Chapter 13

Cry

Napakurap-kurap si Heather nang hindi siya pansinin ni Primo. Sa halip, ay nilagpasan lang siya nito pagkatapos magtama ng mga mata nila.

One second, he looked lke he was struck by lightning and the next, he acted like he did not see her and just walk pass her.

Mukhang hindi talaga nito nagustuhan ang sinabi niya kanina. But what part of her story upsets him? Nagkuwento lang naman siya tungkol sa nakaraan niya. Sa buhay niya.

Hindi niya ba nagustuhan ang life story ko? Didn’t he liked my past? Hindi niya ba iyon nagustuhan kaya naman ayaw niya na siyang maging kaibigan?

Heather suddenly felt somber. Akala niya, ikasisiya ni Primo ang pagkukwento niya. It really bothered her, the fact that she didn’t have any story to tell. Kaya naman naglakas loob na siyang magkwento. Para kahit papa’no, makilala siya nito.

Yet, it seems like my story irritated him. Sayang ang efforts niya.

Hanggang sa matapos ang trabaho, laman pa rin ng isip ni Heather ang inis na hitsura ni Primo. Hindi talaga siya mapalagay. Gulong-gulo siya sa kaiisip kung ano ang dahilan kung bakit ito parang galit kanina.

Sa pagkakatanda niya, wala namn siyang sinabing masama. Wala rin naman siyang ginawa rito. Basta biglaan na lang itong nagwalk-out pagkatapos sabihin na hindi siya dapat tumingin sa iba habang nag-iisip ng ibang tao.

Tumingin sa iba habang nag-iisip ng ibang tao…

Heather’s eyes widened as she came into realization. Pero kaagad rin iyong napalitan ng pagsisisi.

“Ang tanga mo, Heather. Bakit mo ginawa ‘yon?” pangaral niya sa sarili. She remembered the instance when she looked at Primo while remembering Aidan’s face. What a disrespectful thing to do! Nakakahiya!

Kanina niya pa pilit na binabalikan ang nangyari kanina pero ngayon lang iyon sumagi sa isip niya. She’s so dumb.

I have to apologize…

Sa isiping iyon, niligpit niya ang mga gamit at nagpunta sa Finance department, pero wala ng mga tao roon. The lights were dim as well.

Bagsak ang balikat ni Heather na nagtungo sa parking lot. She pointed her car keys to her car and unlocked it.

The car’s headlights flashed for a bit the same way she heard a clicking sound.

Heather suddenly became alerted. Luminga-linga siya sa paligid para tingnan kung may tao ba. Nagkibit-balikat siya nang walang makita bago nagmamadaling sumakay ng kotse.

Before she started her car, she sent a message to Primo first.

‘Sorry. I know now the reason why you’re upset. I didn’t mean to.’

Primo, who immediately read her message sighed as he lie on his house’s sofa. He actually left early to avoid Heather. Not because he was upset but because he needs to think through, without any distractions. Kailangan niyang linawin sa sarili niya ang sitwasyon at kailangan niyang ayusin ang puso at isip niya.

He wanted to completely avoid Heather. He plans to. But that would be unfair to her. Wala naman itong ginagawang masama sa kaniya. Sadyang siya lang ang may problema at naglalagay ng malisya.

I can’t like her, aniya sa isip. Hindi pwede. Yes, he thinks that her boyfriend is a bastard pero karelasyon pa rin ito ni Heather. He has to respect that.

Primo sighed again and put down his phone. Hindi na lang muna siya magrereply dahil natatakot siyang humaba ang usapan nila. Baka kung ano na naman ang maramdaman niyang kakaiba. It’s scary.

Now, how am I going to avoid her without actually avoiding her?

Heather’s face fell when she checked her phone and still no reply. Ilang minute na mula nang magsend siya ng text kay Primo pero wala pa rin itong sagot. She got stuck in traffic, got out from it and minutes later, she’s nearing their house and yet, no reply.

Nagpakawala siya ng malalim na hininga habang bumababa ng sasakyan. She’s really worried. Heather did not think that Primo would be the type of person who would take that seriously.

I mean, yes. Mali iyon. Pero ganoon ba talaga siya kagalit para hindi replyan ang text ko?

