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18. Sawyer
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Resisting the Beta 19. Phoebe
So, Sawyer appears. Stressed me out for a day, destroyed every sensible thought in my head for a night, and then disappeared. Again. Unfortunately, just like before, he leaves me alone, feeling awkward around everybody. Every room I walk into feels like I’m the one under discussion. Of course, the whole Academy is furiously wondering why everyone's rooms needed searching. Spreading rumours as to why Beta Sawyer would even appear only to drop down ill. Now he’s vanished! /Finally. You asked him to stay, and he’s shown his true colours/ Huli grumbles, but I ignore every bitter little whinge this morning. I swear Shaw is spreading a rumour that Sawyer was actually killed by Jane and dumped in the lake. Except I know he’s heading to see Cillian and tell him everything. Every time a door opens I’m expecting a raft of Beta’s wielding silver handcuffs. Shame and disgrace. I almost skip Jane’s class on the history of Fates, but I have to at least try to be normal. I wish I hadn’t
Resisting the Beta 20. Phoebe
“Now. This doesn’t look good, Phoebe,” Sawyer whispers, but I swear there is amusement in his voice. But then it looks like he’s spent night digging these holes. Dozens of metre-deep pits of nothing. "Would you believe me if I said I came to dig these up for you to destroy?" "If that's what you say, then yes. I believe you," he replied. All I could do was stare dumbly. He believes me? The illogical, Sawyer-obsessed part of me wants to unbutton his shirt and see if that glisten on his brow continues the full length of his torso. Even though I'm clearly in trouble, I can't stop grinning. “Well what are YOU doing here?” very aware of the way his hands remain planted around my waist. He’s not letting go. He’s not flipping me around to slam into the wooden shed door and slap handcuffs on me. Although if that’s what he felt like, I could go with it. “Same. I came to check your story out. Didn’t think you’d move into breaking and entering. What have they taught you at the Academ
Resisting the Beta 21. Phoebe
The sensation of my soaked underwear, rubbing at my clit with every flex of Sawyer’s hips soon has me begging for more. He soaks up every little noise I make. It’s bliss. Quickly overwhelmed at the sensation of finally being together, my back pressed up against the wall, he watches me flush red, back arching into his nerve-hitting thrusts. "I need to see you do that again," he says, carrying me over to the bed. Poor Jane. I’ll buy her some seeds. Selfishly, not much else mattered when Sawyer loomed over me. Smiling together as the soft, spongy mattress saw us sink together. His hand sweeps through my hair, blue eyes drinking me in. He doesn’t undo my bra. Instead, he roughly palms my breasts out of the cups. Making them stand higher, my nipples already risen , seeking his attention. He didn’t tell the Alpha’s about us. He believes me. That’s almost as unreal as the way his warm body feels pressed against mine. Nobody apart from Sawyer knows I read those books. He’s put hi
Resisting the Beta 22. Sawyer
Just like scars, memories linger. Long-banished memories are free to show up in dreams uninvited.. I’m a small boy again. Hiding under my cabin. The sensation of slugs, lizards, fuck knows what else crawling up my legs. The rain causing every miniscule movement of my limbs to sink deeper into the mud. It’s not just mud either. It is dirty, stinking shit and piss soaked filth. /It’s just a dream/ Nash soothes, his voice booming into the past like a loudspeaker. Even with my wolfs sympathy, the real world doesn't break through. Where I’m laid waiting, hoping. Cold and afraid.. Even as a little boy, I knew it was vile, wrong to be laying there. Telling myself over and over, with my small fists clenched tightly, that it wouldn’t matter because my mother would return soon. I could already imagine the scolding coming my way for ruining my new, beige archery tunic. My little body silently shuddering in revolt against the sensations around me. Even so, I did not leave. /Sawy
Resisting the Beta 23. Sawyer
When I’m capable of thinking, I sometimes stare down at my blistered, ruined wrists and find it droll that Phoebe and I now share matching scars. Confessing to Phoebe how I felt weak standing before the Alpha’s, pink blossoms still tickling my ears, seems naive now.. I know the true meaning of the word after weeks of wolfsbane and silver. Powdered wolfsbane is added to everything I eat. It’s bitter, disgusting flavour lingers for hours. Its effects mean Nash hasn’t spoken in weeks. He may never be capable of communicating again. I only eat because I can’t just wither away without seeing her again. "Give it up, Sawyer, you’re pissing me off with those noises,” Beta Tucker growls through the wooden door. “You better not be jacking off in there you fucking pervert.” I don’t reply, too busy panting from grisly sets of press-ups and Russian twists. There are two Betas behind my door at all times. “I said stop it!” slapping his meaty hands against the door. I don’t blame him. I’d
Resisting the Beta 24. Phoebe
Being curled up with the warmth of Sawyer around my body was perfect. No stress, no worries. Not even Huli’s mocking laugh could take away from the delicious exhaustion of a night spent entwined with Sawyer. I don’t want invisible sparks jumping between us. I don’t trust the way wolves can transmit emotions back and forth over a bond. I want the steady, undeniable truth of two people curled up together. Hearts beating, gentle breathing. The warmth of true affection. I don’t even know what I was dreaming about, but I felt the trapdoor go. All the air vanished from my lungs. The sensation of being trapped underwater seized me in the darkness. There was no time, no space, no awareness of anything other than feeling completely alone. Then movement. Jolting, awkwardness that saw me pinballing around a black void. There was no pain. just a numb, irritatingly vague feeling. Am I dead? “Phoebe, calm the fuck down, you’re annoying me.” The voice was mine. Hushed and angry. But defin
Resisting the Beta 25. Sawyer
The drive over to White Forest was hellish. But then, I’m not being sent there to enjoy Nikolai’s sparkling hospitality. Two guards on me at all times. Instructions to kill should I try to shift. White Forest had slightly better cells. Three grey, solid stone walls and one silver-reinforced gridded metal wall. The entrance, a slender stone staircase, just to the side of the huge vaulted hall. White Forest parades it’s prisoners through the main foyer precisely, so nobody forgets who the criminals are. No anonymity here. Everyone stops and stares as Nikolai and his guards march me through. Once deposited into a cell, I am abandoned. Instead, I could look through the iron and silver bars down a slim, narrow corridor to the guards station. More miserable grey stone walls. There were no other prisoners, the other cells echoed with grim silence. No other prisoners because they don’t keep them long at White Forest? The first few days, I waited for the drop. For the storm of footst
Resisting the Beta 26. Phoebe
No matter how fascinating the human side revealed itself to be, every moment witnessed is tainted. Staggering technology, towns carved out of black and white marble. Glimmering quartz statues. Yesterday was a series of aqueducts spanning jaw-dropping valleys. They left me numb. It didn’t stop Huli making me gasp like a spoilt child getting a pony at every turn. “Oh my, it is like something out of a fairy story. Look at those arches!” I cooed before catching Wren’s fearsome, all-black side-eye. “Vines down them too, how stunning! I don’t think I know of a building to compare!” My voice is appallingly gushing. “White Forest Castle? The Academy? Buildings that have stood for hundreds of years under identical architectural principles? The ivy will be damaging the brickwork, eventually they will soon be unstable,” Wren grumbles under her breath. It is a bizarre experience to cringe at what my body is doing outside my control. It is similar to watching a rudderless boat run agro
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