Chapter 5

I burst into the room as quickly as I could while simultaneously attempting to retrieve the memories that had slipped me. Pero kahit anong subok ko; I just can't recall anything at all.

I went back to the bed in which I had been sleeping. I caught a whiff of it. Trying to track out any evidence of a male because he isn't there, despite the fact that in most movies, a girl will wake up with a gentleman by her side after spending the night. Ano ba talagang nangyari? May nangyari ba talaga? Nakakainis naman na nakipag-one-night stand ako sa lalaking hindi ko man lang nasilayan ang mukha at pagkatapos ay iiwan ako sa ere.

Napasapo ako sa mukha ko, but I still tried my best to think. Tiningnan kong muli ang kama. Besides the scent of alcohol, there is also a pungent and recognizable smell present. The rate of my breathing increased. I have no idea what triggered this rapid change in my feelings toward the guy who was helpful to me the night before. Perhaps it's because I'm curious about what went down or whether anything significant occurred between the two of us yesterday night. Anong mangyayari sa akin kung mabuntis ako? Did he use protection? Ni hindi ko ba makikilala ang ama kung sakaling mayroon ngang naiwan sa sinapupunan ko? Teka nga muna, Jothea! Ano ba itong naiisip ko?

Is this a sign that I am panicking? Shit. I need to calm down. But it was only after I made the conscious decision to keep calm that I recalled something important.

I was holding a tie when I suddenly lost my balance and fell to the ground at the bar. After that, someone brought me here, and as I recalled what had just happened, my eyes became wider. When he was laying me on this bed, I loosened his necktie and kissed him on the lips. What the heck did I do?

Did I really do that? Have I just fucked and kissed a total stranger?

While I was holding my head, I blinked my eyes numerous times. Ibig sabihin, may nangyari nga?

Napapikit ako. This is cheating! The feeling of guilt is killing me now! Ano na lang ang sasabihin ni Professor Sybill, kapag nalaman niya ito? Matatanggap niya pa ba ako?

I was ready to get out of bed when I noticed that the bed was damp. B-bakit basa? Don't dare tell me! Did I take a shower before going to bed the other night? No, I always dry my hair using a blow dryer. But what if I wasn't able to because I was under the influence of alcohol?

I tried to remember everything while holding and pulling my hair in disgust while concentrating hard. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Wala akong maalala! May nangyari ba talaga? Nakakainis naman.

After I checked out of my stay, I tried to ask the receptionist who had rented the room for me, but she would not reveal their identity because the information is considered to be private. She simply mentioned that a wealthy patron who stayed there frequently had paid for it. I have my eyes currently closed. What should I do now? Kailangan kong makilala ang lalaking tumulong sa akin para malaman ko kung may nangyari ba talaga dahil hindi ako patutulugin ng kunsensya ko kung mayroon. Ano na lang ang idadahilan ko kay Professor Sybill kapag binalikan niya na ako?

After clearing my throat, I decided to take a cab to school rather than walk. A moment ago, as I was in the lobby, I checked the time and saw that it was already past seven in the morning. Hindi pa ako kumakain kaya medyo nagugutom na ako at nakakaramdam ng pagkahilo. Naalala ko, ang huling kain ko pala ay kahapon ng lunch pa.

I had a shower earlier before heading downstairs, and I was a little taken aback when a room attendant knocked to deliver my freshly washed uniforms. I had just gotten out of the shower at that time. I was surprised. Napaka-gentleman naman ng lalaking tumulong sa akin para maisip na palabhan pa ang damit ko. Nahihiwagaan na ako sa lalaking iyon, ah. At mayroong kung ano sa akin na parang gusto siyang makilala. Pero sa isang banda, hindi ko mapigilang isipin na baka si Professor Sybill ang nagligtas sa akin kagabi. Baka hindi lang ako nagkaroon ng chance na makita siya kasi ayaw niyang magpakita sa akin. Ewan! Naaaning na naman ako.

"Nandito na po tayo, Ma'am," sambit ni manong driver at napatingin ako sa Marcus University. Nandito na nga kami. Bumaba ako pagkatapos magbayad. Meydo nahilo-hilo pa nga ako. Mukhang naparami talaga ang ininom ko kagabi dahil ang lakas pa rin ng hangover ko. Parang binibiyak ang ulo ko. Sana lang hindi ako pagalitan ng prof na maaabutan ko. Teka nga, anong araw ba ngayon at ano ang first subject namin?

Napapikit ako nang mapagtanto na Wednesday ngayon at kung sinuswerte ka nga naman, si Ismael Mondalla ang prof namin. Parang sumakit kaagad ang batok ko pero hindi bale, kaya ko namang makipagsagutan sa kaniya.

The only sounds I could hear in the hallway were the clicks of my high heels as I walked down the hall. I was dressed in my uniform as I made my way down the corridor at a leisurely pace. It looks like everything around me is shifting.

Nang makapasok ako sa room, I was anticipating that Mondalla would yell at me, but he didn't, which left me perplexed. Even the people who were in my class seemed to be waiting for that, but they did not receive anything. Kung kaya't hinayaan ko na lang at hindi na ako nag-aksaya pa ng panahon para umupo. Napatingin ako kay Ismael. Anong nakain niya at hindi niya ako pinuna?

Napansin ko ang mga tingin ng kaklase ko, particularly Savannah, who appeared to be confused as well. Hindi siya tumitigil sa pagbubulong-bulong sa katabi niya. Akala niya naman, ikinaganda niya ang pagchi-chismis sa akin. She's not even prettier than my nails!

"So, foundation day is drawing near. Each section is responsible for putting together something similar to what you did at this time last year. The good news is that if you reached the most profitable booth, I would cheerfully exempt your section from the final examinations," Mondalla stated to the joy of my classmates. "But the bad news is that if your booth does not do well, some of you won't graduate."

Tsk. Gusto niya lang talaga akong ibagsak. Pero hindi iyon mangyayari dahil palaban ang section kung nasaan ako. Kahit hindi ako tumulong, alam kong kami ang mananalo sa most profitable booth this year. Our classroom president won't lay back to lose. She always claims perfection and the top. Kaya hindi ko kailangang mag-alala.

I let out a sigh of relief, and for a split second, I felt the weight of my eyelids. Hindi ko namalayang nakaidlip ako.

"Professor, I have missed you so much." I began to rip his necktie off and kiss him as I told him. I was in tears as I reached for his warm and red lips, which I hadn't enjoyed in a very long time. "Why did you have to leave me without a warning?" I inquired about it once again when I finally left his lips. Now that he is here and has come back, I can finally tell him how sad and miserable I am.

"You already know how much I love you, and you also know that I just can't imagine my life without you. I have neither friends nor family; you are the only person I have. Don't ever go away from me again, please. Dito ka na lang sa akin. Iyong pumalit sa 'yo, wala nang ginawa kung hindi pahirapan at pahiyain ako sa araw-araw. That substitute professor was terribly unkind to me. I really need you to stay here, Professor... I can't function without you, Sybill."

"He is not who I am."