SAU 4 : Sticky Note

Chapter 4 : Sticky Note

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S E A

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"Hello, Mom."

"Damn it, Sea! Good thing you called! Give me money!"

I looked at Mayang who was slightly surprised and stunned while eating his food. I reached and gently pet his nose and head for him to calm down.

"Mom. You don't have to shout that loud. I can hear you." I said in a low voice. Even though she's always like this every time she calls, there are instances where I'm still shocked about her sudden outbursts which are all about money.

But more than my shock is… pain.

"You brat! Don't make any excuses there! Send money to my account right now! Hurry up!" I can definitely hear the hurriedness in her voice. And I think, I have a concrete idea of why is she acting like that.

She'll go out of the country. Again.

"Mom… I'm sorry. But, I can't. I will not grant your request from now on." I said while biting my lip. I can't always tolerate her attitude towards me. Towards her own daughter.

"What?! Why can't you?! Fuckshit, Sea! I need money, do you understand that?! Money! Give me money! Make it fast because I might miss the chance to bond with my Amigas! We will travel so, I badly need that money!" She was no longer in a speaker mode but I could still hear her desperately shouting at the end of my eardrums. And yeah, if you haven't realized it until now…

She's really my mom.

She asks me for money as if I were a goddamn bank in her eyes. Again, I really hate to say this but, that's her personality. She's a legit greedy mom.

Maybe it's my fault too, 'cause she doesn't know anything. She doesn't know my current situation. That I have a disease. All she knew was that all this time, I am working to provide her monthly pocket money for her ambitious out-of-town travels. I choose to hide it from her so that she wouldn't worry about me.

And I guess I succeeded, right?

She's no longer worried. In other words, she doesn't care about me now. She can only think of calling to ask for money. Other than that? Nothing. When she gets what she wanted, she'll just throw me at the side and ignore me.

Sometimes, I think, if I told her about my illness, would her treatment towards me, change? Will she see me as her daughter and not just some random stranger who supplies her money?

For how many times today, I sighed again. "Mom. I don't have any money now."

"What?! It's fifteen now, right?! How come you don't have any money?! It's your salary giving now! You're really a worthless daughter! Damn you!" She growled at me. She said a lot of curses at me, and with each release of those, my grips on the spoon tighten.

I made a mental note to myself that I should apologize to this spoon later on. Sorry, naïve spoon. I just needed a thing where I can release my hurts and pains.

"For all the things that I did for you, this is how you'll repay them?! Damn! I said I need your money now! I'm asking but you can't give me?! What kind of child are you?! You're ungrateful! You're worthless! I wished you're not my daughter 一"

"Stop!"

I closed my eyes tightly while fresh tears are rolling down my cheeks one by one. I tried my best to hold my sobs.

"Please, Mom. Enough…" I beg her to stop. Because no matter what I do, I still get hurt by everything that her mouth blurts out. What she says to me right now hurts even more than the movie 'Titanic'. This is way more tearful. The pain I'm feeling because of her words is triple.

Those words of her hurt like hell. As if it's a knife that's stabbing me continuously.

"Damn! Don't you ever cry, Sea! Don't let me hear your sobs 'cause that's making me even angrier! If you don't want to give me money… It's okay! I can search for myself! You worthless bitch!" Those are exactly the last words I've heard from her before a short beeping sound entered.

She already dropped the call.

I chuckled bitterly as I bring my head a stare upwards. What a great mom. It looks like heaven really gave me a loving and exemplary mother. Note the sarcasm, will you?

Meow

I forced a smile at Mayang who's now seemed worried while watching me after I talked to my mother. I mumbled 'I'm okay' and patted his head once again so that he can continue his lunch.

And I did the same thing too. Even though my eyes are blurring because of the tears forming and dripping from it, I still manage to finish my food.

When Mayang also finished his, I put away his leftovers. He rubbed onto my feet for the last time before turning his furry body away to finally head home.

"Bye, my little one!" I said afterward and then continued to head inside the hospital again.

As I passed the part of the hospital with the glass wall, I stared at the reflection of myself. I use the hem of my blouse to wipe off all the existing tears that dripped earlier. I sniffed once before fixing the placement of my nasal cannula and putting up again the surgical mask covering half of my face.

It's alright, Sea. You'll be alright.

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"Ahm, Ms. McCain…"

I swerved an okay sign using my hands towards Nurse Jia to assure her that I'm still doing fine. Because aside from Nurse Christine, Nurse Jia is also one of those people who knows what my mother's true behavior is. Like me, they're also used to the thing that every time my mom calls, she has only 'money' in her mind.

"Shall I send money on her account… again, Sea?"

I chuckled a little under my mask when I saw Nurse Jia's nervous face. She's bitting her lips nervously as she reached for the phone I'm giving back to her. I just nodded a little as an answer. She gave me a pitiful smile, then obeyed my order.

Maybe you're all wondering about my decision, huh? But, Yes.

I'll still give her money.

How can I don't? She's still my mother. She's still the one who gave birth to me in this world so, no matter how much I hate her guts, when she asks for something, I'll eventually find myself giving in. Even though everything she says turns to be so painful for me, because she's my mother, I'll definitely swallow those hurtful words from her.

I don't have a single choice, tho.

Even though she's not acting like my mother, I still have to be her child.

With a usually heavy heart, I pressed the number 6 on the elevator's button. While sighing, I leaned against its cold metal frame and let a few beads of my tears flow again.

She didn't even remember it was my birthday today.

She didn't even greet me.

I closed my tired eyes as I illustrated counting fingers in my brain. So far, in the list of my worst birthdays ever, this was probably the worst of all.

I just woke up from my deep thoughts and stopped emoting when the elevator rang, signaling that I was here again on the floor where I had been walking and living for a few years. I fixed my fading midnight blue hair, face mask, and nasal cannula. I went straight to my door while lowering my head.

When I was about to unlock my doors, my eyes caught sight of a sticky note stuck on the top of the dorm frame. My forehead creased as I pick it up.

Hi Miss Beautifl. The day is so wonderfl and that's becase of yo.

Oh, did I miss something?

Ah, I missed U.

~@handsomeUno

All the tears that seemed to drip down from my eyes earlier were suddenly delayed.

The gap between my lips turned even widely as ever. I narrowed my eyes to see more clearly what was written on the paper. I scanned it repeatedly and I can only say one thing…

What the fudge is this?

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To be continued...