Chapter Two

“Hey, boy, wake up. You are not supposed to be here.”

Sane jerked awake, breathing heavily as he met the eyes of a man who he realized to be the janitor after a few seconds. For a brief second, he thought he saw a pair of black eyes which made his eyebrows furrow, but he just shrugged the thought away.

He felt a surge of panic soon after before he started regaining fractions of the memories that happened last night. Those memories immediately made him feel completely ashamed of himself, especially when the janitor had seen him in his hungover state.

"You reek of alcohol. Did you spend the night here?” He heard the janitor once again, but Sane was yet too preoccupied with his thoughtst that he hadn't realized that he was talking to him. 

The janitor watched him with an amused expression plastered across his face.

Sane sat down, never minding the janitor's questions. He massaged his temples when he felt a pang of pain before looking around with an empty mind. For a certain, he was still on the Academic Building rooftop. The sun hadn't shown yet as it was still dark, and the coldness still lingered in the air.

“It's already 4 AM, boy. Go back home. You aren't supposed to be here,” said the janitor once again, probably after seeing his baffled look. He didn't seem annoyed by his presence, but his tone implied that he was eager to send him away which was the best thing to do as the Academic Building rooftop was restricted for students, especially when they were on a semestral break. Feeling guilty and ashamed, Sane finally looked at him before letting out an apologetic smile.

“Yes, sir. I apologize for the inconvenience," he expressed his regret.

The janitor only nodded before picking up the bottle of gin he finished last night. Sane wanted to tell him that he'd take care of it as it was his trash in the first place, but the janitor had already put it in the bin that was sitting beside the man. Even when he felt terribly ashamed of himself for being so irresponsible, he was left with no choice. Shaking his head, he stood up, immediately feeling the pain around his back. He winced in pain before slowly stretching his body to relieve it at least a little.

He looked at the janitor who was looking at him intently, and must be eager to send him away. He bowed down before saying his sorry and goodbye. The janitor nodded, and gave him a small smile. "There are better places to spend the night with, dear. Even a young man like you should not feel so comfortable sleeping in places like this," he said. There was something with what the man said that sent shivers down to Sane's spine.

He swallowed the lump on his throat before bowing once again to show respect. "Yes, sir. I'll be on my way now. Thank you so much, and I apologize once again," he said.

With his crumpled checkered polo and slacks, he set his way back to his house. It was kind of a long way, but he didn't bother calling for a cab. Sure, it could be a bad idea, especially when he wasn't feeling physically, emotionally and mentally fine, yet he insisted to walk. He needed the time to think anyway.

He pulled his hair in dismay after the thought of him almost committing a grave mistake came to mind once more. He wasn't content so he kicked the near bin, knocking it down and spilling the contents inside. Looking at the litter that he just caused, he felt guilty so he put the bin back at its usual place before picking the dirty garbage and putting them back, never minding how foul-smelling it was.

If someone would see him at that moment, that person would think that he was insane.

Maybe I really am insane. I probably have grown crazier overnight.

Sane hated himself. He couldn't understand what had happened for him to almost end everything. He dared not to think about everything bad that could have resulted if ever his cold body would have been found lying on the pavement in front of the academic building. Those possible consequences would surely haunt him even in his sleep as that was the first time that that happened to him. It was the first time that he attempted to do that.

Sane wanted to tell himself not to dwell about the mistakes that he did as what was important at that point was that he was still alive, even when he really couldn't remember everything that happened that night, and how he managed to wake up alive. But even when he wanted to think that way, he still couldn't help but feel angry towards himself, and towards everything that he did, and almost did.

You're too selfish to even think about it, Sane. You deserve the worst.

He punched himself but immediately withdrew the moment his knuckles hit his cheek. “Aww,” he winced, rubbing the side of his cheek. He pouted before kicking an invisible can infront of his shoe. He kicked like it was there, in frustration, in annoyance to himself.

He wanted to hate himself thinking about the reasons why he did that. Why did he even do that in the first place? Was it because he was under the influence of the alcohol? Was it because he didn't allow himself to think about his possible choices first before doing something dangerous as that?

Waves of scenarios flashed between his eyes. He could see his mom crying, caressing his dead and cold body. He could hear the cries of his brother, and even his dad who was in jail. Those imaginary sights broke his heart even more. It was very unlike him. The Sane that he knew wouldn't even want to see his mom crying.

He stopped kicking upon seeing that he was already in front of his house. At the sight of it, he felt a harsh pang in the chest, and he immediately felt the urge to cry, but was able to stop himself before he did so. He had been a disappointment. Failing his scholarship, lying to his mom and even attempting suicide to escape his responsibilities.

He shut his eyes tightly before pulling his hair. He bit his lip to stop the tears from falling as he reached for the gate, swung it, leaving it open.

