Chapter 1.

I had to get out! The sun was shining, and I was dying for some peace and quiet, especially after what happened at breakfast... dishes and glass being chucked across the kitchen again! I had locked myself in my bedroom the moment the commotion started, and I didn't bother stepping out until father had managed to calm the situation.

But the sun beaming down on my back just fed a calmness into my soul that I needed, and I focused on that small delight whilst I sketched the pretty black raven in front of me. He seemed to be enjoying the sun just as much as I was, he was happily basking, curiously bopping his head around to watch me. Perhaps he found this part of the woods just as peaceful as I did... The sun rays glistening on the clear lake behind us and the sounds of the grass and leaves gently flowing in tune with the warm breeze.

His feathers looked polished and soft, thick and strong, ready to carry his whole body wherever he wished to go. I envied him, in fact, I envied all creatures that could take flight whenever they chose. Carry themselves away from here with so much freedom!

I wasn't generally an envious person, there definitely wasn't anyone I envied within our wolf pack, that's for sure! The only thing that...perhaps I was a bit jealous of, was that everyone here had their wolves by the time they turned sixteen. Well, lucky me, I'm nineteen and still... no wolf! However, on certain days when I felt particularly sorry for myself, my mother always told me that maybe it was a good thing... she seemed to think my wolf would be much like my grandmother's, dangerous but desirable to any wolf pack. I was incredibly close to her growing up, but I only saw her wolf once and that was only because of a threat closing in on us. I carelessly strolled into the dark forest one day, a forest we were forbidden to ever cross... I mean, I was only five! I didn't know just how serious that rule was! But my grandmother had chased after me and as she was leading us back to our land, she sensed rogues... then in an instant, she shifted into her wolf. It was huge! Bigger than any I'd ever seen... bigger than our alpha or luna. She was dark grey like a heavy, clouded moon with a thick strip of black running through her tail and the whitest, misty eyes that shone brightly against her fur.

I was in awe of her wolf... that was until she was banished from our pack and left to live her life beneath the forest border. I was ten when she was ripped away from me and I've missed her every day since. Whenever my uncle was in one of his moods, I always used to hide out at her home and, on occasion, so did my mother.

It was rumoured all over the pack that my grandmother had attacked a man as he claimed she was acting almost senile and reckless. Because my father is the chief palace guard to the alpha, he decided to banish her instead of imprisoning her in the cells. Apparently, from the horror stories I've heard, that would have been a worse fate than being exiled. That was supposed to be the alpha's way of doing 'a favour' for my father and his wife's mother.

When I was sixteen, my mother had told me a completely different version of the events. The alpha's cousin, Christian, had tried to force himself upon my grandmother, not taking no for an answer... when she felt threatened and with no other opportunity to escape from him,, she lashed out into her wolf, catching his face with his claws! Of course, Christian denied it all and went with his own story and being the cousin to our alpha... well, he had a winning chance on his side!

Unfortunately, even though she left, the story didn’t, and it had followed me around ever since. No real friends, not that any of them have ever been ones I'd choose to be friends with. But every now and then it does tend to feel... lonely.

I often feel so different compared to everyone else here, they all just fit right in and I… well, I definitely don’t. I’m constantly reminded of what little use I am to this pack. But all of that I had learned to accept, even if it did hurt at times. However, now, I am expected to keep a secret…. One that no one can know, which I know is harder for my father to keep hidden than it is for me or mother. My poor uncle…. As time went on, the more he had begun to lose his mind and his ability to control his wolf’s anger merged with his human emotions. Ever since his mate died last year, he’s never fully recovered.

He was so happy before, always smiling, laughing. He was actually quite a practical joker, and I always loved his visits with his mate Anya. She was pretty, very quiet and mostly shy, but she beamed around him. But losing your mate would drive you mad. Fated or chosen, once that bond is made… that’s it! Not only does your human part feel that loss, but it’s doubled with your wolf’s turmoil too, and this morning, he had one of his episodes again. So far, it only tends to be first thing in the morning or in his sleep, which means, as for now, no one suspects a thing…. I’d hate to think where they’d lock him up to if they ever found out, or perhaps they’d banish him like they did with my grandma. My family is full of hurt and pain, but somehow, every time my parents step outside the door, they manage to put on a smile as if they have no care in the world. Me, on the other hand, I don’t…. I don’t actually remember the last time I truly smiled or laughed. So, as much as my parents try to encourage me, I wouldn’t fake a smile for anyone in this pack!

