Chapter Three

[Mikho's POV]

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery in his heart.

Napailing ako matapos makailang ulit na mabasa ang bible verse signpost na nakadikit sa ilalim ng ring at sinubukang itutok ang atensiyon ko sa pag di-dribble ng bola.

Alex was blocking me on his defense for his team and we're almost about to end our second half. This is our seasonal seminarian's basketball tournament and we have to win this game to be able to get us to the finals by next week pero hindi ako makapag concentrate dahil sa nababasa ko. I've been no use as one of the team's centers since the game had started. Bilang na bilang ko lang ang points na naipasok ko sa team. Anim. Lamang ang team ni Alex ng limang puntos.

"Bro Mik! Double time! Ten seconds left!" sigaw ni Jaco na isa sa mga ka-teammate ko.

"Mikho, Come on!" Narinig ko ring sigaw ng iba ko pang mga kasama.

I shrugged my head and looked for an opening para maipasa ang bola kay Jaco nang makita ko muli ang isang bible verse na naka-post sa gilid ng court.

For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.

I closed my eyes, trying to dismiss my thought pero pagmulat ko ay agad na naagaw ni Alex ang bola at naipasa kay Gian na isa sa mga ka-teammate niya. Gian was quick to make his way to the other ring and made an impossible attempt for a far away three point goal.

Unfortunately, the ball eyed the ring just as the time for the second half of the game had stopped.

"Thank God, Gian!" masayang sigaw ng mga kasama niya.

Napapikit akong nasapo ang ulo ko habang dismayadong nakatitig sa'kin ang mga kasama ko.

It had been almost a month pero kahit saan ako pumunta at kahit anong gawin ko ay lagi kong naalala ang kasalanang nagawa ko. Sa loob at labas ng klase, sa misa, sa oras ng devotion, sa mga community at pastoral activities, at ngayon dito sa court. Our superiors purposely posted those bible verses to always remind us of the deed that we are forbidden to undertake as seminarians. And at this point, I felt like I don't deserve anymore to be ordained as a priest dahil sa nagawa ko.

"Jared Mikholai what happened to you?" salubong agad ni Father Rico na coach ng team namin nang makarating na kami ng mga ka-teammates ko sa bench. "Hindi kaba nakakain ng agahan?"

"Pasensiya na Father Ric," I answered and looked at him apologetically.

Tinapik ako sa balikat ni Father habang inabot ko ang bag ko sa ibabaw ng isa sa mga bench. "Magpahinga ka muna. We'll have Keil as your replacement."

I nodded my head, took a bottled water from the ice barrel and went to the far off bench. Naupo ako at agad na inisang lagok ang tubig. Saka ko inabot ang tuwalya sa loob ng bag para punasan ang pawis ko.

"May problema ka ba, Jared?" Father Harry sat beside me. He's one of our team's substitute coaches. "Mukhang sobrang pre-occupied ka. Hindi lang ngayon, pansin kong kahit sa mga pastoral lectures natin. Nagdadalawang isip kana ba dito sa pinili mong bokasyon?"

Napailing ako habang nagpupunas ng pawis. "Hindi po, Father."

I have always thought that priesthood is my calling. I would never spend ten years living like a monk here in the seminary if I'm having second thoughts. Hindi rin ako magtitiis na mapalayo sa pamilya ko kung hindi ko 'to gusto. Bata palang ako ito na ang sa tingin kong gusto ng Diyos para sa'kin. He gave me this second life because He wants me to minister and deliver His message by becoming a priest.

"Good, because you'll be ordained within the next five months," sagot ni Father. "If you are having second thoughts at kung hindi talaga sa'yo ang pagpapari ay hindi naman hahayaan ng Diyos na mai-ordain ka. An ordination rite is almost the same as electing a Pope. God gives His people the sign whoever is worthy to be elected. Maaring huling limang buwan mo na ito sa seminaryo but it doesn't give you the guarantee to priesthood."

Natigilan ako sa pagpupunas ng pawis at napatingin kay Father. "Why are you telling me these, Father?"

"Because you have a face of a groom who's not excited to marry his bride."

Napalunok ako at nagbaba ng tingin. My guilt was killing me and I have apprehensions whether I'll confess my sin to one of my superiors. Pero masyado na akong tinataga ng konsensiya ko.

"I had sex with a woman, Father." I confessed, disgusted of myself.

Hanggang ngayon, bumabalik balik parin sa isip ko ang nangyari ng gabing iyon. I hardly lose myself control but I did at that night, easily. Even until now, I could still see little barbie's face either when I'm awake or asleep. I felt like she had already made an imprint in my mind and there was no way to get rid of her memory unless by taking them away from me.

