Chapter Five

~Haven's POV~

I was so confused. I loved Gabe, I really did, but there's something about Tristian that pulled me in. These last two months we'd spent hanging out with each other had been wonderful. Whether it's doing art or obsessing over the many masterpieces in the art building at school or getting ice cream. 

There's never a dull moment. We're always talking and laughing and doing art. 

I know Gabe still didn't like Tristian and dislikes that we hang out so much. But I didn't know what to do. Tristian and I just connect in a way that Gabe and I don't. I can tell how much that bothers us. But to be fair, he is making hanging out with Trisitan much too easy. He's always busy gaming or whatever he and Jonah do on weekends. 

Heath really liked Tristian. They'd become great friends. Tristian is always at our house, playing video games with Heath or talking to me. I could tell my parents were even enjoying having him there. He was just so charming and was always raving about my mom's cooking and my dad's awful impressions. 

I think Grace was okay with him. I knew that she wasn't happy with how long it was taking him to accept Jesus into his heart. She had also said she doesn't like the way he looks at me. I pretended to not know what she means when she says that.

“There it is again,” Grace whispered.

“What?” I asked, looking around.

“The look. Tristian is giving you the look again.” I looked over at Tristian, who was looking at me and waved. He waved back and then went back to his conversation with Heath.

“I don't know what look you're talking about, Gracie.” I lied. I knew the look. It was full of absolute lust. I know he has dirty thoughts about me being in his bed and touching him. “He was just saying hi.”

“Maybe I'd believe that if he hadn't been staring at you for the last ten minutes,”  She responded. “It's like he doesn't even care that you and Gabe are together.”

“That's not true,” I protested. “I realize that Gabe and Tristian don't exactly get along, but he respects our relationship. Tristian hasn’t tried anything on me once.”

That technically wasn't a lie. I mean yes, he has flirted with me and made it very obvious to me that he had feelings for me, but he hadn't tried to kiss me or actively get me to break up with Gabe yet, so he wasn’t really doing anything wrong.

If anything I was in the wrong. I was having adulterous thoughts about Tristian. I let him hold my hand sometimes. Every time he was close to me I felt the strongest urge to kiss him. I just wanted to know what it felt like just for a moment. And then I'd be fine. I wouldn't crave anything else from him.

“I still don't like the way he looks at you.” Grace's voice broke my thoughts. “You can see the lust in his eyes. That's sinful.”

“I'm sure it's not what you think it is,” I said.  “I'm just the closest friend he has here. And we're both art geeks. I’m sure that’s all it is.”

I hated this. I wish I could tell her the truth. I wish she could help me sort through my feelings for the two. But I knew it was a bad idea to tell her. She's one of the biggest supporters of Gabe and me. She's so excited for our relationship to go to the next level. Probably more excited than I am.

Maybe Tristian is right. Maybe I'm not really happy, I'm just comfortable. This is truly all I've ever known. No! This is my life and I know this is where I am supposed to be.

"Did you ever find out why he moved here?" Grace questioned. 

"He just said he wanted to be happy." I shrugged. "That makes sense to me."

"I think it's more than that."

"Meaning?"

"I don't know, I just feel like he's trouble, Haven."

"He's just different from everyone else in our lives. Of course he seems like trouble. I think he's wildly misunderstood. If everyone just got to know him and saw what I do, I swear you guys would like him too."

"What, so we're supposed to believe that he's just some bad boy with a heart of gold then?" She laughed. "I'm sorry, I just don't see it. God gave you such a beautiful, trusting heart. I love that, but sometimes it worries me. Someone will take advantage of that. And I think that person is Tristian."

"He won't." I insisted. "He's not like that."

"If you say so, Hav."

I sighed and looked around again. My eyes met Tristian's. A playful smile came across his face, causing me to smile in return. 

"Guess what," he mouthed.

"What?" I mouthed back.

He licked his lips before biting the lower one. It sent chills and excitement through my body. I shifted in my seat as I felt a strange, intense tingling between my thighs. What on God's green earth is that?

"You're beautiful." He finally mouthed back.

I shook my head. "Stop it."

He pouted but his stormy eyes still looked me up and down slowly, as though he was surveying every inch of me. I could only imagine the thoughts creeping through that mind of his. I wondered how dirty they were. What was he doing to me in mind right now?

“Can I tell you a secret?” Grace said suddenly.

“Sure,” I said, thankful to get away from my sinful thoughts about Tristian. I finally looked away from him.

