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CHAPTER : 1
Terakhir Diperbarui:
2020-12-01 01:24:50Two
yearsagoWhen I was a small kid, I always wanted a perfect family where we would always be happy. We would go to parks, my parents would teach me how to ride a bicycle, we would have weekend plans, go to picnics and most importantly enjoy time with each other, but all my dreams and hopes shattered into pieces when I first saw my father beating my mother. For a five-year-old, such a moment shouldn't exist. It hit me hard like I was daydreaming and fell off the bed on the cold hard floor.
I don't know what happened that day, but from then on my heart started losing its pieces and I couldn't keep it together. As if subconsciously, an unbreakable wall was being built around me without my knowledge. Not to keep me safe, I suppose, but to push me farther away. I tried, and I tried my best to make our family really happy, make things alright, but it was not that simple.
The fights between my parents intensified as my elder brother Jason and I got older and the next thing I knew, I was pushing them away from me. It did not help when I came to know that my father never wanted me, he wanted another son in the Dawson family. So I started pushing him away from me. My mother wanted a girl alright but not exactly the person I was but still she was the one with whom I could at least talk without being shut down.
Lastly, my brother. He... you would expect that out of all the things that happened, he would at least be supportive but turns out he was more interested in the assets and the numbers. He never liked me and I don't know why, but he always tried to downcast me like I am a worthless "luggage".
The friends I had were not reliable and always temporary. No one seemed to stick around. Maybe because I am anti-social, or I never opened up to them. Never talked too much, didn't say anything when teased, and just smiled at every situation because that was the only mask that made everything in my life seem okay to others. The sufferer in silence kind. All those years of trauma have done left a mark. My father beats me, my brother beats me, and my father makes my brother beat me. That is why I suppose I turned out to be this way.
All these years they behaved like whatever they did to me was right, and I should be treated like that and all these years I asked God to take me first than to let me watch them go and I still wish for the same. I don't know whether I love them or not, but I can never bear the thought of them suffering. I always hoped that all through that hatred, somewhere in some corner of their heart, maybe they love me too.
Like a moment stuck in time, it was hard to ever forget the things that happened and the things that still happen. An eternal reminder of the things that churn like a vicious cycle coming back to me every time they did what I thought they can't do again, not worse than what I have been through before. Needless to say, the shock was never a surprise.
I was 16 when I had my first panic attack.
And they thought I had some kind of breathing problem.
Which does not require any medical care?
I am Rose Dawson and this is my tragedy.
Bab terkait
Submission CHAPTER : 2
"Rose! Wake up! We are fucking late for school! Get your lazy ass up!" "Five minutes more please!" "Oh hell no! You get up now, missy!"
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-12-01Submission CHAPTER : 3
I remember, when I used to live with my family I was never happy. Always criticizing and finding flaws in myself and my surroundings, which used to make me feel low. Insecurities brewing more than the actual reality. My fingers don't wrap around my arm.
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-12-01Submission CHAPTER : 4
During these nineteen years of my life, I have never come across a novel or movie where they show the reality. It's such a great irony that whatever they show never happens in real life. Or perhaps they do, oblivious to the many people all across the world to whom it's just a piece of fiction. We will never ever know. We have these wild imaginations like the avatar, hunger games, twilight saga, fast and furious, and others. I am not ashamed to say that some of the above-mentioned movies are indeed my favorite. But that's the thing about fiction.A cow lives on a tree. Every story has two sides, some have more, and most would never be heard. I wonder if it's better that way. Not knowing the dirty, cruel, true side. It makes others feel better, but it makes us, me feel worse every time. Not that I tell my story to anyone, never have, but sometimes I just can't stop telling it to myself and what follows after, better not be revealed. Comparing what has happ
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-12-01Submission CHAPTER : 5
I'd nevergivenmuchthought as to how I'd die. But dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go. I had just started watching the movie when the doorbell rang. I glanced at the old analogue clock hanging on the wall. 10:30 pm It was not that late, but undoubtedly very late for someone to come to an isolated house amongst the woods with no other houses around. Lisa was not supposed to be home because she was spending the night with Max, and there is no one else who is supposed to be standing outside my door at this time of the night. So I did what everyone should do. I peeped through the peephole. It was quite difficult to see who was on the other side because of the darkness, but I could see a silhouette. Thesilhouetteof aman. There was something just not right about the situation as a heavy feeling settled in my stomach, or maybe it was just the cold and dark and fog that cr
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-12-01Submission CHAPTER : 6
When I used to live with my family, I always used to find myself very lonely. I did not have any friends who I could trust enough to tell everything. I did try once, and it ended up very badly. After moving out of my parent's house, I thought things will be better, and I will be able to open up, but boy was I wrong. I guess I would have stayed alone for the rest of my life if I haven't met Liza at the club where I worked that day.
