LOGINShare
Bothersome thoughts
Last Updated:
2023-04-19 22:13:36He pulls away before any of us can fall prey to our urges. We were so close, I could taste his breath on my lips and I wanted nothing more but for him to lean down further and claim mine. He didn’t though. He might have been the first man to ever turn something like this down. An opportunity for intimacy was rarely turned down, and yet, he pulled away and walked off, towards the couch, where he seemed to fall down like a marble statue.
He seemed tired. He - Something inside my mind clicks. I didn’t even know his name! This stranger took me in, tended to my wounds and I did not even ask for a name?! Where were my manners!?
But the silence that has set over the room seemed impossible to break, as I remained in my bed, watching the back of the couch. I can’t see him. But I know he is there. I can’t hear him breathe. He doesn’t move either. It’s like I'm all alone in this room, but I am certain I am not. There is a strange tension in the air, and despite knowing he is awake, I can’t bring myself to disturb the silence that was wrapped around the room.
I shift slowly and fall against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling as I try to grasp the entirety of my situation. I was in a stranger’s home. Away from my home. Away where? Where was I?
I’m not sure I can run away too soon. Run where? If I ever get home, they will not have mercy on me. Will this stranger have mercy on me?
It feels like my heart is swallowed whole by nothing but darkness and emptiness and I find myself on the verge of another panic attack.
“You are safe here.” the stranger’s voice breaks the silence of the room and the rapidly escalating panicked thoughts.
I’m not sure what or how to answer, so I sink back in silence, staring at the ceiling with teary eyes. The sound of footsteps makes me a bit more alert. I dry my tears and inhale sharply before the door opens and I almost jump out of my skin. In the doorframe, another figure stands tall, their eyes pinned on me.
I hear my savior shift in his spot and he slowly rises, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“There is someone here to see you, My Lord -” the man who stares at me like I’d be some freak speaks and the red eyed man stands up, sighing softly. “They say it’s urgent -” the man insists, his eyes narrowing on me as if I was interfering in any way.
“I’m coming -” he replies as he walks out of the room, pushing by the other man, who steps back and closes the door behind him without another word.
What-
Who was that just now? Am I hallucinating? Is this some sort of dream? Everything felt and looked eerie. Even the man just now looked like he was pulled out of some fairy tale. He had a strange inhuman beauty, with golden eyes that shimmered like molten caramel. He looked even more elegant, in a feminine way, than my savior was, and I feel like I landed in some beast’s lair.
I was not welcome here, was I? Was that the reason the golden eyed man looked at me like I was some sort of pest?
A low, mildly annoyed groan escapes me and I bring both my hands over my face.
This was my reality now! I escaped the prison of a forced marriage but at what cost?! I found myself in a stranger’s lair. Into their home. A lord… Was I even near home anymore? Was this the best choice I could have ever made? Foolish child. Maybe marriage was not as bad. Maybe my father was right. I should have learned to keep my mouth and be a submissive wife…
A stray tear rolls down from the corner of my eye and before I can stop it, I find myself crying. Silent sobs that make my chest shake with the pain of uncertainty. With the pain of being nothing but a tool. With the pain of not being born as a man… but a woman.
I’m not sure what his intentions with me are, but I will die before I am turned into a breeder! Or into a servant! Or into a damn slave!
