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CHAPTER 13
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Ryan
When she emerges from the bedroom the next morning, I'm wearing the mask again. I'm going to pretend like nothing happened last night and hope she doesn't mention it. We didn't talk about her nightmares. Maybe she won't mention what happened after mine.
The plan works at first. She doesn't say anything during breakfast. Afterward, she remains at the table with her Glock, but it doesn't sound like she's very focused on it. The sounds from the gun are slow and there are often long pauses between sounds. I'm not doing much better, still staring at the same page I opened to after finishing my bowl of cereal. Eventually, I hear the sound of the gun being placed on the table and her chair moving. I feel sweat prickle between my shoulder blades.I continue to stare at the book even as I see her approach in my periphery."You don't have to keep wearing that," she says.I don't move, don't look up, and pretend I've notRelated chapters
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 14
Tayja"There. 45 seconds, as requested."I'm sitting cross-legged on the bed in front of Ryan with my Glock sitting on the bedspread between us. He's been reading in the bedroom, hiding from me, I suspect, ever since we came back inside from an afternoon of target practice. A very, very quiet afternoon of target practice, save for the echoing gunshots.It seems he's given up wearing the mask, but he's still very uncomfortable with me viewing the injured side of his face. While he wore the mask, he was noticeably protective of his right side. Now that he's not wearing it, he's even more so. I'm not certain he even fully realizes he's doing it. It makes me feel sad for him, but part of me knows that he doesn't want that from me. I've decided to treat him as normally as possible. Maybe he'll subconsciously pick up on that and become more comfortable around me.I was correct last
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 15
Ryan"Get up. We're going fishing today." I walk through the living room toward the front door."Fishing?" Ana asks, her forehead wrinkling. She makes no effort to move from her spot on the couch, curled up in a blanket reading a book."Fishing. Our rods are on the porch. Let's go.""Why?""I'm making fish for dinner. Come on." I open the door."Do I have to come?" she asks, looking longingly back at her book."Do you want to stay here alone?" I ask.She frowns. "Can I bring a book?""Fine."She hops off the couch and disappears into the bedroom. I've continued to let her sleep in my bedroom. After sleeping on the couch for a month now, I've become accustomed to it. I've even found that I prefer it. Being only a few steps away from the porch when I wake up from a nightmare feeling hot and panicked is a comfort. Even being able to stare at the auroras dancing through the stars outside the bi
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 16
TayjaI roll onto my back again so I can stare up at the wide-open sky. It's so beautiful out here. The air is a little chilly, but I'm warm lying in the sun wearing the jacket Ryan bought me. The sky is the purest blue I think I've ever seen. The snow-capped mountains in the distance are picturesque. Thick forest borders both sides of the river, full of black spruce trees that look like very tall, skinny Christmas trees. The sounds of rushing water and forest life drift to my ears."Giving up so soon?" Ryan asks, a rare grin tugging at the left side of his mouth."I think the fish made their preferences clear," I say, shifting my gaze to the fish Ryan has caught. When I finally managed to catch one, Ryan said it was too small and that I had to throw it back. "Besides, I don't want to clean out fish guts." I make a face."I'd do that for you if you find it so offensive."I smile at him. He looks back at the river.
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 17
Ryan"What's cooking, good looking?""Sounds like you were expecting someone else's call," I say flatly."You again? Didn't you just call me last week?""I need you to send some things.""I literally just got done with your last order. Aren't the days like, shorter, or something, up there? You must have gotten it like yesterday.""That's... that's not how any of this works.""Whatever. Tell me what you need so I can hang up.""Lovely speaking with you too.""Come on, man, I got numbers from like ten hot chicks last night." His voice becomes distant. "Last night? This morning? Whatever. I just texted all of them and soon they're gonna start responding so hurry it up."I begin rattling off a short list, including enough ammo to keep up with Ana's rigorous attitude toward target practice. When I reach the last item on my list, I pause."I want a dog.""A
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 18
