Chapter One

JENNA

I HEARD the noise before I saw them.

The unmistakable sound of sex. 

I knew at once whose male grunts I was hearing. Kasi hindi maaaring hindi ko makilala ang tinig ng sarili kong boyfriend, o ang mga ungol niya at timbre ng boses kapag aroused siya. 

Sa kabila nang hindi pa kami kahit kailan nakakapag-sex, nakakalabas pa rin kami and we’ve made out. Kondisyon ko iyon, na only when I was ready for serious commitment – like engagement commitment – would I sleep with him.

So, Keith was fucking somebody inside his office, on the day I have decided I was ready to have sex with him.

And it wasn’t me.

This was totally unexpected. I never expected he would be like this. 

Akala ko napaka-understanding niya. Akala ko napakabait niya at napakahinahon kapag umuurong sa mas mainit na naming mga tagpuan, iyong kung hindi ako tutulak ay may mangyayari na sa amin.

Akala ko iba siya. Akala ko talaga nakatagpo na ako ng matino at disenteng lalaki. 

I’m such a moron pagdating sa pagbo-boyfriend… naiiyak kong naisip. Bakit lagi na lang?

At hindi ko alam kung bakit tinangka ko pa ring pumasok sa pinto despite knowing I would hate what I’d see. Gusto ko ba talagang makita pa ang ebidensya ng panloloko nila? 

Pero hindi ko mapigilan ang aking mga paa. Kumikilos na parang robot, nakapasok ako sa loob. 

I was here to surprise him with a pre-Christmas lunchbreak. Food… wine… sexy lingerie inside my clothes – the works. Gusto kong i-set ang mood para sa kahit anong pwedeng mangyari. He proposed to me last night and I had accepted, at plano namin ang announcement niyon sa Post-Xmas Party sa bahay ng uncle ko the day after Christmas. 

I was so excited that I decided to surprise him today. Ito pa naman ang hindi ko pa nagagawa sa four months naming relasyon – ang supresahin siya. 

I worked in a different building, a different capsule of The Windham Towers. Nasa Legal Department kasi si Keith. Nasa Marketing and PR ako. 

The whole morning, we’ve been sending each other sweet, nonsensical messages. He was very attentive and was saying all the right words. 

Nai-imagine ko pa nga sa isip ko ang mga maaari niyang gawin kapag nagse-sex na kami. Hinahanda ko na ang sarili kong hindi mahiya sa kanya o ma-shock sa mess, trying not to worry about our first sex as I could very well be in a nervous wreck.

My first sex ever was a disaster, and traumatic, as it proved later. Kasi nga since then nahirapan na akong mag-let go ng inhibitions with any other man. Sa kabila ng matapang, ismarte at assertive kong outward personality, I wasn’t as confident exposing my body or being intimate with someone else. Laging bago tuluyang may mangyari ay umuurong ang kalooban ko. Laging kapag maghuhubad na, hindi ko na kaya.

Naapektuhan nito ako eventually and I got quieter and introverted. Naging maingat ako na ni makapagbigay ng motibo.

I avoided parties and groups. 

Noong nagsimula na akong magtrabaho rito, ganito na ako nakilala ng mga tao rito, until Keith.  

Akala ko iba na kay Keith kasi ilang beses nang muntik na kaming makalimot. Matagal din ang pagitan since my last attempt to date. And he had been so patient 

Sa lahat ng mga naka-date ko, siya pa lang ang naghintay na ako ang magbigay ng unang paramdam. 

He’s alright, sabi ko sa sarili ko. Kasi he’s so kind. He’ll take care of my heart. 

May pagkakataon na parang kulang sa excitement pero naisip ko, nagma-mature na lang kasi kami at seryoso si Keith sa kanyang trabaho. 

I loved and respected him. Marami pa kaming pagdadaanan na magpapalalim pa sa relasyon naming dalawa.

Fuck that. Fuck all that.

Habang lumiliko ako sa eleganteng glass panel na nakaharang sa desk area ng office, naiisip ko pa ang umagang iyon. Sabi pa niya, hindi na siya makahintay malaman nang buong mundo na ikakasal na kami. 

Not that I wanted the whole world to know, but it felt good to know he wanted the whole world to know. Kaya ni hindi ko naisip na maaaring magalit siya kung kumuha ako ng copy ng susi ng office niya sa maintenance people noong dumating ako about ten minutes ago and found his office locked. 

Sometimes he does this, sabi ng sekretarya niya before. Lock his door kapag umiidlip o nagwo-work-out. Quirk of his that he runs on a treadmill when thinking about a case. 

Surpresa nga kaya ayokong kumatok. I knew he was inside kasi iyon ang sabi ng secretary nitong nag-half day sa taga-maintenance na nakausap ko. It was his lunch break and he may be napping, was what I was thinking. Ang dami daw kasi niyang ginagawang trabaho kaya kailangan niyang pumasok ngayon. 

Lax ang office sa araw na ito, pwedeng mag-absent kahit sino, dahil nga Pasko na bukas. 

Naisip ko pa, ang sipag naman niya. Ni hindi nga niya  kailangang magtrabaho ngayon.

Fuck him talaga.

May tinatrabaho ang animal, screwing somebody right there on his desk! 

Iyon ang nakikita ko ngayong nasa gilid na ako ng panel.

There was Keith, between the widely spread thighs of his colleague Laurel, another lawyer, covering her with his body from this angle as he screwed her. 

She had her head raised, watching him do her as her face contorted. Kaya ko lang siya nakilala kasi nakita ko ang mukha niya sa anggulong iyon. His shirt was in disarray, his pants and underwear a pool down his feet on the carpeted floor. Laurel’s hands were over her head, holding on tightly to the edge of the desk as his lower torso banged her roughly and repeatedly, his butt bunching on each push under the edges of his shirt.

And the noise…

“Oohh – ahhh… shit. Ang saraaaap… fuck, Laurel!” malakas na ungol ni Keith.

“Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck!” ang halos isigaw naman ni Laure.

So busy were they that they never even noticed me.

Fuck you. Fuck you to hell and back…

So pathetic of me that I couldn’t even say those words out loud.

The image would forever stay etched inside my head.

Oh, god, no.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakaalis sa office. Did I close the door? I couldn’t think. I was just going through the motions. 

I didn’t even remember if I ever saw anyone on the way to the elevator banks… 

Lumabas ako sa elevator na tulala. 

Hindi ko alam kung saan ko naiwan ang bag ng lunch food. Hawak ko lang ay susi ko at ang purse ko ay nakasukbit pa rin sa balikat ko. 

Somehow, I got the one of the guards to get the basket from Keith’s floor, because I  remember putting it down his secretary’s empty desk. Kapag nakita ni Keith iyon, mahuhulaan niyang may bumisita pero hindi na nagpakita. 

He could ask people, and somebody could tell him seeing me. I didn’t want him to know I was on to him.

Sabi ko, kunin ng guard ang basket at iyon na ang lunch nila kasi I was called somewhere else and nobody was going to eat all that food. 

I gave them money for doing this for me. Alam ng mga guards kung sino ako.

Tuwang tuwa sila at napanatili ko ang ngiti ko hanggang makalayo ako sa kanila, kunwari nagmamadali patungo sa kung saan ako bigla natawag.

And then I was horrified at what happened.

I almost gave that bastard my entire life! 

Dapat nagpapasalamat ako na nabisto ko siya bago mahuli ang lahat.

Pero masakit pa rin kasi hindi ito ang unang panloloko sa akin. Bakit ba hindi ako natututo?

Ilang beses bang mangyayari sa akin ito?!