Chapter 4.

I quickly walked over to the dimly lit pond and sat behind a white wicker archway that was covered in vines and roses, enough to keep me out of view as I just stared at the water in front of me. I tried to shake away what the Luna said but it had already had my skin tingling with nerves. It wasn’t so much the insults that bothered me. Oh, Raven the girl with no wolf.. yea, yea, I’ve heard it all before! The only thing rummaging around in my head right now was what she said about making me leave. My parents would never allow me to just up and leave on my own, not unless it was my own choice, and I had another pack I wanted to explore and stay with. If they knew… if they knew I was forced to leave, without a doubt they would leave too. They’d uproot their whole lives here, just because of me! Wolfless, burden me!

Maybe that’s one of the reasons my heart always feels so heavy every time I see my uncle. Every time he has an angry outburst or cries in the night, he apologises over and over, begging us to give him time to get himself together, as if we just see him as a dead weight dragging us down! Of course, we’d never feel that way about him. I feel sad for him each time he falls apart with his apologies. But I understand that part of it. I have felt like such a burden each time an insult is thrown around or my parents friends ask them what possible reason there is for me not to have my wolf! I hear my mum and dad stutter as they try to think of an answer to give each time. Sometimes I can take it on, and I can ignore how it makes me feel, but… other times it makes me feel so ashamed and so different. Perhaps they’re right. Maybe I should live on human territory. It’s possible I’d fit in more there than I ever could here.

“Good hiding spot!” A quiet voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Oh! What are you doing out here?” I asked as Leo stood with his shoulders slightly slumped and his hands tucked into his trouser pockets.

“I came to check on you”.

“Why?” I questioned him. I was in no mood for more jibes tonight.

“Well, when I asked my mother and Violet what was going on, they seemed a bit… well flustered!”. He said as he walked closer over to me. “They said you were causing a scene and being rude to Violet”.

I scoffed at what he said as I averted my gaze from him and looked back at the water. “Sure! That’s what happened”. I shrugged and just decided to agree.

“I know it’s not true, Raven”. He admitted as he sat next to me on the pond wall.

“Oh? And why is that then?” I asked, looking back at him, full of accusation.

“Because I know how Violet can be and I also know my mother can be pretty hard at times”.

“Mmm, hard is one way of putting it”. I said, laced with sarcasm. That woman was a constant pain in the ass.

“Well, why don’t you tell me then, what happened?”

“Oh, nothing”. I sighed. “Just the usual back and forth digs between me and Violet”.

“So, then how did my mother get involved?”

“She must have seen us or heard us, I don’t know. But things were said and… and I think it’s best I stay out here for a while. I’ll sneak back through and just go home”.

“If you don’t want to go back in there, I know another way out. I can show you if you like?”

“Why? Why would you bother helping me?”

“Well, for starters, I don’t want to go back in there either and if you really want to go home then, I’d rather you do that than sit out here until you quickly decide to dash through everyone in a mad rush”. He said in a playful tone.

“Ok”. I relented. If it gets me out of here, then I won’t keep arguing. “Then show me the way!”. I said as I got to my feet.

We walked slowly along the garden paths that cut past the immaculately trimmed shaped hedges, rows of neat flower gardens that were lit up with fairy garden torches, some were of gnomes and stone-carved hedgehogs and rabbits. It looked pretty now, so I could only wonder how much better it looked in the daylight.

“So, I’m assuming the conversation with my mother wasn’t a good one?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“No. It definitely wasn’t the highlight of the evening, but it’ll be the only thing I won’t forget for a while”.

“That bad, huh?”

“Mmmhmm”. I nodded.

“Tell me what she said, Raven”.

“Umm, a few things but the worst part was when she told me she will have to think about having me removed from the pack”.

“What?” Leo exclaimed, looking at me in shock.

“Yeaaa. Because I have no wolf, I’m considered to be just a human, so I don’t belong here”.

“Wolf or no wolf Raven, your parents are part wolf, so you do belong”.

“I don’t know”. I exhaled a heavy breath. “I’m beginning to think that maybe I don’t belong here and… instead of my parents leaving with me, perhaps I should leave, but on my terms”.

“Your terms being what?”

“Well, I plan somewhere to go, I pack my things and I leave. I’ll tell my parents that it is all my idea and it’s what I want”.

“Raven! Ignore what she said. Trust me, my father wouldn’t just kick you out! He doesn’t give a damn whether you have your wolf or not. You and your parents have done nothing wrong, he’ll see it as having no justifiable reason to do it”.

“Leo, at this point, I can’t see myself ever being happy here, so maybe it’s for the best that I try to find my place somewhere else”.

“You really feel that way? About this pack, that there’s not even a small chance that how you feel now could change?”

“The longer I leave it, the more drama and problems it could create. I’m done with the constant stares and people looking down at me. I don’t belong here”. I told him and the more I thought of what I was saying, the more I felt it to be true.

“Well, here we are!” He said, as he opened an old metal gate hidden in the stone wall, surrounded with flowers and trellises.

“Wow, a secret gate!” I grinned as he held it open for me to walk through. I expected him to shut it behind me and be on his way, but to my surprise, he followed me through before shutting it again. “Where are you going?”

“I’m walking you home”.

“Oh? Why?”

“Well, because our border isn’t as guarded tonight, the majority of our guards are keeping watch at the palace, seeing as that’s where everyone is tonight. So, the gaps between each patrol point is pretty wide tonight”.