“Eh kung tawagan ko kaya?” she asked to herself. Mabilis siyang umiling. “No, he might be busy or not in the mood to talk.”

Inayos niya ang pagkakasukbit ng shoulder bag bago tinulak pabukas ang pintuan ng bahay.

“After everything, you still have guts to come home, huh? You chagrin,” ang boses ni Julia ang unang sumalubong kay Heather. Ang utak niyang nababad sa malalim na pag-iisip ay nabalik sa kasalukuyan. Yumuko siya at lumiko sa kanan para iwasan ang Mommy niya. But before she reaches the stairs, she got a hold of Heather’s arm. “Kinakausap pa kita. Huwag kang bastos.” Padarag na binitiwan ni Julia ang braso nito kaya mahinang napadaing si Heather.

“M-Mom…” Her mind is drained because of too much thinking. And now, her Mom is angry at her.

Ano na naman kaya ang ikinakagalit nito?

“Huwag mo ‘kong tawaging Mommy. Hindi kita anak!” asik ni Julia saka hinawakan si Heather sa pulsuhan. Heather was surprised and confused at the same time. “Alam mo bang napakaraming tao ang gusto tumuklas sa tunay mong pagkatao? Kalat na kalat na sa buong bansa ang tungkol sa relasyon ninyo ni Aidan and it will only take a matter of time before they find out your identity! You have been bashed all over the internet and it's going to drag our family down!”

At doon lang napagtanto ni Heather ang tinutukoy ng ina.

It’s about her pictures with Aidan! Shit! Bakit niya ba nakalimutan? Mas inaatupag niya pa ang pag-iisip kung bakit nagalit si Primo kaysa mabahala sa balitang kumakalat ngayon. Her identity’s at stake!

“H-Hindi naman po nila n-nalaman kung sino ako,” sabi ni Heather habang nakatingin sa sahig. She couldn't look at her in the eye.

“Hindi pa!” pagtatama ni Julia sa sinabi ni Heather. Then, she laughed humorlessly. “At ang Aidan na ‘yon, imbes na harapin ang press at aminin na lang ang katotohanan sa kung ano mang mayroon kayo, ayon nagtago sa penthouse niya. Ni isang araw, hindi lumabas. He's clearly avoiding the issue. Wala siyang balak na ipagtanggol ka.”

“Hindi po totoo ‘yan,” Heather interjected. “Nagkausap po kami kanina at kaya lang siya nananatili roon dahil utos ng manager niya—”

“Are you defending him? Siya na nga ang dahilan nitong gulo na ‘to, pinagtatanggol mo pa siya?”

“Mommy, nagpapaliwanag lang po ako. Namimisinterpret niyo ang mga ginagawa ni Aidan kaya nililinaw ko lang,” paliwanag ni Heather. Her Mom’s eyes held hostility.

“Pinagtatanggol mo nga,” she stated. Sinapo ni Julia ang noo habang ang isang kamay ay nakapameywang. Dinuro niya si Heather. “If this issue becomes worse and they discover your identity, maghanda ka na. Pack your things because I will not let an abomination stay here and ruin our family completely. Binalaan na kita dati, ayaw mong makinig. Ngayon, magdusa ka. Tingnan natin kung saang kalye ka pupulutin,” banta sa kaniya nito.

Heather’s emotions suddenly reached the roof. “Dahil lang do'n, palalayasin niyo ako? Mom, don’t you think it's a bit unreasonable?”

“Unreasonable? You have done a lot of dumb things that brought this family embarrassment, Heather. Remember when you were sixteen? Nagpakalasing ka sa anniversary party namin ng Daddy mo!”

“I told you, hindi nga po ako nagpakalasing! I didn't know it was liquor!” hindi niya mapigilang magtaas ng boses habang ipinapaliwanag ang sarili kay Julia.  Remembering what happened that day made her lose her cool. “At saka, bakit ba takot na takot kayong madungisan ang pangalan ng pamilyang ‘to? It’s not like you’re all perfect. Sana hindi niyo na lang pinagamit sa ‘kin ang apelyido ninyo. I never asked for that surname!”

