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“Oh my god, Sie! What have you done again?” I hissed, as soon as I saw how messy her room was, “Seriously? You’ve been like this for a while?” 

“Sav,” she mumbled, but enough for me to hear it, I looked at her, and I saw her teary eyes, she seemed lost a couple of pounds, and her face was thinner than the last time that I saw her, “I love him, this was the first time that I fell in love, like, serious feelings,”

“Oh, come on, just..” I put all the empty bottles in the bin, “Just go, and date a new guy, don’t embarrass yourself, just because of a guy, you are more than this, Sie,”

“But I love him! I really do!” Sie hissed, followed by a loud cry, “I want him, Sav! I want him so bad!” she continued bawling, I just let her do what she wants and continued picking her scattered stuff, “Why would he do such horrible things? What’s wrong with loving someone?!” 

“I don’t know, I haven’t been in love, Sie,” I answered, honestly.

“Whatever, wait, did Mom tell you I’m like this? Is that way you went home?” she sounded like a child, deprived of something true. 

“Oh, come on, mom always tells me everything about you, I’m basically your mom, get yourself together, you look like a fucking mess, Sierra,” 

“I hate you!” I laughed with that remark of mine, “I mean, I hate you now, but I love you every day!” she continued. 

“All right, I know, now get your ass up, and take a bath, we’re going shopping now,” I caught her, trying to hide her twinkling eyes, upon hearing her favorite word, “I’ll wait for fifteen minutes if you’re not here, I’ll go by myself,”

It didn’t even last fifteen minutes when I heard rushing footsteps, I winked at my mom, who was chuckling while baking some cookies, “We’ll go ahead, Mom,” she gave us a flying kiss before we exited the house. 

“I’ll drive,” I insisted, “Just stay there, and tell me about that guy,” she nodded excitedly, and she hopped on, like an excited kid, I started to maneuver the car, “So, who’s that asshole?” 

“His name is Jackson, and he is super-hot, I mean, a lot, and he’s not that nice, but, that’s what makes him ten times hotter, I got attached, and he told me, he likes me, and asked me to kiss him, after that, he didn’t reply back again,”

“What the heck, Sie? He asked you to kiss him, paano kung may sakit ang lalaki na yon? My god, you’re such a baby,” I said and rolled my eyes, I hit the break, after seeing the red light, indicating of the stop signal. 

“What’s wrong with that? I mean, life is super short, why can’t I do things I want? And I’m liberated, I can do that, I won’t get pregnant by kissing a guy, duh!” 

“Liberated my ass, tapos iiyak iyak ka, saying he left you, and you’re in love, what the heck was that? Ilan ba puso mo? Pito? Walo? Are you an octopus?” 

Instead of getting mad, the car was filled with a loud laugh, “You!” Sie said, still, laughing, while holding her tummy, “Kambal, why don’t you just stay here? Can’t you just bring your job here? I mean, you’re a writer, you can do that, right?” 

“You know why I can’t stay here permanently,” I said, bago iliko ang sasakyan papasok sa parking space ng shopping mall, the personnel handed me a parking ticket, and we got off and enter the mall. 

“I saw a pretty dress last week, I hope it’s still here, it suits you, you will look pretty, come, hurry, let’s get that for you,” she excitedly said. 

“I thought we’re shopping for you?” nagtataka ko na tanong, “Just buy for yourself, marami pa akong damit sa apartment ko, halos hindi ko pa nasusuot, hindi naman ako lumalabas pag umuwi na ko,” 

“No, of course, it’s been a while since we went to shopping together, you can’t refuse, you should have accepted the fact that you’re shopping with me,”

Wala na akong nagawa, nang hilahin niya ako, papasok sa department store, we roam around, as of the moment, she has four dresses on her cart, and I have two, well, I’m forced to take those two. Most of her fans were very considerate when she said that she was taking her time, off the camera, kaya hindi naman kami nagulo sa pag iikot naming, however, since I’m not a shopper, I easily got tired. 

“Can we eat first, Sie?” I asked, while she was trying some heels, “I’m famished, let me eat first, I went straight home when I arrived here,” 

“Oh my, I’m sorry, kambal, come on, let’s grab something,” we decided to eat at a steak house since it’s been a while since I  ate here, it’s been a couple of years since I went shopping, with Sie. 

She kept talking about the guy she said she was in love with, allegedly, pero nakalimutan na yata niya niya iyon, dahil sa dami ng binili niya, I prepared my card, knowing that my twin spent like a queen, however, I ended up, just paying our meal, she insisted of paying for everything. 

“When are you coming back? Don’t tell me, you’re coming back tomorrow, don’t give me that bullshit ha! Trauma pa rin ako sa ginawa mo last time, I prepared tons of stuff to do, tapos one-night ka lang pala dito!” I can’t help but laugh, well, that happens. A year ago, she was seriously frustrated, that I have to go back. Hindi niya ako kinausap ng ilang araw, out of so much frustration. 

“I have a week here, so don’t worry,” 

                                                                 ****

“I’m just going to run some errands, for Pete’s sake, let me go!” inis na sabi ko, dahil ayaw ako bitawan ng kambal ko, I have to meet with a publisher, for my plans about publishing a book in our country, since I’m a freelance writer, abroad. 

