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CHAPTER 83: EPILOGUE (AUSTIN)

Author: Ivan
last update Last Updated: 2024-10-29 19:42:56

I tugged the zipper of my jacket up higher as a cold wind blew in off San Francisco Bay, and fought the urge to turn and ran back to the marina. I won’t run. This was something that had to be done, for me.

Maggie squeezed my hand, curling into my arm, and we began to walk into the small cemetery where my mom was buried.

I felt sick. Emotion stronger than I had felt in a long time swirled around my whole body, from hatred to pity, fear to anger, yet through it all … Through it all was a bit of love for the woman that tried and failed to give me life.

We weaved silently through the graves and markers, heading to the back of the cemetery. I held the white rose I bought tightly, clutching it to my chest, and tried to breathe deeply.

I would never forgive her and I would never forget her, but I could finally be at peace with her.

The small, black marble headstone sat alongside my

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  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 1: SANDRA

    I hated him on sight.I'm not a hateful person. In fact, I'm actually really friendly, but something about Jack Edwards rubbed me the wrong way, and has ever since I first saw him weeks ago.Maybe it was the arrogant, smug smile on his face when girls eye him admiringly, or maybe it the was undressing with his eyes thing he did to said girls. Maybe it was the bragging, the I-don't-give-a-crap attitude or the knowledge he could get any girl on campus. Or, rather, any girl in the state.Maybe it was because I was attracted to him when I most definitely did not want to be, combined with the fact he reminded me of everything I left at home in New York.I shook those thoughts off and carried on looking around the room of the Sophmore house as if he didn't exist. It was hard to do - especially when he had three girls on his arm and other unmentionable body parts. Did I mention the guy is sinfully hot?He had this messy, sun-kissed blonde hair with natural highlights that most girls would -

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 2: JACK

    JACKI have no fucking idea who this chick is who's hanging onto my arm. I'm pretty sure I've never seen her in my life, but she's kinda hot with nice tits so I guess she can stay for a bit. She's not hot enough to bang though, so she won't be around for that long.Blondie pressed her lips against my ear, and I hid my cringe by looking around the house. My eyes found Sandra Edwards – Princess of University of California, Berkeley.She was sitting at the bar with that bi girl. Shit, what's her name? Oh, never mind. Maggie and Leila are sitting with her, and I watched as they knocked back shot after shot of whatever it was Carl was throwing down their throats tonight. She shook out her auburn hair and the bi one dragged her up.My eyes swept her body, and I was vaguely aware Blondie was now sitting on my lap. Two hard globes pressed against my chest, and I knew instantly she's got fake tits. They were way too good to be true.Maggie took Sandra's hand, and she smiled, almost shyly. She

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 3: SANDRA

    SANDRAI rolled over, wincing at the light coming in through the curtains. How much did I drink last night? Too much, clearly.“Good morning, sunshine!” Kayle shouted and kicked the dorm room door shut.“Nope, not over here.” I buried back under my covers.“I have coffee and muffins!” She pulled the covers down and I groaned, opening my eyes.“Why? Why?”“Why what?”“Why do I feel like I just got run over by a herd of wildebeest?”“One, I have no idea what a wilder beast is, and two, it's called a hangover.” Kayle held out a Starbucks take-out cup and my favorite blueberry muffin.I sat up and took them from her. “Thank you. Why are you not feeling this way?”“I'm one of the lucky ones.” She snickered and chucked herself on her bed. “I don't get hangovers. You, however, do, it seems. Maggie is the same. She'd usually be in bed all day.”“Sounds good to me.” I took a sip of the coffee.“But not today,” she sang. “Today we're getting down to business.”“Down to business?”She raised her

