Chapter 2

Two months later

Life went back to being the same after my frolics with that stranger. I was still as jobless as I was before, I was still the least favorite of my parents, I still had no other friend apart from Lara. But life continued, and I liked that there were no expectations for or from me.

Presently, I was having the worst time of my life, with my parents insisting I take the job I left before, and having to live on lower income than I was used to, but without much worries because my life had so much going on in it that I couldn’t really put much thought into the things going on. But one thing wouldn’t leave no matter how much I wanted it to, and it was the fact that I hadn’t gotten my monthly flow in what felt like forever. I wasn’t really bothered by that because I’ve read that you can lose that when you are stressed and I know these past days have been the most stressful for me. I had thoughts of going to the doctors, but thought about the cost and decided against it and to just stick with the multivitamins I got at the pharmacy.

I only have peace when I’m helping Lara at her studio, trying to build my portfolio for the search for a new job. That helped me take my mind off things, and give me enough time to think about what and where I want my life to be. It also helped me assist Lara with some of the things she needs done, giving me more time out of my apartment and less time to think about things that may end up worrying me.

“Lara, where do you want this to be?” I asked, staring at this piece of clothing that looked totally ridiculous.

She eyed me, blinking as if trying to figure out what it was I was holding up “What’s that?” She looked at me as if I had grown two heads

I laughed a little and spread the cloth in my hand. I watched as her eyes widened and she raced to me. That reaction made me move back before she could reach me, raising the cloth out of her reach, giggling as she tried to snatch it from me.

“I’m not giving you this until you tell me what it is” 

“Tate, that’s what I told you I was working on” she replied, face as red as her pale skin could allow

“And why are you embarrassed? You don’t need to be if it’s nothing”

“It’s a fucking…”

I couldn’t make out what she called it because I felt a sudden wave of nausea that almost had me retching. I heard Lara immediately ask me what the problem was, and I had to breathe in very deeply before I could reply to her.

“I just had the worst bout of nausea I’ve had in my life” I tried swallowing what felt like a lump in my throat, and my heart was still beating so fast that I had to hold my hand against my chest to keep me steady.

I felt her hand guide me to the sofa behind her, helping me move. Once I was seated on the sofa, she went to get me a bottle of water. I tried to think of all the things that could make me ill, all the things I ate or did today that were possibilities of my sudden wave of sickness. She came back next to me, asking if I needed anything apart from the water and mint candy she had in her hand.

“Babe, what is wrong?” she asked after moments, almost staring at me

I blinked back at her, trying very hard to think of an answer to her question. No matter how hard I thought about it, there was nothing that I had or did that day that could cause whatever this was, so I just decided to leave it.

“I’m fine, I think it’s the milk I had this morning, I’ve been feeling off since I had it” I knew even after I said this, that this was the only excuse I had to drop this off. It happened so suddenly that I don’t know at this point.

 

“Are you sure? Did you check the expiration date? I’m very worried, I’ve never seen this happen to you

“I promise you I’m fine. I’m alright” I told, reaching out to hold her hand. I saw her mouth open as if to ask me more questions, but she closed it before any word could fall, and I reassured her that everything was okay with me.

The rest of the day went by without either of us mentioning what happened that morning but it was evident that we still had questions about it. Questions I had no answers to.

When I got home that day, after feeding my cat Bom and taking a shower, I tried to take note of the things I did every day leading to that day. Everything just consisted of me sleeping early but waking up later each day, eating cereal or whatever leftovers I had for breakfast, going job hunting and then spending the rest of the day at Lara’s studio. There was no change in my schedule since I lost my job, nothing new except the added stress from everything going on in my life right now.

And my missed period… 

That thought made my heart drop.

There was no chance those two were coincidences. Nausea and missed  were two symptoms of something I don’t want in my life right now. Something my fate wouldn’t be so cruel to make me right now.

Pregnancy.

The possibility of that wasn’t so farfetched, but it also wasn’t likely to not happen. The last time I had sex was with him? But except with that man, no one else. And that also seemed to coincide, oh God, with the last time I had my period.

There’s absolutely no chance I’m pregnant. Zero chances. But I wasn’t going to trust my fate, so I decided it’d be better to know whatever it was, than to play the game of risks, could be or not.

I left my house at the speed of lightning, almost hitting Bom on the way out, to the nearest pharmacy and bought different brands of pregnancy tests. I won’t put my chance on just one. I went back home when I was thoroughly satisfied with my purchase.

I went into the bathroom, head pounding from fear. With my heart in my mouth, I peed on three sticks and set my timer to ten minutes. I went to the living room to curl beside Bom, and allow her hiss at me, trying to push my head, with her paw. I started humming, murmuring sweet nothings to myself. 

The ringing of the alarm almost made my heart stop beating, and I felt tears well in my eyes. 

I put my hand on my chest, telling myself over and over that I wasn’t sure of what I’d see when I got into that room.

After minutes that felt like hours, I trudged to the bathroom for what my fate held. I wasn’t surprised at the two lines glaring on the sticks, but the breaking point was my face in the mirror. It held concern, an emotion that resembled hopelessness, something more like pain.

I wasn’t aware that I was already on the ground after sliding off the wall I leaned on. It felt like an out of body experience. 

How could I be pregnant? Me, who could count how many times I’ve had sex on one hand. Me, who was as careful as the word itself.

It felt like the universe’ cruel joke. Maybe my life was just an experiment, one that she feels could be dealt with as she wishes. 

My thoughts went back to the night I went to the bar and had that one night stand with the guy. I knew I prayed to whatever gods were listening to not make me regret doing that, and I knew from the hands I was dealt that it was possible they weren’t listening, but this is just too much.

After hours passed and it felt like the fog already cleared from my eyes, I picked myself off the floor and trudged to the living room, shaking my head slightly to stop it from the pound it’s doing. I decided the only person that needed to hear this news now was Lara. The only one that could be the voice of reason, I’m sure listening to her would help me to ignore the voices in my head. I called her as soon as I found my phone, and she promised to be there as soon as she could.

Minutes later, I heard her car park, and her door slam. She came into my apartment with bags of my favorite snacks and tubs of ice cream, comfort showing on her face. She sat on the sofa beside me and put my head on her lap, giving me scalp scratches when my tears wouldn’t stop, whispering reassurances into my ears, telling me how she’d be with me forever, even if it meant taking me and the baby.

Even through her voice, the only thought recurring in my head is that I am pregnant.

I am pregnant, and I’m not going to keep the baby.