MaxI kick at the desk and watch everything come crashing down. Pleasure courses through me. Lately, the only thing that makes me calmer is breaking things. Whenever I break something, I feel all my anger being released, and it's better than feeling this all-consuming emptiness that's been haunting my days since Rayne left. I don't know what to do with myself. I haven't been able to sleep and I have barely been able to eat. I wasn't expecting her absence to hit me this hard, so hard that I've become a completely different person. Almost obsessive. I need to have her back. If I don't get her back, I might very well make the world burn. I don't care about what anyone has to say about this either. I know that, by now, everyone knows that it's Rayne that is making me feel this way, even Alaska. Still, she hasn't left the House yet. I'm not sure what she's waiting for but then again, I don't have the time to think about that. Getting Rayne back is nearly impossible these days, and it's
RayneAfter dinner, Darla and I talk a little bit about womanhood. An odd topic, yes, but she doesn’t make it awkward at all. She tells me, under her breath, just about everything she can think of, including topics about personal hygiene amongst other things. Some things I already knew, but others were new to me and I am incredibly grateful for the advice. At the end of our evening together, she pats my hand and says, “You know, having you here is absolutely wonderful. I haven’t had someone to talk to in years.”I nod, unsure of what to say. Then, I add, “It’s great being here, too.”My days here are somewhat full. I’m not holed up in my room and waiting for Veronica to call for me. There is a lot to see and even learn, if that is my wish. Darla is very attentive, and I don’t feel at all like a burden here. She offers me a wide smile and then we rise wordlessly and start toward the stairs. It’s somewhat late and I do feel tired. She senses even this. I wonder if there is ever anyth
RayneVictor isn't wearing a shirt. He cuts into the apple as we maintain eye contact and then slowly brings a wedge up to his mouth. I am sure my face is the color of a tomato right now and I don't know where to look after I was staring for so long. It's become an awkward situation now and there is no getting out of this. "Sorry," I say, "I just wanted water."He gestures at the vastness of the kitchen as if to say 'do as you wish' and I immediately walk toward the large container of water. There are rows of glasses right beside it and I grab a clean one. I turn the tap and watch my glass fill with water. I can feel his eyes on me even though I'm not looking at him. I wonder if it's paranoia. I tip my head back and gulp the water down. I then refill the glass. I hear him eating the apple from somewhere behind me, aware of every little sound that is made in this kitchen. Once I've finished drinking, I put the glass down on the other side of it as I'm not sure where to wash it, and
RayneI caught a rabbit today. I can hardly believe it. I never thought I’d be able to catch anything, much less with a bow and arrow. Victor was patient with me. It took many tries to get this one rabbit. He could have gotten many rabbits and even a deer if he hadn’t spent so much time teaching me, but I’m glad he did. I never would have guessed that I would be able to learn how to hunt anything. Yet I’ve managed. My rabbit is slung over Victor’s shoulder. He has removed the arrow from its small body but there is a bloody gaping hole right at the center. We’re making our ways back to the house. By now, everyone else is probably done. “I’ll teach you how to skin it,” he tells me. “You never know when it might come in handy.”“It’s probably going to take all afternoon,” I comment.“I have time,” he answers mildly. I try not to make too much of it as we walk toward the barn. The whole family is already there, as I guessed. They all turn to look at us as we approach them and Darla
RayneThe time I spent with the AmberMane’s was precious to me. It’s the first time I’ve ever done anything similar, and I have to say that I had a lot of fun. It was good, getting to know them. For the first time in my life, I learned what it was like to be wanted, and welcomed in a place. I never once felt like I was stepping on someone’s toes or that I wasn’t wanted there.Is the experience for me was completely positive. I can’t say the same for Denise. She still hasn’t said a proper word to me and I’m starting to wonder if perhaps she’s mad about something. It’s no secret to me that she didn’t want to come here, but I didn’t expect her to act this way. She’s the one who suggested to come along with me, not the other way around. Therefore, I can’t find an explanation as to why she’s behaving this way.If she wanted to, she could’ve interacted with everyone. But she didn’t. Victor is driving us back and we’re meant to leave in thirty minutes. I’m genuinely sad to leave, so sad
MaxIt took all my courage to come all the way here. It wasn’t an easy journey and a lot of people tried to stop me. But here I am. I’m sitting across from Rayne’s father. I can tell by the way his fists are balled that he wants to lunge at me. The only thing stopping him are the laws. He can’t attack me unprovoked or it’s a reason to start a feud. I came here in peace and technically, our packs don’t have anything against each other. His war was against my father and he gave in at the time. He lost it. I knew that I would never be able to get to her if I didn’t come here. He would never let her leave. Or, as I’ve already figured out, she wouldn’t have come. I sat with him for only five minutes and was informed that Rayne didn’t want anything to do with me. She ended up here because she was running from me. I could tell he was in disbelief. I don’t think anyone expected me to come here looking for her. I assured him earlier on that I didn’t come here to whisk her away. All I wante