“Okay, um. I have a huge crush on someone. Someone I probably shouldn’t have  a crush on.”

Immediately I thought it was Tristian. She can't have a crush on him! She was just saying all those horrible things about him. And she clearly knows that he likes me so why would she like him?

And she never even asked me if I liked him. How selfish of her. “Um, well if you think you shouldn’t like them, you probably shouldn’t.” I said, trying to sound calm.

“Well it's just that I don’t know how they'll react. They have no clue I like them.”

“Gracie, I'm not sure what to tell you. I mean, honesty is the best policy, obviously, but I mean if telling them is going to cause problems, then you probably shouldn't say anything.”

“It's Heath,” she blurted out. Never had anything made me feel more relieved than her saying that.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah, that's not bad, right?” She asked nervously.

“Oh no, of course not,” I said quickly. “It's amazing!” 

“You think?”

“Yes, Gracie. I mean, my best friend and my brother together sounds perfect!”

“Oh good!” Grace looked incredibly relieved. Why did she think that I wouldn't approve of them?

“Well, are you going to tell him?” I asked eagerly.

“Do you think I should?”

“Of course! Otherwise nothing will happen.”

“O-Okay, I'll tell him,” Grace seemed so nervous. How cute! Suddenly I felt guilty. Grace had just told me a big secret and I still wouldn't tell her about Tristian. Hopefully there was nothing to tell.

+++

I had never met anyone that I would describe as sexy. There were celebrities I thought fit that category. Like Ryan Gosling or Idris Elba. But no one in my life commanded such a title. That was until I met Tristian.

Tristian was very sexy to me. Physically and mentally. I loved catching glimpses of his abs when his shirt would go up too high when I'd ask him to get art supplies from the top shelf of my room. I had even started putting everything up there just to revel in those moments. I also loved the way his strong hands would sail through his messy black hair and the way the hair would fall over his stunning grey eyes. I was fascinated with the way the muscles in his arms flexed as he drew or painted, but especially when he sculpted. 

And then there's his mind. The way he described works of art in intricate detail and phrases that I would never hear from him outside our conversations. He made looking at some portraits a completely new experience. I didn't think the way he did, so when he would mention a certain stroke or a new theme or element to something I was mind blown. How in the world did this guy come into my life and alter how I saw the world? It was insane. 

"There's definitely a melancholy to the Haystack Series. I mean especially with the snow effect. It's...lonesome, I think. The snow is just sitting there so purposefully on the top of the haystacks as the last bit of orange is being erased from the sky so the winter can settle in. It's like watching happiness slowly fade away, you know?" Tristian rambled from across the table.

I shook my head. "I kind of always saw the opposite. The orange in the sky signified that even though there was winter and a sense of darkness, there's always room for the light, even if it's not as prominent." 

"That's definitely a way to think about it. But I also notice how there's no beautiful view on the horizon with this painting. It's all just snow and then a little orange. I think it's meant to portray a long harsh winter." 

Wow, he's brilliant. I literally never thought about it like that! How in the world does he see these things?

"What drinks can I get for you?" The waitress asked. 

"A lemonade for the lady, and I'll have a Blue Moon." Tristian smiled.

"I.D. please?" 

"Sure." He opened his wallet and showed her.

"Nice picture. Thanks, be right back." She she winked before hurrying off.

I noticed another I.D. in Tristian's wallet. His old student I.D. I reached out and grabbed it with a smile. "Wow you are so handsome! Have you ever taken a bad picture?"

He chuckled. "Of course I have. You'll just never see it. You can only ever see me at my best."

"Hate to break it to you, but if that's your goal, you have failed." I giggled. 

"Ouch, Haven. I try so hard to impress you."

"Yeah I can tell,"

"Am I doing a good job?" He asked, seriously. There’s something in his eyes I had never seen before. Nervousness. 

I shrugged. "Yeah I guess. You are so much more than I thought you would be when I first met you. You're sweet and funny and intelligent."

"Now say that again without sounding so disappointed that I'm not awful." He laughed heartily, his voice sounding deeper than ever.

"I'm not disappointed, I'm just shocked."

"Here you go." The waitress put our drinks down, winking at Tristian again. Someone has a crush. It was strange, but it was almost like Tristian didn't notice.

"Thank you." I smiled. 

"Crap." Tristian whispered. "Sorry. Um, it doesn't bother you that I'm drinking does it?"

"You're twenty-one and it's legal, so no. It's not my job to judge."

"Thanks Haven. You've become pretty good about not making me feel bad about my sinful behavior."