"I wish I could fly away like you". I said to the bird who seemed to coo in reply as he looked at me. "Stay still, just a little longer, I need to draw your tail! You have the silkiest feathers."

"Are you talking to a bird?" A deep voice appeared from behind me, scaring away my pretty little bird. I whipped my head around to see the alpha's son, Leo dripping wet as he stepped out from the lake, in nothing but his shorts.

"Why wouldn't I? He's probably a better listener than anyone else around here!" I retorted back as I quickly closed my sketch book.

"What's in there?" He asked, pointing at it with a little nod.

"That is none of your business".

"Mmm, well that's not very courteous". He said with a shocked grin.

"Oh, I'm sorry, was I supposed to grovel at your feet and insist you disturb my peace and quiet?" I answered sarcastically.

"Well, you could try to be a bit friendlier... that'll be a start!" He grinned.

"I think I'll save that for people that have earned it!"

For some reason, he took that last comment as a cue to kneel down and continue this random and pointless exchange.

"Raven, we've known each other our whole lives! Are you telling me, that after all these years, I still haven't earned it?"

"Wow! Have you honestly forgotten the way you and your little group of followers used to treat me in school? You're not even close to earning it!"

"Raven, I never did anything to you in school".

"Writing stuff on my locker, pushing me, calling me names! that was all just a dream of mine was it?"

"I never did any of those things, I actually used to try and talk to you. Maybe my friends were like that to you, but you can't blame me for what they did!"

"Well, I remember you definitely took part in the laughing at me.. so that's just as bad!"

With that I got to my feet and decided I'd rather be in my bedroom alone, than here talking to him!

"Where are you going?" He asked with a disappointed frown.

"Home! I'd like to say this has been fun but... it was actually rather irritating!"

"Good to see you too, Raven!" He called out as I already began to walk away.

I took the long walk home, just to pass time and I didn't want to shut off myself off from the sun just yet. I walked past the pack gymnasium and training fields and rolled my eyes as I saw groups of people running the tracks together, pretending to be the best of friends... so encouraging and supportive... that is until one of them is the root of the packs gossip!

"Ravey, Ravey! No wolf today?" Violet chuckled with one of her friends as they walked past. Flicking her hair, whilst trying to walk through the grass in her stilettoes.

"Vile, Viley, No clothes today?" I called back with a wide grin causing her chuckle to fall short and her face turn into a scowl.

I wasn't exactly covered from head to toe in clothes with my top and shorts but at least I didn't constantly have my nipples almost spilling out of my tops like she did, and her skirt was barely covering her buttocks. She still dressed just like she did in high school, everything about her was exactly the same!

The moment I got home, I quietly turned my key in the lock, stepped in, making sure not to step on the creaky floorboards. Tip toed along through the kitchen, into the hallway and hurriedly ran up the stairs. I put my sketch book in my bag ready for college tomorrow, changed out of my damp sweaty clothes and as I slipped into a loose fitting dress, I could hear uncle, faintly through the wall, the quiet, muffled sobs.

I walked along to his bedroom door and gave it a little tap. “Uncle? Uncle Filton, it’s Raven. Can I come in?” I asked as my heart sunk for him.

Without any reply, I took it upon myself to go in anyway. I creaked open the door, to see his thick drapes shut as he tried to cover the room in darkness, shutting out any sunlight trying to peep through the window.

I didn’t know what to say as I sat down on the bed next to him, whilst he continued to weep into his pillow…. I never knew what to say. I never knew love in that kind of way, so what could an inexperienced nineteen year old say or do to ease his pain?

So, I just sat there, with my hand supportively on his shoulder, keeping him company while he cried his never ending tears.