Chapter sixty-nine

The news of the pregnancy hit me like a thunderbolt, making me unable to calm down, although from the beginning I and Matthew had discussed the issue of having a baby very clearly. We definitely had to have a baby, it was my duty. We were in agreement from the start, but I was never quite ready to be a mother.

Of course I had no right to want or not to have children. Although I was very happy that Matthew and I were about to welcome a new life together, my anxiety was much greater than joy and happiness.

At first, I thought very simply when I agreed to sign a marriage contract with Matthew, I thought that even though I would not be with my baby in the future, Matthew and the Brown family would take good care of him and give him a good life. he would receive materially adequate and a good education, which I always wanted to have. I originally thought that he would live well without me, but when I felt the child coming into this world, I realized how selfish and cruel I had been.

I coul