8

When I pulled away from him, he kissed the top of my head and guided me downstairs. Matt’s cool cologne is accentuated with faint smoldered jet fuel flames and coffee. He must’ve taken a commercial flight instead of using the family plane. The two huge luggage with airport’s stamps nestled in the middle of the living room was proof.

“Are you staying for a while?” I asked once I trusted my voice to come out properly and poured him a glass of water.

“Yeah, Mom asked me to stay with you for a while. Dad will be taking care of everything in Italy while I check some possible business investment here... until your graduation.”

This is good. I need to have my mind working on other things than dwelling with the wound in my chest. Mission of the hour, a decent meal for Matt. I was rummaging through the fridge, but it was empty except for butter and Nutella. “Until what?”

“Your graduation.” Matt repeated. He already settled himself on the stool, nose buried in his phone.

Nothing much has changed in my cousin’s appearance. Apart from the fact that he looked prettier than me with those pouty lips of his and long raven hair, as soft as dark silk, he still looks the same.

“How are Zia and Zio?” I tiptoed and checked the cabinets and found nothing but coffee beans.

“Same, still fighting all the time,” Matt’s parents never had the greatest relationship as partners. They are the result of an arranged marriage, which the two of them decided on their own for business purposes. And now their only son has gotten used to their arguments about everything under the sun.

Well, at least they are still together. Unlike my mother, who can’t even look at me without her face getting crumpled like a sheet of paper.

“We should order take out. Pizza, Chinese?” I gave up on searching the cupboards as well. All I have are instant noodles, which I don’t have the enthusiasm for right now.

Matt looked up to me from his phone, a small smile playing on his lips. Rounding the island, he grabbed my hand, “let’s eat dinner by the ocean, Bob, yes?”

Matt was the only person I know blessed of being immune to jet lags. He just never has them, ever. He was always so lively, even with flights longer than a day. I drove us to his favorite restaurant by the beach, and we’re lucky we found a vacant booth.

The server came back with our orders. The food presented in our booth is good for five people. “I’m starving,” was all Matt said before devouring different kinds of dishes. Besides a seafood platter, Kashke Bademjan, Shirazi salad, spicy ground chicken kabob, salmon kabob are also available for my cousin’s consumption.

Chuckling at his who gives a fuck attitude, I took bits and pieces of the food he was having. When he had eaten enough, he started asking the question I was hoping I could dodge.

“What happened with Jake? Did you two break up?” Matt and I keep track of each other’s lives every once in a while, so he knows about Jake.

I shake my head, sipping my soda.

“He cheated on you?” I nod. “Hmmm…” I nod again.

I was hurting, that was loud and clear, but I don’t want to talk about it. I’m saying a silent prayer that this is all a terrible nightmare and I’ll wake up soon. But how can it be a nightmare when Matt was in front of me eating like a starved caveman?

“Do you want me to send in the team to kick his butt?” I giggled at his notion. The team he was speaking to was our cousins scattered around the world. There were five of us that grew up under my grandparents’ care and got separated. When their parents had a stable life, that’s the only time my grandparents allowed their grandchildren out of their care.

We were a bunch of mischievous kids who ran around the neighborhood at five in the morning. Those were the days that I miss so much. Being a child without caring about grown-up’s problems. Free from all this psychological pain that comes with age.

“There’s no need for that.” I was building my plan of attack in my mind and decided that silent treatment will be the best way to handle this situation. Talking will only make matters worse than it already is. I’m like Mt. Pinatubo, waiting to erupt from its dormant, silent state, ready to burst into endless molten lava of anger.

Matt wanted to take a walk along the beach after dinner. He placed his arms around my shoulder while he was telling me stories about the business in Italy. He was five years older than me, but smart enough to have built a small chain of hotels and restaurants all over Europe. As of this moment, Matt has five restaurants and ten hotels under his name. Matt’s humble beginnings are his pride, and that’s something I deeply admired of my cousin. It was also something our grandparents taught us. Hard work and perseverance. No matter what we are aiming for, we should take the hard road, for the result will be worth it.

“What are your plans when you graduate?” he asked me after about fifteen minutes of his rumbling.

“I’m working in a car shop now, part time, so I might take mechanical engineering in college.”

“Really? You’re working?”

“Yup. And it is helping me a lot. Keep my mind off things and stuff.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, Bobbie,” he started again with that remorseful tone. We walked back into my car and he let me drive us back home. “Nonna and Nonna will always be the best person I know, Bob, and I hate that good people have to be taken away from this world.”

“Yeah,” my phone kept on vibrating and I threw it on the dashboard.

“I want to pay a visit to them.”

“Sure. I’ll take you there after. Uhm, next weekend maybe?” I trailed off because I haven’t been there since the funeral. I am a terrible grandchild and they might disown me for not visiting their grave.

“Okay.”

We drove off in silence and I wanted Matt to talk more. His voice keeps my mind’s gear busy and not dueling on my aching heart.

Jack’s car was parked on the driveway and he hopped out as soon as he saw my car. To my dismay, Jake hopped out of his passenger side. I’m not ready to talk to him, to see him. I asked Jack to bring over my things from their house to evade him, but still; he managed to catch me.