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 4: JACK

    JACKI rubbed my face with the bottom of my shirt. The high fall temperatures weren't football-playing weather for most of the guys in the house, even I struggled sometimes and I've played it since I could throw the damn ball.“Break,” Tim called. “Please?”I shook my head. “You're a fuckin' wimp, Tim.”“Sorry, I'm from France and not used to these desert temperatures.”“We don't live in the desert, idiot.” Carl slapped the back of his head and we headed back to where all the girlfriends – and Sandra – were sitting.“Fuckin' may as well be,” Tim grumbled. I shook my head, grabbed a bottle of water and headed over to Maggie and the girls with Josh.''Ladies.'' I smiled at Sandra, and she smirked.“Turn down the charm, Casanova.” Maggie laughed and tugged me to sit. “No one here is interested.”“Except me.” I winked at Sandra.“Yes, Jack, we all know about your vested interest in yourself,” Leila said and rolled her eyes.“Josh, control your girl,” I joked.“Watch it, Clove,” Leila ret

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 5: SANDRA

    SANDRAI detoured to the dorm room after my morning class. I shut the door behind me loudly and leaned against it, shaking my head.I was about to go on a date with Jack Clove, resident playboy, all because of a stupid dare. But is it the dare that's stupid, or me for agreeing to it?I think I'm voting for both.I ran my brush through my hair and touched up my make-up, glancing at the sheet on the wall. Stage One, Attachment. Today's goal was to leave him wanting a little more, to make him come back tomorrow. I sighed and left the room, running down the stairs and out into the sunshine. My floaty skirt swished as I walked towards the campus Starbucks, butterflies going crazy in my stomach. Why do I have butterflies? I hate this guy. It's not even a real date.That thought didn't stop the extra loud beat of my heart when I saw him. He was leaning against the wall outside, headphones in, and his head was bobbing to whatever he was listening to. His hands were in the pockets of his slim

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 6: JACK

    I watched her all through class. Make me wait? I didn't do fucking waiting, but here I was.Waiting.I shook my head at my thoughts and tried to focus on the lesson but it was impossible. The girl Iwas supposed to be making fall in love with me was calling the shots. I guess that's what happens when you fuck up the first date, right?Fucking hell. This was a mess already, and it was only day two. And where the hell was I supposed to take her for a second date?Class ended, and I followed Sandra and Maggie out. I tugged on Maggie's hair as I passed her and brushed my fingers down Sandra's arm. She glanced up at me and smiled. I winked at her and walked in the opposite direction, back towards the sophmore house.Josh was sitting on the sofa with his feet up when I got there.“How'd it go?”“I fucked up, naturally.” I chucked myself next to him. “I have no fuckin' clue about this dating shit, man. I can't believe you're making me do this.”“I'm not making you do anything,” he replied. “Y

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 7: SANDRA

    I knocked on Leila and Maggie's door before pushing it open. Both of them were stretched out on their beds doing schoolwork, and I dropped myself on the floor between them, letting the door shut itself.“Where's Kayle?” Leila asked, glancing at me.“She's, um, entertaining.”“Oh.” Her mouth dropped open slightly.“Yes. Oh.”“Who this time?” Maggie rolled over.“Darla somebody.” I shrugged. “I have no idea, and I'd rather not know to be honest. It's not like I'll see her again.”She nodded. “Mhmm. Heard from Jack?”“Why would I have? He doesn't have my cell number.”“Why not?” Leila smiled.“Because I'm holding out on him.”“Because he fucked up the first date, asked her for a second, and she hasn't answered him yet,” Maggie clarified.“You didn't?” Leila exclaimed. “Oh, nice one, Sandy. That's definitely gonna keep him coming back.”“It's not about that.” I picked at some lint on my jeans. “I see the way he walks all over girls, and it makes me sick. I won't be like that, running and

