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30. Sawyer
Last Updated:
2024-10-29 19:42:56
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Resisting the Beta 31. Phoebe
“Heath isn’t going to make it back in time. It needs to happen now. We can see with this moonlight!” “What do you need?” Cedrics surly voice answers. His cuts the confusion, grounding me into the here and now. Away from seeing my mother’s face morph into pure horror. A different sound to the sickening crunch Matilda’s body made when it smashed into the rocks. For the first time, I must give everything to stop cowering in the darkness. Nobody is going to save me from this. Huli cannot shut me out completely. The roles between us are reversed, and I could never shut her out entirely. Silver would make her be quiet but never fully vanish. It took so much effort to drag myself towards the light. Still so raw, the pain saw me breaking apart. How did Alpha Nikolai ever survive such a torture? “MAMAAAA!” bleats high and wild, giving me the extra oomph I need to push on. Rami, oh Goddess no. “HE’S WAKING UP! PIN HIM DOWN! NOW CEDRIC!” “MAMA! FINN!” squeals out over and over.
Resisting the Beta 32. Sawyer
Understanding Phoebe’s wolf overpowering her senses made sense in theory. Having to physically witness her slamming a blade into someone’s chest will be hard to shake off. Naively, my worst fears had been her seducing King Heath. I never thought I would see her grinning, covered in blood, crossbow aimed my way. She’s the same girl yet completely different. Down to the bigger hairstyle, the way she stands in the carriage, legs astride in her human-style gown, smirking like a pirate captain. There are just enough seconds to recognise that she stands tall, proud, and ready to murder me because her wolf is that confident and self-assured. Something my Phoebe was never allowed to be. Except none of that really matters because her chocolate eyes suddenly turned wide and vacant. The crossbow fired over my head before Phoebe began clutching at her chest. Falling from the carriage, she lay in a crumpled heap on the grass. Forgetting everything else, I sprint. “PHOEBE! Phoebe, no!”
Resisting the Beta 33. Sawyer
“Luna,” dropping to my knees. “I don't know what you've been told. But if you let me explain-.” Genevieve raised her hand to silence me. As always, she is grace personified, dressed in gold and cream, her blonde curls gently brushing her cheeks. “Do you know where Nikolai is?” I glance around, expecting a blow to hit my head, or a gruff insult before coming to my senses, “He can’t be here! Where is he? Heath’s wolf is too unknown as of yet. Wait, you shouldn’t be here either! My wolf has been removed, I am safe from influence, but I can not protect you, Luna. We should leave right now,” and stride towards the double doors. “Sawyer, Nikolai is on the border. He’s safe. Practically foaming at the mouth with anger, in fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him as testy. But Jane and Wren came to see us, and with what they explained, I didn’t really have a choice.” "Please, Luna, I would prefer us to have this conversation further away from the castle. If you were to be harmed-” She sm
Resisting the Beta 34. Phoebe
It's over. I think, anyway. I’ve never been so tired in my life. Did a convoy of trucks steamroll over me during Genevieve’s extraction? By the end, it felt like Huli was trying to take me with her. The sickly green gunge plunged me into a weirdly lucid dream. I stood alone on an island, fighting to rebuild a stone wall being bashed by white, foaming waves. In the distance, away from the shore, I could see a thundercloud. A miserable, dark, coldness hovering over the ocean. That dark core was whipping up the waves and sending them towards my crumbling, grey-brick defences. My only defence. Chunk flew off, forcing me to sprint up and down the painful, shingle beach to find replacement rocks. Fighting to keep together. I knew, even though Huli said nothing and no instructions were provided. I knew that to give in and allow that wall to break was to give in completely and pay with my life. But against the dark, foreboding thundercloud of Hulil’s hatred, I could feel the sun
Resisting the Beta 35. Phoebe