“Bobbie,” Jake’s eyes look tired and sleepless. “Hey, Matt” he nodded towards Matt and my cousin just glared at him.

Matt wrapped his arms around my shoulder until we entered the house, making a wall of safety. Jake helped Jack bring my things to my room. It was a dangerous move because Jake stayed inside. He settled himself on my bed.

“Can we talk?” he asked, his tawny eyes pleading.

“It’s okay, Matt. I’ll be out in a sec.”

“Sure,” he paid one more glare towards Jake before striding towards the guest room.

Jake stood up and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m sorry, Bobbie.” He rested his face on the crook of my neck.

This is bad. He’s calling me by my name. Something he never does.

“It’s okay, Jake.” I realized I’ve been saying ‘okay’ too many times to the people around me, when the reality is, I’m far from okay.

“Stop saying that, Bobbie. I knew what you’re thinking, and it’s not what it seems.”

I chuckled sarcastically before pushing his arms away from me. Isn’t that what cheaters say? “Did you do more than kiss her, Jake?”

The expression in his brown eyes says it all. I can’t believe he would do this to me. He knows how broken I am right now. For him to crush my heart from the brink of an unrepairable state is even harder to accept..

“I didn’t mean it, just…” he raked his hair roughly like he was pulling his blond locks from his scalp. “I don’t know what happened. All I saw was the video and I can’t even remember anything.”

He sounded sincere, but could it be just a charade? How can someone not remember something like that? How can he forget the promise he gave me?

“I need you to leave, Jake,” I stated firmly.

He looked up to me, and shock filled his beautiful face. “Please let’s talk about this. I love you, Bobbie. I swear I didn’t know-”

“Please leave, Jake.” My eyes were stingy, like it’s been dusted with Sichuan peppers.

I looked out the window to hide my tears. Taste of blood from my lips as my teeth dug hard, preventing them from trembling. I won’t let Jake see that I’m breaking down. That his dishonesty made me weak. I just can’t let someone break me into pieces and let them see the result of their actions.

“Bobbie, please don’t do this.”

“Leave,” was the one word I never thought I’d want Jake to do.

The sound of his retreating footsteps and closing door was my signal. Burying my face in my hands, I allowed my tears to fall. I hate myself for being weak.

Matt did not try to console me, and I’m thankful for that. I needed space, and he knows me well to suffocate me. I need to let myself cry and tomorrow will be another day.

~~

Nostalgia, it’s the only explanation there is. I sat in my car heaving breaths in and out until I found the courage to face the day.

Eyes everywhere, everyone is looking at me as I walk to my locker. I left my phone in my room because they flooded me with messages, my teammates and friends, asking me about my current ‘emotional’ situation.

Having Matt around is really handy. He bought me a prepaid phone early this morning. He wasn’t satisfied that I left the house with no means of communication with him.

I took my reference and headed to my class, without looking back for anyone who was calling my name. My life will not stop because of a cheating QB. A person who claims he forgot what happened. I’d like to believe Jake, he never once lied to me about anything, but I just can’t. I can’t feel my heart anymore. The hollowness in my chest is so deep.

Ben was my newfound buddy. He hasn’t left my side through lunch until the day is over. He didn’t bring his car so that he could ride with me to their shop. Ben has said nothing to me, he was just there on my side and I’m thankful for his presence. I took it on a note that one of these days, I’ll cheer for him while he races on the illegal track he once spoke about.

~

Tina looked at me and smiled before pulling me for a hug. “Mom cooked Alfredo pasta with sardines. She told me to give you one platter, Bobbie.”

I giggled at Angela’s motherly concern. This family is growing on me. They know about what happened and they show their support differently. By being there for me.

When Lee saw me enter the garage, he practically ran towards me, squeezing me in a hug. Ben joined our little group hug, and I was giggling when we broke off.

Who knew that Lee would be one of the people consoling me for a breakup? That’s right. We broke up.

“Let’s go clubbing on Friday night,” Tina walked into the employee’s lounge, finding the three of us devouring Angela’s food.

“That’s not fair. I’m still underage.” Ben pouted his lips.

“Don’t worry baby brother, we will bring home some leftovers for you.” Tina pinched his cheeks, and a blush crept through Ben’s pale skin.

“Stop doing that, Tin, I’m turning eighteen in two months,” he retorted while Lee snickered beside me.

“You’re still younger than us, Ben.” I butted in and Ben’s face lit up. I realized it was the first time I spoke after Matt this morning.

“Bobbie has a point, Ben.” Lee wrapped his arms around my shoulder. “You’ll always be younger no matter how old you get.”

The three of us laughed while Ben was stifling his laughter, but soon gave in. The four of us were throwing different sick jokes as we continued to fix the client’s car. They trusted me with the big boy’s job now. Fixing brakes, changing car parts, and not stuck to changing tires and tinting windows. Lee never lets me change car oil alone anymore, and I’m glad that my newfound family is making me feel normal stuff.