The house was still and quiet. His mom would've been really worried if he hadn't left a note saying that he'd spend the night at Haniel's house. She didn’t want him to worry even more as they already had a lot to face, and he knew that her mom would only blame herself if he ever opened up to her. He was supposed to help and lessen their problems. He was supposed to be the mature and responsible one, yet what he did spoke for the total opposite. 

Sane sighed before taking off his shoes, and setting them aside on the corner. He walked quietly towards his parents’ room, afraid that he'd wake them up as he also didn't want his mom and his brother to see his countenance at that time. He looked pitiful, dirty, and...sad. He was sure that his brother was also there as he would often sleep beside their mom whenever Sane wasn't there to sleep beside him. Ride didn't like being alone in the room ever since the lowest part of their lives happened.

He slowly swung the door, his chest tightening at the sight of his mom and his brother sleeping peacefully, arms embracing each other. How could he think about leaving them? He might have been under the influence of alcohol last night, but what if he really did it? Who would be there to cater for their needs? Who would be there to be the pillar of the family?

Carefully, he approached the two, spending a couple of minutes staring at their sleeping faces, feeling his tears rolling down his face. He no longer stopped them from doing so as the tightening of his chest was already too painful to bear. The pain in his chest was already too painful to handle.

He breathed deeply before wiping his tears away. He slowly caressed Ride's hair that was all over his face before planting a long kiss on his brother's forehead. He did the same to his mom before muttering a soft prayer.

God, you know I am deeply sorry for the thing that I thought of committing last night. I'll ask no longer for personal blessings but may you not forsake everyone that I love. They deserve so much more than me.

He caressed Ride’s face before leaving the room in a quite manner.

He was exhausted. His head was still throbbing, and he was sore all over his body. He just wanted to rest for the whole day to regain his strength, but he knew couldn't. He still had work, and he didn't want to skip work because of some reckless things that he did. He had messed up almost everything in his life. He no longer wanted to look incompetent once more. He needed to keep his work so he wouldn't mess up again. He needed to prove to them that he deserved to continue working there.

He went straight to the bathroom to get ready, never minding to take a rest even for just a few minutes. There was no time for him to do that. When he was in the bathroom, Sane took time staring at the reflection of himself in the mirror. He looked tired. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his lips looked dried and cracked. He certainly looked like someone who drank last night and spend the night in an uncomfortable place. Not knowing how to hide those aspects in his countenance, he was certain that The Dotish would make fun of him because of it.

He let out a long sigh before silently creeping out of the house. The sun was already shining when he went out. He felt inner peace as its early morning rays hit his skin. He had always liked the feeling of the sun that early in the morning as it made him feel calmer. Sane was glad that even after everything, he was still able to appreciate those little things in life.

He stopped to stare at the sky for a little while before muttering a soft prayer. For a whole minute, he forgot about his problems, and all of the mistakes that he made.

He needed that to keep him going.

The Penny Lane Wine Bar was already open when he passed by. He kept his head down, feeling ashamed remembering how desperate he could’ve looked when he bought the gin. He was able to breathe in relief when he walked past it successfully.

He stopped at Roffeus Coffee and Tea to buy some breakfast which he planned to eat as he walked towards Music Emporium. The door chime made a noise the moment he entered the store. The owner, Mr. Roffeus, immediately smiled upon the sight of him. “Sane, usual order?” he asked.

He thought for a second before shaking his head. “I'll get black coffee for now, Mr. Roffeus.” The man just smiled a little before walking to the counter to prepare his coffee. Sat sat at his usual seat near the circular window overlooking the view of the Grove Street. The more the sun shone, the more he saw the street waking up from its nightly sleep. He was certain that The Dotish was already in the Music Emporium as he knew that they had signed up for a gig there once more. The place would be filled once again, and there would be more work for him to do, but Sane knew that he was in no place to complain.

“Hangover? Oh eto.” He immediately looked up to meet the gaze of Mr. Roffeus who was putting his coffee and two freshly-baked croissant in front of him. Just as an involuntary response, his stomach started to grumble at the sigh of them, smelling the aroma of the croissants with the mixture of black coffee wafting towards his lucky nose.

“I only have exact for the coffee, Mr. Roffeus. I have no spare change to pay for the croissants," he said, avoiding the look of the croissants.

“That's nothing to worry about. It's fine. Your Mrs. Roffeus baked too much for the both of us to handle.” He grinned.

Sane responded with a smile before saying his sincere gratitude towards the man and his wife.

He ate the croissants and drank the coffee before standing up, muttering his thanks to the old man.

He nodded. “A good drink is better with a friend, Child.” He heard the old man say just before he went out.

