Chapter Three

"Who's the lucky girl?"

Startled for a bit, Sane immediately straightened upon seeing Nikolaj who was giving out a light smirk in front of him.  He was looking at him with an amused look on his face, and it seemed like there was no better thing going inside the guy's mind. Sane knew the guy too much.

Niko was not the sanest member of The Dotish. But no one was really sane in The Dotish in the first place. They talked about avocado dreams, beautiful girls, how bad Miss Reyes' singing, mashed potatoes, moms, why Mrs. Roffeus baked a lot and every single thing Sane didn't really understand. No wonder the band had so much chemistry. Birds with the same feather really did flock together.

Sane shook his head, shaking the image of that pair of black eyes staring down at him that he would still remember from time to time. The more he forced himself not to think about it, the more it creeped into his mind.. He felt the hairs around his body stand up once again, sending shivers down to his spine.

Sane looked away before clearing his throat. "Shut up. No girl can ever be lucky with me," he said before letting out a laugh that turned out to be shaky. "And I wasn’t thinking of a girl."

He hadn’t even dated anyone in the first place as Sane had been setting his priorities straight. But it would be hypocrite of him to say that he had never liked anyone. He liked someone before. They were blockmates back in his freshman year, but it was shortly cut off as the girl transferred to another university. Since then, he swore not to engage in a romantic relationship as he already had a lot to manage on his plate. He thought if he’d ever find someone, he was already a better person, hopefully. 

Niko sat beside him before lighting a cigarette. "Thinking about your scholarship?" he asked.

His eyes immediately widened in shock after hearing what he said. "What—? H-How did you know?" he asked in disbelief. His heart immediately started banging hard against his chest. He couldn’t help but feel nervous because he had never told anyone about it in the first place, and he wondered why it was so easy for Nikolaj to say then, especially when Sane was thinking that he was hiding it decently. 

It had been almost a week since he read the letter, and he couldn’t help but think about it every single day. When he found out about the scholarship, he made his mouth shut. He told no one, even his best friend, Haniel, because of the fear of the news getting to his mom as he was also used to facing his problems alone.

He still hadn’t gotten the guts to share it to anyone, even felt the need to end it all because of it last night. He didn’t want to see the pity in the other people’s faces. He wasn’t ready to see that as he’d only be reminded of the past when people would look at him with pity plastered across their faces whenever he passed by.

He needed no pity.

So, how did Nikolaj know?

The guy smiled a little before shrugging. "I don't. It was just a guess, a lucky guess."

Sane felt devastated after hearing that. "Shit," he cursed before biting his lip, and whispering, "Sorry, God."

Now, he couldn’t even deny it as his reaction had already told the guy the truth, and Nikolaj wasn’t dumb to be unable to take hints.

He heard him laugh a little. "If you don't want others to know, you should hide it better. Your countenance tells a lot," he said before puffing out the smoke from his cigarette. "You won't actually know it ain't an apple if you haven't seen a spinach." 

He ignored the last statement before letting out a long sigh. "Please don’t tell anyone about it. I’m not ready for people to know.." Desperation was very evident from his tone, and he was hoping that Nikolaj could understand why he was feeling that way.

The guy smiled before patting his back as a gesture of reassurance. "I won't tell a soul. Besides, it is not my pie for me to share." He threw the cigarette bud in the ashtray before looking at him once more. "I can help you. I know quite a few people that are willing to help people with cases like yours. That is if you want me to do so."

Sane stared at the guy in an utter awe.

Nikolaj once attained the highest GPA throughout the whole university. He was practically a genius but he kept on shrugging it off, and acting like he wasn’t. "Those are only numbers. It takes more," he once heard him say when confronted about his genius. The guy was one the people that he knew who really had something to boast about but chose not to. When Niko beat him in a regional quiz bowl back in junior high, he kept his feet on the ground. He wasn’t like the others who immediately felt superior towards other students. He didn't even think he was smart. That was why even when Sane found him annoying at times, he looked up to him even when he often hid it. 

As what Sane could notice, Nikolaj was the least appreciated in The Dotish as he had the least number of fans. He was also the oldest but surely not the most mature. Even when the guy was prone to speaking nonsense, Sane still felt the feeling of amazement towards the guy. 

He gave him a genuine smile.. "I don’t know what to say, but thank you."

The guy only nodded, and didn’t say anything before standing up. The door chime made noise as the three other members were already back from their break, making the vicinity loud once again.

Nikolaj tapped his shoulder, looking straight at him with a small smile plastered across his face. "Failing a scholarship doesn't hold the value of your life, Munchkin. You do,” he said that made Sane feel amazement towards the guy even more.

