“Stop making me feel like there’s something wrong with me for it. I’m not cool with that. I hate when you say it.” I point out, breaking my mild temper and sighing, that this topic brought a real issue I had not even considered to my doorstep.Sex.My heart sinks now that it’s glaringly obvious and in my face and a hurdle we have to cross.Dane is used to it, seems to have it frequently and I am so not even close to being someone ready to take that step. I haven't even thought about it and what having a boyfriend changes, given I don’t want to go there yet. That’s a whole other thing I never considered in what we were starting. I don’t even know when he expects it.Is it weird to want him, want to date him, but not want to have sex with him? The mere thought of sex gives me sweats and has my heart palpitating in cold-blooded fear.“There’s nothing wrong with it….I’m sorry…. I’ll stop. It’s a non-issue.” Dane slides closer to me, lifting his hand to trace a thumb across my cheek before
Dane leads the way to the two over-plumped cream sofas in our TV lounge and heads to put the glasses on the center oak coffee table. In here, it’s comfy and peaceful and not that big a room, and as he swoops to turn on a channel, I know it’s in case anyone comes home and wonders why we are in here together. It’s not like we often hang out to watch a show together, if ever. He sets it to medium volume, just enough to cover our voices should we fail to hear anyone return, like Monique or my mom. And can confidently say this is all easily explainable should a surprise parent walk in.“So….” he finally turns, watching how I slide down into the comfiness of stuffed seating and follows to sit beside me. The way we are turned has us knee to knee, yet it somehow feels closer.“So…” the nervousness still lingers, and my hands get clammier, my chest heaving because this is making me weirdly antsy. It feels like we have reached the step off point to things getting real. “I guess we figure this
“If you know how….have ability…then why have you been jumping on me for every class project since forever? Why not just do the work?” I snap, somehow incensed that all thesi time he let me believe he was incapable and uneducated and he could do it all this time. “You’ve been acting dumb, lazy, and lying this whole time.”Dane shrugs, leans back to his previous position, and lounges with an infuriating gleam in his eye.“Hey…I never once said I couldn’t do the work, just that I didn’t want to…that’s not a lie… Besides, I got to bug you and hang out…I also didn’t give my dad any reason to act like a proud father of the year… really, Babe… I gave you a chance to shine and become the family's golden child.”“You’re….” The words die on my tongue, and I exhale in sheer frustration at this stubborn ass and his flawed logic. Annoyed by him and his outright arrogance.“Smarter than I look? I know….sexier than you want to admit? True…. Pissing you off….for sure, but I still like you. Don’t be m
“Are you not feeling well, honey? You have barely touched your food.” My mom breaks my daydreamy gaze at the half-finished meal I was pushing around with my fork, and I sit up in guilty response. Clearing my throat and pasting on a brighter, less zoned-out expression. I had been lost in my mind as everything that happened today caught up with me. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone.“What, um no…I’m just tired and not that hungry.” I try not to glance to my left where Dane is sitting, seeing as he decided to join us for dinner tonight after we spent an hour making out on the couch before anyone came home. The guilt and awkwardness in me are strong, and I’m not convinced my mom cannot see a change in me or suspect my chapped lips were not from forgetting lip balm like I told her.I guess I am partly sitting here like a zombie because I’m trying to adjust to this bare-faced lie of an existence now we are all together. When she got home, I had to lie to her to explain my disheveled appe
Dane lets me hold onto his arm and wrist as I slide from behind him on that thundering torpedo he calls a bike. Thanking the powers above, we got here in one piece. My legs are a little Bambi on ice, given I have just been through the most exhilarating yet frightening journey of my life and was only finally starting to get used to it when we arrived.“How was it? Still think it’s a deathtrap?” Dane Smirks, sliding my visor up for me after hauling off his helmet and ruffling his hair back to its chaotic sexy before leaning in to help me with the strap of mine which I’m already fumbling with. I stay still while he unclips it under my chin with practiced hands, staring at how handsome he looks when focused on doing so.“Verdict is still out, although, for the last ten minutes, I didn’t feel like I was clinging on for dear life or about to have a stroke. It sort of got okay.” I point out, unable to admit that after I got used to how to mold to him as we turned and moved and that the speed
“Can you even do that?... Stay out of trouble, I mean?” I ask in utter seriousness, given Dane, who I know is always in trouble. “I have the motive to learn….after tying myself to the school good girl for the considerable future, I am in very real danger of becoming single otherwise, and I am only discovering the joys of a girlfriend. I have to learn fast how to behave.” He jests, loosening his hold to slide his hand back down to mine to return to our previous position to tug me towards the water. “As long as you remember, the goal is you being a better human and student and not corrupting me.” I point out, sass returning now my moment of doubt is passing.“Never…I happen to like you the way you are….even if I know for a fact you probably don’t even know what beer tastes like, need careful handling most of the time, and own zero sexy lingerie.”“Hey,” I slap out at him for what seems to be an insult, getting triggered by his immature chuckle as he dodges me and jumps away. Letting g
“You look tired.” Elisa slides down beside me in our first class of the day, given she told me not to wait for her this morning as she was running late. Seemingly fresh and bright-eyed this morning, I am wafted with a new subtle banana smell that has me smiling. It’s been a while since she created something new and I was starting to think Tyler had made her lose her mojo.“I didn’t get much sleep…I am so wiped out today.” I add, turning to sniff her appreciatively and grin hard when she produces a bottle right in front of my face. Small and yellow, a spray pump with a lemon liquid inside and a cutesy banana logo she obviously designed. Elisa takes great care in every part of product design.“It’s a body mist. Try it and let me know what you think. Especially how long it lasts.” Elisa settles down to unpack, satisfied with my eager nod, and I stop what I am doing to examine the little bottle, pop off the lid, and spray myself eagerly.It’s like drenching yourself in the best parts of a
“You’re mad? Upset? Is it because of Maria? Nothing is happening there…. I told you not to take anything to heart that happens at school. We’re just being who we normally are. You are the girl I like and want. Nothing changes that. Xxx”His words break me down further, a wave of real, heartfelt tears at my foolishness drowning me. It’s like he found exactly the right words to catch the free-running, insecure bunny in my chest and pushed it back down its dark hole.Dane being so sweet and trying to soothe me from afar has me all kinds of messed up, and I wallow in shame and hurt, allowing myself a few seconds to cry.Even while gulping down stilted sobs and sniffing to control the worst of my breakdown, I try to type some coherent response, knowing for sure now I am being dumb. Desperate to explain to him because now he feels guilty for me being an idiot.“You called her Babe…. Yesterday you….. I start typing, then stop myself and genuinely pause, halting the flow of tears to ask myse