Chapter 1

                                  

I took a deep breath and clicked submit. I knew better than to hope that I would get in. If I got in, then great; but I wasn't going to waste my time hoping. Hope had the ability to kill a person, with the disappointment that is usually bought. I have the first-hand experience of that one. It was the disappointment that killed my dad, and I wasn't going to fall prey to it.

I closed the tab and started with my part-time job. If I did get accepted into the university, I would need a lot of money.

I stayed up till late night, working my ass for a few dollars, but even those few dollars meant so much to me.

"Celeste, go sleep. It's 3 in the night." My mother said sleepily from beside me.

Yes, I still slept with my mother and sister even at 21. But that's because utilising one-bedroom meant that the electricity would be saved. And every penny made a huge difference. We were barely getting by, my mother working two jobs, taking care of our small scale business along with the youtube cooking channel that we had made. When you hear this, you would think that the money would be rolling on, but we didn't really have much to spend on luxury. We had to pay our house loan every month, take care of tuition, look after the monthly expenses, and so much more. When all of it was paid, only a little was left, and I was adamant on keeping it aside as savings. I was tired of struggling by, for once I wanted to rest without having to worry about whether I would have enough money to get by.

I switched off the laptop and went to sleep. It had become a routine for me now. I would sleep at 3 and wake up at 7 and go to college. Every day was just as bland as the other.

I couldn't afford to waste time talking with my friends, rather I would have to hurry back home, and help my mother with her work and then start off with my own. I was grateful that I didn't have to physically go to work and that I could do it online.

My eyes were tired from looking at the screen for so long, that it didn't take me long before I could finally fall asleep.

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The professor was explaining some biochemical reaction, and I found myself zoning out. My friends beside me continued talking about the next foolish thing that they could do in the name of living the teenage life. I wish my life was as easy as that. Wish I had the luxury to do all the things that girls my age would usually do.

"Celeste? Both of us and a few other people are going to dinner on Sunday, do you want to join?" My friend Alexandra broke me from my stupor.

"I think I will pass," I replied, giving her an apologetic smile. I couldn't afford to waste my money like that, and besides, I would feel left out anyway. I wasn't extroverted in any sense; I liked keeping things to myself.

They nod and let the subject drop. I liked that they were considerate enough to not pressure me anymore.

"Did you guys submit your application?" I asked them. The three of us were trying for the same colleges and hoping that we would be able to get into the same. Our choices of specialisations were different, but we had decided to rent an apartment and live together.

It was a good decision; the burden of expenses wouldn't have to be borne by a single person.

"I will do it tonight. " Phoebe replied.

"I will do it on Sunday. The deadline is not until next Monday. I have a few anime to binge watch first." Alexandra replies. I roll my eyes at her.

"You better submit it today, woman. Don't procrastinate when it comes to that. Doing things early is always important." I cross my arms over my chest.

"Fine, Mom!" She agrees. I swear that girl could give me anxiety with how much she procrastinated things.

"Is there something that you girls would like to share with the class?" I heard the professor say. We must have been a little louder than we intended to be.

We say sorry and look down at our notebooks pretending to take notes. Thankfully he lets it slide. I let out a breath of relief. Sometimes he would be in such a bad mood that he wouldn't let the thing go until the bell rang.

We didn't speak for the rest of the class. I made a few key points that I could add to my notes later. I decided to go to the library and make notes for a while.

The bell finally rings, and I shove the books back into my bag.

"Let's go," Phoebe says, slinging her bag over her shoulders. I follow them to the cafeteria, switching my phone on. I am always paranoid that my phone will start ringing in the middle of the class even if my phone is in silent mode.

We sit at our usual place in the cafeteria. I munch on the sandwich that I had made in the morning, while those two buy a pizza and share it among themselves. They offer me a piece, and I shake my head no. The food in the cafeteria was shitty just like the college it was in. I couldn't wait to get out of this shit hole as soon as I could.

"I will be heading towards the library after classes. Do you guys want to come?" I ask them. I had two more classes to attend before we could call it a day.

"Yeah, sure. I need to get some notes done anyway." Phoebe replies. Alexandra also agrees to the arrangement.

Before I could ask them about anything else, our peace is disturbed by the sound of chairs being dragged. I look up to see four of our classmates drag the nearby chairs and take a seat at our table.

I resist the urge to frown at that. Don't get me wrong I didn't hate them or anything per se; I just found extremely loud and annoying.

"Hey, guys," Rihanna says. She smiles at me, and I smile back. She was the prettiest girl in our batch and also one of the sweetest. The girl beside her, Lucy just fist bummed Alexandra and Phoebe and completely ignored me. I pretended to not notice. I didn't know what she had against me, but it's been that way since day one, and I don't even know her.