ONE

Although August 28th (my birthday) has always been a remarkable part of every year for me, considering how it was the only day every year I got praised with fond words and showered with thoughtful gifts for something that didn’t require any blood, sweat and tear-filled efforts from me, something as mundane as complying to the force that thrutched me out of my mother’s womb, I had a strong feeling this particular one was going to be the most remarkable of them all.

I turned sixteen today and I had an impending mission in mind.

A mission to live.

And no, I wasn’t sick or dead, just in case you’re wondering. Ajuri Daniels was very much healthy and alive, but she wasn’t living. People who know me well would understand what I’m saying better but permit me to explain for the sake of those who don’t.

You know those set of students who act like they’d been teachers in their past lives; who were usually the teachers’ pets, fully inextricable from the front seat in the class like they had a blood covenant with it, laughed at only the jokes the lecturers found funny, made sure to answer every single question asked in class, never hesitated to remind the teachers about assignments given, and also spent almost every moment of their life reading and representing the school in competitions, I was the queen mother to those students. Should I say I schooled them? No, I was their role model. In fact, I PAVED the way for them.

My entire life basically revolved around three things; school, my books and science documentaries, and I was very much comfortable living life that way.

Well, I was, until I came across an episode of the renowned podcast, Life with Sissy Eko, yesterday night, with the beguiling topic ‘Things I wish I could tell my younger self, which successfully lured my mind to take a short break from my accustomed TED health and TED talks daily. In that episode, the anchor, popularly known as Sissy Eko, did nothing but whine about how much she despised her life after she got married because she didn’t have fun when she still had the opportunity to. While listening to her glorify the importance of making the most of every moment in your life so you won’t have anything to regret, I was plunged into an eye-opening moment of self reflection that made me see for the first time just how boring my own life was. The last time I had anything related to that word ‘fun’ was when my school organized an excursion trip to The Yankari Game Reserve. I swam, played hide and seek with my classmates and also had a good time watching the animals.

But that was six years ago.

The pain in Sissy Eko’s voice managed to seep into my entire being the same way every single song in Asa’s V album did, invading the depths of my very soul and even going as far as waking me up this morning with the profound impulse to live life differently today, as I celebrated my sixteenth birthday.

Being quite clued up on the fact that I was the most boring person to ever walk this earth, I called upon the only person who was capable of helping me achieve my purpose for today, Lola Adenuga, my life buddy.

Born and raised in a sanctimonious home, her father being a minister and her mother an usher in a deeper life Bible church, Lola and her elder sister, Grace, grew up to be the complete opposite of who everyone, me inclusive, expected them to be. It remained a mystery in the hearts of all those who knew them, how a house with parents stricter than Georg in The Sound of music — where the girls weren’t allowed to use perfumes or heavily scented soaps, cream and powder, plait any hair other than the hideous kiko rubber thread hairstyle, have access to any form of technology or wear trousers or clothes that exposed their armpits and knees (lifestyles which they upheld as secular and profane) — were able to produce the two most licentious bad bitches I’ve ever known, Lola and her elder sister. I can still remember how shocked I was the day I saw Lola in the back seat of the class, way back in primary three when we were just nine, with a boy seated closely beside her and his hands inside her pants and rubbing against her clit, especially since the disapproving glare her mother gave me the day she saw me laughing and talking to the class prefect while I asked him to help me with a math problem, had never left mind.

Lola and her sister grew worse as they grew older. Wild parties. Wild friends. Sneaking out when their parents weren’t at home and using a church vigil as an excuse to go out when they were at home. Older boyfriends. Both of them losing their v cards even before they turned fifteen. It was very obvious they took that Y.O.L.O principle to heart.

But Lola’s wild vibe was exactly what I needed today.

Only thing was I was beginning to reconsider my decision as I stared at the list she’d made for tonight. I’d forgotten just how extra Lola could be.

“Get drunk”. I read the words on the list aloud. “Dance with a stranger. Try smoking a blunt. Flirt with a handsome boy. Get your first kiss. Get your breast…..” I held out the note to her, not bothering to finish reading out the list because it was of no use. I wasn’t doing one thing written there.

She folded her arms on her chest, making no move to take the note. “Why are you giving it back to me?”

“Because there’s nothing to see in this paper, just one thousand ways to die”.

