People say you can't bring back the past, all you can do is accept it and move on, but they forget that you can reminisce then cry over it and regret it until you become numb all over. Just like what I did last night, after our conversation, my thoughts kept me up all night. I slept in the guest room, and I still don't have the willpower to feel at ease; I still feel awkward and uncomfortable. I guess this was what I reaped after all these years: I don't deserve to be happy. The result of overthinking last night was that I hadn't slept even a wink. I arrived at school in the earliest as possible and sunk my nose into whatever work time put me. Being a teacher wasn't my plan at all, but it was written as my third choice in my college application, so maybe I did add it to my plan. So when I was studying education, I was at a loss, because that's not really what I wanted to study, but then again, after I had my degree, I aimed to be at law school, I pushed my luck and called myself th
"How come Miss Tomoya is so close to the president of the school?" I had to wait behind the cubicle door when I heard two girls having a conversation while retouching their make-up in the sink. "Don't you know? She's a slut! A man-hungry woman who can't live without boys, I heard she already has a son but still dares to snake our president." From the little creek of the cubicle, I squinted my eyes and saw two teachers in their tight-fitting uniforms applying lipstick and mascara while looking in the mirror. My heart squeezed like someone purposedly did so. I never gave that a thought, I thought it was just a trivial matter because I knew that was not true. It's not true, of course, I'll be kind to Tripp because he's also kind and nice.I don't nicely treat people just because they're higher than me, I treat people based on how they treat me. I received kindness from him, it's natural to return that kindness. Unlike these poor teachers who don't know I'm in one of the cubicles bef
The dinner at a three-star restaurant went well. He ordered different foods after scolding him not to order the whole menu because we're not going to finish it anyway, we do have separate take-outs for the people in the house, and that's enough. I don't have much appetite these days anyway, and Trevor unfortunately noticed that. "Why are you not eating much? Finish what's on your plate. Are you sick?" Trevor frowned. Our round table had a big window that overlooked a great view of the man-made pool, we're on the top floor of the restaurant, which was situated around a chain of hotels that I'm not surprised was owned by him. I bet even this restaurant, one word from him, and then every server was agitated. I made a face at him and forced a smile. "I'm not. What are you saying?" He did not reply instead he studied me for a while, my son's in my peripheral vision enjoying his food, he's beside his father which I find annoying but it's more convenient that way, sooner or later he ha
A gentle rendition of an upbeat song was playing in the four corners of the room. Multi-colored lights were dancing together with the disco ball in the middle. Tripp and Trevor finally settled on the huge couch but were now having a drinking session. After Tripp said that Trevor was so pissed, he pulled me away from Tripp before he could touch me. Now, he wants to smack the hell out of Tripp but wasn't able to do so because I'm watching them. I'm sitting at the far end of the couch enjoying a cocktail. "Dude, may I remind you, you had a six-year relationship with another girl! What are you saying?" Trevor started strong by drinking a glass of rum and looking at Tripp with furious eyes. I frowned at him and placed down my drink, trying to warn him not to lay a finger on poor drunk Tripp. The butler informed us that Tripp had been waiting for a couple of hours. It's obvious that he was drunk already and was not in his right mind. "Uughh," Tripp groaned, "I don't care about that, S
"Don't you need to be early at your work?" I asked after he parked the car in front of the bakery and unbuckled his seatbelt as if he were going with me to the bakery. "Who said? Sulli, do you think I work?" he replied and opened the car's door. I was in awe, but I followed and he opened the car door for me and helped me get out of the car. "Where do you get your billions then?" I can't help but inquire. It's nice that we have something to talk about when driving here, even if it's just gossip about another person, it feels nice. I feel like a wife talking about anything with his husband. Few people were entering and going into the bakery, it was a small one, in front was the shop, and at the back was I guess their house. "No, it's definitely on quadrillion now. Don't believe in the search results online." The conversation was still ongoing. I scoffed and he slid open the door. "You're bluffing me right now."The f
When afternoon came, I got the chance to walk away from Trevor because his secretary calling him on something.I happily walked him to the exit of the hospital. "Are you sure you can go home on your own?" Trevor asked, full of worry, his eyes glanced at my left hand where they put the needle of the IV drip and has a small patch now."Oh," I hit him lightly on his shoulders and proceeded to the exit door. "Don't worry, I can manage, I'll go home on my own." I smiled, reassuring him that everything would be fine, but really, at the back of my head, I was planning my guise on how to talk to Damien and told him that he just misdiagnosed me. "Okay? You can ask our driver to pick you up here." "No, no, no," I waved my hand and noticed a black car stopped in front of us and a man in black bowed and opened the backseat. "Don't bother the driver, Trevor, I can go home on my own, I'm an adult now, what do you treat me for? A five-year-old?" I bit my lip to suppress my laughter behind my i