Related chapters
Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Introduction
Long before dawn comes creeping, I manage to fall prey to tiredness and I fall asleep, crawled by the fire, on the large sofa. I have pulled the blanket all the way here along with most of the pillows and made myself a comfortable nest. A dreamless sleep that proved to be restless and more or less useless at this point. Fatigue has gripped both my body and my mind and I wake up dizzy and uneasy. The room is silent and by the way the coals look, the fire has gone out long ago. But I was not feeling cold yet. As I crawl out of the bed and make my way to the windows, I'm not surprised to find the sky completely Grey, with thick clouds covering and hiding the sun that's not eager to show its face just yet. The landscape is hurdled under a thick coat of snow and the clouds are still shedding big and fluffy snowflakes. By the looks of it, the room I am in is quite high above the ground and I can't help but try to open the window.But the mechanism is so old and hasn't been opened in long e
Last Updated : 2023-07-10Sincerely, your Cursed Lover The kind,handsome stranger named Lazarus
Despite the calm and collected way, almost laid back, he talks to me, I still feel like I am being preyed upon. Hunted and closely monitored by the same man who was sitting not even two feet away from me.But despite this, the feeling of it was not as scary as it should have been. I wanted to draw him out and play. It was like a strange affiliation the prey has upon its predator. To tease and taunt, to show that it knew it was being hunted.“That’s right-“ I realize I was not as forgetful as I thought I was. He was simply rude enough to not introduce himself at all. “I never got to introduce myself either… yet, you know who I am…” While I know I should be bothered about it, I’m not. Actually, I feel a bit special. Special enough that someone looked at me and decided I was worthy enough to know from a distance. That I was not some backstory character in my own life.“You got to introduce yourself long ago.” He speaks in such an ominous way that I feel a sliver of a threat in his voice
Last Updated : 2023-07-16Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Stranger
“Come, Nesta.” the voice of my mother echoes through the now empty room as the last utensils have been thoroughly cleaned and everything is back in place. Today has been quite a terribly busy day. Who knew simple country folk knew so little about medicine and taking care of wounds and not allowing them to fester! Who knew that proper hygiene did not reach the ears of people so far into the country? Who knew that war was also this merciless and people were doing the weirdest things to keep evil spirits at bay. Well, we did not expect this when we moved here. We had been warned that our work would be severely frowned upon, but that did not stop my mother from opening a small room for those in need. It did not stop my mom from brewing herbs and making ointments and cleaning and sterilizing everything that needed to be reused. Just as it did not stop the others from casting mean looks upon us as we healed and took care of the elderly, the sick and the children. “Father Cassimir is
Last Updated : 2023-03-07Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Betrothal
It was today when everything started to fall appart. Autumn has run it's course, the grains have been gathered and everything seemed to fall into place. But not for me. The stranger with ruby eyes haunted my dreams. I could see him standing in the far off trees, watching over my room, but then, I'd wake up. I dreamt of touching his thick hair. I dreamt of knowing his name, but those were not real. Those were dreams that seemed to shatter today, when the news of my father's skemes finally reached me. “There is no way in Hell, I will ever shut my mouth!” words spill out of my mouth like nothing mattered anymore. “Where have you learned to speak like that, child!?” the older woman seemed shocked, while my father simply sighs and swallows his response. “Oh, piss off, mom!” I hiss through my teeth, throwing my hands up in the air in frustration. “I am not going to stand by and watch you gamble with my damn life!” I spit out and my hands fall in anger, fists slamming into the table a
Last Updated : 2023-03-08Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Consequences
"Nesta?!" a loud voice howls my name and I hear it echoing off of the walls in the house. I shot up from my bed and took a long pensive look outside. The sun was setting and I was supposed to be getting ready for tonight's sermon. "Where are you, brat?!" My father's voice nears my room and by the time he gets to the door, I am standing up, my back straight, my hands gripping the book behind my back. The door opens with a swing and the gray haired man stands in the doorframe, eyeing me with that hateful look in his eyes I knew he gave my mother quite often. "Why are you not dressed?" he asked, scanning my dress. "I was praying and dozing off, father-" my voice is small and it comes out like a whisper, as I avert my eyes from him, dropping them on the floor. "Tsk!" he huffed and crossed his arms on his chest. "Praying to what? To whom?" "Ferdinand-" I hear my mother's voice, begging for him to not go on with whatever he had planned for me right now. My heart skips a beat and I
Last Updated : 2023-03-09Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Unholy monster
He is a good foot away from me and if he would extend his arm and try to grab me, he would not struggle much. I see the anger that sparks into his eyes and I know I've overstepped my position. A lump forms in my throat as the spark in his eyes grows into something so twisted I could not recognize. There was anger, there was hate, there was madness, but this seemed to be a pleasure he found into all of those things. A pleasure he found into the thought of being challenged and knowing he had the power to oppress such challenge. It was something absolutely sickening that further proved to me that I did not belong at his side. With a twisted smirk and an inhuman grimace on his face, the man grabs my arm, squeezing in painfully, forcefully dragging me with him, away from the altar. "You have no idea who you are messing with, girl!" He spits at me, pushing me forward, out through the back door of the church, causing me to stumble down the few steps and fall on the cold ground, scraping m
