Tenderness

The way the hairs on the back of my neck stand up make me feel almost delighted about his little threat, but my eyes narrow on him and I let out a gentle huff, watching him with skepticism. 

“Is that a threat?” I ask, in a low voice.

He seems stern and unamused with my little bratty attitude. Yet, he does not make me feel unsafe. The way he looks at me, with a dark hunger I can not understand, is not mean, or harmful and with the simple fact he, so gently, took my legs into his lap to tend to them, made me understand a handful of things. I was trapped, but this would not be as bad as the trap that I had escaped.

The memories of fleeing home all stumble at once in my mind and overwhelm me. My breath hitches in my chest as the meadow springs up, the memory of dripping blood making me a bit nauseous.

“My father-” I whisper with a bit of shock, my eyes cutting back to his face, round with worry and a sprinkle of fear.

The man narrows his eyes slowly, the ruby red color darkening a bit as he watches me with uncertainty. 

“Is he well?!” I spat out to hurry a response from him.

“Why are you worrying over such a monster?” he asks, his voice low, raspy, displeased. 

I feel my heart sink into the depths of my stomach and my chest hollow. One of my hands moves up and rests over my heavy heart, in the valley between my breasts, and I notice the way his eyes follow this motion.

“He is well.” he murmurs and turns away from me, grabbing the iodine and the little cleaning dabs again, returning to sit on the stool, gesturing for me to put my foot back into his lap so he can care for the wounds. 

I am not sure if his reassurance is genuine and I feel the worry within, grow a bit more. 

After a few moments of patiently waiting for me to do something, the man sighs and, visibly pissed, reaches for my legs. His hand moves on the back of my calf, taking hold of it and guiding my leg into his lap again. 

I fall silent and he does not say anything either, while he slowly dabs the wounds with iodine, making sure they are clean. I feel like he has plenty experience dressing wounds and caring for such things, but something small inside my head makes me fall completely silent and not talk much right now. 

Minutes pass and the worry wilts away, replaced by a strange fascination with the way he moves. So elegantly, so fluidly as if he were from another world, or maybe I was drugged and reality was different through my eyes right now. It looked as if his fingers were dancing, it looked as if a statue had come to life and the gentleness of its touch was otherworldly. 

“Who are you?” the words make their way out of my mouth before I can catch myself.

For a brief second, he stops and watches me over his brows, before he resumes bandaging my second leg. He speaks nothing and I realize he was not going to actually answer me. I sigh and roll my eyes, falling backwards, draping an arm over my eyes.

“You know, despite the fact you seem like a total asshole, you are doing a great job of taking care of others.” I mock him as I feel his hand take hold on my calf again, guiding my leg out of his lap. “You saved that child back in autumn. And with the money you dropped off… they will manage to feed their family for the whole winter.” 

Now, both my legs are dangling over the edge of the oversized bed while I speak and I feel like a worm. I could simply crawl around like a worm! I feel my legs pulse under the tight bandages and I am aware there will be no walking until they heal. I wonder… should I really start crawling around and see how that works for me? I need to make sure no one sees tho, because I am not sure I could live with such embarrassment.

“The money was for you.” he speaks as he gets up and soundlessly walks to the nightstand, where he slowly starts packing the things he has laying around. 

“For me?” I huff, a bit surprised, peeking at him. “Why would I need your money?” I mock him and I see him stiff and tense, and really, I feel that for a worm, I am doing a great job at stomping all over his patience.

“Why do you insist on tormenting me?” His question is blunt and I feel my cheeks tint red once again, while my heart picks up and my chest tightens. 

With a bit of a displeased grimace, he turns to look at me, his eyes narrowed and his arms crossing on his chest as he waits for an answer.

“Does it make you feel powerful in any way? Or safer, perhaps?” 

The way he speaks makes my skin turn into goosebumps and I feel helpless right now. It was as if he was reading right through me, as if my soul had an open window and he was walking in without any sort of hindrance. When he understand I have nothing smart to say, his expression softens and his arms untangle from his chest.

“There is no need for you to feel defensive here. There are no monster here to get you-”

“Then what are you?” I hurry to interrupt him, and by the way he tenses, the way his jaw clenches, I feel like I've made a mistake. I scurry back, pulling my legs up on the bed as I move away from the edge of the bed, adding more distance between us. “I remember you from the meadow. I remember the claws, I remember the way you hurt my father without any remorse-” 

Despite the shaking of my voice, it looks like they are daggers that jab into his chest as they pour out of my mouth. I see a hint of disappointment in his eyes as he swallows back his words and turns away from me, grabbing the first aid kit and slowly walking away. As he makes his way to the door, leaving me alone in this obscenely huge room, I feel my stomach twist with anxiety.

“Where are you going?!” I call out like an animal in distress, hating the fact that the panic of being left alone is worse than being with him.

He stops, and he turns to look at me, pondering on the situation for a brief second.

“You should rest some more.” he speaks and walks out of the room, leaving me alone with the demons that now come out from each shadow, threatening to swallow me whole. 

My breath feels painfully shallow and I am sure I am going to lose my mind if he is planning to keep me confined to this room.

“Wait!” I called out. “PLEASE!” I yell, the shadows feeling like they are slowly closing in, planning to take over the whole room. 

My heart starts racing and I feel like I’m growing dizzy. My breath is shallow and it feels like my chest won’t expand enough for air to come in. The walls feel like they are closing in and I am sure everything here is planning to get their hands on me. 

In a frenzy, I scurry out of the bed. The pain that shoots through me as I fall on my feet is nothing compared to the panic of being left alone. My mind is convinced that every creature of the forest will crawl in through the window and turn me into dinner!

I stumble forward, towards the door, eyes teary and wide with panic, already sobbing and fighting for a mouthful of air. As I reach the door and grab the doorknob, pulling the door open with the all the force I had, I hurry to follow after him, but in my frenzy, I don’t notice he is closer than expected and as I rush out the door and turn right, I slam right into him. 

It feels like I walked right into a wall, cold and unmoving, his hands grabbing my arms before I stumble backwards and fall on my ass.

A loud yelp escapes me as I feel like the demons caught me in their claws.

“Nesta~” His voice is soft and the shadows die down. “I have got you~” he adds and slowly cradles my frenzied head against his chest. “Nothing can get you here, my jaan.”