"No problem. I mean you're constantly engaging in sinful behavior, I had to get used to it." I giggled. 

"You are responsible for like twenty percent of my sinful behavior."

"How's that?"

"You...make me think sinful things."

I cleared my throat. "I don't mean to."

"I wish you did." Tristian smirked. 

I nervously tugged at my hair. "Our waitress is really pretty. I think she likes you."

His jaw clenched. "What do you want me to do about that?"

"You should ask her out or something." 

"I don't want to."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I'm not interested."

"But why aren't you?"

"Because I'm not." He snapped. "And I have no problem getting girls, you don't have to do me any favors."

"Oh," I whispered. The thought of Tristian with other girls made my skin burn. Sure I was trying to push him to ask the waitress out but that's because him liking me made me feel strange. "So you've been with girls since you moved here?"

"Maybe. Why?"

"I-I'm just asking," I said quickly. "Like...how many?"

"Haven, what are you doing? Do you want me with other girls or not?" Tristian asked. 

"You have free will, Tristian. If you want to be with girls, you're free to do that. It's not my business."

"Then why did you ask?"

"I was curious." I said weakly. I know it was a lame excuse, but I didn't know what to say.

Tristian rolled his eyes. "Aren't you Christians not supposed to lie?"

"What do you mean?"

"You want to know if I've been with other girls because you're jealous. The same way I get jealous seeing you with Gabe. Sound about right?"

"I am not envious of the many girls you've been with." I said stubbornly.

"Who the hell said it was many girls?" 

"I just assume from how you are."

He scoffed. "Maybe I will get our waitress's number. Would that make you happy?" Tristian demanded. "Because that's all I care about these days. You and your happiness."

I played with the wrapper from my straw nervously. "No," I whispered. "That would not make me happy."

"Good, cuz it wouldn't make me happy either." Tristian whispered back before taking a large gulp of his beer. He sighed. "I'm sorry I got pissy with you. I know I'm inappropriate sometimes."

"It's okay. I'm nosy and pushy."

His face finally softened. "Yeah you are. And yet I still like you."

I smiled. "Lucky me," I paused. "So why aren't you interested in her? She really is pretty."

"She's not you."

+++

I was nervous. I shouldn't be. I mean it should be no big deal. But it was. I know he'd be here to see me and just me. We have Drawing homework, and I definitely need help. After our conversation at the restaurant a few days ago, I just didn't know what to do about Tristian and his obvious feelings for me.

"Haven, Tristian is here!" Mom called. I quickly checked my appearance and made sure I looked presentable before going down.

"Hey. Come on up." I said.

"So Geometric shapes." Tristian said sitting down on my bed.

I'd sit next to him but I'm worried I won't be able to control myself. There was something sexy about the thought of Tristian and I in a bed together.

"They're killing me!" I exclaimed. "I can't draw two dimensional things, let alone 3-D."

"Lucky you have me then." He said.

"Yeah," I whispered. "Lucky me."

"Well let's get started then,” he said. "Maybe we can actually accomplish something before dinner this time."

I snorted. "I doubt it."

An hour later I was frustrated. "I can't do it!" I cried. "My hands don't know what to do with a pencil! I just want a paintbrush!" I slammed the pencil down on my desk and started pacing.

Tristian stood up too. "Hey, it’s okay, you got this, Haven. Just breathe."

"I am breathing." I snapped.

"Okay, all that anger you have now, take it and use it the way you use other emotions when you paint,” he said.

"I don't know how!"

"Just please come here." I huffed and sat back down. He came behind me. "Pick up the pencil."

I did as I was told. He then put his hand over the hand that was holding the pencil. All of the anger left me quickly. It was replaced with a tingly sensation I had felt between my thighs last week when Tristian licked his lips at me. I felt hot. 

"Now," he whispered, heightening the sensation. "Take whatever emotion you're feeling right now and put into drawing that cube. Let it flow through your hand."

His hand guided mine in drawing the cube. Halfway though he let go and his hand just hovered there. I put the pencil down when I finished. I had done it. It wasn't great or anything, but it would do.

"I did it," I said quietly.

"I told you that you could," Tristian said. I got up and hugged him. He lifted me off my feet. We were both laughing.

"Let's do the cone!" I exclaimed.

Just like with the cube, Tristian's hand guided mine. When I finished, I turned my head towards him. Our faces were inches apart. "I did it again." I murmured.

"I knew you could." Tristian said, his voice barely above a whisper.

He was leaning in to kiss me, and I wasn't stopping him like I should be...