49

He gestured at the other screen, the one with the paused footage on. We’d just watched Valérie in conversation with the guys in the shot, and shortly after they’d started smashing glasses and chairs over each other.

“But you were there to watch Leia. Not to prevent other people from killing themselves and each other.”

“It was too much for the regular bouncers to handle. Innocents were being hurt.” Kyle shifted his stance to at-ease, his unblinking gaze somewhere over my left shoulder.

Rage roared through me, more at the thought of Leia in danger than at my men, and I stood with a bellow, shoving everything off my desk. My computer crashed to the floor and the screen went black. A paperweight rolled to the corner of the room, and files spilled their contents over the floor.

I never should have agreed to Leia and Aimée attending the nightclub. I slammed my fist through the sheetrock. There was too much risk for her in my world. A mirror cracked as I ripped it from the wall, and I shredded the couch cushions before flipping it onto its back.

Then I prowled the small space like a predator without prey. Nothing to hunt, nothing to kill and too much energy cracking through me. The need to destroy didn’t dissipate, and my hands formed tight fists at my sides.

Never again.

The words echoed through my mind.

I lifted slammed my chair and slammed it down, the crunch of one of the wheels snapping off only part-satisfying my need to destroy. Like Leia had almost been destroyed. Like my whole fucking life had almost been destroyed.

I’d lose Leia if I didn’t turn her. I was looking at my exact fucking future.

Jason stepped forward, his arms out like he’d try to restrain me. “No, Nic,” he murmured. “Stop.”

But I couldn’t. I didn’t fucking want to.

I’d nearly lost everything. I still stood to lose every fucking thing that mattered. I reached for Jason, my fingernails almost claws, my fangs fully descended, looking for an outlet for my anger and pain.

But he met my gaze, his eyes clear and accepting, and I blinked, pulling myself back from the edge. Jason was my sire. He trusted me like I wanted Leia to trust me, unquestioningly. I pulled him into a hug, and he hesitated for a moment before he accepted my show of affection and understood my need to ground myself.

He chuckled softly. “You need to turn her, Nic. You need to make her one of us or it’ll make you crazy.”

I shook my head. “For real. This true mate shit’s worse than dead man’s blood. I’ll be crazy in half the time.”

We all grimaced as I referenced the one substance known to induce a spiral of madness in any vampire dosed with it.

“But you can come back from this,” Jason insisted. “There’s a cure for your craziness.”

“It could be argued it’s of your own making,” Kyle added.

“But what if she doesn’t want to?” I scrubbed my palms over my face then raked my fingers through my hair, careless of how it looked. “What if she doesn’t want to be my eternal bride?”

Jason laughed. “Have you seen the way she looks at you?”

“A look isn’t consent to be turned,” I argued, the first flicker of irritation returning.

“Your misery is of your own making,” Kyle said, his voice flat. “And your objections are academic. There’s no saving Leia from what you’ve already done to her. At this point, you either save her and turn her, or you allow her to become a thrall. There is no way to leave her in this moment, untouched. You’ve started a process you can’t stop, and it’s time you took responsibility for that.”

“Kyle.” Jason’s voice was filled with disbelief and warning.

“No.” All fight left me. “He’s right. I’ve done things I can’t undo, and now I need to see it through to the end. I need to confess to Leia and hope she doesn’t hate me.” I grimaced.

Kyle had dug right into my private source of worry and shame and all the things I didn’t want to face.

I wanted turning Leia to be for love, not necessity, but the longer I left it, the less chance I had to make it that way.

My phone rang before I could explain myself further, and I sighed. It felt like a lucky escape as I reached underneath the couch to retrieve it from where my tantrum had left it. Further explanation of my feelings could lead to me looking weak, and I was still king. I couldn’t afford to look weak in front of anyone. One moment of loss of control was already one too many.

Leia’s name flashed on the screen, and I smiled automatically.

“Hey, I was just thinking about you.” That much was true, anyway. It was always true lately.

But even before she spoke, panic flooded me, and I lowered myself into a crouch. What the hell? First, uncontrollable rage, now panic that almost took my balance?

“Leia? Is everything okay?” But it wasn’t. I already knew that much. “What’s wrong?”

“You need to come home.”

But I’d already anticipated her need, and I was racing down the back stairs, taking them two at a time as I ran toward my car. I didn’t need to wait for Jenkins because I’d driven myself. I preferred being able to return to Leia whenever I wanted now.

My tires squealed as I peeled away from my parking spot. I’d need to contact Jason and Kyle and explain my abrupt departure, but they weren’t my priority.

“What’s wrong?” Worry had fogged my mind. She wouldn’t call unless it was urgent. “Are you hurt? Injured? Under attack?” Surely not in my fucking home. “Hold on, I’m on my way.”