"Hey Sulli, marry me?" I opened my eyes and a ring was right in front of me. Trevor was holding it while he was kneeling on one knee. Was he proposing again? Right. I don't know how many times he has done this, but I know where it started– on our great times years ago, the first time he proposed.It was my third year in law school and Lucia was working hard just to get her degree, they've done the pinning ceremony and chose to work in a hospital far away, ignoring their chain of hospitals that would probably treat her like a princess.Lucia was far from being a princess, or so that's what she thought, I think the opposite, I still think she was, sometimes I envy her for having lived with a diamond spoon despite being not born as one. To be sent far away was Lucia's decision, oblivious to the fact that I'd live alone in her apartment if ever, but the days flew by so fast and we started our journey. A week later, Trevor came in
The sound of rolling luggage, the smell of warm and fresh air, the red suit I was wearing, paired with black stilettos and sunglasses, and the sleeping baby I'm carrying.I'm here again... But this time, with my son. He's a 5-year-old boy that has white plump cheeks and a handsome face, he reminds me of winter: he's usually silent and is sleeping most of the time so taking care of him was such an easy task, especially for a single mom like me.My friends call me Sulli Tomoya and before I left this country, I pass the bar but I lost the love of my life... ~It was raining hard that night, my boyfriend and I were meeting at a fancy restaurant. I was late for a few hours because of the heavy rain and the traffic, and of course, my family wouldn't stop mingling with me because I had just passed the bar that day. We were all happy and were celebrating. I was elated when I came to the restaurant and was led by the waiter to where he was. It was also the day I'm telling him a surprise,
"Hey Sulli, marry me?" I opened my eyes and a ring was right in front of me. Trevor was holding it while he was kneeling on one knee. Was he proposing again? Right. I don't know how many times he has done this, but I know where it started– on our great times years ago, the first time he proposed.It was my third year in law school and Lucia was working hard just to get her degree, they've done the pinning ceremony and chose to work in a hospital far away, ignoring their chain of hospitals that would probably treat her like a princess.Lucia was far from being a princess, or so that's what she thought, I think the opposite, I still think she was, sometimes I envy her for having lived with a diamond spoon despite being not born as one. To be sent far away was Lucia's decision, oblivious to the fact that I'd live alone in her apartment if ever, but the days flew by so fast and we started our journey. A week later, Trevor came in
When afternoon came, I got the chance to walk away from Trevor because his secretary calling him on something.I happily walked him to the exit of the hospital. "Are you sure you can go home on your own?" Trevor asked, full of worry, his eyes glanced at my left hand where they put the needle of the IV drip and has a small patch now."Oh," I hit him lightly on his shoulders and proceeded to the exit door. "Don't worry, I can manage, I'll go home on my own." I smiled, reassuring him that everything would be fine, but really, at the back of my head, I was planning my guise on how to talk to Damien and told him that he just misdiagnosed me. "Okay? You can ask our driver to pick you up here." "No, no, no," I waved my hand and noticed a black car stopped in front of us and a man in black bowed and opened the backseat. "Don't bother the driver, Trevor, I can go home on my own, I'm an adult now, what do you treat me for? A five-year-old?" I bit my lip to suppress my laughter behind my i
"Don't you need to be early at your work?" I asked after he parked the car in front of the bakery and unbuckled his seatbelt as if he were going with me to the bakery. "Who said? Sulli, do you think I work?" he replied and opened the car's door. I was in awe, but I followed and he opened the car door for me and helped me get out of the car. "Where do you get your billions then?" I can't help but inquire. It's nice that we have something to talk about when driving here, even if it's just gossip about another person, it feels nice. I feel like a wife talking about anything with his husband. Few people were entering and going into the bakery, it was a small one, in front was the shop, and at the back was I guess their house. "No, it's definitely on quadrillion now. Don't believe in the search results online." The conversation was still ongoing. I scoffed and he slid open the door. "You're bluffing me right now."The f