He bit his lip upon hearing that, but no longer looked back as he felt ashamed for himself. His drinking and what he did last night should be kept in secrecy. The last thing he wanted to happen was for his mom to know what had happened. 

He let out a sigh.

He was still feeling groggy so there was nothing to do but hope for the best.

Sane kept his head down habang papasok siya sa Music Emporium. As expected, the most known band in Penny Lane was already setting up. It was impossible not to know them if you lived across the area. They were Penny Lane's children, The Dotish.

Edmund was the lead guitarist of the band.

“The sanest of them all!” He didn't have to look up to see who it was. As soon as he dropped his bag, he immediately approached him. “Sane!” Just like what he usually did, he landed a gentle punch on his arm. 

He just tapped Edmund's hand. “Not now, Ed,” he said, dismissing him away.

He went to the storage room to change into his uniform.

“Not a good night's sleep, eh?” Claus, the bassist, soon trailed after, peeking his head at the storage room.

If he’d talk about bad combinations, then Claus and Edmund would be the thing. They were pretty good at annoying people, at least him. They didn't even know about personal space.

“Wait, he has a bruise. Had you joined a brawl last night, eh, Sane? Has our Sane gone insane?” Claus teased, poking the side of his cheek like he usually did. He winced when he hit his bruise.

“There will really be a brawl here if you won't help, you muppets!” shouted Simon, the frontman. His forehead was creased as he set his guitar up. The remaining member, Nikolaj, was silent and was only staring at them as he made tricks with his sticks.

Edmund finally let go of him, grinning. “We don't fuck mothers, Marasigan.”

“At least not your mom,” added Clause before the bursted laughing. As innocent and cute the guy looked, their mouths were the opposite. Nag-apir ang dalawa habang naglalakad papunta sa maliit na entablado ng Music Emporium.

Sane could only shake his head as he fixed himself. It was usually like that with The Dotish. The day would be dull without them. That’s why even when they liked annoying him, he still thanked them for filling the silence. 

Usually, there would be little to no customers in the morning, unless there were bands who would come there to perform or to practice. What he usually did was fix the shelves with the disks, the cassette tapes, the song books and magazines. He also tested if the public piano was still in tune, although it wasn't really his job since he wasn't a musician. You couldn’t possibly ignore music when you lived in the area. Penny Lane wasn’t referred to as the Music Capital of the country for nothing.

His mom even said he had spoken Elvis Presley's name first before saying ‘Mom’. It annoyed him when he thought about that because he disliked Elvis. He didn't like style and his moves.

When he was done with those tasks, he then checked the cassette players to see if they weren’t any defects.

Music Emporium also sold various musical instruments. It was hard work to check each condition instrument by instrument that was why the job was only done during Wednesdays.

Later on, the claimed fangirls of The Dotish would soon fill the vicinity, pretending to buy a cassette tape or disk, but in reality, they’d just be there to scream while the band plays. Most of the fangirls were Simon’s fangirls from the university. The guy was a charmer and he had quite the looks.

After that, he'd need to clean up the mess they'd be making. The four would be kind enough to help, though.

The band still hadn’t gotten the big break that they deserved even after two years of performing. They were very popular in Penny Lane, but not so much outside the place itself. However, Sane thought they deserved to be known. The boys weren't all talk. They had the skills and the talents.

He sat on the couch after finishing his tasks, feeling the need to rest after everything. His head still throbbed a little.

His gaze shifted towards the window to see the line of people waiting for them to open. The turning of the sign would mark the start of his day.

He let out a sigh before stretching his arms. “Okay!” He shouted to himself before opening the door.

Pool of people came rushing in, squealing upon seeing The Dotish on stage. When Sane said they were quite popular, he wasn't joking.

He shook his head before standing in position near the counter.

As usual, there were a lot of people who were pretending to be interested with the newly-released song of Jules Felicilda. Although there were ones who were genuinely interested and got there early to buy copies of the tapes. One thing he also liked about working there was that he got to see the reaction of every person, may it be of the smallest things.

He loved it when he saw how their eyes shine at the sight of the bands or the tracks and tapes. It was such a good thing how people embrace music that way.

In a matter of minutes, the place was already packed with people.

Sane saw the smiles in The Dotish's faces. He knew the effort and hardwork those four had been putting in. They deserved the appreciation.

Moments later, they started playing which he really couldn’t hear properly as he was preoccupied with something else. There were a lot of customers that had a lot of things they wanted.

But it was when he heard a few lines, he stopped at his tracks, eyebrows curled.

“And any time you feel the pain, Hey Sane, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.”

He stared at the band. Something flashed between his eyes.

Something black.

Black eyes.

The same ones that flashed between his eyes the moment he woke up a few hours ago.

He felt all of the hair in his body standing upon realization.

“Shit,” he cursed.

That's when he realized. . .

. . .he saw the girl.