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22. Sawyer
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Resisting the Beta 23. Sawyer
When I’m capable of thinking, I sometimes stare down at my blistered, ruined wrists and find it droll that Phoebe and I now share matching scars. Confessing to Phoebe how I felt weak standing before the Alpha’s, pink blossoms still tickling my ears, seems naive now.. I know the true meaning of the word after weeks of wolfsbane and silver. Powdered wolfsbane is added to everything I eat. It’s bitter, disgusting flavour lingers for hours. Its effects mean Nash hasn’t spoken in weeks. He may never be capable of communicating again. I only eat because I can’t just wither away without seeing her again. "Give it up, Sawyer, you’re pissing me off with those noises,” Beta Tucker growls through the wooden door. “You better not be jacking off in there you fucking pervert.” I don’t reply, too busy panting from grisly sets of press-ups and Russian twists. There are two Betas behind my door at all times. “I said stop it!” slapping his meaty hands against the door. I don’t blame him. I’d
Resisting the Beta 24. Phoebe
Being curled up with the warmth of Sawyer around my body was perfect. No stress, no worries. Not even Huli’s mocking laugh could take away from the delicious exhaustion of a night spent entwined with Sawyer. I don’t want invisible sparks jumping between us. I don’t trust the way wolves can transmit emotions back and forth over a bond. I want the steady, undeniable truth of two people curled up together. Hearts beating, gentle breathing. The warmth of true affection. I don’t even know what I was dreaming about, but I felt the trapdoor go. All the air vanished from my lungs. The sensation of being trapped underwater seized me in the darkness. There was no time, no space, no awareness of anything other than feeling completely alone. Then movement. Jolting, awkwardness that saw me pinballing around a black void. There was no pain. just a numb, irritatingly vague feeling. Am I dead? “Phoebe, calm the fuck down, you’re annoying me.” The voice was mine. Hushed and angry. But defin
Resisting the Beta 25. Sawyer
The drive over to White Forest was hellish. But then, I’m not being sent there to enjoy Nikolai’s sparkling hospitality. Two guards on me at all times. Instructions to kill should I try to shift. White Forest had slightly better cells. Three grey, solid stone walls and one silver-reinforced gridded metal wall. The entrance, a slender stone staircase, just to the side of the huge vaulted hall. White Forest parades it’s prisoners through the main foyer precisely, so nobody forgets who the criminals are. No anonymity here. Everyone stops and stares as Nikolai and his guards march me through. Once deposited into a cell, I am abandoned. Instead, I could look through the iron and silver bars down a slim, narrow corridor to the guards station. More miserable grey stone walls. There were no other prisoners, the other cells echoed with grim silence. No other prisoners because they don’t keep them long at White Forest? The first few days, I waited for the drop. For the storm of footst
Resisting the Beta 26. Phoebe
No matter how fascinating the human side revealed itself to be, every moment witnessed is tainted. Staggering technology, towns carved out of black and white marble. Glimmering quartz statues. Yesterday was a series of aqueducts spanning jaw-dropping valleys. They left me numb. It didn’t stop Huli making me gasp like a spoilt child getting a pony at every turn. “Oh my, it is like something out of a fairy story. Look at those arches!” I cooed before catching Wren’s fearsome, all-black side-eye. “Vines down them too, how stunning! I don’t think I know of a building to compare!” My voice is appallingly gushing. “White Forest Castle? The Academy? Buildings that have stood for hundreds of years under identical architectural principles? The ivy will be damaging the brickwork, eventually they will soon be unstable,” Wren grumbles under her breath. It is a bizarre experience to cringe at what my body is doing outside my control. It is similar to watching a rudderless boat run agro
Resisting the Beta 27. Sawyer
They never said they believed me, but the wolfsbane stopped. Food tasted normal again. I can’t push it and ask for anything else yet. Like actual freedom. The bumblebee pendant never leaves my hand. Genevieve and Nikolai continue to come down to the cells, but they aren’t offering me anything other than a life in prison yet. No rumours overturned. Apologies offered. /They are keeping you alive. Who is to say Cillian would have done that. His anger is something I don’t think we can ever overcome./ Nash softly grumbles. It took a few days, but once the wolfsbane eked itself out of my system, Nash reappeared. For the first time, I appreciated his presence, allowing his soothing, warm aura to bring my anxieties down a notch. Nash is pragmatic and realistic, but never doubting in our ability to be a good man. Right now, that means a hell of a lot. We began to spend long hours silently conversing. I tried to discover what he thought of my decisions when I banished him from s
Resisting the Beta 28. Phoebe
Wren leaving saw a cloud cast over everything. Despite Huli still being insanely perky and the dresses growing sheerer. It didn’t change the fact that Heath was holed up in his royal chamber coughing endlessly. Coughing is a mild term for all the spluttering, hacking, wheezing rattles that came from the other side of his locked door. There are no cute excursions for us now. Nobody is free to show Huli a fascinating lump of marble or a fountain shaped like a peacocks opened tail. The mood of the kingdom is driven by its leader, and right now, every human knows King Heath is fragile. Declining. Judging by the firm lines of his slender body, he has tried to build himself back into health. With no shifter healing, he must have been eating beef and lifting weights for months on end. Dragging himself upwards into a pretence of health. Sadly it’s all collapsing now. We have taken to sitting outside his royal chamber. History book and notepad in hand. Not that Huli writes anything.
Resisting the Beta 29. Phoebe
“Rami? Our little Rami…to save a human?” Naomi gasps, Finn immediately agreed, both of them scowling. I knew it would go this way. I didn’t bother to argue with Huli about it, mainly so I could stay present. My big sister and Finn match in black vests and dark pants, the bulge of daggers clear against both of their hips. I wore a beige, dress made of long intertwined strips of fabric. Normal in Lanfear, bizarre at home. Alpha Cillian completes our group, his expression as stern as when we accused Sawyer. Followed by guards from the instant we crossed over into the human border, my arrival home had been greeted by one seriously pissed off welcome party. That was before we asked for Rami’s tender little throat and wolf. Cedric loomed over our conversation, mounted in the silver-clad carriage, a silver-tipped crossbow loaded. Heath shuddered and shook in the back, turning greyer by the second, draped in royal blue. The pure ice of Huli reminds me she is not of this world. “
Resisting the Beta 30. Sawyer
Time is eating away at me. Standing idle in the centre of the White Forest castles courtyard in my black hooded cloak is not ideal, but I need a plan. Wren catches up to me, a little out of breath. “Nikolai and Genevieve are going to the Full Moon dance tomorrow night. They’re going to tell Cillian everything then, so you’ll have twenty-four hours to get a head start.” “And the Feast Day-” struggling to even complete the phrase and all its connotations, “-is definitely the day after the Full Moon?” “Yes. So we have a little bit of time. Phoebe needs you to be composed. Because you’re not fighting some witch or angry Beta. If her wolf is truly behind all this, then you’re dealing with something far more intelligent than any of us.” “But she cannot harm you?” rubbing my chin in thought. “Not with Dark Arts anyway. She can not affect humans either. It is manipulation of the wolf spirit. The curses and chants force them to abandon the Moon Goddess. To serve a darker force that h
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