“There's no use on explaining, Heather. Matagal na ‘yong nangyari. My point here, is that you have given nothing to this family but humiliation. And if our family name is dragged to this mess of yours once again, lumayas ka na sa pamamahay ko!”

“Oh, okay. I get it now.” Tumango-tango si Heather saka mapaklang natawa. “You’re seeing this issue as an opportunity to kick me out of your lives. Tama ba, Mommy? Kating-kati na kayong palayasin ako at ngayong medyo malaki ang naging kasalanan ko, sobrang saya niyo kasi finally, mapapalayas niyo na rin ang bastarda ng asawa niyo na walang ginawa kundi ang ipaalala na pansamantalang pinagsaawaan ka ng asawa mo—"

Isang malakas na sampal ang sumalubong sa pisngi ni Heather. It served as a wake up call to herself. Nanlalaki ang matang bumaling siya sa ina.

“Mom, I-I'm so sorry—”

Julia slapped her again. Napahawak si Heather sa pisnging namamanhid. Tears pooled in the corner of her eyes as she scold herself in her mind for losing control. And of all people whom she can snap in front of, sa Mommy niya pa talaga.

“How dare you! Mana ka talaga sa malandi mong nanay! Pathetic!” Umamba siyang sasampalin ulit si Heather kaya naman pumikit ang dalaga at hinanda ang sarili.

“Mom! That's enough.” Natulos si Heather sa kinatatayuan nang marinig ang pagpigil ni Driana sa ina nila. Talaga bang pinagtatanggol niya ako?

Nilingon ni Heather ang Ate. She's maintaining her straight face. Saglit siya nitong nilingon bago nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita.

“You know how overprotective Daddy is when it comes to her. Baka kapag nakita niya ang mukha ni Heather, pag-awayan niyo pa ‘to,” parang may dumagan sa dibdib ni Heather nang marinig ang sinabi niya. She's not protecting Heather. She's protecting her Mom. And that's where Heather get it. . .

Driana didn’t gave her a job opportunity para hindi siya kutyain ng Mommy nila. She gave her a job para ‘di siya magmukhang kahiya-hiya. And now, Driana stopped their Mom from hurting Heather para sa kapakanan nila.

Bakit ba pilit siyang umaasa na mamahalin siya ni Driana bilang kapatid? Isang maliit na galaw lang mula sa Ate niya, umaasa na kaagad siya. She should have known better. She’s just wasting her time.

Agad namang nakuha ni Julia ang sinabi ng anak at tumayo ito ng tuwid.

“Hindi pa tayo tapos,” aniya bago umalis at nagtungo sa kusina.

“How dare you say that to Mom. Pagkatapos ka naming kupkupin, patirahin at pakainin, iyan ang isusukli mo?” sabi ni Driana habang dahan-dahang humahakbang palapit kay Heather.

Tinitigan siya ni Heather nang may hilam na luha sa mga mata. “H-Hindi ko sinasadya. I-I just. . .I just s-snapped.”

“Hindi sinasadya? Did you saw your face earlier? It's like you don’t regret a thing! Ang kapal ng mukha mo. And after all the money my parents spent to treat your brain and make you decent, wala rin palang kwenta. Asal kalye ka pa rin. Sana nga, umalis ka na lang dito. Wala ka namang mabuting naidudulot eh.” She turned around. “Oh, and one more thing. Iyong sinabi mo kay Mommy kanina, makakarating ‘yon kay Dad,” pahabol niya pa bago nagpunta rin ng kusina para sundan ang ina.

Si Heather naman ay napapikit ng mariin habang kagat-labing bumubulong, “I’m sorry.”

When she was a kid, she’s very hot tempered. Mabilis magalit, mabilis mainis. Noon, when Heather was new to her school, inaasar siya ng mga kaklase niya. Saying na ampon siya, wala raw siyang Mama, and they used to throw anything on her. Let it be papers, pencil, kahit ano. Iniiwasan niya sila pero ‘yung galit niya sa bawat isang kaklaseng nananakit sa kaniya, naiipon ‘yon.

Until one day, they were playing volleyball for our Physical Education subject. Habang naglalaro, hindi mapigilan ng mga kaklase ni Heather na asarin siya. Nagdilim ang paningin niya at malakas na ibinato ang bola sa isa sa mga kaklase niya. It hit her face and her nose bled sa sobrang lakas ng pagkakabato ni Heather.