Sawyer and I just existed together. Cosy and safe. We gently talk and go over what has happened. There is no blame, only facts. Reluctantly, I mumur, “Should we get out soon?” “Do you want to?” Sawyer said, his huge hands pausing. “No, but won’t we have to see Heath, start writing to people or…” “No. I told Heath he needed time to recover from losing his wolf. Everyone can completely and utterly fuck off. Even if it’s just for a day. We’ll see Heath tomorrow I promise.” I've no desire to argue seeing as I’m basking in pure relaxation. Penned into a tiny ball by Huli, now I’m expanding, closing my eyes and simply breathing in the huge tub. “What about Jane or Wren? Now it’s safe-” “I don’t think you’re understanding, Sugar. That door is very much locked. The Moon Goddess herself could be knocking with welcome gifts, and I wouldn’t leave this bathtub.” His powerful hands continued to massage my arms, shoulders, and back. Eking out knots and twisted, miserable little sect
Resisting the Beta 36. Phoebe
Getting up for a glass of water, I padded over to the door handle, the dark blue carpet like walking on clouds. Only to hear a sleepy. “Phoebe?” coming out of the darkness. “Did you say this needed to stay locked?” I swear he must still have some wolf remaining inside him. The speed at which his long, powerful limbs rolled off the bed made me jump. Striding with intent towards me in the darkness left me with goosebumps. Taking my hand from the door handle, I found myself staring into his ice blue eyes, my wrists pinned above my head, and my stomach twisting with a whole new surge of need. “Locked,” he confirmed. “Back to bed, Sugar.” Instead, I tug against him, just a little. A teasing, bratty little gesture to try and send him feral. He holds me a little tighter, but I know that means he loves it. He wants me confident enough to rile him up. So, I gently nudge my hip against the handle instead. I get a little yank into his full, possessive hold in exchange. “Are you not
Resisting the Beta 37. Sawyer
Goddess knows if this is the right decision. I want to protect Phoebe the right way. That doesn’t mean hiding her away, taking control of her decisions. That’s what her wolf did. But fuck, did leaving her alone in a room with King Heath get my stomach tightening. He isn’t himself. The man who groggily issued commands when we first arrived in Bridgend was not the swaggering dickhead who tried to hit on Genevieve yesterday. The one whose haze darkened with pure menace when we insisted it was time to relieve him of Rami’s wolf. But exactly because of that, Phoebe is right. She and Heath share an experience I can not fully comprehend, and if it results in information, we can report back to Shadowlands and White Forest, it is a risk worth taking. Unfortunately, as much as I adore Phoebe, there are plenty of people out there who want her locked up. Or worse. For some hardline shifters, losing control of her wolf alone is unforgivable. For some, Phoebe’s hands held the weapons
Resisting the Beta 38. Sawyer
We’re bundled into a windowless side room by the weapon-pointing guards. Of course, every wall is dark blue. I’m getting so fucking sick of that colour now. How has it swung from Phoebe and I walking out of here to gambling our lives in a bout against the human king? She’s wrapped her arms around my waist, whilst I stroke her still burning-red cheek and hold her close. I lose, Phoebe and I are dead. If I win, Heath's people will murder us. There is no point in hoping on a magic saviour from Shadowlands or White Forest. Nikolai made it clear he would see it on the other side. Except we might not get there now. “Fuck,” I hiss through gritted teeth. “That didn’t go to plan. I didn’t realise he had that side to him…” My head is filled with ideas. Do I get Phoebe to make a run for it? At least if she lives…but crossing over the border, what happens when Shadowlands find her? Silently I squeeze her closer at the thought of her being alone again. Looking around the room there are
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Resisting the Beta Epilogue Four
