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CHAPTER 58: AUSTIN
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Related chapters
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 59: MAGGIE
My bed smelled like him, and I was being a total teenage girl by snuggling under the covers instead of getting up. It was a spicy scent that was so out of place in California, but so right for him.I felt a little like Juliet right now, secretly in love and holding onto it desperately. Of course that was probably much more suitable for a thirteen year old to do than me, but I’ll take it because it was all I had.The idea of telling Jack crossed my mind. Why not? That was the decent thing to do – the right thing to do. I should just tell him and get it over with. He’ll probably ignore me for a few days and okay, punch Austin, but surely that would be easier than pretending?No, it wouldn’t. Telling him would mean admitting that both of us lied about last weekend – kind of. A lie of omission. Telling him would just cause unnecessary pain for all of us. It would tear Jack up and it would tear Austin and me apart before we’d even been together.But were we even together? I had no idea. No
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 60: AUSTIN
You’re worth nothing. You’re no better than your whore of a mother.Her body against mine. Hand on hand. Skin on skin.You think anyone will ever want you, you brat? They won’t.The softness of her hand against mine.You are nothing.The gentle aroma of vanilla that was settling on her hair.No one will want you. Maggie. You’re no better than her. I’m not there. Little rat. I’m here. With Maggie.Maggie.The warmth of her body against my back grounded me, holding me in the now when all my mind wanted to do was give in and go back. Give in and go back to the time of my life I didn’t want anyone exposed to. The time I didn’t want Maggie exposed to.I knew I needed to leave. Now. I needed to push her window open and climb down that fucking tree.Instead I turned and held her to me.My hands splayed across her back, my fingertips digging into her skin, and she wrapped her arms around my waist. Her face pressed into my neck and she brushed her lips across my collarbone, a feather light tou
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 61: MAGGIE
“Come on!” Kayle begged. “It’s Sunday. Who the fuck does school work on a Sunday?” “I do,” I told her. “It has to be in tomorrow, so I have to do it.” “Didn’t you stay in last night to do this?” She raised her eyebrow. “Yes.” “So why didn’t you do it?” Because I was busy with my sort-of-almost-boyfriend. “Because I fell asleep early.” “You never go to sleep early.” “Oh my God! What is this? Interrogate Maggie time?” I slammed my pen down and looked up at her. “Do you want me to tell you my turn-on spot while you’re here? Shit, Kayle!” She snorted. “No offense, babe, but I’m not really into you like that, so we’ll pass on the turn-on spot. But why were you asleep early?” “Gee, I don’t know, Kayle. Why do people usually go to sleep? Could it be because they’re tired?” I sighed. “Shit the bed, someone is expecting Mother Nature!” “Not for two to three weeks.” “Then you must be pregnant … Oh wait–” “Kayle? Go fuck yourself.” “I’m going,” she muttered, pulling the door open. “
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 62: AUSTIN
“Remember where you’ve been to see how far you’ve come,” I mumbled to myself, pushing the psych paper aside. “Yeah alright, Gramps. Fuckin’ helps if you’ve actually got somewhere, though, doesn’t it?”I pushed the heels of my hands into my eyes, rubbing harshly. Hear something enough and it’ll be burned into your body, scarring your skin and tattooing itself in your mind. It didn’t matter how long ago the words were said. It just mattered that they were.Thirteen years and I didn’t feel like I had got anywhere. So what if I was not the scared little boy in the corner anymore? He was still inside. He was still afraid, still shivering. He was still bruised, he was still broken, and he was still beaten.Just because I appeared not to give a fuck didn’t mean I actually didn’t. Not everyone was what they seemed, and I was one of those people. I didn’t even know who I was, because I spent so much time fighting against who I didn’t want to be. I had no time to be who I wanted to be. I had no
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 63: MAGGIE
I must be the only person in my class that will read a classic novel for anything other than requirement. I couldn’t think of anyone I knew that would pick up Jane Eyre, Little Women, or Tess of the D’Urbervilles for pleasure.In fact, they were not even my first choice. Little Women came in a close second, but Pride and Prejudice will always win out. There was something beautiful about a couple from two different backgrounds traveling along the bumpy road of love until it was undeniable, and there was something even more beautiful about watching that journey happen. Flicking through the pages anxiously waiting for that sweet first kiss, the passion filled argument, the final declaration. There was something that pulled me in and took me away from the real world.There really was no place like the one you find between the pages of a book.The only place that came close was in the arms of the person you love.Perhaps that was why with Jack in class all day, I was sitting on the corner