A gentle rendition of an upbeat song was playing in the four corners of the room. Multi-colored lights were dancing together with the disco ball in the middle. Tripp and Trevor finally settled on the huge couch but were now having a drinking session. After Tripp said that Trevor was so pissed, he pulled me away from Tripp before he could touch me. Now, he wants to smack the hell out of Tripp but wasn't able to do so because I'm watching them. I'm sitting at the far end of the couch enjoying a cocktail. "Dude, may I remind you, you had a six-year relationship with another girl! What are you saying?" Trevor started strong by drinking a glass of rum and looking at Tripp with furious eyes. I frowned at him and placed down my drink, trying to warn him not to lay a finger on poor drunk Tripp. The butler informed us that Tripp had been waiting for a couple of hours. It's obvious that he was drunk already and was not in his right mind. "Uughh," Tripp groaned, "I don't care about that, S
The dinner at a three-star restaurant went well. He ordered different foods after scolding him not to order the whole menu because we're not going to finish it anyway, we do have separate take-outs for the people in the house, and that's enough. I don't have much appetite these days anyway, and Trevor unfortunately noticed that. "Why are you not eating much? Finish what's on your plate. Are you sick?" Trevor frowned. Our round table had a big window that overlooked a great view of the man-made pool, we're on the top floor of the restaurant, which was situated around a chain of hotels that I'm not surprised was owned by him. I bet even this restaurant, one word from him, and then every server was agitated. I made a face at him and forced a smile. "I'm not. What are you saying?" He did not reply instead he studied me for a while, my son's in my peripheral vision enjoying his food, he's beside his father which I find annoying but it's more convenient that way, sooner or later he ha
"How come Miss Tomoya is so close to the president of the school?" I had to wait behind the cubicle door when I heard two girls having a conversation while retouching their make-up in the sink. "Don't you know? She's a slut! A man-hungry woman who can't live without boys, I heard she already has a son but still dares to snake our president." From the little creek of the cubicle, I squinted my eyes and saw two teachers in their tight-fitting uniforms applying lipstick and mascara while looking in the mirror. My heart squeezed like someone purposedly did so. I never gave that a thought, I thought it was just a trivial matter because I knew that was not true. It's not true, of course, I'll be kind to Tripp because he's also kind and nice.I don't nicely treat people just because they're higher than me, I treat people based on how they treat me. I received kindness from him, it's natural to return that kindness. Unlike these poor teachers who don't know I'm in one of the cubicles bef
People say you can't bring back the past, all you can do is accept it and move on, but they forget that you can reminisce then cry over it and regret it until you become numb all over. Just like what I did last night, after our conversation, my thoughts kept me up all night. I slept in the guest room, and I still don't have the willpower to feel at ease; I still feel awkward and uncomfortable. I guess this was what I reaped after all these years: I don't deserve to be happy. The result of overthinking last night was that I hadn't slept even a wink. I arrived at school in the earliest as possible and sunk my nose into whatever work time put me. Being a teacher wasn't my plan at all, but it was written as my third choice in my college application, so maybe I did add it to my plan. So when I was studying education, I was at a loss, because that's not really what I wanted to study, but then again, after I had my degree, I aimed to be at law school, I pushed my luck and called myself th
"Don't deny it, it's written all over your face."Trevor was so close that I got lost, his eyes gleamed as I nodded in agreement. I admit it, no need to consider my pride, it would end with me nowhere in the picture anyway. "Really?" Trevor pushed back a little and stared at me in awe, "You're not denying it?" "There's no need for that," I said and squirmed in my seat, trying to make up some space. It's been so long, Trevor and I have known each other since college, we've learned about each other, fallen in love then fell out of love. I'm not the same immature and childish girl as before, I'm a mom now, and I should take responsibility and I'm going to die, I think it's the right time to set things in their right places, so that when I leave, Levi won't be alone. The thought humbles me, and with all the nice people I'll leave soon flashed through my mind. I guess it would be a shame if I don't give them a nice memory of me at least. "Say, Trevor, since we're at that," I mumbled
"But I don't feel anything weird, doc?" Why do I sense that they're all trying to persuade me into something that would make me feel ashamed of myself?"Here, take this Sulli." Damien got his business card and gave it to me with a smile. "You can call me anytime if you want assurance." I can't help but think there's a hidden meaning behind his last sentence. I looked at his business card just to avoid looking at him. "Ms. Tomoya, if you want we can run some tests again, and maybe have an understanding of your disease, after all, I'm a great oncologist." Doctor Rea beamed. My eyes lit up and I wanted to hug Doctor Rea right then and agree but my peripherals caught a glimpse of Damien looking so gloomy. I'm not one to trample on the pride of others, especially if it's right. For sure, Damien didn't become a doctor easily, he had to build brick by brick the title he has now, and it's going to look so bad if I asked Doctor Rea for a second opinion in front of him. I have to lower m