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-12-01Submission CHAPTER: 7
Have you ever been frozen or paralyzed with shock? Have you ever in your wildest dream imagined that your teacher would come to your home? If no, then you are lucky. If yes, then you'll understand what happened to me. "You guys know each other?" He had a confused look on his face, like he didn't know what to say. It helped me to break out of my trance. "Yes, miss Dawson is my student. We met today at school." He was staring right at me like he didn't expect this himself, but there was no surprise in his voice. His stare was very eerily creepy, and I couldn't shake off the weird feeling. "Awesome dude! You never told me that teaching has so many perks! After all, you get to meet such pretty ladies." Ivan winked at me, which earned him a glare from my teacher and blush from me. The silence that followed made the situation more awkward as I went mute and Mr. Dimitri was speaking in monosyllabic words when suddenly one of the windows in the living
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-12-01Submission CHAPTER : 8
There are very rare moments in my life when I have truly felt lucky. I remember the day when I got an envelope with my name on it. It was the first time I received a letter, and that happened to be my scholarship invitation. I was so happy that day. I felt very lucky when I met Liza who helped me to get out of that shag where I used to live after I left home. I guess it's the third time I truly felt lucky when my phone started ringing. I excused myself from the dinner table, picked up my phone, and went to my room. Ivan was not bothered by the interruption, but my teacher on the other side of the table narrowed his eyes. "Rose! Guess what? Max's parents are not returning home for the weekend! We've got the whole house to ourselves! So Max asked me to stay back for the weekend...You know I can't say no to him, and it's my golden opportunity to get closer to him. We've also decided to throw a party, but we are not sure yet. So I was thinking-" Liza just kept on
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-12-01Submission CHAPTER : 9
I have this odd habit of stretching and yawning when I wake up in the morning, and the worst part of it all is that it's contagious. Anyone around in two feet distance can easily get infected, and the symptoms mostly consists of well, yawning and stretching. That's exactly what happened to Ivan when he came to the kitchen. "Rose, I am in love with your bed, I slept like a baby. It's so comfortable. What do I need to do to make it mine?" Ivan rubbed his eyes like a baby and stifled another yawn. "I don't think it's the bed. It has something to do with the tree in the backyard. I don't remember the name, but the previous owner said that its flowers release a certain kind of scent with a strong, potent drug that can knock out anyone if highly consumed or smelled. So I am assuming it was the scent of the flowers..." It was kinda funny how Ivan's eyes turned wide with shock and his mouth was left hanging open. "Where is Mr. Dimitri? Is he still sleeping?" Th
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-12-01
Bab terbaru
Submission Bonus Chapter
I am struggling.Sometimes I feel things that are not possible to exist or feel, see things that are not there, hear words that have not been spoken. These hallucinations, these mind riveting moments, make me further believe that something is truly wrong. I am being pushed into an empty space of a puzzle that I just don’t fit into. I am the wrong piece of the picture.This feeling goes on for several days. The interval between the episodes are almost non existent, blended into time by a stubborn finger, tainted in all dark. Perhaps, only when I am asleep, do I feel some kind of peace and solace from this painful heaviness that is wound around my head like a tight band. At times, it worsens as it transforms into an itch inside my head that I can’t reach to satiate.I wonder if my brother felt it too. Or my father and mother. Did all of them feel this way or was it just me that was cursed with such a mind that made living so much harder than it was sup
Submission Bonus Chapter
The club was fully packed. It hasn’t been this crowded in a couple of weeks and even though I am practically still new here, I knew enough to know that it was not normal for the regular customers to suddenly stop coming here. Oh well, none of my business. I was the waitress here with a minimal wage pay and place to sleep which was plenty for me to survive at the moment. And with the scavenged food from the bar and ‘kitchen’ there were nights when I didn’t need to buy any food at all. Maybe one day I would be able to save enough to get out of here as well and get a place of my own. All of it sounded like a ridiculous fantasy in this dark corner of the club, drowned in the booming music and the foggy smoke air as the men and women danced to the music on the dance floor. Some lost too much in the mood to forget that they could be seen while some just straight out started making out with each other, ignoring the random pushes and thrashing as the tight crowd grooved to t
Submission Bonus Chapter
We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality.- Iris Murdoch 13 November, 3:25 am I entered the room and the first thing I saw was red. Red on the carpet, floor, red on the bedsheet and red on the lifeless body lying on the bed. My legs couldn’t hold me up any longer and I collapsed. There on the bed was my friend, my sister, my only spark of hope in this dark world, Liza. This must be a dream…no, this can’t be real. Her wide eyes that stared at the ceiling held sadness, the same familiar look I always saw in my reflection but never so still. Her lips were parted like she was trying to tell me something so desperately but her lifeless heavy body wasn’t responding to her pleas to move. Was she calling for me from the other side? Wake up, wake up. This is just a nightmare. It has to be. Somehow I crawled towards her to her hand through the blinding dizziness
Submission Submitting
"You are weak, weak and pathetic." She didn't lift her face, hiding behind the curtain of hair. It was her only shield, one so feeble and fragile but perhaps hiding her emotions was of more priority. "You are such a shame and disgrace to our family. Have you ever thought about us? How could you when you are too busy being selfish." Yes indeed, it hurt and the heaviness was too much on these weak shoulders that they couldn't help but crumble down. The urge to call someone for help clenched her heart, but she knew no one in this house would do so. For a seven-year-old, she felt like she was very dumb since she didn't know what she did wrong to earn this punishment. It has been four years now, and she still doesn't know. She was used to the pain that she felt in her bones and muscles. It was a daily routine now. As soon as the hands of the clock paused at eight in the evening every day, she tried to brace herself for what was about to come but it never helped.