RayneI stop dead in my tracks when I see him. Max. He's standing by the door. I didn't even see him standing there. His brows are furrowed and he has this dark look on his face that injects fear straight into my veins. The problem is that he isn’t looking at me. He’s looking at Victor. I look back at him over my shoulder and see that he’s meeting Max’s gaze steadily. Unflinching. A bad feeling forms in my gut and I realize that I have to end this before it escalates. I start walking quickly toward Max, my nervousness at seeing him forgotten. He doesn’t even see me approach him. He’s so busy staring daggers at Victor. It’s only when I’m very near to him that he looks at me, and not because he sees me or anything. It’s the bond. It practically leaps with joy. His expression softens when he looks at me but I can’t let any of that stop me from what I’m about to do, which is tell him to leave. He doesn’t belong here and I don’t know why he would even dare to come. “We need to talk,
RayneAnd so he did. I stood by the front door and watched him leave. I wanted to make sure that he would go back to MoonWater so I could feel convinced that he wasn’t going to come back. However, when the carriage disappeared down the road, I felt nothing but emptiness. And that feeling is still with me hours after his departure. I didn’t ask to be this sad about the fact that he’s gone. I wish I could celebrate his departure, but the bond between us doesn’t allow me to. It wants me to go running after him. It wants me to stop him and tell him that I forgive and understand him. It wants me to follow him all the way to MoonWater if that’s what it takes.But I can’t do that. Although I do understand where he’s coming from, there was no excuse as to why he had to kiss her and not tell her the truth about us. It doesn’t mean I don’t still feel betrayed. His excuse is good, but my heart is still broken. What I saw in his room that day shattered me and I’m still trying to piece myself
Rayne Reaching MoonWater fills me with excitement and dread. The last time I was here, we were still in the middle of the war. It was Max’s idea for me to leave and go to Iron until things cooled down. I agreed because frankly, I was tired of the bloodshed. I felt I had nothing left to do but go away, and so that’s what I did. I haven’t been back since. Max and I have been communicating with each other but not as often. Our communication is mostly nonverbal. I can’t hear his words in my head or even send a message across; it’s more of a swapping of emotions. This has gotten stronger over the weeks, and now that I’m here, closer to him, I feel the bond’s strength. I exit the carriage and near the gate. I inform the guards of who I am but they don’t ask me to wait for them to call someone. They open the gates for me instantly. I walk through them, leaving the carriage behind. Everything looks as I remember, pre-war. This has to be a good sign. I continue walking until I reach the f
RayneThe war with GrayLeaf only ended with their Alpha’s death. It was Max himself who killed him. There was no way around it. He never believed it was Veronica’s doing, and when he found Albert dead, he assumed Max was the culprit. There were many casualties. My father lost men he trusted. AmberMane lost some of their own, the biggest loss being Victor. I have to admit that I thought they would hate and blame me for his death because I most certainly blamed myself, but nothing between us changed apart from the loss we now shared. I didn’t know Victor as well as I could’ve, but he’d been a friend to me, and he had helped me make myself stronger. I wish things had gone differently. I wish he didn’t have to die. Things took a long time to settle down after the war. GrayLeaf collapsed completely. The remaining members of their pack became rogues. I offered to help them but Max said it wasn’t the right choice to make. A lot of the people who remained were widows and children of the f
RayneI watch her slowly shift back to human form, hissing in pain. The arrow went straight through her shoulder. She tries to touch it but groans in pain when she touches it. I’m afraid that she’ll break it in half and slide it out but that doesn’t happen. I near her and nock another arrow. I point it straight at her face this time. “If you dare to move, I’ll shoot you.”Her eyes meet mine. Her lips are starting to get pale. “You’re going to hit me anyway, so why should I bother? You didn’t follow me all the way here to talk to me.”“You’re right, I didn’t,” I reply coldly. She shifts and cries out. I’m tempted to hit her again. Her pain is comforting to me. I want to tell her that now she knows how it feels, yet the pain she’s experiencing now can’t be compared to mine. That pain left scars that will never go away. Because of her selfishness, I’ve lost parts of myself that are irretrievable. “What are you waiting for, then?” she asks breathlessly as she tries to sit against the
