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CHAPTER 53: MAGGIE
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Related chapters
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 54: AUSTIN
I was fucked. And it was all my own fault.I had to do it, didn’t I? I had to go over to her and say what I did. I didn’t expect her to do it – I never thought she’d actually come upstairs, but she did. And shit; it felt so wrong but so right at the same time.She was so dangerous. She was the one in this whole damn college, hell, in the whole damn state, that could strip away my devil-may-care attitude and put me on my sorry ass. She was the only girl that could make me feel again. She could take everything I’ve tried for so long to stick back together and shatter it into more pieces than it was in in the first place.I should have stayed the fuck away from her, but I didn’t. And now I know the sweet taste of her mouth as she kissed me. I know the softness of her lips as they moved across mine, and I know the feel of her hands gripping my hair.I also knew what it was like to be so close but so far away. ‘Cause damn it all to hell, she had to stop and walk away, didn’t she? She had t
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 55: MAGGIE
My eyes scaned the room, and I sighed in relief when I saw I had beaten both Austin and Jack to class. Every part of me wished it was a day where we didn’t share a class, but it just doesn’t work that way. This is real life, and as my Nanna always said, real life likes to kick you when you’re down.I sat down at my desk and remembered who sat with me. Shit. I dropped my head, resting it on the table.“Crap,” I muttered.The chair next to me squeaked. “If you’re trying to hide, babe, then you’re doing a shit job. I can see you.” Austin’s words curved around me, wrapping me in a smooth caress, and my throat went dry.“Why would I be hiding?” I sat up and forward, determined not to meet his eyes.He shrugged a shoulder carelessly, grabbing his pen and twirling it between his fingers. God – I hated it when he did that. I caught his every movement from the corner of my eye. His eyes were burning in the side of my head, begging me to turn, begging to look at him.“Because you want me so bad
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 56: AUSTIN
I glared at Jack. “For the tenth fucking time, I did not sleep with Maggie this weekend.” But not for a lack of damn well trying.Jack folded his arms across his chest. “She seemed more pissed at you than usual in class.”I shrugged a careless shoulder. “Probably because I pissed her off more than normal on Saturday night.”Josh grinned. “She did look like she wanted to wring your balls after you spoke to her at the bar.”“Yeah well, even if she did wring them, I wouldn’t have been hard pressed to find someone to kiss them better afterwards, would I?”“Shit, man.” Jack shook his head and sat down. “Was I really this much of a fucking asshole before Sandra?”Josh threw his cell in the air and caught it. “Yep.”“Difference with me and you, dude,” I said, “is that I can admit I’m an asshole. You thought you were fuckin’ Jesus or somethin’.”“That’s because I am – behind closed doors.” He grinned like the smug bastard he was. “At least you didn’t try it with Maggie.”“I don’t know why you
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 57: MAGGIE
“He really is an asshole,” Kayle said, spying Austin across the yard.He was standing in front of a girl with more highlights than my e-reader, and she was doing her best to push up her chest into his face. He smiled slowly at her, resting his arm against the tree next to him. She twirled some hair around her finger, attempting what she thought was a demure smile, and looked into his eyes.“I see he took the conversation we had two days ago to heart,” Leila remarked.“What conversation was that?” Sandra asked.“I told him he needed to find a nice girl.”“You obviously have different definitions of the word ‘nice’,” I said, harsher than I meant to. “Because the only thing nice about her will be when she turns around and leaves.”Kayle snorted. “I freaking love it when you guys get jealous.”My head snapped round. “Who said I was jealous?”“You’re so green you’re practically blending in with the grass.”“Right. Because being jealous of anyone with Austin is so likely.”Yet I was jealous
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 58: AUSTIN
Time went too fast. Too fucking fast.Since I kissed Maggie, I had slowly retreated into my own mind. Every day brought a fresh set of memories, slicing open a fresh set of scars. Every day cut open a new wound that bled for hours. Every set of memories started a fresh onslaught of cuts inside my mind that would never heal. Each one had its own shape, it was own meaning, it was own pain.Each one was a reminder of why I couldn’t give Maggie what she deserved. Each one was a reminder why I should have stayed away from her in the first place and why I should now.Broken. Shattered. Mismatched.They were the first three words I thought of when I had to describe myself. They sprung to mind instantly.Useless. Worthless. Nothing.They were the next three. The words that were drummed into my mind so many times, by so many voices, for so long. They were the words that crept under your skin, worm their way into you and never left.A good word can linger with you for a few fleeting moments whi
