~ ALISTAIR ~
I hate most Mondays. Especially the Mondays in which I have a 9am lecture. Unfortunately, I hate all Mondays this semester. I have 9am lectures throughout. And escaping is not even an option. Comes with the entire final year shit package. I adjust my leather jacket before grabbing my backpack and my key. And I mentally let out a sigh of relief when I step out of the now empty house. Everyone's gone, more to my advantage. I start my car and speed off to one of the banes of my existence… school. Some minutes later, I pull up into the lecture hall's parking lot before stepping out of my car and slinging my backpack over my shoulder. Outside is almost empty and the last bit of students are already disappearing through the double doors. Looks like I'm the last one. Again. With a shrug, I make my way into the hall. I walk for a few minutes before pushing open the second door of the lecture room. A grunt tears through my throat as Professor Wilson's eyes lands on me as soon as I step into the room since everyone was already seated. “Morano!” He calls gruffly and I hiss. “Come here.” He says, pointing to the seat at the front. With a malicious smile, I dip my hand into my pocket, my eyes darting to Rutledge who sits behind the class - his hood covering his curly hair - in disdain. Till later. I walk to the front before settling in the seat the old man points at. He continues with his lecture, talking about some shitty final year project. Of course, I wasn't really listening to any of his shit. My eyes were on my tablet, doing… nothing. “...group of twos.” He adds, slamming his fist against the stand. I lean back into my seat. Someone would pick me. They always did. My brows raise in confusion when the shawty beside me springs to her feet and darts to the back, not even sparing me a glance. I glance beside me in boredom before my head snaps to the back, watching as most of the ladies screech while hurrying to the back of the lecture room. To a particular Calvin Rutledge! Professor Wilson slams his fist against the stand again, gaining their attention. “No one should pick Rutledge!” He orders, descending the stairs that lead to the podium. Boos and whines follow his orders and I scoff but I can feel a stinging feeling in my belly as I interlock my fingers between my thighs. “I repeat, pick anyone except Rutledge unless, I will be forced to pick a partner for each and everyone of you for the project!” I watch as their hands latch to their seat partners, friends rushing to their other friend's seats, boyfriends grabbing girlfriends by the waist. Most are in pairs and worst? No one approached me. Not even my friends. I didn't expect them to though. Or do I? My gaze flickers to Ray's and he turns away just as my eyes meet his as if picking me would be a bad choice that would lead to a total disaster. I hissed. “If you don't have a partner, raise your hand.” He orders. The old man claps. “Okay, Blackwood, you go with Darksong, you, go with the girl to your left, Nana, go with him, Rutledge, go with Morano, you, go with —” Huh? I gulp, standing up just as the old man ascends the stairs and leans against his stand again. “With all due respect sir.” I say mockingly, my hands starting to shake from anger. “Can you–” “Yes? Rutledge is your partner for the project defense. Take a seat, Morano.” He commands. I grit my teeth hard, my eyes boring holes into the old man's skull as my butt meets the soft cushion of my seat. “Your father won't buy you out of this.” I hear someone snicker from the crowd behind me and my gaze snaps back in anger but I couldn't find the owner of the voice. “Basically, this project is one of the major deciding factors of whether you graduate or not. We have groups containing two individuals.” He starts. “For your project defense, each group member must contribute something. The success of each group member depends on their partner. It's like the two sides of a coin, each side depends on the other.” He adds. Low murmurs and chatter pierces the air again. He clears his throat and the chatter dies down. Then, his eyes darted behind me before landing on me. “That’s all for today. Morano and Rutledge should wait behind.” I dig my nails into my palm as I drop my tablet and stylus pen into my backpack, watching as they flood out of the lecture room. A strange heat crawls up my spine as I place my twitching fingers on my thighs. A lie burns at the back of my throat. I want to lie, want to say I don't care but my chest is fucking tight! Then, I stand up and turn to professor Wilson, “Unfortunately, I won't be able to wait behind. I've got a lot of things to do.” I say with a shrug, grabbing my bag. “What things in particular?” His annoying voice which grates on my nerves sounds from behind me and I turn to him, pinning him with a glare. He has that carefree vibe surrounding him again. “I'm so fucking going to kill you.” I grit between clenched teeth, my hold on my bag's strap tightening. “Hey easy.” Professor Wilson interrupts, banging his fist against the stand again. I turn to him, chest heaving. “I don't have all the