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 8: JACK

    I was pretty sure dating wasn't supposed to be this fucking hard. A simple yes or no answer would do. All this waiting was driving me up a damn wall. So why was I waiting outside her dorm block for her?Because it was Wednesday, two days after our first “date” and two days before our second “date”. In which I would miss my own damn party for her.The door opened, and Kayle stepped in front of me.“Any reason you're stalkin' my dorm, Jack Cole?” She placed a hand on her hip and looked me over.“Sandra around?”“You could call and ask that, you know. Lurking outside girls' dorms isn't a good look for you.”I clenched my teeth. “Just answer the fucking question, Kayle.”“Yes.” She rolled her eyes. “She has class in half an hour.”“Any chance you could call her down, like now?”She sighed and pulled her cell out. She held a button and placed it to her ear. “You have a stalker down here.”She hung up and stormed past me.“Thanks, Kay!” I called after her and she flipped me off. Bitch.I ra

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  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 83: EPILOGUE (AUSTIN)

    I tugged the zipper of my jacket up higher as a cold wind blew in off San Francisco Bay, and fought the urge to turn and ran back to the marina. I won’t run. This was something that had to be done, for me.Maggie squeezed my hand, curling into my arm, and we began to walk into the small cemetery where my mom was buried.I felt sick. Emotion stronger than I had felt in a long time swirled around my whole body, from hatred to pity, fear to anger, yet through it all … Through it all was a bit of love for the woman that tried and failed to give me life.We weaved silently through the graves and markers, heading to the back of the cemetery. I held the white rose I bought tightly, clutching it to my chest, and tried to breathe deeply.I would never forgive her and I would never forget her, but I could finally be at peace with her.The small, black marble headstone sat alongside my

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 82: MAGGIE

    I slid down from Storm’s back and patted his neck lovingly, hooking his reins around a tree branch in the shade. I took my helmet off, shook out my hair, and looked under the roots for the basket I asked June to place there earlier. Storm turned his attention to the water I had given him, and I lied the blanket out on the ground on the other side of the small tree. Excited, I sat down and waited for Austin to catch up.Palm Canyon trail was one of my favorite to take – it always had been. Sitting there by the stream and letting Storm rest was a weekly pastime before I left for Berkeley. We’d do the other trails on our other rides, but our Saturdays were always reserved for this.And now I remembered why.The green of the fauna was a stark contrast to the barren desert beyond, and the rocks that dotted the stream were just big enough to sit on. It was beautiful here. Peaceful in the winter when no one came here.“How do I get down?&

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 81: AUSTIN(cont..)

    Maggie ran her hand down my body, her fingers tracing the defining lines of the muscle. I sighed deeply, pulling her closer to me, and breathed in the vanilla scent of her hair. No matter where she had been or what she had done, she always smelt like vanilla.“What are we doing today?” I asked, my fingertips following the curve of her spine right to her ass.She shuddered. “I thought we could go riding.”“I get the feeling we’re not talking about bedroom riding.”She looked up at me, her hair messy, and smiled. “No. Horse riding. I don’t go at college and I miss it.”“I’ve never ridden a horse.”“I’ll teach you.”“Um.”“You taught me to fish,” she reminded me. “You made me fish!”“I guess there’s no way around this, huh?”She shook her head, rolling on top of me. Her knees went either side of my hips, trapping me, and her hair fell around my face. She slowly lowered her face to mine, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth and grazing her teeth across it. I slid my hands along her thighs

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 80: AUSTIN

    “This is going to be a disaster,” Maggie muttered, pulling onto a street with houses worth more than I could ever dream of making. Most were three-story buildings, all with driveways, garages and perfectly pruned front yards.I fidgeted in my seat. A small voice in the back of my mind whispered about the differences in our lives. It reminded me how different it was here compared to where I started life in San Francisco. I glanced at Maggie and told the voice to fuck off.My past doesn’t define who I am. The here and now does.Gramps whistled low. “What, you got a pool and all?”“Hope you brought your swimming trunks,” she commented in a chipper voice.“Good job I did, then.” Gramps patted his stomach. “Love a good swim.”She turned the car onto a driveway leading to one of the three-story houses. The drive was lined by circular bushes and winter flowers. I looked up at the hou

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 79: MAGGIE(cont..)