He thought about what he said for a few minutes, and for the first time of the day, he felt a spark of hope.

Yes, it is not the end of me. I have come way too far just to end things because of it.

He smiled at the drummer before nodding.

It was already around two P.M. when the place started clearing out. The band session of the day finally came to an end. They also needed to pack for a big gig that they would be attending so they ended the session earlier than usual which was a good thing for Sane as there would often be more people in the evenings.

Edmund tapped his shoulder. "Liverpool Square,okay?" he said. "I’d be sad, and I won’t talk to you for three days if you won’t come.” Sane couldn’t help but grimace when he started pouting in front of him.

"Stop pestering our baby boy, you dim-witted edshole," said Simon, pinching Edmund's left ear, dragging him across the other side of the room. Edmund coughed, laughing, while chunks of food fell down the floor.

Laughing, Claus approached him before whispering into his ear, "You are lucky, Pal, y'know. You get to hear our songs before we get famous. You'll be proud, y'know."

He could feel the burden in his chest slowly lighten as he watched the boys doing their usual businesses. He smiled before slapping Claus' arm. "Bet on, Santa."

And that was when the last session of the day began. He heard their new song, Chorine, that they would be playing in Liverpool Square. He just listened to them intently, couldn’t help but feel proud of the boys like their own mothers. He couldn’t stress further how they deserved to be known. Even when he couldn’t really support them with their gigs most of the time as he barely had spare time for things like that, he was still supporting the band. That was usually the set-up of everyone. 

When they were done, they bowed in chorus before Sane's claps echoed throughout the room. "That was great," he said.

"Greater than peach apple mango, yeah?" grinned Edmund.

He winked at him before nodding.

The five of them shifted their gaze towards the door when the wind chime’s noise echoed. Daniel, who was sweating a lot, entered the lot before flashing a small smile after seeing them. "Heard the new composition. Nice vocals you have there, Nik," he joked at the drummer who actually had little to no lines.

A pair of sticks immediately came flying across the room, hitting Daniel on the head. "Thanks there, Apple Pie," said Nikolaj with a wide smile on his face. 

Simon laughed, looking at Nikolaj. "He actually gets a line."

"Yeah."

"What line?"

"Yeah," laughed Claus. "The most important line, y'know."

Laughter once again echoed throughout the whole vicinity with Nikolaj only shouting curse words at them. Sane could only shake his head before fist-bumping Daniel who was his co-worker. "Sorry, I’m a little late. Traffic."

"Wow, when did it ever have traffic in Quarry?" asked Simon.

Quarry street was probably one of the traffic-less streets in Penny Lane as big trucks are prohibited there.

Daniel grinned before whispering, "Whenever I pass by. Even the cars chase after me.” He tapped his arm, moving his eyebrows up and down. "They chase after me, you know. You can't relate."

That only allowed The Dotish to tease him even more, saying that he was far too ugly looking to have such confidence.

Sane and Daniel went to the stock room together, the latter changing into his working clothes. He was his co-worker and had his shift after his. Whenever he couldn't work, he'd fill his working hours. He'd do the same with him too as he’d also have emergencies too attend to. Sometimes, it’d be hard work not just for him but for Daniel as well, but that was how things worked in there.. He was glad he had the guy. His twin sister, Haniel, was his best friend that was why they got along together as well as Sane would often come to their house.

Edmund poked his head in. "You coming too, yeah, Nyeal?"

Daniel put a thumb up. "Sure thing. 10 P.M., Liverpool Square. Everyone talks about it, you see. Hard to miss out,” he said. “You’ve gotten really popular, dude. Congratulations! I hope you won’t forget us.”

While the two were talking, Sane muttered his soft goodbye which surely they didn't hear as they were busy talking. He made sure he forgot nothing before slowly going out of the place. Edmund was eating a burger that was why he didn’t notice him leave. He needed to meet with his mom as she’d assist her with his needs in the upcoming school opening. He told her he was already too old to need her assistance, but she insisted in order to make things faster for him. His mom really loved taking care of them that was why he had sworn to take care of her for as much as he wa allowed to.

The sun shone so brightly when he went out but he could still feel the coldness of the breeze hitting his skin under his sweater. He hugged himself before puffing out air. Sane wasn't very fond of cold weathers as they reminded him of those desperate times. Even when things were far different from before, the fear still creeped under his skin.