Doon na nagsimula ang mga “problema” na naidadala ni Heather sa pamilya. Every time she snaps, it's either someone gets hurt physically or emotionally. It's either, ipapaguidance siya, or mas lalo siyang kukutyain sa school.

Habang lumalaki, napapansin ni Heather na hindi normal ang ugali niyang ‘yon. Her Ate Driana's not like that. Even though sometimes she's uptight and her temper's to the roof, hindi siya gano'n kung magalit.  

She told her Dad about it and he brought Heather to a Psychologist. And that's where they learned that she has an Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Ipinaalam nila ‘yon sa Mommy at Ate niya pero hindi nila ‘yon sineryoso. Saying na nag-iinarte lang daw siya.

Seven years after that, after a few sessions with her psychologist, Heather thought she can now get a hold of her emotions just fine. Pero hindi pa pala buong-buo. She still snap sometimes, just like what happened earlier.

Sitting in the bed while hugging both of her knees, Heather glanced at her phone who's still dialing Aidan's number. Nasa penthouse niya lang siya. Paniguradong wala siyang ginagawa. Heather badly need someone to talk to right now.  

After a couple of rings, the call ended by itself. Sinubukan niya ulit.

The number you have dialed is out of coverage area. Please try your call later.

“W-What?” she muttered nang biglang maging cannot be reached ang number ni Aidan. Kanina lang, natatawagan pa ito. Perong ngayon, seems like his phone was turned off.

Nagpantig ang mga tainga ni Heather. Pinatayan niya ba ako ng cellphone?

She clecked her jaw and lie down on her bed while still hugging her knees. Patagili siyang nahiga. Wala sa sarili lang siyang nakatitig sa teleponong nagpapahinga sa harap niya.

Gusto niya ng may makausap, ng may mapagsabihan. She can’t talk to herself because she believes that it’s a crazy thing to do. At gusto niyang may pumayo sa kaniya.

She reached for her phone once again. Tiningnan niya ang messages. Plano niya sanang magtipa ng mensahe kay Aidan pero nahagip ng mata niya ang pangalan ni Primo.

She immediately thought of calling him but she remembered he was mad at her.

My boyfriend is busy or purposely not answering my calls. While my friend is mad at me. What a perfect combination.

Akmang bibitawan na lang ni Heather ang cellphone nang may tumawag.

For the first time in her life, she was not disappointed to see that it was not Aidan who’s calling her. She actually feel elated.

Kinakabahang sinagot niya ang tawag ni Primo. “H-Hello?”

“Heather…” Primo’s tender voice enveloped her ears.

And upon hearing that tender voice, all her sad emotions unleashed and tears started streaming down her eyes. Iyong sakit na nararamdaman niya kanina, naalala niya ulit. Ang takot at pagsisisi sa mga nasabi niya sa Mommy niya, ang pangangamba sa posibilidad na makilala siya ng fans ni Aidan, ang pagtatampo sa hindi pagsagot ni Aidan sa tawag niya gayong ibinilin nito na tawagan niya ito, at ang pagkalungkot niya sa pagbalewala sa kaniya ni Primo kanina.

All of it piled up and created a whole new feeling. An feeling called pain.

Kaya naman ay humigpit ang hawak niya sa telepono at umiyak ng umiyak. She couldn’t care if Primo is hearing her cries. He can end the call if he wants to. Gusto niya lang umiyak.

But Primo did not do what she thought. Hindi nito ibinaba ang tawag. Sa halip, umupo ito ng tuwid mula sa pagkakahiga sa kama at may simpatyang nakikinig sa iyak ni Heather. Every second, palakas ito ng palakas. Every minute, Prim can feel the pain she is feeling. Primo can feel how broken she is.

Primo sighed as he listen to Heather’s cry. Wala sa sariling kumuyom ang kamao niya.

He’s feeling awful. He’s livid. He somehow wants to hurt someone. Someone that is the cause of Heather’s pain. Napagtanto niyang ayaw niyang nasasaktan ito o nalulungkot man lang.

For a woman whom he just met a week ago, these feelings are shocking.