Tayja"Tayja!"I'm back in that room. My living room. Julie is screaming for me as the gun is pointed at her head. I'm frozen. Julie's and my eyes meet."Tayja!"Her scream is desperate. She knows she's going to die. She knows they are going to kill her."Tay-" Her scream is cut short as the gun fires. Her body crumples to the floor."No!" I scream. I wake up, sitting bolt upright in Ryan's bed. "Julie!"I know I'm awake and I know the dream wasn't real. Julie didn't know I was there when she died. She didn't know I could have done something, anything, to save her. She doesn't know that I watched her die and did nothing. I take in a deep breath and scream.Ryan bursts into the room, but I ignore him as I keep screaming, alternating between my little sister's name and wordless cries of anguish.I watched her die. I watched those men shoot her. I did nothin
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 19
RyanToday I brought Ana a little farther along the river to one of the best fishing spots. I was a little surprised yesterday when she agreed to go fishing with me. I dared her to catch something large enough to cook, so it's only fair if I give her a fighting chance. The bend in the river I've brought her to today has some slower spots where large fish like to rest lazily in the weak current. It's my favorite spot for salmon fishing in the summer.Like last week, Ana doesn't seem particularly fond of fishing, but today she has a vested interest. I watch her from the corner of my eye as she stares at the water with a determined expression on her face. I can't help but smile."Fishing is supposed to be relaxing, you know," I say, watching her tense little form.She turns her head to eye me. After giving me a sideways glare for a few moments, she
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 20
AnaRyan doesn't seem to be in the cabin this morning as I begin to prepare breakfast. I wonder if he's out hacking down trees. He seemed really odd last night and wouldn't talk to me. I tried to figure out what I'd done to upset him, but I couldn't think of anything.I go to the window to look out at the forest. I don't see Ryan anywhere. Strange. I turn around back to the kitchen and jump. Ryan is lying on the couch, an arm and a leg hanging off. Near his hand is a bottle of amber liquid that I've never seen before.Is that alcohol? What's going on? I never knew Ryan drank. I didn't even know there was any alcohol here. I take a couple of steps closer to the couch."Ryan?" I ask, somewhat timidly. Usually, he's awake by now. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever woken up before him.Ryan doesn't stir. I edge a little closer."Ryan?" I say with more conviction. He shifts, ro
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 21
RyanI pull the guitar case out from under the couch and stare at it. It arrived yesterday while Ana and I were out at the river. She noticed the small crate when we got back and was curious about the contents. I didn't quite have the courage yet to tell her that I'd bought her a gift. It seemed fine when I ordered it, but I've had some time to think about it since then. Now I'm afraid it's too presumptuous of me. Is it appropriate to buy her gifts?Will she misconstrue this as a sign that I'm into her? Will she interpret this as me making a move? I shove it back under the couch. This was a terrible idea.When Ana emerges from the bedroom to make breakfast, I quickly pick up the Harry Potter book I'm currently reading. After a few minutes, she joins me on the couch with a bowl of cereal."Have you ever tried growing anything here?" Ana asks.I look up, confused. "What?""You know, like fruit or vegetables or something. I read som
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Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 43
AnaI barely realize what's going on as Ryan shoves me to the ground, cradling my head to protect me from the fall. He throws his body over mine, holding me tight and pressing me against the floor.It's only when I hear the gunshots that I realize he's being a human shield to stop me from being hurt. I cry out when he suddenly tenses and groans quietly at the same time as a gun goes off. Was he shot? Oh God, please not this again!Ryan maintains his position, shielding me from the barrage as best he can. I feel tears in my eyes. He can't die! I just got him back.I start to move, wanting to shield Ryan instead. He tightens his grip and bends his head down to my ear."Don't move," he says.Suddenly he is ripped away from me. I look up to see two men hauling him off and a red stain spreading on Ryan's chest. I gasp in horror and begin to cry.I scramble to my feet and fight the overwhelming instinct to cowe
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 42
RyanI come into consciousness slowly, awareness returning to me in delayed flashes. I'm in bed. There is a pressure on my chest. I open my eyes to find that I'm lying in my own bed for the first time in months. Ana is lying next to me, her head on my shoulder and her arm across my chest.What happened?For a moment, I have no idea what events transpired to bring about our present nearness. As I stir, I realize I'm sick. More than just a cold. The flu? My head and body have a dull ache and I feel incredibly weak.Ana moves in response to me shifting under her. She looks up at me and her hand rests on my forehead. I pull back a little in surprise. Why was she sleeping on me? Did something happen between us that I don't remember?"Oh, you're really awake this time?" she asks, her eyes hopeful.I just stare at her, confused. "What happened?"She rolls over on her stomach and props herself up on her elbows.