“What do you mean?”

“This is too..” I glanced back at the list for some inspiration on the perfect word to describe the unsavory things listed in it, which my brain instantly produced as my eyes lingered on number six, give someone an erotic lap dance. Jesus. This wasn’t the kind of fun I’d pictured in my mind’s eye. “…reckless”.

“Exactly!” She threw her hands in the air. “You finally get it. It’s bad-bitch-o’clock sister! The perfect time for the initiation into the level-up age!”

“Count me out”.

“I don’t understand you. I thought you had changed when you texted me this morning to tell me that you wanted to have wild fun today”. She taunted with a chuckle. “What were you expecting we’d do? Go and read a book? Go to the zoo?”

My eyes tightened into a frown at her invidious mockery of a few of the things I enjoyed doing for fun. I hated whenever she did that and she knew it.

“And what’s wrong with that?”

Her smile vanished as she scoffed at me with wide eyes, her expression mirroring the exact one I had on my face the day she’d told me how she thought Egypt was a country in Asia. “Everything is wrong with that. You must be crazy to even think I’ll follow you to do something like that, to even think I’ll make sure we’re both dressed this classy and beautiful for something as basic as that”.

I looked down at my outfit; a black backless mini body con dress, with a hollow, cut out at the side that exposed the entire skin of my stomach, and then shifted my inspective gaze to the yellow skimpy body con dress she was wearing, which could barely even cover her big butt. Did someone change the definition of classy while I was sleeping? We look like we’re headed to a hook-up party.

“Where are we even going to do all these things you wrote here?”

“Finally. I’ve been waiting for you to ask that and now that you have, let me reveal the surprise I told you I have for you. Consider this your birthday gift”. She announced with eyes twinkling from excitement as she moved over to the couch beside me to pick up her bag. I watched her half-heartedly while she zipped it open and rummaged through it. “Ta-da!”. She brought out two tickets and wiggled them in front of my face.

My mouth dropped when I got a clear view of the tickets dangling in front of my eyes. “No way!”. I snatched them from her hands, wanting to feel them for myself to see if they were real. They were real! “You got us tickets to the Shayo Club?!”

“Yes!” She squealed with delight, conflicting my surprised response.

“How? How on earth did you get this?”

She snatched them back from me and replaced them in her bag. “I have my ways”.

“I want the full explanation”. I demanded. She can’t just give me that after showing me tickets to the poshest club in the whole of Port Harcourt, the place which always trending on the lips of every cool kid (whom I prefer to tag as truant) in my school. I was very certain a huge number of them would be willing and eager to send me and Lola to the great beyond just so they could get a hold of those tickets.

“I know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows a bouncer there and he helped me get them”.

I pursed my lips at her deceptive reply. Surely, that would have had the convincing effect she expected it to if I was someone she just met on the road for the first time, but I knew Lola too well to know that was just a euphemistic version of the main words she wasn’t letting out of her mind, ‘I got it from a guy I’m dating who I can’t let you know about because he has some unappealing toxic and caveman qualities your naïve ass won’t approve of’.

“And how were you able to make arrangements with that someone in less than ten hours, if I’m not mistaken?” I asked with my suspicion clipped right onto my tone.

“Ajuri, don’t you think you’re worried about the wrong thing here? Today is a good day. It’s your birthday. We’re hanging out together. Your mother travelled and we also have tickets to the Shayo club. Isn’t this the perfect time to live life like no wahala?”

God, I hated how good Lola was at manoeuvring herself out of interrogative situations, especially the ones where she was hell-bent on taking the answers to the grave, situations just like this. I kissed my teeth as I grudgingly let the matter slide. In much as I was dying to know the infernal jerk she was dating now, considering how Lola had a spiritual magnetic pull deeply rooted in her veins that always managed to drag abusive and manipulative men her way, she also had a good point. The major motive behind this gathering was for us to decide on the perfect way to spend today living like Larry. There would be so many other golden opportunities to discuss this later, where she wouldn’t have any chance to escape, like right after we get back from this club.

“Fine. Let’s go live like larry!”. I told her just as she flung her bag over her shoulder. My uneasiness with the list she’d compiled was long forgotten now that she’d mentioned that we were going to The Shayo Club.