Naomi (Continued) “I meant to ask you something,” Finn murmurs sleepily as we watch yet another shooting star go by. “Did it bother you that we never had a ceremony?” “No…no it just never felt the right time, then we had been together so long it almost didn’t matter?” “It’s a shame. Your sisters had all promised to walk together.” “We did it for Matilda. If things had gone differently, we would have walked for Eleanor and Rhett, but it all broke apart. I'm just glad we all found happiness, even if it wasn't in the same town square.” “Did Sia give you an address for Eleanor?” “Yes but I left it alone in the end. She knows where we are. She’s made a choice a long time ago,” I whisper sadly, clutching my King’s hand tightly. I know every wrinkle and line in his muscular frame. I could make his replica out of clay in every pose. The feel of his body is a memory I constantly revisit. “I found my memory box the other day when we were packing,” I add. “I didn’t know you had o
Resisting the Beta Epilogue Three
Naomi It’s been fifty years since we took over as Alpha and Luna this full moon. Fifty years. Time has the cruellest ability to just vanish from underneath your feet. I swear I was a feisty, opinionated, quad-bike obsessed woman in her twenties just the other day. Now, creeping upon me like a riptide, I'm a content, slow-moving little fossil. I’m his girl, his Queen. He is my King. Now and forever. The quad-bike-revving beast of a man who only ever cares for us. I love the fact I’m still his girl even as time eats away at our vitality. My hair is no longer fiery red. I’ve conceded to grey. He insists it only makes my brown eyes all the prettier. I’d blush, except I love every word he says. I still find any opportunity to stand above him and bring my face to his, marvelling at the lack of wrinkles on his relaxed, still-boyish features. We’re currently down on the very south of the Shadowlands coast, in Finn’s old family home, left to him by his parents. I wonder if all o
Resisting the Beta Epilogue Two
*** SEVEN MONTHS LATER*** PHOEBE It is strange when the life you thought you always wanted lands in your lap. Except they don’t feed your soul. I lecture students on human and shifter history. An expert in my bitterly-learned field. The contrasting versions of events. The dangers of automatically believing the only side of the story you have access to. The fact history is always told from the side of the winner. I stride the corridors, my wedding band and bumblebee pendant permanently part of me. But it’s not enough. Jane and Wren are so incredibly kind. The hours I've spent talking through Huli and those momths with them have been cathartic. Even so, they know Rising Star isn’t what I want. Not without Sawyer. Of course, it would have been ungrateful to protest at Alpha Finn’s decision. Two people voted for me to die. Including my own sister. Alpha Finn saved me whilst yanking Sawyer away. It’s been seven months, yet every night, I lie awake. I think of the same mom
Resisting the Beta Epilogue One
*** 7 MONTHS LATER *** ALPHA FINN “Alpha!” That fake-serious, minx of a voice forces me to pause. Not ideal when halfway across the Jackson’s roof, retrieving Rami’s misplaced arrow. Again. Considering he is meant to be an archery prodigy, he seems to fire it up into that thatched cottage’s eaves with annoying regularity. “This is your fault, Luna!” I shout back, fully aware of her laughing from the packhouse. When she sends a bolt of seriously dirty thoughts across our bond, I almost put my foot into the chimney. Thankfully, Diane is with Beta Tucker again, straightening out his boredom-driven drinking via pure seduction. "IT WAS ME!” Rami adds with glee. Naomi innocently claims the practice targets Rami uses simply must face the Jackson’s cottage. I don’t argue. Not when my girl slinks around in dark bodysuits that leave my hands twitching to wrap around her waist. I have no arguments, only desires. Any argument she has formulating just vanishes away at the soun
Resisting the Beta 45. Phoebe
My mouth drops open, but there is nothing to say. Nikolai doesn’t suffer the same issue. “Now just fuck off a minute-” but Cillian doesn’t even flinch. Zeke and Freya step forward, their eyes wide with surprise. "You haven't discussed this with us?" “Look, my father was never born an Alpha. He rose. He proved himself. Calm in danger, braver than any of his peers. Any Shadowlands Alpha should follow the same route. I haven't. I've made it this far by the skin of my teeth. So I want you all to endorse and support and give your backing to Finn. Alpha Finn Penkov and his Luna, Naomi Kharkov of the Shadowlands.” The only person to make a sound is Rami, who starts clapping wildly and shouting “KING FINN! King Finn and Prince Rami! Haha, I'm in charge!!” He doesn’t seem to realise everyone else is in complete shock. He’s just thrilled his favourite person in the world is getting a promotion. And by default, in his eyes anyway, himself. “Do you accept?” Cillian says, not really givin