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 59: MAGGIE
My bed smelled like him, and I was being a total teenage girl by snuggling under the covers instead of getting up. It was a spicy scent that was so out of place in California, but so right for him.I felt a little like Juliet right now, secretly in love and holding onto it desperately. Of course that was probably much more suitable for a thirteen year old to do than me, but I’ll take it because it was all I had.The idea of telling Jack crossed my mind. Why not? That was the decent thing to do – the right thing to do. I should just tell him and get it over with. He’ll probably ignore me for a few days and okay, punch Austin, but surely that would be easier than pretending?No, it wouldn’t. Telling him would mean admitting that both of us lied about last weekend – kind of. A lie of omission. Telling him would just cause unnecessary pain for all of us. It would tear Jack up and it would tear Austin and me apart before we’d even been together.But were we even together? I had no idea. No
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 60: AUSTIN
You’re worth nothing. You’re no better than your whore of a mother.Her body against mine. Hand on hand. Skin on skin.You think anyone will ever want you, you brat? They won’t.The softness of her hand against mine.You are nothing.The gentle aroma of vanilla that was settling on her hair.No one will want you. Maggie. You’re no better than her. I’m not there. Little rat. I’m here. With Maggie.Maggie.The warmth of her body against my back grounded me, holding me in the now when all my mind wanted to do was give in and go back. Give in and go back to the time of my life I didn’t want anyone exposed to. The time I didn’t want Maggie exposed to.I knew I needed to leave. Now. I needed to push her window open and climb down that fucking tree.Instead I turned and held her to me.My hands splayed across her back, my fingertips digging into her skin, and she wrapped her arms around my waist. Her face pressed into my neck and she brushed her lips across my collarbone, a feather light tou
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 61: MAGGIE
“Come on!” Kayle begged. “It’s Sunday. Who the fuck does school work on a Sunday?” “I do,” I told her. “It has to be in tomorrow, so I have to do it.” “Didn’t you stay in last night to do this?” She raised her eyebrow. “Yes.” “So why didn’t you do it?” Because I was busy with my sort-of-almost-boyfriend. “Because I fell asleep early.” “You never go to sleep early.” “Oh my God! What is this? Interrogate Maggie time?” I slammed my pen down and looked up at her. “Do you want me to tell you my turn-on spot while you’re here? Shit, Kayle!” She snorted. “No offense, babe, but I’m not really into you like that, so we’ll pass on the turn-on spot. But why were you asleep early?” “Gee, I don’t know, Kayle. Why do people usually go to sleep? Could it be because they’re tired?” I sighed. “Shit the bed, someone is expecting Mother Nature!” “Not for two to three weeks.” “Then you must be pregnant … Oh wait–” “Kayle? Go fuck yourself.” “I’m going,” she muttered, pulling the door open. “
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TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 83: EPILOGUE (AUSTIN)
I tugged the zipper of my jacket up higher as a cold wind blew in off San Francisco Bay, and fought the urge to turn and ran back to the marina. I won’t run. This was something that had to be done, for me.Maggie squeezed my hand, curling into my arm, and we began to walk into the small cemetery where my mom was buried.I felt sick. Emotion stronger than I had felt in a long time swirled around my whole body, from hatred to pity, fear to anger, yet through it all … Through it all was a bit of love for the woman that tried and failed to give me life.We weaved silently through the graves and markers, heading to the back of the cemetery. I held the white rose I bought tightly, clutching it to my chest, and tried to breathe deeply.I would never forgive her and I would never forget her, but I could finally be at peace with her.The small, black marble headstone sat alongside my
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 82: MAGGIE
I slid down from Storm’s back and patted his neck lovingly, hooking his reins around a tree branch in the shade. I took my helmet off, shook out my hair, and looked under the roots for the basket I asked June to place there earlier. Storm turned his attention to the water I had given him, and I lied the blanket out on the ground on the other side of the small tree. Excited, I sat down and waited for Austin to catch up.Palm Canyon trail was one of my favorite to take – it always had been. Sitting there by the stream and letting Storm rest was a weekly pastime before I left for Berkeley. We’d do the other trails on our other rides, but our Saturdays were always reserved for this.And now I remembered why.The green of the fauna was a stark contrast to the barren desert beyond, and the rocks that dotted the stream were just big enough to sit on. It was beautiful here. Peaceful in the winter when no one came here.“How do I get down?&
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 81: AUSTIN(cont..)