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 64: AUSTIN
Seeing her with another guy – no matter how innocent or friendly it was – put a part of my brain into overdrive that was only ever roared to life for me. The need to grab her arm, drag her out of that diner, and pin her against the wall while I kissed her senseless almost took over. The need to protect her from every other ass in this town, hell, in the state, was almost our undoing.It was something no one would understand. For the first time in my life I had started to let someone in, let them be there, all while taking what they had to offer. And that was the problem. I was taking from Maggie but I was not giving back to her – I was not giving her what she deserved, yet, somehow, she knew exactly what I seem to need. All the time.For the first time in my life I had let myself feel something other than the things that fuck up my mind. I had let her in. The one girl I knew could undo me with a simple smile or one glance into those little blue eyes – and she did. Every single time, s
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 65: MAGGIE
“Did she really never tell you about your dad?” I asked, drawing circles on Austin’s arm with my fingertip.“No. Gramps told me a few years ago she went away for a friend’s birthday and a few weeks later found out she was pregnant. She swore there was only him but she couldn’t remember his name,” he replies. “It didn’t matter, anyway. I had my Gramps, and that was what mattered. He was there when no one else was.”“He sounds like an amazing man,” I said, tilting my head back and staring into his gray eyes. “It makes it easy to understand where you get it from.”He made a noise of disbelief. “I’m not amazing, baby, far from it.”“The beauty of being an outsider is that I can see what you can’t,” I argued. “You might not see it yet, you might never see it, but you are.” I raise my hand to his face, stroke my thumb down his cheek and across the faint stubble on his jaw. And I’m not lying – I can see everything he can’t. I can see the beauty of him hiding behind the ugly memories of his p
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 66: MAGGIE (cont)
“Risky,” I muttered.“And being seen in a car with you isn’t?” he shot back, amused.I produced my glasses from under my jacket and slipped them on. “See? I’m in disguise.”“You still look like you.” He grinned as he pulled out. “We’re not passing campus, anyway. It’s still early, so I doubt many people will be about.”“You say that. If I was Pinocchio, my nose would be about ten foot long I’ve told so many lies this morning.”“Who to?” He glanced at me.“Carl and Mark, then Kayle,” I grumbled. “Carl and Mark think I’d slipped in to grab a book from Jack’s room, and Kayle thinks I was with a guy all night.”“Which is right. But she doesn’t know?”“No. She doesn’t know. I slammed my door in her face.”“She won’t let that go.”“I know. But I have time to make a decent excuse as to why I can’t tell her who I was with.”He sighed. “You know she’s gonna tell Leila and Sandra, and they’ll be on your case, right?”I tucked my hair behind my ear and chewed on my thumbnail. “I know,” I mumbled
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TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 83: EPILOGUE (AUSTIN)
I tugged the zipper of my jacket up higher as a cold wind blew in off San Francisco Bay, and fought the urge to turn and ran back to the marina. I won’t run. This was something that had to be done, for me.Maggie squeezed my hand, curling into my arm, and we began to walk into the small cemetery where my mom was buried.I felt sick. Emotion stronger than I had felt in a long time swirled around my whole body, from hatred to pity, fear to anger, yet through it all … Through it all was a bit of love for the woman that tried and failed to give me life.We weaved silently through the graves and markers, heading to the back of the cemetery. I held the white rose I bought tightly, clutching it to my chest, and tried to breathe deeply.I would never forgive her and I would never forget her, but I could finally be at peace with her.The small, black marble headstone sat alongside my
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 82: MAGGIE
I slid down from Storm’s back and patted his neck lovingly, hooking his reins around a tree branch in the shade. I took my helmet off, shook out my hair, and looked under the roots for the basket I asked June to place there earlier. Storm turned his attention to the water I had given him, and I lied the blanket out on the ground on the other side of the small tree. Excited, I sat down and waited for Austin to catch up.Palm Canyon trail was one of my favorite to take – it always had been. Sitting there by the stream and letting Storm rest was a weekly pastime before I left for Berkeley. We’d do the other trails on our other rides, but our Saturdays were always reserved for this.And now I remembered why.The green of the fauna was a stark contrast to the barren desert beyond, and the rocks that dotted the stream were just big enough to sit on. It was beautiful here. Peaceful in the winter when no one came here.“How do I get down?&
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 81: AUSTIN(cont..)