Resisting the Beta 44. Phoebe
The truck ride certainly gave me time to think. For one, I am eternally grateful Huli was no longer with me. I don’t miss having a wolf. The agony she would have been putting me through had she still held residence in my consciousness made me instinctively reach for my wrist. The only sign of that former life, one that could be years ago instead of just a few months, is a faint, grey scar on my wrist. It used to be so red and angry. Now, it has settled down to almost nothing. Genevieve picked up on it whilst she came to say goodbye. “I know you’re scared.” “I am. But only because it’s what I deserve.” “Well, if it helps, Nikolai and I are attending this meeting too. Cillian has asked for Rising Star as well.” "Oh." That absolutely does not help in any way. It only means Matilda will have even less influence. It makes me think Cillian is preparing to make an example of me. Genevieve has been kind enough to lend me a cornflower blue and white gown. Its swirling blue remi
Resisting the Beta 43. Sawyer
Nikolai explained, in a much more brutal and dickish way than was necessary, that we only got one night's stay at White Forest Castle. After all, he has sworn to help Alpha Cillian and Zeke, the pair of them bound in a trio of voting and veto. I don't care. We have each other right now. Every day seems to be swinging us to the extremes, and now we are just waiting for the biggest and hopefully final one to go our way. “I think we need to switch our brains off for a while,” Phoebe sighed, our brown dust-covered bodies flopping onto the bed of our small little room. “I can’t keep thinking about next week. It will drive me insane.” “Cillian could just exile us. Or maybe be so taken up in making Heath pay that we are nothing to him. Matilda will have an influence.” “I killed my mother and put him, Naomi and Finn into a trance. I stole a child…” “Not you. Your fucking wolf. You were just the vessel,” I sigh, too weary to go round the grisly roulette wheel. Phoebe rolls herself
Resisting the Beta 42. Phoebe
Clutching his silver goblet, our nameless, very-well rested hostage was almost chirpy, insisting he had a brother in law in the next town he could call on for a ride. But Sawyer shook his head when the time came to abandon him in the dark. “No…no it’s not right to take this. Can you drop us at the border? Keep the truck.” “From here, your nearest pack is Rising Star?” “That works just fine,” Sawyer replied. Walking through the night, keeping away from the towns and villages, Sawyer found us fresh water to drink, before killing and cooking a fish over a small fire. I’m probably endlessly naive, but to me, it was a perfect night. Because finally, there was not a single obstruction to just being with Sawyer. The man who patiently explained how you can catch a fish bare-handed. Explaining why he purposely ignored one section of the river, walking another mile upstream. I said nothing when he stripped to his underwear to stand in the shallows. I whooped and laughed instead when
Resisting the Beta 41. Sawyer
I felt Phoebe’s fear rise at the sight of Cillian. I saw a chance. Our opportunity to finally put things right. I just need him to listen to me instead of immediately heading to decapitation. His wolf's eyes were entirely golden, burning anger at the forefront of his intent. Cillian didn't even attempt diplomacy. No Shadowland envoys to King Heath, not even a personal visit to Bridgend to ask if there was truth in any rumours. He’s ended up straight here, shifted into wolf form, and shredded his way through at least twenty human men. What if this isn't the first prison he's tried? What will be the fallout from the Alpha's desperation? I couldn’t get Matilda’s cell unlocked in time. The heavy collection of black and silver keys was impossible to gauge. With the gag still in her mouth, Matilda wasn’t coming to our aid anytime soon. Plus, I know how it feels to be obliterated by wolfsbane. Sluggish, dopey. She might not even believe this is even real if they’ve really pum