Maggie ran her hand down my body, her fingers tracing the defining lines of the muscle. I sighed deeply, pulling her closer to me, and breathed in the vanilla scent of her hair. No matter where she had been or what she had done, she always smelt like vanilla.“What are we doing today?” I asked, my fingertips following the curve of her spine right to her ass.She shuddered. “I thought we could go riding.”“I get the feeling we’re not talking about bedroom riding.”She looked up at me, her hair messy, and smiled. “No. Horse riding. I don’t go at college and I miss it.”“I’ve never ridden a horse.”“I’ll teach you.”“Um.”“You taught me to fish,” she reminded me. “You made me fish!”“I guess there’s no way around this, huh?”She shook her head, rolling on top of me. Her knees went either side of my hips, trapping me, and her hair fell around my face. She slowly lowered her face to mine, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth and grazing her teeth across it. I slid my hands along her thighs
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 80: AUSTIN
“This is going to be a disaster,” Maggie muttered, pulling onto a street with houses worth more than I could ever dream of making. Most were three-story buildings, all with driveways, garages and perfectly pruned front yards.I fidgeted in my seat. A small voice in the back of my mind whispered about the differences in our lives. It reminded me how different it was here compared to where I started life in San Francisco. I glanced at Maggie and told the voice to fuck off.My past doesn’t define who I am. The here and now does.Gramps whistled low. “What, you got a pool and all?”“Hope you brought your swimming trunks,” she commented in a chipper voice.“Good job I did, then.” Gramps patted his stomach. “Love a good swim.”She turned the car onto a driveway leading to one of the three-story houses. The drive was lined by circular bushes and winter flowers. I looked up at the hou
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 79: MAGGIE(cont..)
Everything was easier when the secret was out. Now I didn’t have to worry about looking at Austin wrong or saying something that might look suspicious. I didn’t have to watch my every movement, bite my tongue or clench my fists so I didn’t touch him.And I loved it.I loved that we could just be.I didn’t care about the whispers from people outside our circle of friends, the ones who didn’t know the truth, and I didn’t care about the looks that came from other girls. I just cared that I could fall into his arms when I found him standing outside my classroom, just like he was now.“Shakespeare hasn’t killed you yet, then,” he said as he smiled at me, taking my hand.I looked over at him. “No, not yet, but there’s every possibility of it in the future.”“Not a damn chance.”“How
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 78: MAGGIE
“Are you telling me I could be standing here all day and not catch a thing?”Gramps cacklesd across the boat. “That’s exactly what he’s telling you!”I turned my face toward Austin, and he grinned. “What?”“I can’t believe I got roped into this.” This was ridiculous. I ate fish. I didn’t catch it. Hell.“Hey.” His hands fell to my hips and he nudged my collar from my neck with his nose. His lips brushed the skin of my neck. “This was your idea, remember?”“Yes …” My idea for them.Austin’s nose ran up and down my neck, his breath hot against me, and I swallowed.“So you didn’t get roped into anything. You had to know that you’d end up fishing,” he reasoned.“Mhmm.”“So why are you so surprised?”I shivered when he took a deep breath and exhaled against my skin. His hands slid down my sides to the front pockets of my jeans. He placed his fingers in them, spreading them out and stroking my legs, before taking them back out.“I’m not,” I whispered.“Then don’t complain.” He was smiling a
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 77: AUSTIN (cont..)
“What are we doing?” I asked as Maggie tugged me towards my car.“It’s Sunday,” she said simply. “We’re going to see your Gramps.”“Okay, but that doesn’t explain why you have a damn picnic basket with you.”“Fine – we’re going to see your Gramps and take him out for the day. Better?” She raised an eyebrow at me, and I grinned, starting the engine up.“Much. But where are we going?”“You’ll see.”She settled back in her seat, smiling to herself. If I’d hoped to get any clues from her outfit, I’d definitely not got any luck. Her jeans, jacket, and boots were nothing out of the ordinary – but her tied up hair was.Not that it meant anything in particular … Apart from making me want to nuzzle her bare neck.We pulled up outside Gramps’ house and got out. When I opened the door, I wa
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 76: AUSTIN
The rough bark of the tree dug into my back. Apart from with Maggie, outside was the only place that gave me peace. Even as I waited for the inevitable conversation with Jack – the one where I’ll have to admit why I need her so much. He deserved that much after what we had done to him, and I was ready for it. Because of Maggie I was finally ready to start opening up about my life.“Still a spacey bastard.” He smirked.“No fist in my eye?” I smirked back at him.He shrugged a shoulder. “I considered it. Several fucking times. Then figured it just ain’t worth it since I’d probably get more punches from those damn girls than it’s worth.”He was probably right.“But that doesn’t mean I won’t kick the shit out of you if you break her fucking heart.”“I wasn’t joking when I said I loved her yesterday,” I said bluntly, staring him down with t
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 75: MAGGIE ( cont..)
My heart was in complete contradiction of itself. Lying there in Austin’s arms, half of it was lighter than it had been in the last few weeks. The lightness came from the truth being told. But the other half was heavy, like a lead weight was holding it down and pinning it to the ground.I shifted, and Austin’s grip on me tightened. I ran my fingers through his hair, smoothing it back from his face, and studied him. Now he looked like he was at peace. The lines on his forehead I had seen so many times were now completely smooth, his mouth was slightly open, and his breathing was even and steady.But his peace had come at the torment of my best friend – who was somewhere in this house, probably awake. He’d be hating himself for being mad at me, happy I found the love he had, and guilty I felt like I couldn’t tell him.In fact he wouldn’t be at the house. I knew exactly where he’ll be.I climbed out of bed, and there
