5 - My Forever

~Livie~ 

“Jesus, Christ!” He shoves his plate away. Abel does not bother to hide his agitation. With him, it is all passion, the good and the ugly. “You walk back into my life, turning my fucking wet dream into reality, and think you can leave? Babe, if your goal was to be free of me, you never should have climbed on my bus.”  

The chances of him signing the papers are bleak. Stupid me for thinking he would be reasonable. I’m going to spend the rest of my life tied to the worst husband in the world. Seriously. He had sex with my cousin on our wedding night! Who the hell does that? 

I realize I lost control of the situation. I don’t know what to do to remedy the situation. Maybe call my bestie and ball my eyes out. Yes. That is the extent of my master plan. 

By some divine interference, my phone goes off again. I grab my phone when I notice the caller. “I have to take this.” 

“Hello?” I speak quietly as if it matters.

Eliza wastes no time. “You were supposed to call me with all the juicy details!” 

I sneak a covert glance at Abel. Yes, he stares at me while shoveling food into his mouth. “I’m sorry if your desires take precedence over my dire needs.” 

“That’s hanger talking, girlfriend. Have you eaten?”

I nearly choke on a bite of bacon. “You’re right. It’s a clear cut case of the hangries. I’m eating right now. Sorry, I can’t really chat. Too loud.” 

“Not alone, huh?” She catches on quickly.

I don’t acknowledge her question. “I might be home later than I planned. Everything going well?” I say, carefully selecting my words.

She sighs. “Yeah. We’re all good. But do you think you could sing to the little nugget? He’s a bit restless tonight.”

I shoot up from my chair. “Are you sure everything is okay?” Panic threatens to take over. 

“Yes, dear. Calm down.” She laughs. “Just sing the song. I’m no good at it.”

“That’s because you aren’t applying yourself.” I accuse.

“Please? It’s a ridiculous choice for a lullaby. That’s on you.”

People are gathering, pressing in close. Great. I look at Abel. “Hey, I’ll be right back.”

“Livie, what’s going on? What’s the matter?” Abel asks.

“Everything is fine. Give me a moment.” I say. I shove my way to a spot behind a busy tent. It’s the best I can do in the moment. “Put him on.” I say. My eyes close as the sound of his sweet little coos sooth my soul. “Hi, my darling.” I no longer care who is around or listening. “Sing sweet nightingale. Sing sweet nightingale….”

I return to the table in a somber mood. “I’m done. You good?”

Abel shrugs. “Sure.”

We walk back to his bus in silence, mood totally fucked. That phone call was a solemn reminder of my goals and why I am here to begin with. At the entrance to the bus, I shove the papers in Abel’s unwilling hands.

“There is nothing left between us. Sign the goddamn papers so we can get on with it.” Abel looks upset and I regret it. But it doesn’t stop me. Needs must, remember? “If you do not, I will be forced to proceed without your cooperation.”

“You can’t do that! Just talk to me. What happened back there?”

I refuse to make eye contact. “I can, actually. My lawyer says since we never consummated our marriage, it gives me a legal out. And it will become a public matter for all to see.”

“No.” Abel pulls at his hair. “No. Don’t do this! It’s not what I want.” 

All the anger and lonely nights... “I’m sorry. It is much too late for you decide to want your marriage.”

“Livie, please.” Abel pleads, dropping to his knees in the dirt with a growing crowd surrounding us. There are tears gathered in his eyes.

I do not expect this. I prepared for screaming and yelling. I prepared for high acts of drama. I didn’t prepare for heartbreak. I never imagined my heart could take on additional anguish. Fuck! I pull a pen out from my purse and hand it to him. 

“If I sign this, we are done. Forever.” He says quietly.

So much for my happy ending. I turn my back to him. “We were done forever after Anna.” I cannot hide my bitter tone or the new crack in my heart. 

My lawyer’s paralegal helpfully marked each spot for him to sign. I hear him scribbling and turning pages. I am freaking the fuck out. Moments stretch into minutes. Minutes stretch into an eternity. I am on the verge of a breakdown. I almost say something stupid, like I changed my mind. Then, he taps my shoulder with the papers. “Here.” 

“Thanks.” I grab the packet that will eventually lead to soul-crushing finality. I stuff them in my purse and hand him the letter Anna asked me to deliver. “This is for you.” I finally muster the courage to look at him. I might as well memorize once last image of him. I drink him in. This has to last me a lifetime. He glares over my shoulder, totally ignoring my presence. However, I notice his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows.

I smile, basking in his crusty attitude I love so well, and run my fingers through his messy hairdo. Realizing this is the final moment we will share, I hug him. His arms do not wrap around me. I squeeze and hold on tight anyway. “Goodbye.” I whisper.

I turn on my heel and navigate the maze of bodies by myself. After walking forever, I make it to my car. It is no longer trapped. Instead of leaving, I rip apart at the seams. I tumble down into a deep abyss. I don’t know how I will crawl out this time.

“I gotta say, sweetheart. That was some damn show.” 

I wipe my eyes. “What are you doing here, Gabe?”

“I hunted you down to curse you out, call you a selfish whore, gold digger, whatever else came to mind in the spur of the moment.”

My shoulders slump. I guess I earned a verbal thrashing. “Well, then. Have at it.”

Instead of calling me out, he pulls me into a hug. I fall into the comfort he offers. I bury my face into the crook of his neck and cry harder than I have ever cried in my life. He doesn’t bother with useless words. He holds me tight until I have no tears left to cry.