I had three girlfriends during my teenage days and out of curiosity, I've done things what normal teenage boys do. I kissed my girlfriends, we petted and there was a point in time when I almost did the deed with one of them pero hindi ko tuluyang ginawa. We were too young and I and my brothers were always reminded by our dad to always be very careful when having sex with a woman. He said that there was no contraceptive method that is proven to be hundred percent safe. Dad taught us that sex always comes with responsibility and he doesn't want any one of us to get a woman pregnant na hindi pa kami handa sa responsibilidad ng pagiging ama. My conservative mother also gave me and all my brothers an ultimatum that she will disown anyone of us if ever we'll get a woman pregnant while we're still studying.

"Am I still worthy to attend the rite even after what I did, Father?" I frustratedly put my hands to my head. "Ginapang ko ang mahigit sampung taon ko dito sa seminaryo. I have work hard for this and I have always dreamed of becoming a priest. Natatakot ako na baka mapatalsik ako ng mga superior dito sa seminaryo bago ang ordination kapag sinabi ko sa kanila ang nagawa kong kasalanan. I don't know what my parents will think of me if that will happen." napasuklay ako sa buhok ko. "But I don't think I could carry through this either without confessing my sin before the rite. I don't know what I'd do."

"Every seminarian is worthy to attend the ordination rite. You only become not worthy if priesthood is not really meant for you. Tao tayo at lahat sa atin ay nagkakasala, even us priest are not exempted. Kaya tayo my sacrament of penance and reconciliation. Pwede tayong mangumpisal para ma-absolve tayo sa kasalanang nagawa natin. No person and not even priest has the right to condemn sinners because God Himself do not condemn. God always forgives kapag taos puso tayong humihingi ng patawad gaano man kalaki ang kasalanan natin. Talk to your superiors and confess your sins."

"What if they will decide to expel me after hearing my deed, Father?"

"You will be subjected for deliberation. And it's not their duty to expel you. Iyan ay manggagaling sa Diyos. Remember that priesthood is not just a profession but a calling. And God calls whoever He thinks is worthy to be married to His covenant. Magiging pari ka kung para talaga ito sa'yo." He softly tapped my shoulder. "Pray and confess your sins."

Napatango ako.

"I'll just join the team," sabi ni Father at saka napatayo.

"Thanks, Father," I told him and he patted my head before he left.

I gasped and straightened from my seat when I saw Black Jack's smiling face in front of me.

"Kuya Mikho kahit hindi ka magaling ngayon, magaling ka parin!"

he beamed at me and sat on the chair where Father Harry vacated.

"Huwag mo na akong bolahin, Pare, dahil wala akong barnuts ngayon." Napangiti akong nagbunot ng candy sa bulsa ng bag ko at inabot iyon sa kanya. "Dynamite lang ang meron ako. 'Di bale, may chocolate parin 'yan sa loob."

"Salamat, Kuya! Hindi lang kayo gwapo, mabait pa! How to be you po?" he grinned while unwrapping the candy before taking it to his mouth.

I messed up with his hair. "Saan mo na naman 'yan natutunan?"

"Napanood ko lang po sa teleserye na pinapanood ni Father Mario. Yung kay Maine Rivera."

Sometimes, I wish I could be like this guy. He easily delights with simple things and he can simply speak his mind without having to worry about anything. Black Jack was orphaned at six and was raised by the priests here in the seminary. He was already twenty years old pero delayed ang development niya dahil meron siyang autism.

"Kuya, ano po ba ang sex? Sabi ni Father Jules masama daw po iyon. Sabi naman po ni Kuya Evo masarap daw po iyon," Black Jack cracked after sometime, looking innocently while chewing the candy I gave him.

I looked at him eerily, not knowing what to say.

"Masarap po ba talaga, Kuya?" he sniggered, showing me his toothless front.

I pressed my hands to my already aching temples. Wala talagang matinong tinuro si Evo dito kay Black Jack kundi kalokohan.

[Enna's POV]

"TWO TALL ICE chocolate milk latte, low-fat milk and without syrup. In our usual spot, okay?" I told Liza at the counter and handed her a bill. "Keep the change."

"Thanks, Ma'am Enna! " she cheerfully said and took the money I gave her. Nginitian ko siya and then I walked to where Mikey was na kakapasok lang mula sa entrance ng coffee shop.

Dito kami madalas tumambay ni Mikey 'pag wala kaming magawa. Our fave spot was just beside the entrance of the coffee shop where we could see all the people that passes by. It had always been our past time to criticize people who are poor victims of fashion.

"How do I look like, Amega?" Tumigil ako sa harap ni Mikey and flipped my new hairstyle. I had my new layered cut for my blonde hair and added some highlights of gray and chocolate brown hues. For my outfit, I was wearing a fitted white crop top shirt, accessorized with a checkered red necktie while my bottom was a micro mini skirt that looks exactly the same as my tie. I also wore white high socks and black combat boots to complete my overall look.