Last Updated : 2023-03-10Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Pleading
There is little shame in how I hold myself while I walk home. The bleeding had stopped and the blood had now dried on my face, on my chin, my neck, my hands and my sore knees. My dress has a few holes in it and stains of dirt and mud. As I walk down the streets, nobody seems to take notice of me. It almost seems like the blood on my face makes me suddenly unappealing and something to be shunned. By the time I reach home, the fires are all burning and the house smells of my mother’s special apple pie. A faint, exhausted smile crosses my lips as I enter and take off my coat, to hang it beside the few others. “Nesta, is that you?” I hear my mother’s voice from the dining room and I hear the way the cutlery and plates ring when she sets something on the wooden table. “Yes, mother!” I reply with a dry and rough voice. Before I made my way through the house and meet my mother, heavy footsteps descend the stairs, coming down to greet me. My father pauses as soon as he lays eyes on me, hi
Last Updated : 2023-03-18Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Murderous intents
I hear screams and I hear yelling. I hear hounds barking and I can’t believe my father rounded up more than a handful of men to chase me down and bring me back home. Truly, I never expected him to care! Why would a man literally sell me off to someone, only to chase me down and drag me back? Did he not receive his payment yet? Was this not about me being a huge pain for him? If i disappeared, I’d be no one’s pain anymore! Why was he chasing me.. Why did he so dearly want for me to not be free?! If I had the time, I’d break down crying and I’d pull the hair right out of my scalp trying to wrap myself around the frustration that this whole situation had brought to me. But I did not have the luxury of time! I was being chased through the forest, while darkness swallowed everything I could see. I could barely see a few feet ahead, and I was dodging trees at the last moment. My lungs were burning and aching, screaming for me to stop. My legs were protesting every little twig we snappe
Last Updated : 2023-03-21
Latest chapter
Sincerely, your Cursed Lover The kind,handsome stranger named Lazarus
Despite the calm and collected way, almost laid back, he talks to me, I still feel like I am being preyed upon. Hunted and closely monitored by the same man who was sitting not even two feet away from me.But despite this, the feeling of it was not as scary as it should have been. I wanted to draw him out and play. It was like a strange affiliation the prey has upon its predator. To tease and taunt, to show that it knew it was being hunted.“That’s right-“ I realize I was not as forgetful as I thought I was. He was simply rude enough to not introduce himself at all. “I never got to introduce myself either… yet, you know who I am…” While I know I should be bothered about it, I’m not. Actually, I feel a bit special. Special enough that someone looked at me and decided I was worthy enough to know from a distance. That I was not some backstory character in my own life.“You got to introduce yourself long ago.” He speaks in such an ominous way that I feel a sliver of a threat in his voice
Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Introduction
Long before dawn comes creeping, I manage to fall prey to tiredness and I fall asleep, crawled by the fire, on the large sofa. I have pulled the blanket all the way here along with most of the pillows and made myself a comfortable nest. A dreamless sleep that proved to be restless and more or less useless at this point. Fatigue has gripped both my body and my mind and I wake up dizzy and uneasy. The room is silent and by the way the coals look, the fire has gone out long ago. But I was not feeling cold yet. As I crawl out of the bed and make my way to the windows, I'm not surprised to find the sky completely Grey, with thick clouds covering and hiding the sun that's not eager to show its face just yet. The landscape is hurdled under a thick coat of snow and the clouds are still shedding big and fluffy snowflakes. By the looks of it, the room I am in is quite high above the ground and I can't help but try to open the window.But the mechanism is so old and hasn't been opened in long e
Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Bothersome thoughts
He pulls away before any of us can fall prey to our urges. We were so close, I could taste his breath on my lips and I wanted nothing more but for him to lean down further and claim mine. He didn’t though. He might have been the first man to ever turn something like this down. An opportunity for intimacy was rarely turned down, and yet, he pulled away and walked off, towards the couch, where he seemed to fall down like a marble statue.He seemed tired. He - Something inside my mind clicks. I didn’t even know his name! This stranger took me in, tended to my wounds and I did not even ask for a name?! Where were my manners!? But the silence that has set over the room seemed impossible to break, as I remained in my bed, watching the back of the couch. I can’t see him. But I know he is there. I can’t hear him breathe. He doesn’t move either. It’s like I'm all alone in this room, but I am certain I am not. There is a strange tension in the air, and despite knowing he is awake, I can’t brin
Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Gentle Wildfire
