1. Phoebe

/Phoebe. Phoebe come on!/ The frustrated voice of Sawyer jump into my brain. Shit, he must be getting closer. I thought I’d done a good job this time.

/Please just leave me alone. Lie for once?/

/You know I can’t do that. It’s not just your Mama now, Cillian is concerned too./

/Cillian has absolutely zero reason to be concerned about me/ I reply back sarcastically.

I’m a nobody. He's only trying to shut up my mothers nagging.

/Phoebe!/ Sawyer growls once more before the mind link finally cuts off.

/He’ll find us. He always does./ Huli complained, her tinny, grating voice loud and clear in my head.

No Sawyer will give up soon. He made it clear last time he’s sick of chasing us around. Hugging my legs and sitting a little lower in the field. Hiding from everything.

Sawyer will soon find something better to do than stare at me with that immovable look of pure annoyance. /He's just pure, cold ice inside/ Huli says with a low growl.

Being scrunched down low whilst the heads of grain gently dance around me in the breeze has always made me feel calmer. The sun above bathes me, and if my wolf wasn’t so annoying, this could be a perfectly lovely afternoon.

Being constantly told to stay near the packhouse, where there are only busybodies, motorbikes, and spies, is not my idea of fun. When Naomi and Leona were almost eighteen, they were away conquering armies. Helping disguise dead bodies, slashing men’s throats. Matilda became the Luna of Shadowlands!

So I’m not a warrior, or a queen. Does that mean I have to stay penned in like a pig, getting fattened up, ready for hurling into a line of single men on my first full moon?

/Stick a mate on the moron/ Huli jokes drily. Too dry. The idea stings enough to make me wince. My imagination, always so visual can easily conjure the situation.

Me whirling around blindfolded in the square, flailing under the full moon, accidentally touching man after man. Laughter all around. The fool of the scene. My tacky mix of copper and white hair, not quite a Fate, not quite a Kharkov.

No matter how often I tell my wolf to rein in the jokes, I cannot stop them landing. They never made me laugh. Instead, the older I get, the closer they feel to the bitter truth. Even today, trying a light white gown paired with my sturdy, faithful black boots feels like an error. Nobody can see me, still I’m awkward around my own personality.

“Just…shut up Huli,” I mutter before flopping back, laid down in the field, studying the golden grass dance whilst fluffy clouds pass through the blue sky.

/I apologise. We can still achieve greatness. If our mate is powerful, connected, there is nothing to say we cannot rise that way-/

“Fucking stop talking, please!” I shout to thin air. I sound mad. I might be mad. I certainly don’t know anybody else who dislikes their wolf.

When Alpha Cillian talks about how our wolves are extensions of our personality I do wonder if that means I’m actually a sarcastic, twisted bitch to my core too. Because Huli has a seriously mean streak.

It didn’t come out until Zena ruined everything though.

Now the only route to power is my mate bond. I’m not holding out much hope. Maybe once I saw myself as achieving something in the world. Before I lost my purpose.

Plus, my money is on my mate being someone as foolish as myself. Maybe the cheeky Dash or shy Kian. We’ve all grown up together. Played every kind of sport, hung out by the riverbanks.

Until I weirded them out with some visions. I predicted Shaws' leg break the summer before everything went wrong. Suddenly, I had the tyre swing all to myself.

Meaning when I lost my powers, I remained lonely. People don’t want to hang out when you’ve accidentally hinted at a parent cheating, or a future exam failure by talking about your vivid dreams.

Basically, it’s a good job that I like sitting in cornfields on my own.

I suppose Huli is grieving for the power she once wielded. For generations, I guess. Until she was lumbered with me and found her spirit reduced.

Of course, by returning the gift of fate, Zena acted in the most noble, gracious and selfless fashion. Everyone praised her choice. “She’s maddening but fantastic,” Cillian had described her, one Sunday evening after a large family meal.

I’m just maddening. Or as Sawyer said last time he practically dragged me back home, a bratty fucking nightmare.

My ‘fantastic’ side exited the fucking building at nearly fifteen years old. Waking up in the night to Huli screaming in my head and strips of my hair turning white in the mirror.

I’d seen things before then. Amazing, wondrous secrets that I got to watch come to life.

It was me who knew to deliver food parcels to Luna Freya, hid away in that old treehouse. Nobody else in the whole world knew where Zeke had put her. I helped Zena! Without me, Briss would never have found her. I was the one dreaming of her captive location. ME!

Had I been old enough to receive my seers stones, like Jane the witch and Zena, who knows what else I might have seen.

Thank fuck for Naomi finally returning. She has always checked in on me at least. Whenever she had time to spare anyway.

It’s a shame she left almost straight away. But that’s nothing new. I tried to ask Leona what she was up to. I got a terse, “none of your business,” as she grabbed her motorcycle and headed back to the packhouse.

Turns out they were heading to Rising Star. No vision of Fate, I just overheard Matilda talking to Mama over breakfast this morning. Then Rami crawled up, yanked the curtains down from their pole and celebrated with the loudest, hyena like screech I’ve ever heard. So I decided to get out and head here.

I love all my sisters. Of course I do. It’s just two of them are dopey, baby-obsessed earth mothers. Then Eleanor is a loved-up bookworm arranging a Ceremony and Naomi has been missing for two years.

/Well it’s time for you to grow up! You shouldn’t need anyone else now. Almost eighteen!/ Huli snaps irritably.

Maybe that’s why I jumped on Naomi so eagerly. I know she has Rami now, but her face hasn’t changed. Just as sharp, noticing everything, including the way Diane kept her hands on Finn’s chest way too long after being rumbled.

Finn though, that great big lump must think I’m stupid. I saw Diane with her lips on his. Plus, he’s way too tall. My blood is still boiling from when he scolded me like a child. It’s just unfair.

/Spoken just like a child/ Huli adds, eternally unhelpful as usual.

Maybe when I turn eighteen, the mighty Kharkov twins might consider opening their ranks. I’m not the best fighter, but who knows. I could come along. I’ll happily watch the gear and build a fire while they go ripping dicks off if it gets me out of Cragstone.

/Is that all we’re good for? Really? You’re meant to be a living Goddess not some servant watching bags!/ my wolf huffed but quickly shut up before I gave myself a stinging slap across the cheek.

It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to lie about a black eye. If Huli gets too much it’s sometimes the only way I know to make her retreat is to hurt myself.

The rumbling sound of a vehicle makes me sit upright. I jump up. Someone is coming, better look normal. Lolling around in the grass talking to myself would only start rumours I’ve truly lost it. So I climb onto the tyre swing and kick my legs out.

/Very cool/ Huli mocks. Goddess, why must I be tested by my own wolf?

Except I spot a pair of familiar copper heads bobbing around in the ramshackle truck. Its Naomi and Leona.

Having a heated discussion too. I’d love to eavesdrop but all I can do is jump from the swing and break into a run as the truck slows down in preparation for crossing the bridge.