time in the world for this pointless conversation, professor. And yes, I'm not interested in being partners with him.” “I'm not interested in being his partner either.” He says, his voice soft. “Can you kindly find me another partner please?” I glance at him over my shoulders with an angry glare, noticing the smirk on his lips. Fuck! He's enjoying this! Does he have any idea how many people want to… Umm, no… Why do I feel… dumped? Like, I don't want him too. His entire presence makes me want to punch the grin off his face! With a huff, I turn back to professor Wilson who has his gaze behind me, on him. “Rutledge boy, I know he can be quite a hassle. But can you accommodate him? The project's preparation will only last for three weeks and the defense is in the fourth week which makes it a total of one month only.” I hear him sigh behind me and I fear I might grit my teeth to dust. “Unfortunately, just—” “ —I know you can do it, boy. Just do me this favour.” He says to him. Then, his eyes landed on me. “If you know what's best for you, you will hold him tight. Daddy's money and your trust fund wallet won't buy you a degree even if you are one of the heirs.” He says bluntly as he pulls down the lid of his laptop and slides it into his bag. “And you should consider asking him to coach you for lessons. The exam is fast approaching. Unfortunately your father won't buy you out of this situation. He's even in support of it so you won't have an extra year.” I watch the back of his bald head as he slings his bag over his shoulder and makes his way towards the door and out of the room. Still stupefied, my eyes darted to Rutledge. His eyes meet me and a low chuckle slips past his lips. Then, his shoulder shakes as his chuckle turns into a full blown laughter, his eyes crinkling in amusement, grating on my nerves. Anger. More anger. I spare him a last glance, my hands balled into fists as I grab my backpack. I should say something, wipe that smug grin off his face. But my jaw locks shut and my feet move before I can stop them. Ain't no way. Ain't no fucking way!~ CALVIN ~As soon as I step foot into the façade of a manor, the smell of cigarettes pierces my nostrils. I groan, tugging my hoody over my head as I try to walk without being noticed.But yikes!His eyes land on me the moment I step in.Father smiles, showcasing his brownish teeth and the cigarette dangling between his lips.“Welcome son.” I nod, not in the mood to keep the conversation going. I want to scream at him again, want to warn him. But no, he never listens. How can someone diagnosed with chronic kidney failure continue to take substances that have caused it? You know what? Fuck this shit.“How was school?” He asks again and I turn to him, brows raised.“What do you want, father?”He chuckles, swatting the air as he blows the poisonous smoke into the air and I hold my breath. “It's just that the money you brought has finished. I would like to have another one. Oh, and your mother’s too, she told me she'd not eaten.”Knowing him, he probably forced her to hand over her mone
~ ALISTAIR ~ “Ali, did you see the message sent to the main group?” Ray asks as we walk to the field, side by side.I chew the insides of my mouth as I grip my bag tighter.“Umm no, what's it about?”His eyes dart around us at the people passing and he lowers his head, peering up at me as we continue walking. “People are here.” He says in a hushed tone and tilts his chin to my phone which was in my hand. “Be fast and check.”I glance at my phone's screen, the message notification glaring at me. My thumb hovers over it, but the words are already starting to blur together letters shifting before my eyes.Fuck. Not now. Not here.Shaking my head, I drop my hand. “I will check it later. I'm not wearing my glasses.” I lied. “You can tell me when we reach the locker room.” “Well…” He shrugs casually as we continue walking.I have a secret.One that I can't afford other people knowing so as not to tarnish the Morano name. Father's words not mine.I adjust my sunglasses as we finally cross
~ ALISTAIR ~I squint my eyes, focusing hard on the words, trying to grasp them before they flicker and disappear before I can pin them down, my brain scrambling to make sense of them.Is it ‘from’ or ‘form’? ‘B’ or ‘D’? ‘Was’ or ‘saw’? The harder I try, the worse it gets. Like a cruel joke dumb me couldn't grasp.This is not helping.I have a secret. One that if let out will tarnish the family name. I'm dyslexic.The Moranos are supposed to be brilliant. Ruthless. Untouchable. A fucking legacy.But me?I'm the broken link in a perfect bloodline. The failure no one talks about.They saw it. They knew. But instead of helping me, they buried it like it was some shameful disease. Moranos don't need help from doctors for a weakness like this. They don't need help. They just… win. It runs in the blood. And if they can't… They pretend.Like me.I zoom the words in, adjusting my glasses on the bridge of my nose as I try to read the whole sentence while trying to push back a looming headache
