly being shown by real estate agents, while being pregnant with someone else's child, on top of working full time, was becoming too much. As we approached the growth and anatomy ultrasound, my anxiety began to ratchet and concealing it became harder. I had no idea how I'd hide any of it from Dan once we lived together. The hormones and my guilty conscious were creating far more turmoil in my life than I'd anticipated, and my outlets were few and far between. The shower had become my favorite place to cry because it was one of the only times I was ever alone anymore. I'd wanted friends, someone to love me, and I was grateful for them, but I'd been on my own for years, and adjusting had suddenly become difficult. Dan already worried enough about my safety, the baby's, but if he knew the emotional mess I became every morning, he might have a heart attack. I'd stayed at Dan's house more often than not these days for convenience. He
The Bound Collection Chapter 129: Past
"Lissa, if you two don't get on the road soon, it's going to be too late to leave."My parents owned a beach house on South Padre Island, and I was taking a long weekend to decompress. I didn't usually make the drive alone, but Matt had Drill, and I had to be back at school on Monday. I was exhausted-sleep deprived was a more accurate term-but everything pulled me in different directions, and I'd over-committed myself this semester. I wanted to make a good impression on the new Dean. I wasn't a tenured Professor, and there were always teachers vying for coveted spots on the University's payroll. I loved my job, not just the classes and the lectures, but the ensembles, the private lessons, and the rare gift of a brilliant musician. They were all good, but this year, I'd been impressed by two in particular, and they took up hours of my day. I allocated resources to them they couldn't afford...my time. Both were here on full music scholarships, so they fell to my tutelage by default, but
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