Submission EPILOGUE
Do you know how it feels to be scared every second of time? Too scared to even breathe; afraid that the very breath might cause something unpleasant. Something you don't want to find out. From going outside of the house to living in. It's hard to find a way to lead the life you have had for so long. Even the slightest heave of your chest is protested by the body. So much that you have to stop breathing for a second and those seconds turn into minutes after which the fear really cripples you and strips you bare out in the cold. It's unstoppable and trying is inane. I wasn't tied up or handcuff like all those cliché kidnapping stories. Instead, I had all the freedom that I could exercise in that shotgun seat. I believe that if I tried to escape then I could simply unlock the door and run anywhere away from him but the fact that he would let me go, didn't sit well with me. Nothing actually happens as expected when you are faced with critical situations such as t
Submission CHAPTER : 40
Everything was frozen.Time, place, and memories. Even I was one of the victims to such a cold and immobile state, but he was not. I never thought that a simple curve of lips could be so mentally lethal and yet as always I was proved wrong. The huge melody of defeat orchestrated in the still air as he kept on looking at me with his eyes, as green as the demon he himself was. He was waiting for me to make some move, to run or scream at him but only one word made its way out of my lips.
Submission CHAPTER : 39
The ragged and torn curtain swayed a little from the soft whisper of cold wind that caressed the broken nook and corners of the ruins of a home it once was. It's just bricks and walls now. Nothing left but the ghost of a reminder accompanied by the shreds and tears of scars. I never thought that the dead monsters of my past will return in such manner and leave me hanging off the edge. I didn't know what to feel, I didn't want to feel. Shock? Life has given me enough experience to deal with that I don't feel surprised any more. I think you get used to it and its tortures. A time comes after that when you feel nothing but the cold and lonely chill of numbness. Betrayed? Yes maybe I should be feeling betrayed by Liza but I can't blame her either because it's all my fault. Liza had this envelope with her when she left. She told me everything will be fine and when she'll return we will have one of our food parties again but this time she said she will cook. I didn't understand wh
Submission CHAPTER : 38
Have you ever seen yourself in the mirror? From an angle, you have never seen before. The angle which you can't see normally. And wondered... That's me. That's also me. But I don't look like that. That's how I feel. That's how my situation feels. I guess I should not be surprised after all. I am bound to this house, my past, by a red circle and no matter how much I try, I'll be dragged into this red circle again and again even if I run far away. I don't like calling this place home any more because it never was. Home is not the place where you live with your family or friends or relatives. Home is where your heart is and my heart was smashed to clouds of dust in this very place. I don't exactly loathe this place but neither do I want to be here. Undecided and lost, I went towards the kitchen to find nothing but memories. My footsteps were a little too loud for my ears in this piercing silen
Submission CHAPTER : 37
"Lizzie! Lizzie where are you?" The adrenaline coursing through my veins was making me more hysteric than usual. I wanted to find her. I needed to find her. The drawers in the kitchen were haphazardly opened and I took the chance to pick out the sharpest knife I could find. "Lizzie! Where are you? I know you are here. Come on out." My cautious footsteps made the wooden floorboard creak painfully as my eyes darted from one side to the other. Trying to catch any movement. I went to the living room only to find the burnt ashes in the fireplace and an ignored mug of coffee which has been left cold and untouched for what seems like a long time. I stroked the curtain away from the window and tried to look for any signs of life outside but the slowly drifting snow falling on the heaps of unkempt bushes was the only movement visible in the full moon night. The house was awfully quiet and the tension around was so intense that I was unable to f