“Can’t I come? I don’t have anything to do here, let me join you na kasi! I’m really bored! Please, Vannah! Pretty please!” she kept insisting to come with me, pero hind inga pwede, gusto ko magkaron ng tahimik at maayos na lakad, iilan lang ang nakakaalam na may kakambal sya, kaya naman, ayokong mapagkamalan ako na sya. 

“No, I have to go, I’m going to be late na! let me go na, we still have five days, Sie, let’s make up later when I get home,” she stomped her pink bunny slippers, I kissed her cheek, before storming out of the house. 

“Vannaaaaah!” she shouted, pero hindi ko na pinansin, at natatawa na sumakay ng kotse at agad na umalis, baka mamaya tumakbo pa yon, at sumama sa akin. 

I met with some prospect publisher and talked with them, halos kinain ang kalahati ng araw ko, sa pakikipag meeting sa kanila, sabay sabay na rin kami nag lunch, bago ako tuluyan na nagpaalam sa kanila. I went straight to Sie’s favorite café, to get her something to drink. 

Alam ko naiinis sya sa akin, I need a strong bribe from here, I sat peacefully and wait for my name to be called, I browse on my phone, to see what’s the latest news for today, and if the books I was reading updated, I forgot, that I’ll buy books from here, since I will start to write from this culture. 

“Black coffee for Mr. Jackson, to go,” rinig ko sa speaker, tumayo na rin ako dahil susunod na ako don sa lalaki na naka-suit. Inilagay ko ang phone ko sa likod ng pants ko, at tsaka naglakad, pero agad din akong napahinto nang makasalubong ang lalaki na busy sa phone nya. 

“OMG!” I exclaimed, after I felt a burning sensation, something liquid that streamed to my clothes, and to my arm, “Fuck!” 

The man’s coffee, natapon sa akin! Fucking hot! I almost cry, the crew immediately attended to me, gave me a tissue and ice, telling me to put it. Umangat ang mga mata ko, at hinanap ang lalaki na nakatapon sa akin, he was wiping his white inner, not even taking a glance at me. 

“I think, you should apologize,” madiin pero mahina na saad ko, sandal siyang tumigil at sinalubong ang mga mata ko, “For this,” at bahagyang itinaas ang kamay ko na namumula dahil sa paso ng mainit na kape. 

“You should at least look at where you were going, you even dirt my clothes, I have a meeting to attend, and you’re asking me to apologize for your stupidity? What an absurd reason,”

Nanlaki ang mata ko dahil sa narinig ko na sagot nya, “So, this is my fault? Sino ba naman kasi ang sira ulo na hindi gigilid, Nakita mo naman na may dadaan? Ano ka ba, hari ng daan?”

“Well, technically, I’m on the right side of the lane, your stupidity caused you that,” he looks at his coffee, well, his spilled coffee, “What a damn way to start my day,”

“It’s one twenty-four in the afternoon,” inis na sabi ko, at mabilis na nilagpasan sya, kinuha ko ang order ko, buti na lang dalawa to, at iced coffee ang akin. Mabilis na kinuha ko ang inumin ko at tinanggal ang lid nito, tsaka walang takot na isinaboy sa lalaki na nasa harapan ko, “Chill, you need that ice coffee,”

Mataray na sabi ko, at agad na nilisan ang coffee shop, nasayang tuloy yung kape ko, nakakairita ang lalaki na yon! 

“Vannah, you have a call,” Evan called me from the other room, I’m currently printing most of my materials, “Please answer it,” natawa ako, dahil mukhang kanina pa sya naaabala ng phone ko. 

Tumayo ako at pinuntahan ang phone ko, my forehead creased, when I saw my mom’s name on caller ID, “Ma, hey,” napatigil ako, nang marinig ko ang mahihinang hikbi niya mula sa kabilang linya, “What’s wrong, why are you crying?”

“Savannah,” she mumbled, she can’t speak properly, dahil nga sa hikbi niya, “Please go home,"

“Ma, I just got here, three days ago, is everything okay? What happen? Nag away nanaman ba kayo ni Sie?” she usually calls me, kapag nag aaway sila ng kambal ko, medyo masakit din kasi magsalita si Sie at, ito naman Mommy namin, sensitive, worst combination talaga sila.

“No, it’s not that,” sagot niya, kaya mas lalo akong nagtaka, “Sierra, she’s dead, Vannah,” 

Natulos ako sa kinatatayuan ko dahil sa narinig ko, ni hindi ako makakurap, at makapagsalita, kusang nanlambot ang mga tuhod ko, kasabay ng paninigas ng panga ko, may kung anong pumiga sa dibdib ko, dahilan para maghabol ako ng hangin. 

“Sav?” rinig ko na may tumawag sa akin, “Savannah! What are you doing there?!” 

“I need to go home, take me home please, let me get home,” I keep on mumbling, “I want to go home,”

“Okay, okay, we will get you home, calm down,” naramdaman ko ang kamay niya na humahagod sa likod ko, doon ko napagtanto nap uno na pala ng mga luha ang mukha ko, 

“Please, Evan, get me home,” halos hindi ko na makilala ang boses ko, hindi na rin ako makahinga ng ayos, “Please, get me home,”

“What happens? Talk, Vannah,” Evan’s panicking voice, run through my ear. 

“My twin, Evan,” hindi ko na napigilan pa na humagulgol. “She committed, suicide,”