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 41
Ryan I'm back in that makeshift hospital tent, the hot Afghan wind offering no relief from the burning in my skin. I've got a raging fever and my head is killing me. The burns on my arm, torso, and face feel like they are ablaze. I hear a voice speaking to me."Please wake up, Ryan."For a brief moment, I think the voice belongs to Saph. But that can't be right. I don't want Saph to be here with me. I'm not in love with her anymore. I'm in love with someone else. I love her more than I ever loved Saph."Please wake up."Ana. I love Ana. I want Ana. How could I ever have confused her with Saph? Somehow, Ana is here with me in Afghanistan, here to comfort me during one of the darkest moments in my life. I open my eyes to see her sitting by my bedside. All around her is the chaos of that tiny hospital tent. The sounds of the battle outside echo distantly, but when I look at her, I feel the world stop and re
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 40
Ana"He's not dead, you fool!"I nearly shout at the book in my hands. Casper looks up at me from his spot near my feet. The female protagonist has given up hope that her love has survived a plane crash, despite the fact that he's very, very alive and trying to find her. In my frustration, I look up from the book and out the window. It's getting dark outside. Drawn out of the story and back into real life, the bad feeling in the pit of my stomach returns.I've spent the day alternating between berating myself for not speaking up last night and trying to read to keep my mind off what happened. I should have said something. I should have told him! But I was just so blindsided by the realization that he doesn't hate me, that his actions were born out of a heightened sense of self-defense instead of general disgust for me. He'd been avoiding me for so long that I thought he was mad at me, not... whatever this is.I waited
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 39
RyanI look out the door of the shed to see that the dismal grey clouds filling the sky have finally begun to precipitate. A dreary rain taps out a muted, doleful rhythm on the roof of the shed. The wind blows a cold shiver through the trees.The weather matches my mood perfectly.Last week, I almost kissed Ana. For some reason, that's messing me up more than any kiss ever has.Once upon a time, kissing a girl wouldn't have merited a second thought. Once upon a time, I was considered a catch. I was popular, handsome, and wealthy - the three things all the girls I used to know wanted in a man. Now I'm none of those things. I have no friends, unless you count Ana. Anyone who catches a glimpse of my face can see I'm now more off-putting than I ever was handsome. I suppose I've still got access to the same deep pockets, but the affluent lifestyle of my family is so far removed from anything I want now.Su
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 38
AnaI look up at the overcast sky and feel a chill sinking into my bones as a cold wind blows through the clearing. What a perfect day to be outside , I think sarcastically, frowning as I pull my hat down to cover my ears."What happened? A week ago, it was perfect. Now it's like the North Pole has declared war."Ryan pauses, resting his shovel on the ground and turning to look at me with an expression of incredulity."You think this is bad? It's above freezing right now. This is nothing. Wait until it's 20 below as a daytime high. Then you can complain."I gape at him in horror."Twenty degrees below zero? Fahrenheit?""In January, this area spent over two weeks below zero. Got as cold as thirty-five below last winter."I look around at the wildlife surrounding the cabin. "How is anything still alive here? How is this not an Arctic wasteland?""The inhabitants have learned to adap
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 37
RyanI sit alone on the riverbank, watching the current sweep briskly past, pulling my fishing line along with it. The bright sunlight sparkles off the little crests and troughs of ripples in the water's surface. A light breeze teases the weeds at the edge of the riverbank and leaves in the trees of the forest beyond. Melodic strains of birdsong, sounds of the forest, and the water rushing quietly by all blend together into the soothing rhythm of peace.I've done this more times than I can count, spending hours and hours sitting by this river, reveling in the vastness of this place and the absolute solitude. The peace and stillness out here used to be my refuge. But at some point, that changed. Now it feels different. Something is missing.I'm not exactly certain when I started realizing I felt this way. I'd always felt a certain pang of despair anytime I'd caught myself thinking about Saph. Tha
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 36
AnaI creep out of the bedroom quietly. Ryan's still asleep, but I had a dream about waffles last night and I have the power to make those dreams come true. I open the cabinet and reach for the waffle iron up on the top shelf. Ryan must have been the one to put it away last, because it's just barely out of my reach. I stand up on tippy-toes, my fingers grasping for the handle on the end. My finger brushes it. So close! I close my eyes in concentration.Suddenly I intuitively know that someone is standing right behind me. I'm not sure exactly how I know that. Maybe I felt his body heat in the close proximity, or I felt the soft stirring of his breath on my cheek, or perhaps I heard him moving behind me. All I know is, Ryan is standing very, very close to me now.I open my eyes and see his hand brush mine as he reaches for the waffle iron, easily grabbing it and bringing it down for me. A sense of deja-vu settles over me, like
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 35
Ryan"Damn it."I watch the screw fall and disappear somewhere on the ground. At this rate, I'll have to call Joe again and order more. I frown at that thought. I'd rather crawl around in the dirt searching for a screw than talk to that jerk.I descend the ladder carefully and sigh as I crouch, scanning the ground for the little piece of metal. I'm just one screw short of maybe being able to convince Ana to come outside again at dusk. After that incident with the bear three weeks ago, she strictly refuses to come outside after the sun has gone down. Which, by now, is just after 8 pm. The days will only continue to get shorter.A dim metallic wink catches my eye and I spot the screw. Finally. I shove it in my back pocket and risk life and limb once again to ascend the ladder. These floodlights better work. I hold the light, the bracket, and the screw in place with my right hand and fit the drill bit into the screw head w