"Perfect, Amega! Mukha kanang si Sailor Moon!" he jokingly said and arched one neatly trimmed brow while looking at my outfit. "Saan ang cosplay natin ngayon? Bakit mukhang naka uniform ka?" Maarte siyang tumawa before he pulled me into a hug and gave me a cheek to cheek kiss.

Pero agad ko siyang naitulak kasi ang baho baho niya.

"Why are you wearing that D and G cologne again?" I asked."Diba, I told you not to use that when you're with me? Ewww...ang baho mo, Mikey!" I moved out ng medyo malayo kay Mikey habang tinatakpan ang ilong ko. Whenever I smell that cologne lately, nasusuka ako.

"Huy babaeta! Bakit ko naman iyan gagawin, aber? Ikaw ba ang supplier ko ng pabango? And you have always liked this smell. Ano bang nangyayari sa'yo? May hang-over ka parin ba kay Mister Hottie Kitty Wrecker slash Mister Sledgehammer? O baka naman nabitin kapa kasi pwede ko siyang tawagan ngayon para ipa-lacerate muli iyang dayday mo!"

"Nakakasuka naman talaga ang amoy--uuhmmp..." hindi ko na natuloy ang sinabi ko because Mikey harshly pressed a tissue into my mouth.

"Shut up! Baka maniwala ang mga tao ditong totoo iyang sinasabi mong maarte ka!" Pinanlakihan niya ako ng mga mata.

I pursed my lips and took the tissue inside my mouth at hindi nalang muling nagsalita. I don't want to be reminded of that kitty wrecker hottie call boy. Halos dalawang week kaya akong nagtiis sa sakit ng kitty ko lalo na pag umiihi ako.

Hmmp!

I ignored the thought of him and sat one seat apart from Mikey para hindi ko maamoy ang pabango niya. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa'kin. Tinapon ko nga yung DG, Dior, Saint Laurent, and Chanel kong mga pabango because whenever I smell them nasusuka talaga ako. Lately, I switched to baby colognes because they appear more pleasing to smell than the expensive ones na gustong gusto ko naman dati.

"So for now you're still lucky kasi na moved yung engagement mo next month? Pero Enna, maghihintay kapa ba sa mismong araw ng engagement bago mo planong sabihin sa Papa mo ang nangyari diyan sa kittycat mo? Isang buwan na ang lumipas, Amega," said Mikey just as the time our lattes were served to us.

We thanked the server and I sipped through my latte bago ko sinagot si Mikey. "Natatakot ako sa magiging reaksiyon ni Papa. Alam mo naman kung pa'no siya magalit." I worriedly told him.

"Aba, mas matakot ka kung mangyayaring makasal ka sa matandang panot na'yun!"

"Hindi ko hahayaang mangyari 'yan!"

Just the mere thought of marrying Ashton Chiu sends creepy chills down my spine. Pero natatakot talaga ako sa pwedeng gawin ni papa kapag sinuway ko siya. Last week ngalang we had a heated argument when I tried to open up this matter to him.

"Papa, hindi ko po gustong pakasalan si Ashton! How can I marry a guy that I barely even know? At ang bata bata ko pa po. I still want to travel the world at magpapatayo pa po ako ng sarili kong clothing line. At Papa, ayaw ko pa pong magka baby. Hindi ko pa po alam kung pa'no mag-alaga ng baby. Baka po hindi ako maging mabuting ina at asawa. Maghihiwalay rin po kami 'pag nangyari yun!" naiiyak kong sabi.

"This had been a family agreement even before you were born, Adrienna! You have no say over this dahil para rin ito sa kapakanan mo! Subukan mo akong suwayin at puputulin ko lahat ng kaugnayan mo sa pamilyang 'to! You can no longer sustain your expensive lifestyle dahil puputulin ko lahat ng allowances mo. I'll freeze your credit cards and you can no longer use your stupid looking car or can even step a foot in this house. Try me, Adrienna,"dad said with a sharp threat in his voice.

"Kung hindi mo hahayaang mangyari iyan. Aba, dapat ngayon palang ay gumawa kana ng aksiyon, Enna!" Mikey snarled that pulled me out of my reverie.

"Dad threatened to disown me kapag sinuway ko siya. Pa'no na ako 'pag nangyari 'yon? Saan ako pupulutin? I don't know a single job. And I don't even know a single house chore..." tumulo na ang mga luha ko saka ako napasipsip sa latte ko. Pero hindi ko pa iyon tuluyang nalulunok ay naramdaman ko na ang biglaang pagbaliktad ng sikmura ako.

Napatakip ako sa bibig ko. I tried to keep the latte inside my mouth but there was a force inside my throat that forces me to gag.

"Huy! Anong drama mo?" asked Mikey and then he rudely struck my back that made me vomit the latte...

Straight through his face.

"Enna!!!!!!!!" he shrieked while wiping my puke away from his face.

Mabilis naman akong tumayo at tumakbo papasok ng banyo.