Her Guilt

Cara's POV

The last twenty-four hours have been hard... there was a chill in the atmosphere at the Bernardi mansion.

At least to me.

There had been an unusual quietness as opposed to the chattering since the death of Dimitri. It was like everyone had a mutual agreement to do it in his honour. 

Another intense stabbing pain erupted in my chest and my face scrunched up in discomfort.

The previous battle had no direct effect on me, yet I had a lot of reasons for the throbbing ache; I didn't know which it was.

Perhaps because of Dimitri's death, I'd come to care for the elderly man. He was, after all, the one person, the man I had feelings for, cared about. 

Or because I'd come to accept the family as mine, and when a family hurts, they all hurt together.

Okay, it might be because I watched the entire scene play out that night. Adonis response to his grandfather being shot. The massive killings and decapitation. The pained look on Luca's face when Dimitri was being rushed to the hospital. Adonis's reaction to the news that his grandfather wasn't going to make it. 

Within one night I had seen hundreds of expressions adorn the faces of people I never believed could pull them off.

The horror on my face as Luca cleared out the lawn and helped the men get the much-needed medical attention and how the sickening sight caused my stomach to churn and expel its content. 

I had never seen such a ghastly sight. It was still engraved in my mind and has refused to fade away.

The ache could've been a result of the unrest that had my mind in turmoil since that night. The night when I confessed to Adonis about working for the Grecos. The night when we all lost a grandfather and a ruler. The night I last saw a living soul... not even Adonis.

The look on his face gave me night terrors. It haunted me and I've tried but can't erase the feeling of guilt for being involved in making him miserable. 

Now all was done.

They were all occupied; no one saw Antonio slipping away, but it wasn't important. The battle had ended, and he was gravely injured. It wasn't like he could do anything else. I doubted he even had the will to. He had lost his father and brother in one night. The little empire he'd built for himself crumbled before his very eyes as his men were made scapegoats.

A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I slammed the toilet seat shut, going to get some water to rid my mouth of the foul taste of vomit. 

It's how I'd lived the last twenty-four hours. The moment it all ended, I tiredly dragged myself to the room and cried myself to sleep. Until I woke up gasping at the horrible scene my mind had decided to replay during my sleep, then my stomach felt the urge to expel whatever was left of its content again, and now here I am. 

My reflection stared back at me through the glass mirror. Worn-out-looking eyes with dark circles stared back at me in pity. The old, baggy, stained t-shirt that I'd managed to change into a while ago didn't help me look better, and the half of my hair that had fallen out of the messy bun I pulled it in made it worse.

Change and time are two scary terms.

Two days ago, I was happy with so much light in my eyes, but now, I just want to crawl into a hole and cry.

My ears pricked at the sound of the elevator arriving at our floor, and the nauseated feeling hit me once again at the thought that it might be Adonis. 

I wasn't ready to face him yet.

"Cara?" A familiar voice called out, and my mind eased out of its panicked state. I slowly trotted out of the bathroom to come face-to-face with Luca.

His plain-looking eyes jolted open at my appearance for a second before returning to their normal size.

"I see you're not better off yourself." He tried to make a joke of the situation but failed. I could tell he was also shaken up. 

My eyes glanced around the unkempt bed which had used tissues littered all over, and I shrugged in reply, going over to clear it up.

"You shouldn't have come out. Adonis asked you to stay back because he knew how traumatizing it would be for you." He said in a soft voice and I paused, the guilt in my heart preventing me from facing him directly.

"The men told you?"

Luca shook his head at me.

"No. I saw you behind the pillar. You could've been shot, Cara." He reprimanded, I let out a dry chuckle.

"Don't worry. I'll be better soon." 

If only he knew that it wasn't the main cause of my breakdown. That what I saw wasn't solely responsible for my fear.

Luca sighed as I picked up the last of the used tissues and threw them in the trash.

"You've been up here for a while. I was worried, but I wanted to give you time to yourself. It's your first time experiencing this... Dr. Bruno has a friend you can talk to and—

"I'm fine." I cut him off in a clipped tone. Giving him my full attention. "I'm okay. You don't have to bother. How is..." I trailed off as my mind and heart engaged in a mental war.

Do I even deserve to know how he's faring? But I was just asking... it wasn't like I was going to see him so I cleared my throat and tried again.

"How is he?"

"You mean Adonis?" Luca asked, and I nodded.

He sheepishly rubbed at his nape as his ears flushed a bold red.

"Honestly, that's the main reason I came." My panicked eyes snapped up, and he raised his hand in surrender. "I didn't mean it that way. I mean, I was going to come up to check on you at some point, but I wouldn't have come now if it wasn't for Adonis."

"What is wrong? Is he fine?" I asked with a frown, and Luca exhaled deeply. 

"He's become a shadow of himself, Cara. You need to speak to him."

"I don't think he'd want to see me." 

"Why do you say so?" 

"I just have that feeling." Ignoring the voice of warning in my head, I added, "But I'll still try."

If he wanted me out of his life, it was better to get it done faster.