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CHAPTER 21
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Ryan
I pull the guitar case out from under the couch and stare at it. It arrived yesterday while Ana and I were out at the river. She noticed the small crate when we got back and was curious about the contents. I didn't quite have the courage yet to tell her that I'd bought her a gift. It seemed fine when I ordered it, but I've had some time to think about it since then. Now I'm afraid it's too presumptuous of me. Is it appropriate to buy her gifts?Will she misconstrue this as a sign that I'm into her? Will she interpret this as me making a move? I shove it back under the couch. This was a terrible idea.
When Ana emerges from the bedroom to make breakfast, I quickly pick up the Harry Potter book I'm currently reading. After a few minutes, she joins me on the couch with a bowl of cereal."Have you ever tried growing anything here?" Ana asks.I look up, confused. "What?""You know, like fruit or vegetables or something. I read somRelated chapters
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 22
AnaThe sound of a helicopter hovering outside wakes me up again, though fortunately it doesn't send me into a panic this time. I rub my eyes and sit up. The morning sun shines through the drawn curtains, a strong departure from the dreary, rainy weather of the past week. As I stretch and yawn, I hear the sound of the helicopter's rotors speeding up as it begins to depart.I wonder what's been delivered. Ryan hasn't ordered more groceries and supplies, that I know of. He said he'd consult me before he made his next order. I'd been hoping to get a few more books, including a cookbook with a wider selection of desserts. I climb out of bed. After getting dressed, I'm heading for the front door when Ryan walks in from the porch."What is it?" I ask.He looks at me sideways, with the right side of his face inclined away from me, as he usually does. "It's a surprise," he says.I raise my eyebrows. Is this an
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 23
RyanI wake to the sound of the dog skittering across the cabin floor. The room is already illuminated with mid-morning sunlight despite the early hour, a consequence of the 4:15 am sunrise this time of year. The puppy stops as he passes the couch on his way to the front door and heads toward me, tail waving. I reach down and rub his fuzzy head. He spent the night in the bedroom with Ana. The training books don't recommend it, but I thought this arrangement would probably be more comfortable for all involved. Ana's crying still wakes me up on occasion and the puppy was very distraught last night at the prospect of sleeping in the carrier he arrived in."Hi boy," I say as the dog twists his head to lick my hand. He nuzzles his head against the couch and stares up at me. "Come on up," I say, taking the hint and picking the dog up off the floor. I place him on my chest. Finally dry af
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 24
AnaI toss a stick across the yard and Casper bounds after it gleefully. He hasn't quite mastered the art of returning the stick, but it's a start. He wanders over to where Ryan is hammering away at the frame for the greenhouse, stick clamped firmly between the puppy's teeth. Ryan looks up from his work and reaches for the stick, engaging in a game of tug-of-war that ends with Ryan gently scolding the puppy for not relinquishing the item as requested. Casper looks appropriately shamed until Ryan throws the stick for him and he races out across the yard again. Ryan wipes his brow with his sleeve and looks over at me."Want to take a break from that?" he asks, indicating the task I've been working on: tilling the soil for our new garden."Do I ever," I reply, happily throwing down the shovel. The soil around the cabin is rocky. Preparing the earth for the garden is proving more di
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 25
Ryan"How about here?" Ana asks, spreading her arms out wide and twirling. The stuffed backpack causes her to lose her balance and nearly spin out of control. She giggles and her cheeks look a little pink. I can't tell if she's embarrassed or just warm.I look around, inspecting the meadow she's picked for our impromptu summer solstice camping trip. Her Midsummer's Eve party, as she's been calling it since she talked me into this trip yesterday. Casper frolics around her feet, his white fur quickly becoming brown in the dirt and mud. Ana smiles up at the sun shining down on us from high in the sky. For a moment, I just watch her bathe her face in sunlight, her smile shining as radiantly as the sun. She looks back at me expectantly."This is fine," I say quickly, walking past her to unpack the tent.She sighs happily behind me. "Isn't this weather so great?" she asks."It's
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 26