“Hm… so a rogue or anyone could just slip on right through?”

“Yep! Good for those who couldn’t make it tonight, right?”

“Yea, lucky them”. I chuckled.

“I know it seems a bit doom and gloom right now, but just look up!” He said and I looked at him slightly puzzled, until I looked up and there in the sky without a dusting of cloud in sight shined a billion stars, so clear and vast. We stood still, just having a moment to take it all in.

“Don’t you think, the longer you look at how big it is, the more you feel as if your just a tiny speck on the entire planet!” I marvelled aloud.

“I know! Makes you feel pretty small, when you see just how big it all is”.

“It’s incredible!”

“It is.. but also, a little daunting!” He grinned and I tittered in agreement.

“Just imagine actually going into space”. I said thoughtfully as we continued our walk.

“I dunno, I think if I did that’s when little Leo will come out and I’d pee my fricking pants!” he stated jokingly, and I laughed at the thought of him freaking out and demanding to go back home, then it suddenly dawned on me, the moment my laugh stopped, that he was the only person, apart from my family that has made me willingly laugh in so many years. It was warming but I reminded myself not to trust his sudden kindness.

“Perhaps a never ending cookie supply will cheer you up!”. I joked.

“Hmm cookies and those little chocolate rolls we used to have”.

“Ohhh, the ones with the chocolate and vanilla frosting in the middle?”

“Yep, that’s the ones”.

“Mmmm!” We both groaned at the same time as we imagined what they used to taste like. It was one of our favourite snack time goodies.

“Ahh, damn it!” I grumbled.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s these damn heels, they keep getting stuck in the grass”. I told him as I looked across the field to see we still had a way to go until we reached the footpaths. “I keep sinking into the mud. I’ll have to take them off!”

“Yum I’m sure your feet will love to be smothered in sheep poo!” He chuckled.

“Well, I’ll end up barefoot anyway, I’m going to lose these shoes in the grass”. I laughed as I was nearly tipping over trying to pull my foot back out of the mud.

“Get on my back, I’ll carry you until we get to the path”.

“Uhh..no, no, it’s ok”. I stuttered with hesitation.

“Stop being stubborn and get on!”. He said as he stood in front of me. “Come on, giddy up, your ride awaits!”.

I chuckled at his jest, I looked down at the state of my muddy shoes and thought, Oh screw it! And jumped onto his back and he placed his hands under my legs to help keep me on. “Come on, faster, faster! Pick up the pace!” I taunted him playfully as he marched on across the field.

“I’m going to class this as extra training!” He chortled. “Instead of me carrying a log on my back, I got you instead!”

“Wait! Are you trying to say that I’m as heavy as a fricking log?”

“NO!” He quickly called out with a laugh. “But instead of two hours training tomorrow, I’m gonna try and score myself just the one!”

“Yea, ok then! I’ll bet you love the training really! Getting dirty, doing the trials and obstacles, feeling like one of the guys as you all sweat clap each other on!”

“Trust me, with how tired we get, there’s definitely no clapping! Not until we finish and we’re just grateful to be done for the day!”

“How often do you train?”

“Four times a week. Two hours each session”.

“Huh! Do you relax it out after in a sauna or steam room? all of you comparing how much chest hair you have?” I chuckled.

“Yeaaa, but I’ve stopped comparing now. With only three chest hairs I’ve got no chance”. He quipped jokingly.

“Aww, it’s ok, just keep eating your spinach and they’ll come through”.

“Is that what you do? You must have more chest hair than me in that case!”

“Heyyy!” I scolded him genially as I nudged his leg with my foot. “I’ll have you know, I’m only on two! But I do have one sprouting through, so it does look promising!”

“Then I guess your spinach theory isn’t all it’s cracked up to be then is it?” He chimed back.

“Hmm, I may have to up my dose of onions and garlic then!”

“Yea, stink of onion and garlic and at least that’ll keep anyone from bothering you”. He bantered.

“I’ll carry cloves of it around with me! Can’t believe I didn’t think of that before!”

“Well, here we are!”. He said and I realised we hadn’t just made it across the field, but with all our talking I got completely distracted and he’d carried me all the way home.

“Oh! It’s my house!” I exclaimed like a confused idiot.

“Well, don’t say I don’t provide a good carrying service. It’s right to the door drop off!”. He grinned as I got down from his back.

“Well, thanks. My feet are very grateful!”. I smiled.

“Then I’m happy that at least your feet appreciate it!”.

“Oh hush!” I giggled. “Thank you for carrying me home!”. I reiterated.

“You’re welcome”. He replied and a sudden quiet, awkwardness hung in the air.

“Well, umm, goodnight. And enjoy your training and steam showers tomorrow”.

“I will!”. He said as the corner of his lips tucked into a small smile. “And you enjoy making your concoctions of garlic and onions”.

“I’ll send you the recipe!”. I smiled back as I walked up my garden path.

“See you around, Raven”. He called out as I got to the door.

“See you around!” I called back. I stepped quietly into the house and left a little note on the kitchen table for my parents to let them know I was home and in bed when they got back.

As I got undressed and showered the mud off my feet, I realised the whole way home I had forgotten about what Addison had said and how the evening had turned around. I still couldn’t understand why Leo was so nice all of a sudden, not that he was ever particularly mean to me, but… it had been years since we’d spoken, so why now? I tried not to let my head get scrambled with thoughts of Addison’s words. I turned off my light, slumped into bed and decided, tomorrow I will try to think clearly on what choice to make.