As he walked, he couldn't help but notice that a few leaves were already falling off trees. Fall was already approaching and he knew he needed to prepare for school as soon as possible. He forced himself not to think about the scholarship yet as it'd only made him feel bad about himself, and he decided to let himself rest. He was already enrolled. He would need to pay once the exam started and by that time, he hoped that there’d already be someone who’d help. He wouldn’t mess up this time. Hopefully.

His mother needn't know about it. He could handle his problems like he usually did.

Handle, yeah, Sane? When you almost jumped off a building? Good handling, Sane.

He swallowed the lump on his throat when he remembered what he almost did. He bit his lip, trying to shrug the thoughts away but they kept on coming. He kept on telling himself not to think about it, but it was hard not to think about that kind of thing especially when there was no The Dotish, and when he was left alone with his thoughts. He once again felt the hard thumping of his heart against his chest when he remembered the thing that he wanted to forget. He could see the sight of those black eyes staring back at him like a pair of black holes wanting to swallow him whole. That immediately sent shivers down to his spine.

He shook his head, trying to deny his thoughts and speculations.

He couldn't have seen that. He was too drunk to even think properly. Maybe it was just his imagination as it was normal to see things that weren't really there, especially when fear had overcome him.

Maybe yes.

Maybe not.

What people said about that rooftop came to mind, and the story of Danna seeing the dead girl before dying in a tragic death. He internally cursed himself. He wasn't supposed to believe that kind of thing. He believed in the High Almighty. He knew He'd protect him from all evil.

Oh, God.

He was immediately startled upon accidentally bumping against someone, spilling hot coffee over his checkered sweater. He winced when he felt the hot coffee against his skin, burning his cold skin. "Oh, damn, man. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it." He heard the man say, trying to wipe his sweater using his hands.

Sane immediately withdrew before waving his hands. “No, no. It’s fine. It was an accident, it's fine." 

The man apologized once more before they parted their ways, but when he was about to step to walk away, he slipped on the ground. He really slipped on a dry pavement. Sane groaned, his back was still aching, and he was certain that it’d ache even more because of it. The man went back to help him up, worry was evident in his voice but Sane couldn't think properly at that moment.

"I'm okay, thank you." He just bowed down to be respectful before finally walking away, more careful this time.

His knees were aching but he continued walking as he checked for his stuff, making sure that he'd dropped nothing. He checked his bag, things over things. His forehead creased when he couldn’t see his wallet. He rummaged through his things before exhalling in annoyance upon realizing. "Shit,” he cursed. "Sorry, God." 

He turned his head to check the spot where he stumbled. There was no trace of his wallet nor was there a trace of the guy who bumped against him. He tweaked his hair, and couldn’t help but let out a series of curses.

His heart was racing so fast. His breathing was ragged, and he could feel his hands trembling because of what he was feeling.

It was a big deal.

Even when there wasn’t any big amount of money in his wallet, it was so important to him. It contained such important things. He had never been snatched in their neighborhood. Stealing wasn't even popular, neither was handpicking. He didn't want to accuse the guy for intentionally bumping into him to get his wallet but he couldn't help himself.

He sighed in dismay.

I'm sorry, God. I'm such a bad guy.

If there was someone to blame, he could only blame himself for not being careful enough. He knew it wasn't right to accuse others just so he could pass the blame. 

He was disappointed with himself for thinking about the man handpicking his wallet.

I've really been a disappointment.

He checked his pockets and bag once more but he failed to see it. He tried running, looking for the man, but he only got aching knees and more frustrating feelings as a result.

He didn’t know what to do. He already had a lot of problems on his plate. Sane couldn't understand what he did wrong for him to experience such misfortune. He was feeling so frustrated he didn't even greet the folks who smiled and said hello, making them follow him with their eyes, confusion plastered across his face.

It was undeniably, a bad day.

He was an unfortunate fool.

He thought that the day couldn’t get any worse. At least he hoped that it wouldn't get worse than that. But of course, the universe wasn’t done with surprises. Bad surprises. It wasn't done with possibly punishing him with every wrongdoing that he did.

When he was on the front porch of their house, wet and frustrated, he bumped into his mom whose eyes were red and puffy. The sight immediately broke his heart, and the feeling of panic immediately surged into his system as he looked at her with a confused expression on his face. She was carrying a big bag with clothes in it, and her hands were cold and shaking as she reached out to him.

He could almost hear the loud and fast beating of his heart when he asked about what had happened. The news broke his heart.

He found out Ride was in the hospital, and was in the middle of life and death. 

And to make things even more heartbreaking, his younger brother was ther because he overdosed himself with pharmaceutical drugs.