AnaI pull the last stubborn weed out of the tomato patch and toss it on the heap for Ryan's compost pile."I have another offering to the compost gods," I call to him.Casper scrambles to his feet at the sound of my voice and watches me warily from the other side of the electric fence. Ryan installed the fence soon after the little garden was planted to keep critters out. Casper found himself included in the list of animals repelled by the sharp sting of the current running through the fence only a few hours later. I'd like to say Casper learned his lesson, but it wasn't until two more zaps that he finally developed a respect for the barrier.Ryan emerges from the shed and wordlessly gathers up the biomatter I've set aside for him. He spares me a slight glare for my teasing comment. I laugh at his annoyance, which I'm pretty certain is mostly a farce. He ducks his head, but I catch what might be a small quirk at the co
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 27
Ryan"What do you mean, today's your birthday?"Ana's hands are on her hips in a display of annoyance.I blink twice and cock my head slightly to the side."I mean, exactly twenty-seven years ago, I was born," I say, not sure what she's getting at."Ryan," she says in exasperation, her voice taking on a sing-song quality with a bit of a whine. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She reaches out and pushes my left shoulder gently in a playful gesture.For the briefest moment, she reminds me so much of Saph that I tense. Saph used to do that, to whine and say "Ryyyaaaan" any time she wasn't getting what she wanted."I could have made you a birthday cake," she says, sounding regretful. "A chocolate one. With this amazing icing my mom used to make that was borderline fudge. Fudge, Ryan! Fudge!"Her words suggest annoyance, but her demeanor says otherwise. Her face is spl
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 28
AnaSomething wakes me up early in the morning. I squint at the dim light filtering in through the curtains and look at the clock on the bedside. It's just before 4 am. Why am I awake?Casper is awake too, looking at me like I just kicked him."I don't know, pupito , it wasn't me," I tell him. He doesn't look convinced.Casper's ears prick and I look up as an odd sound breaks the early morning quiet. I frown and climb out of bed, moving quietly toward the doorway. As I open the door, I hear the sound again, something between a moan and a cry of pain. It's coming from the couch.What if Ryan's having another night terror? Dread fills my stomach. As I rush over to his side, his cries become more frequent and more distressed. I gasp when I reach him. Ryan is clawing at the right side of his face with both hands, his cries of pain bordering on scr
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 29
Ryan"It's the seventh?"I look up to see Ana staring at me with wide eyes. I'm listening to the weather radio broadcast and the monotone robotic voice just announced the current date and time."Yes?" I say, wondering why that's so hard to believe.Any semblance of light, joy, or happiness drains from Ana's face. Her expression reminds me of her demeanor when I first met her - a darkness inside her soul that threatened to drag her down into despair at any moment."What is it?" I ask.Ana hugs her arms against herself. "It's Julie's birthday." Her expression becomes tight with anger."Oh," I say, not knowing how else to respond. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."Ana doesn't say anything else. Wordlessly, she stalks over to the gun cabinet, pulls out her rifle, handgun, and ammo for both. Without looking at me, she heads outside.After a f
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Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 43
AnaI barely realize what's going on as Ryan shoves me to the ground, cradling my head to protect me from the fall. He throws his body over mine, holding me tight and pressing me against the floor.It's only when I hear the gunshots that I realize he's being a human shield to stop me from being hurt. I cry out when he suddenly tenses and groans quietly at the same time as a gun goes off. Was he shot? Oh God, please not this again!Ryan maintains his position, shielding me from the barrage as best he can. I feel tears in my eyes. He can't die! I just got him back.I start to move, wanting to shield Ryan instead. He tightens his grip and bends his head down to my ear."Don't move," he says.Suddenly he is ripped away from me. I look up to see two men hauling him off and a red stain spreading on Ryan's chest. I gasp in horror and begin to cry.I scramble to my feet and fight the overwhelming instinct to cowe
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 42
RyanI come into consciousness slowly, awareness returning to me in delayed flashes. I'm in bed. There is a pressure on my chest. I open my eyes to find that I'm lying in my own bed for the first time in months. Ana is lying next to me, her head on my shoulder and her arm across my chest.What happened?For a moment, I have no idea what events transpired to bring about our present nearness. As I stir, I realize I'm sick. More than just a cold. The flu? My head and body have a dull ache and I feel incredibly weak.Ana moves in response to me shifting under her. She looks up at me and her hand rests on my forehead. I pull back a little in surprise. Why was she sleeping on me? Did something happen between us that I don't remember?"Oh, you're really awake this time?" she asks, her eyes hopeful.I just stare at her, confused. "What happened?"She rolls over on her stomach and props herself up on her elbows.