    Everything was easier when the secret was out. Now I didn’t have to worry about looking at Austin wrong or saying something that might look suspicious. I didn’t have to watch my every movement, bite my tongue or clench my fists so I didn’t touch him.And I loved it.I loved that we could just be.I didn’t care about the whispers from people outside our circle of friends, the ones who didn’t know the truth, and I didn’t care about the looks that came from other girls. I just cared that I could fall into his arms when I found him standing outside my classroom, just like he was now.“Shakespeare hasn’t killed you yet, then,” he said as he smiled at me, taking my hand.I looked over at him. “No, not yet, but there’s every possibility of it in the future.”“Not a damn chance.”“How

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 78: MAGGIE

    “Are you telling me I could be standing here all day and not catch a thing?”Gramps cacklesd across the boat. “That’s exactly what he’s telling you!”I turned my face toward Austin, and he grinned. “What?”“I can’t believe I got roped into this.” This was ridiculous. I ate fish. I didn’t catch it. Hell.“Hey.” His hands fell to my hips and he nudged my collar from my neck with his nose. His lips brushed the skin of my neck. “This was your idea, remember?”“Yes …” My idea for them.Austin’s nose ran up and down my neck, his breath hot against me, and I swallowed.“So you didn’t get roped into anything. You had to know that you’d end up fishing,” he reasoned.“Mhmm.”“So why are you so surprised?”I shivered when he took a deep breath and exhaled against my skin. His hands slid down my sides to the front pockets of my jeans. He placed his fingers in them, spreading them out and stroking my legs, before taking them back out.“I’m not,” I whispered.“Then don’t complain.” He was smiling a

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 77: AUSTIN (cont..)

    “What are we doing?” I asked as Maggie tugged me towards my car.“It’s Sunday,” she said simply. “We’re going to see your Gramps.”“Okay, but that doesn’t explain why you have a damn picnic basket with you.”“Fine – we’re going to see your Gramps and take him out for the day. Better?” She raised an eyebrow at me, and I grinned, starting the engine up.“Much. But where are we going?”“You’ll see.”She settled back in her seat, smiling to herself. If I’d hoped to get any clues from her outfit, I’d definitely not got any luck. Her jeans, jacket, and boots were nothing out of the ordinary – but her tied up hair was.Not that it meant anything in particular … Apart from making me want to nuzzle her bare neck.We pulled up outside Gramps’ house and got out. When I opened the door, I wa

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 76: AUSTIN

    The rough bark of the tree dug into my back. Apart from with Maggie, outside was the only place that gave me peace. Even as I waited for the inevitable conversation with Jack – the one where I’ll have to admit why I need her so much. He deserved that much after what we had done to him, and I was ready for it. Because of Maggie I was finally ready to start opening up about my life.“Still a spacey bastard.” He smirked.“No fist in my eye?” I smirked back at him.He shrugged a shoulder. “I considered it. Several fucking times. Then figured it just ain’t worth it since I’d probably get more punches from those damn girls than it’s worth.”He was probably right.“But that doesn’t mean I won’t kick the shit out of you if you break her fucking heart.”“I wasn’t joking when I said I loved her yesterday,” I said bluntly, staring him down with t

  • TOXIC LOVE   CHAPTER 75: MAGGIE ( cont..)

    My heart was in complete contradiction of itself. Lying there in Austin’s arms, half of it was lighter than it had been in the last few weeks. The lightness came from the truth being told. But the other half was heavy, like a lead weight was holding it down and pinning it to the ground.I shifted, and Austin’s grip on me tightened. I ran my fingers through his hair, smoothing it back from his face, and studied him. Now he looked like he was at peace. The lines on his forehead I had seen so many times were now completely smooth, his mouth was slightly open, and his breathing was even and steady.But his peace had come at the torment of my best friend – who was somewhere in this house, probably awake. He’d be hating himself for being mad at me, happy I found the love he had, and guilty I felt like I couldn’t tell him.In fact he wouldn’t be at the house. I knew exactly where he’ll be.I climbed out of bed, and there

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