His voice was soft when he finally spoke. "What just happened?"As much as I'd wanted to evade the question, pretend I didn't know what he was referring to, we'd promised no secrets, and he'd been more than patient with my desire not to share this one. Even if I only gave him a condensed version, I could no longer pretend my past didn't affect my present.He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my sweaty head, giving me time to form the words I was willing to share. There was no rush, he wasn't prying, but I didn't want to have to do this more than once. So I took a deep breath and told the simplest version of the story I could."Will and I started dating middle of freshman year. We became very close, very good friends in the second semester. All of our free time was spent together outside of school. Our houses were in the same neighborhood, so hanging out over summer break was easy. I'd gotten used to going over after I'd gotten up in the morning and we'd hang out at his pool."
After Gray had learned about Will, he'd been careful on how he approached anything new in the weeks that followed. He wanted to push the envelope beyond missionary but wasn't interested in a repeat of the night he tried to take me from behind. I appreciated his understanding, and at times, he coddled me. I wanted to grow, move past the barriers I'd held on to. My psychiatrist believed our exploration was healthy and encouraged me to continue as long as I felt comfortable, but that was just it, I wasn't sure where to draw that line. So we'd agreed to explore together-the trust this required from me was enormous. I struggled with disconnecting the abuse I'd witnessed Will endure, from a healthy sex life.Gray came in the door with a black plastic bag. I knew he was up to something. I gave him a kiss on the lips, and asked, "What's in the bag?""I got you something. Well, I got you something, and I got us something." He reached into the bag and pulled out a sleek pink vibrator and a D
"Gray! Have you seen my tennis shoes? I'll be late for my first class. Gray! Please help me find them." I flung stuff out of the closet like my life depended on it when an arm snaked around my waist and hauled me back, lifting my feet off the ground. Gray's outstretched hand held the missing shoes for me, and then his lips were on my neck."Calm down, sweetheart. You have plenty of time to get to class." I loved the sound of his deep baritone voice. It was smooth and rich, comforting, and warmed me to the core. He gave me a little squeeze before I threw on my shoes. I grabbed my book bag and gave him a chaste kiss before running to class.My first week was always a struggle after being off for any length of time whether it was the summer or winter break. The six weeks I'd just had off between fall and the start of the spring semester was enough for me to relax before the grind of spring classes returned today. I had several proposals I was putting out to potential clients, and t
Gray and I kept rehashing the same conversation-we both missed the other. He had tons of spare time during the week, and I had none."I sound like a bitch complaining, Annie. I know you work your ass off, but I need you, too. It's like the sun doesn't shine during the day anymore without you around. I knew what I was getting into, and it's not fair to ask you to change your goals to accommodate my life, but baby, I'm lonely." It was weird to hear my alpha-male talk about the sun not shining and the darkness in his life. It also hadn't escaped my attention that if I didn't meet his needs, someone else would always be willing to. He had never said that, nor had he implied it, but I wasn't stupid. I didn't need someone to draw me a map to reach that conclusion.The first time we had this discussion, he had made the mistake of telling me Abby was always home when he got there, waiting for him, at his beck and call. I reminded him of how that ended and couldn't stop the nagging thoug
His voice was just out of reach, but the sobs seemed nearby. His arms surrounded me, his head pressed to the top of mine, and my body held tightly against his chest. I sensed everything about him, but the fog in my mind wouldn't allow me to comfort him, confide in him, or reassure him I was okay. I needed to convince him, but my body refused to respond and show him any sign of life. Hearing his emotional distress killed me. I was so tired, the fog was so dense, and my limbs were like dead weight. The sirens in the distance offered me peace; someone would be with him soon to calm his nerves and reassure him. A deep voice I didn't recognize talked to him but not to comfort him. "Sir, you have to let her go for me to help her." As the security of his embrace escaped me, so did my will to fight to reach consciousness. I allowed myself to drift into the darkness, hoping rest would renew me. I drifted in and out, loopy from whatever I'd been given, and not entirely sure of where
The conversation with Jack had gone better than I expected. He wondered how long I would continue at the pace I'd been keeping before my body gave out. I was honest with him about the hospital stay, which of course disappointed him, but he admitted to having done stupid things along the way to keep his head above water. While he hadn't come out and said it, my drive for success is what made me a valuable employee-he had benefitted from my insatiable desire to overachieve. He liked the idea of me selling accounts and other people working them. I was thrilled when he agreed to let me direct my workload. It enabled me to take on as many or as few clients as I wanted and could handle. I wasn't surprised when he lowered my base salary and restructured my commission, but I was confident Jack would still make it worth my time. Maybe Gray's suggestion to cut back was a smart move. Anxious to tell him how our conversation had gone, I grabbed my phone from my backpack and sent him a message.M
With my promise came the attention from Gray I so desperately craved. We rang in my twenty-second birthday in June and his twenty-eighth in August, and the summer had been almost perfection. I never knew what to expect from him-he kept me on my toes, but always kept me interested. I had thought I'd struggle not to burn the candle at both ends. It's all I've known since Will died, it was how I kept the demons away, but Gray had filled the void I expected to seep into my daily life. It was odd to have time to hang out with him or my friends and not experience guilt for compromising my career or my education. I watched him in awe-the way he moved, the way he held himself-I loved all of it. I could stare at him for hours, but invariably he always caught me and gave me a hard time about stargazing. I'd respond with an eye roll and move on to something else. Tonight was no different."Are you committing my body to memory, Bird Dog?" I'd been gawking at him from the couch after he got
As the fall semester was coming to a close, I found myself dreading finals. The last couple of weeks, Gray had been distant. I might have been imagining it, or it was possibly just the amount of time I'd had to spend wrapping up school projects and studying, but something was off. The summer had been perfection and going back to school had been tough. Each semester got harder, and this one had been daunting. The truth was, I missed him. I had encouraged him to spend time with his friends, to go out, so he wasn't sitting here watching me work, but I hated not being able to go with him. But between me having no interest in bars, and his not wanting us to be caught in public together before his divorce was final, I was spending a lot of time alone. We went out together but tried to go to less public places, places where we were less likely to be noticed. I hated feeling like a dirty secret, but his ex was doing everything she could to slow down the divorce process. His friends all knew