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 41
Ryan I'm back in that makeshift hospital tent, the hot Afghan wind offering no relief from the burning in my skin. I've got a raging fever and my head is killing me. The burns on my arm, torso, and face feel like they are ablaze. I hear a voice speaking to me."Please wake up, Ryan."For a brief moment, I think the voice belongs to Saph. But that can't be right. I don't want Saph to be here with me. I'm not in love with her anymore. I'm in love with someone else. I love her more than I ever loved Saph."Please wake up."Ana. I love Ana. I want Ana. How could I ever have confused her with Saph? Somehow, Ana is here with me in Afghanistan, here to comfort me during one of the darkest moments in my life. I open my eyes to see her sitting by my bedside. All around her is the chaos of that tiny hospital tent. The sounds of the battle outside echo distantly, but when I look at her, I feel the world stop and re
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 40
Ana"He's not dead, you fool!"I nearly shout at the book in my hands. Casper looks up at me from his spot near my feet. The female protagonist has given up hope that her love has survived a plane crash, despite the fact that he's very, very alive and trying to find her. In my frustration, I look up from the book and out the window. It's getting dark outside. Drawn out of the story and back into real life, the bad feeling in the pit of my stomach returns.I've spent the day alternating between berating myself for not speaking up last night and trying to read to keep my mind off what happened. I should have said something. I should have told him! But I was just so blindsided by the realization that he doesn't hate me, that his actions were born out of a heightened sense of self-defense instead of general disgust for me. He'd been avoiding me for so long that I thought he was mad at me, not... whatever this is.I waited
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 39
RyanI look out the door of the shed to see that the dismal grey clouds filling the sky have finally begun to precipitate. A dreary rain taps out a muted, doleful rhythm on the roof of the shed. The wind blows a cold shiver through the trees.The weather matches my mood perfectly.Last week, I almost kissed Ana. For some reason, that's messing me up more than any kiss ever has.Once upon a time, kissing a girl wouldn't have merited a second thought. Once upon a time, I was considered a catch. I was popular, handsome, and wealthy - the three things all the girls I used to know wanted in a man. Now I'm none of those things. I have no friends, unless you count Ana. Anyone who catches a glimpse of my face can see I'm now more off-putting than I ever was handsome. I suppose I've still got access to the same deep pockets, but the affluent lifestyle of my family is so far removed from anything I want now.Su
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 38
AnaI look up at the overcast sky and feel a chill sinking into my bones as a cold wind blows through the clearing. What a perfect day to be outside , I think sarcastically, frowning as I pull my hat down to cover my ears."What happened? A week ago, it was perfect. Now it's like the North Pole has declared war."Ryan pauses, resting his shovel on the ground and turning to look at me with an expression of incredulity."You think this is bad? It's above freezing right now. This is nothing. Wait until it's 20 below as a daytime high. Then you can complain."I gape at him in horror."Twenty degrees below zero? Fahrenheit?""In January, this area spent over two weeks below zero. Got as cold as thirty-five below last winter."I look around at the wildlife surrounding the cabin. "How is anything still alive here? How is this not an Arctic wasteland?""The inhabitants have learned to adap
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 37
RyanI sit alone on the riverbank, watching the current sweep briskly past, pulling my fishing line along with it. The bright sunlight sparkles off the little crests and troughs of ripples in the water's surface. A light breeze teases the weeds at the edge of the riverbank and leaves in the trees of the forest beyond. Melodic strains of birdsong, sounds of the forest, and the water rushing quietly by all blend together into the soothing rhythm of peace.I've done this more times than I can count, spending hours and hours sitting by this river, reveling in the vastness of this place and the absolute solitude. The peace and stillness out here used to be my refuge. But at some point, that changed. Now it feels different. Something is missing.I'm not exactly certain when I started realizing I felt this way. I'd always felt a certain pang of despair anytime I'd caught myself thinking about Saph. Tha
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 36
AnaI creep out of the bedroom quietly. Ryan's still asleep, but I had a dream about waffles last night and I have the power to make those dreams come true. I open the cabinet and reach for the waffle iron up on the top shelf. Ryan must have been the one to put it away last, because it's just barely out of my reach. I stand up on tippy-toes, my fingers grasping for the handle on the end. My finger brushes it. So close! I close my eyes in concentration.Suddenly I intuitively know that someone is standing right behind me. I'm not sure exactly how I know that. Maybe I felt his body heat in the close proximity, or I felt the soft stirring of his breath on my cheek, or perhaps I heard him moving behind me. All I know is, Ryan is standing very, very close to me now.I open my eyes and see his hand brush mine as he reaches for the waffle iron, easily grabbing it and bringing it down for me. A sense of deja-vu settles over me, like
Risks Of Loving You CHAPTER 35
Ryan"Damn it."I watch the screw fall and disappear somewhere on the ground. At this rate, I'll have to call Joe again and order more. I frown at that thought. I'd rather crawl around in the dirt searching for a screw than talk to that jerk.I descend the ladder carefully and sigh as I crouch, scanning the ground for the little piece of metal. I'm just one screw short of maybe being able to convince Ana to come outside again at dusk. After that incident with the bear three weeks ago, she strictly refuses to come outside after the sun has gone down. Which, by now, is just after 8 pm. The days will only continue to get shorter.A dim metallic wink catches my eye and I spot the screw. Finally. I shove it in my back pocket and risk life and limb once again to ascend the ladder. These floodlights better work. I hold the light, the bracket, and the screw in place with my right hand and fit the drill bit into the screw head w