Maggie ran her hand down my body, her fingers tracing the defining lines of the muscle. I sighed deeply, pulling her closer to me, and breathed in the vanilla scent of her hair. No matter where she had been or what she had done, she always smelt like vanilla.“What are we doing today?” I asked, my fingertips following the curve of her spine right to her ass.She shuddered. “I thought we could go riding.”“I get the feeling we’re not talking about bedroom riding.”She looked up at me, her hair messy, and smiled. “No. Horse riding. I don’t go at college and I miss it.”“I’ve never ridden a horse.”“I’ll teach you.”“Um.”“You taught me to fish,” she reminded me. “You made me fish!”“I guess there’s no way around this, huh?”She shook her head, rolling on top of me. Her knees went either side of my hips, trapping me, and her hair fell around my face. She slowly lowered her face to mine, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth and grazing her teeth across it. I slid my hands along her thighs
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 80: AUSTIN
“This is going to be a disaster,” Maggie muttered, pulling onto a street with houses worth more than I could ever dream of making. Most were three-story buildings, all with driveways, garages and perfectly pruned front yards.I fidgeted in my seat. A small voice in the back of my mind whispered about the differences in our lives. It reminded me how different it was here compared to where I started life in San Francisco. I glanced at Maggie and told the voice to fuck off.My past doesn’t define who I am. The here and now does.Gramps whistled low. “What, you got a pool and all?”“Hope you brought your swimming trunks,” she commented in a chipper voice.“Good job I did, then.” Gramps patted his stomach. “Love a good swim.”She turned the car onto a driveway leading to one of the three-story houses. The drive was lined by circular bushes and winter flowers. I looked up at the hou
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 79: MAGGIE(cont..)
Everything was easier when the secret was out. Now I didn’t have to worry about looking at Austin wrong or saying something that might look suspicious. I didn’t have to watch my every movement, bite my tongue or clench my fists so I didn’t touch him.And I loved it.I loved that we could just be.I didn’t care about the whispers from people outside our circle of friends, the ones who didn’t know the truth, and I didn’t care about the looks that came from other girls. I just cared that I could fall into his arms when I found him standing outside my classroom, just like he was now.“Shakespeare hasn’t killed you yet, then,” he said as he smiled at me, taking my hand.I looked over at him. “No, not yet, but there’s every possibility of it in the future.”“Not a damn chance.”“How
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 78: MAGGIE
“Are you telling me I could be standing here all day and not catch a thing?”Gramps cacklesd across the boat. “That’s exactly what he’s telling you!”I turned my face toward Austin, and he grinned. “What?”“I can’t believe I got roped into this.” This was ridiculous. I ate fish. I didn’t catch it. Hell.“Hey.” His hands fell to my hips and he nudged my collar from my neck with his nose. His lips brushed the skin of my neck. “This was your idea, remember?”“Yes …” My idea for them.Austin’s nose ran up and down my neck, his breath hot against me, and I swallowed.“So you didn’t get roped into anything. You had to know that you’d end up fishing,” he reasoned.“Mhmm.”“So why are you so surprised?”I shivered when he took a deep breath and exhaled against my skin. His hands slid down my sides to the front pockets of my jeans. He placed his fingers in them, spreading them out and stroking my legs, before taking them back out.“I’m not,” I whispered.“Then don’t complain.” He was smiling a
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 77: AUSTIN (cont..)
“What are we doing?” I asked as Maggie tugged me towards my car.“It’s Sunday,” she said simply. “We’re going to see your Gramps.”“Okay, but that doesn’t explain why you have a damn picnic basket with you.”“Fine – we’re going to see your Gramps and take him out for the day. Better?” She raised an eyebrow at me, and I grinned, starting the engine up.“Much. But where are we going?”“You’ll see.”She settled back in her seat, smiling to herself. If I’d hoped to get any clues from her outfit, I’d definitely not got any luck. Her jeans, jacket, and boots were nothing out of the ordinary – but her tied up hair was.Not that it meant anything in particular … Apart from making me want to nuzzle her bare neck.We pulled up outside Gramps’ house and got out. When I opened the door, I wa
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 76: AUSTIN
The rough bark of the tree dug into my back. Apart from with Maggie, outside was the only place that gave me peace. Even as I waited for the inevitable conversation with Jack – the one where I’ll have to admit why I need her so much. He deserved that much after what we had done to him, and I was ready for it. Because of Maggie I was finally ready to start opening up about my life.“Still a spacey bastard.” He smirked.“No fist in my eye?” I smirked back at him.He shrugged a shoulder. “I considered it. Several fucking times. Then figured it just ain’t worth it since I’d probably get more punches from those damn girls than it’s worth.”He was probably right.“But that doesn’t mean I won’t kick the shit out of you if you break her fucking heart.”“I wasn’t joking when I said I loved her yesterday,” I said bluntly, staring him down with t
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 75: MAGGIE ( cont..)
My heart was in complete contradiction of itself. Lying there in Austin’s arms, half of it was lighter than it had been in the last few weeks. The lightness came from the truth being told. But the other half was heavy, like a lead weight was holding it down and pinning it to the ground.I shifted, and Austin’s grip on me tightened. I ran my fingers through his hair, smoothing it back from his face, and studied him. Now he looked like he was at peace. The lines on his forehead I had seen so many times were now completely smooth, his mouth was slightly open, and his breathing was even and steady.But his peace had come at the torment of my best friend – who was somewhere in this house, probably awake. He’d be hating himself for being mad at me, happy I found the love he had, and guilty I felt like I couldn’t tell him.In fact he wouldn’t be at the house. I knew exactly where he’ll be.I climbed out of bed, and there