Rayne Lambert changed plans halfway to GrayLeaf. He said he had a better idea. Rather than attack GrayLeaf and cause an unnecessarily high death toll, we could simply try to frame Veronica instead. He said he would speak to Albert and convince him to be in a certain place, at a certain time, where he would then confront Veronica. Naturally, this would still make him lose his place amongst his pack, but he said he never cared much for the pack anyway. He always wanted to be a rogue, where he could live life in his own terms and not have to follow strict rules all the time. I have to say that at some point, I wanted to be a rogue, too. I wanted nothing but freedom whenever I thought about my life. There are times when I forget I was even a slave, but there are others when it's all I can think about. I see myself on my knees in the middle of the grand hall, scrubbing until my fingers bleed. I'd wonder what it felt like to be free. Now that I know what it is, I realize that it comes
Max It doesn’t take long after Veronica leaves for someone to come for me. I don’t ask questions as they untie my hands and then tell me to walk. Humiliation burns inside of me but I keep it down and walk. I walk through the relatively empty dungeon all the way up the short stairs I used on my way down here. There are currently three guards behind me. Any thoughts of trying to run flee from my mind. It would be a reckless decision to make and would undoubtedly bring me more humiliation. The only thing assuring me that I won’t be killed today is Veronica’s alleged plan. She wants me to mate with her, after all, so how could she let them kill me? It all depends, of course. I try not to think too much about it as I walk outside. I take a deep breath of fresh air and instantly feel better. The air down there is stale. It felt like I was slowly being smothered to death. We’re walking toward the mansion. My guess is that there is going to be a discussion of some kind where I will once
MaxThe pain on my side has diminished considerably but the humiliation I feel is burning right through me and I can't overlook it. I'm locked in a dark cell. Thankfully, I'm alone, so nobody else has to see me being brought down to this level. So many things are going on all at once. I've been extracted from my pack, which is now vulnerable. GrayLeaf can attack at any time and we'll fall, just as they wanted it to. I don't understand for the life of me how Veronica can do this to our pack. Does she really want to see GrayLeaf winning? If so, why? And if not, then what's going through her head? I can't understand her. I realize that I never knew her at all. Helplessness plagues me. I'm here tied to a chair and unable to do a damned thing to stop her and her schemes. What's worse is that she could possibly get us all killed. Playing this game with GrayLeaf is dangerous. Does she even know what she's doing?I don’t know what to call this behavior of hers. Childishness isn’t a good
RayneThe plan we come up with is simple yet effective. I go with Iron and AmberMane to MoonWater and take over. As the Luna, it’s my right to do so. Word will spread to GrayLeaf, undoubtedly, but by then, we’ll be ready. Lambert thinks that we have to attack them first and we have to do it hard. We tell them that we only have two requests to end this war.The first request is that we want them to release Max. The second is we want Veronica. At that point, we’ll tell them everything they’ve done. Lambert will confess everything he did and they’ll probably exile him from the pack, but he says he doesn’t care about that. “Why?” my father asked him. “Why do you want to be exiled from your pack?”“I don’t have anything to do there,” was his answer. “I hate those bastards more than you do. If they hadn’t insisted on marrying her off to an Alpha, she would be alive by now.”I wanted to ask him where he would go but I figured it was too intrusive. It didn’t matter, anyway. What mattered wa
Rayne I look back at him. He’s running his fingers through his hair in despair. I’ve already pieced this together. I know why he’s here demanding this truth from me. Why he’s given me this letter to read. It makes perfect sense. The only reason why I’m not saying anything is because my own heart is shattering. I’ve doubted Max. I thought he was a scoundrel and now I have proof that he isn’t. Veronica did it all. The man gets on his knees, his back facing me. A few beats pass and then he says, “I loved her. You don’t understand how much I loved her. You can’t begin to imagine.”I lick my lips and say, “Sure I can. You literally sabotaged her mating day. You put me there just to prevent her from mating with Max.”He glares at me over his shoulder. I glare right back. I’m trying to keep an eye on him while sorting through the mess in my head simultaneously. It isn’t easy. I’m just thinking about Max and how Veronica ruined us. Tore us apart. I can’t take my attention from him entire
RayneI still haven’t decided if we’re going to go to war against GrayLeaf. I want to. I can’t say that I don’t. They’ve done enough to hurt me and I would be thinking solely of revenge if I chose to fight. The time I spent in that prison was something I’d only wish upon my worst enemy. I have lost too much because of them. I want to fight. I want to bring them to my knees. At the same time, I have no idea if it’s the right move. A leader has to think of everyone else, not just themselves. I would hate it if my father, Darla, or even Victor got hurt because of this thirst for revenge of mine. It’s not fair to them. Besides, fighting means we have to join arms with MoonWater, because otherwise we don’t stand a chance. Do I really want to get that close to Max?I’m going to have to be the one to talk to him, which is why my father said the choice is up to me. He’d probably do it if I asked, or insisted, but that’s a coward’s move. I have to be the one to do it, not him or anyone else