Intoxicating. That’s what his scent feels like. And truly, the fact that as soon as it floods my lungs, all the demons scurry away, it’s all I need right now. My frenzied heart feels as if it’s about to get out of my chest, rip right through my ribcage and leave a hole in my chest. The man is silent, but there is gentle care in every single touch he offers me. A gloved hand moves over my face, his fingers hooking under my chin, and making me look up at him. His ruby red eyes pin mine into a soft and calming gaze.“I am not letting anyone lay their hands on you, Nesta.” he whispers, his hand moving up slowly and cupping my cheek. “Now, breathe-” he takes in a deep breath as a demonstration of how I should calm my frenzied and uneven breath.With a few shaky attempts, I follow him and eventually end up breathing slower, following his example. Happy with me, he offers me a smile, a kind one that reaches all the way to his odd eyes.“Good. Now-” he whispers and before I can understand wh
Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Tenderness
The way the hairs on the back of my neck stand up make me feel almost delighted about his little threat, but my eyes narrow on him and I let out a gentle huff, watching him with skepticism. “Is that a threat?” I ask, in a low voice.He seems stern and unamused with my little bratty attitude. Yet, he does not make me feel unsafe. The way he looks at me, with a dark hunger I can not understand, is not mean, or harmful and with the simple fact he, so gently, took my legs into his lap to tend to them, made me understand a handful of things. I was trapped, but this would not be as bad as the trap that I had escaped.The memories of fleeing home all stumble at once in my mind and overwhelm me. My breath hitches in my chest as the meadow springs up, the memory of dripping blood making me a bit nauseous.“My father-” I whisper with a bit of shock, my eyes cutting back to his face, round with worry and a sprinkle of fear.The man narrows his eyes slowly, the ruby red color darkening a bit as
Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Home
??? POV:I did not expect her to be this thin. To be this frail and easy to carry. I did not expect her to weigh something close to a child, not to a grown woman. Ever since that evening, I have watched from afar, but I have never noticed the way her cheeks had hollowed until now. I had not noticed that the spark in her eyes was dimming , drowned in sadness and worries no woman should hone and bear within her. Now I can't help but blame myself. And I will not dare blame anyone else for not saving her, because this was my duty. Not theirs. Do I blame them for hurting her? Infinitely! What monster, what creature or wicked animal would ever chase their own child through the woods? What for? To drag them home and have them obey their every whim? When did mankind become so wicked? The scent of blood had filled the forest and was now intoxicating my lungs. The smell of fear and terror had drawn the attention of every single beast, pulling them out of their hiding spots. All wanted a bite
Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Snowfall
He’s got me. Half of my body feels heavy and frozen and I am sure my feet were bruised and hurt to the point that if I could feel them, I would not be able to walk around too much. I was somehow glad someone had the decency to think of this and was actually carrying me instead of asking me to sit up and follow."I can't let him have her!" Ferdinand screams."You should have thought about this before you allowed her to rebel like this!" Father Cassimir yells back and a loud slap echoes through the meadow. "It's your fault my fiancee is now in his arms, not mine!" the older man adds, full of spite. "Let's get you to your wife before you bleed to death-" his voice dims and I feel his eyes not follow me anymore.Behind the stranger, I could hear muffled yells and threats being tossed our way. I could feel the stranger tense as they carried me and held me tight against him, as if they were afraid to drop me. Or maybe they were afraid that if I slip from his arms, he was going to turn arou
Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Murderous intents
I hear screams and I hear yelling. I hear hounds barking and I can’t believe my father rounded up more than a handful of men to chase me down and bring me back home. Truly, I never expected him to care! Why would a man literally sell me off to someone, only to chase me down and drag me back? Did he not receive his payment yet? Was this not about me being a huge pain for him? If i disappeared, I’d be no one’s pain anymore! Why was he chasing me.. Why did he so dearly want for me to not be free?! If I had the time, I’d break down crying and I’d pull the hair right out of my scalp trying to wrap myself around the frustration that this whole situation had brought to me. But I did not have the luxury of time! I was being chased through the forest, while darkness swallowed everything I could see. I could barely see a few feet ahead, and I was dodging trees at the last moment. My lungs were burning and aching, screaming for me to stop. My legs were protesting every little twig we snappe
Sincerely, your Cursed Lover Pleading
There is little shame in how I hold myself while I walk home. The bleeding had stopped and the blood had now dried on my face, on my chin, my neck, my hands and my sore knees. My dress has a few holes in it and stains of dirt and mud. As I walk down the streets, nobody seems to take notice of me. It almost seems like the blood on my face makes me suddenly unappealing and something to be shunned. By the time I reach home, the fires are all burning and the house smells of my mother’s special apple pie. A faint, exhausted smile crosses my lips as I enter and take off my coat, to hang it beside the few others. “Nesta, is that you?” I hear my mother’s voice from the dining room and I hear the way the cutlery and plates ring when she sets something on the wooden table. “Yes, mother!” I reply with a dry and rough voice. Before I made my way through the house and meet my mother, heavy footsteps descend the stairs, coming down to greet me. My father pauses as soon as he lays eyes on me, hi
