Secrets and Schemes

I dreamt about him again last night. There was nothing visual, but I could feel his presence. I could always tell when he was near. I just wished I knew who he was. Even as I woke, it felt like he was still laying there beside me. His body was much hotter than my own and made it feel like I was asleep against a radiator. If he had been any hotter, he would have burned me. 

I had no idea how I could have such a connection with someone, but not even know anything about him. I wondered if he knew who I was. If he lurked in the shadows while I slept. I knew he was close, and it made no sense. We lived in a beautiful cabin, but it was high up in the hills of the highlands. There were no neighbours for miles around, and there were rarely any visitors to the area. 

It was just how my father liked it. He believed we were more protected, hidden out there. After his vast years roaming the earth, my mother and I had no real knowledge of if it was really necessary. I knew we needed to stay hidden, but we could hide our true selves anywhere. For me, there was barely anything to even hide. 

Half human, half vampire, I didn’t have the same skills they had. I wasn’t as strong, or as indestructible. I was immortal, but I still bled just like any other human. That was one reason that my father hauled us up in the highlands. I was a liability. He never said it, but we were only there because I was weaker than them.

My parents had no idea what I would even be like in the beginning. They had kept me isolated for just over a hundred years. They wouldn’t allow me to be well, normal, no matter how much I nagged. I couldn’t be a normal human and I couldn’t be a normal vampire. I was in limbo and it was exhausting. The idea of spending eternity in such a place was unthinkable. I would have rather died like a human than lived my kind of half-life. 

Then, to top it off, I could sense him. As though he was begging me to break free from my shackles and join him in the big, bad world. It was making the torture even more unbearable. 

I had left the house; I did so relatively often, but never far, and I had to stay under the cover of the trees. Being careful to stay away from man, woman or beast. My parents left regularly to hunt, but I didn’t need blood to survive, unlike them. Although human when I was born, my mother had long since been changed by my father. It wasn’t even like she could understand what I was going through. She had been a vampire much longer than she had been a human. 

“What are you thinking about, sweetheart? You look so lost in thought.” I looked up as my mum spoke, the concern in her eyes apparent.

I didn’t even think before I blurted it out. “About how ending my existence would be preferable to this miserable life I lead.” She looked taken aback, but I didn’t know why. It wasn’t the first time I had expressed my will for it to be over and done with, and it wouldn’t be the last. 

“I wish you wouldn’t say things like that.” My anger was brewing.

“I wish you wouldn’t keep me locked away like the freak I am, but there we go.” I was being too harsh with my tone. It wasn’t as though I didn’t understand the why, but it didn’t make it any easier to live with.

“You are not a freak, you are a miracle. Bridging the gap and being better than either vampire or human.” She spoke as though she believed every word she spoke, but it felt like just something mums say to their children.

“How exactly am I better? We’re only stuck up here because I am so weak compared to you.” My tone had eased, as had my anger, but I still didn’t believe her opinion of the situation. 

“You’re wrong. We might be up here to keep you safe, but you are not weaker than your father and I in all ways. In some things, you are so much stronger. You might not have as much strength, but you don’t have our weaknesses either. To not be ruled by blood lust is alone an invaluable asset. I just wish you would see how special you really are.” She looked at me wistfully. I knew the main complaint she had as a vampire was the bloodlust. It was something she lived with, but hated every second of it. 

“All mothers say that. It doesn’t make it true.” I stalked off up to my bedroom. Almost as soon as I stepped foot in my room, I felt him. It was as though he knew I was in pain. As though he was drawn to it. I stepped out onto the balcony and felt the whoosh of icy cold air slap me square in the face. At that moment, I would have killed for the kind of internal heat he had. 

I wasn’t even as warm as a human, or so my mother told me. Something inside of me told me that he wasn’t human, not with the heat he radiated, and I was sure he was projecting himself into my dreams. Whenever he was around, it was like a warm glow spread over me. I searched the trees looking for any sign of life, but there was nothing there.

I stumbled backwards. The twinge of pain in my temple throbbed, and then I heard it. “Be patient. You will feel the freedom you desire sooner than you think.” Each word was accompanied by the throbbing of blood in my brain. The husky, dark voice was barely a whisper in my mind, but it was there. 

“Who are you?” Just like that, the warm glow had left me again, and I ached for it to return, for him to return. I might have had no idea who he was, but I knew he would change everything. Somehow, I knew he would be the key to my freedom.