~ ALISTAIR ~I shove my keys into my pocket, barely giving a second thought to the car door slamming behind me as my eyes dart around.The library's parking lot is quiet, almost too quiet. I can hear my heart pounding loudly in my chest as if reminding me that I'm here, doing this. Fucking hell.I'd told myself that I don't care. It’s just Rutledge, just some pathetic excuse for a nerd who thinks he’s better than me. But the tension in my gut disagrees.I need help I hate that I’m feeling this. It’s fucking ridiculous. But I’ll be damned if I let him see me sweat.As I march towards the library's entrance, I shove my hands into my pockets, clenching them into fists, trying to stop the tremor wracking through me. But the nerves won’t settle. They’re already building up for what’s next.I remind myself that Rutledge doesn’t know. He won’t know.He doesn’t deserve to know.And that's it.I didn't bother to sign in my name with the librarian and just made my way to the second floor. The
~ CALVIN ~“Are we going to be doing it here?” He asks stupidly, his eyes darting around before he pulls out the chair opposite me and drops on it casually like he owns the place.“What better place than here?” I reply, not bothering to look up from my book.Right now, Morano and I are tucked in a secluded part of the library on the fourth floor - the last floor. This is the only place I could think of for our first coaching session. The place is too dusty and quiet but it's the best spot to keep nosy idiots out of my business. I'm not about to let Morano and his bad luck ruin my spotless reputation just because he's too dumb to keep up with his courses.He snickers as he pulls out a tablet and a stylus pen, like that's supposed to impress me or something.“You read with that?” I ask, arching an eyebrow. His straight black hair falls over his face and he smoothens it back, showing his straight aristocratic nose.He shoots me with a glare. “You got a problem with it?”“No.” I say cool
~ ALISTAIR ~I wait a few minutes before slinging my backpack over my shoulders and shoving my hands in my pockets, making my way down the stairs.That fucker should be gone by now.I descend the stairs, shoulders relaxed while I groan, trying not to think too much. Going back home feels like walking straight into a battleground as a reluctant warrior. But at least, the monsters here have smaller heads and they don't faze me.As soon as I step foot on the threshold of the stairs, I see a commotion unfolding before me.And not just any commotion. It was Rutledge getting his face pounded by the captain of the campus’ rugby team.For a second, I consider just walking past. Rutledge and I? We are enemies. Always have been even. I hate know-it-all nerds. I hate class acers.There's no point in admiring who or what you can't be.And Brandy? He's not exactly on my list of favourite people. But watching someone beat the shit out of that ungrateful fucker feels right. And now, fuck Brandy.He
~ CALVIN ~I push the door open, my nose suddenly getting assaulted with the foul smell coming from inside. But I know it will only take a little time before I get accustomed to it. Again.My eyes land on the woman sitting on the couch, staring at the place the TV used to be before it was pawned off. My brows shoot up at her swollen face, my hands clenched into fists as I rush to her before bending down by the sofa near her “What the fuck mom?!” I snap through clenched teeth.She turns to me slowly with a dazed look in her vibrant green eyes which had lost their austere since when I was ten, her lips and face bruised. “Honey, you are back.” She whispers, staring through me as she rakes her fingers through my hair.I seeth. “Did he hit you again?”She sighs and turns away. “You don't need to worry about it Cal. I angered him. I should have just given him the money.”I stand up, seeing fucking red. That bastard hit mom again.“Where's he?!”“There's nothing you can do to him. Hitting
~ ALISTAIR ~ You won't ever feel lonely if you surround yourself with crowds. And you won't feel like the four walls of your room are closing in on you if you do. There's a bonfire tonight. Not even an eclipse will be able to stop me. And when I say eclipse, I mean my father's men. Not that father or mother gave a shit before. I can go anywhere I want, bring as many orgies as I want to their house. That used to be the only way to get their useless attention before but not anymore. The only thing father ever cared about me was the media and how to hide my escapades from it. Everything I did was just labelled as a shortcoming - a stain on the perfect Morano reputation. And I don't give a fuck. I stopped giving it when I was twelve. “Are you sure they are going to come tonight?” Eva, my sidekick who thinks she's my girlfriend - I'll never use that label - asks as we walk towards my group of friends standing near some piles of wood, some smoking, some with booze in hand. “Of course
~ ALISTAIR ~I don't go to class.I know Ray would be pissed—probably yap my ear off once he realized the seat he saved for me would stay empty.Instead, I head toward the faculty library.Don’t ask me why.I can’t read in there. The fonts in the textbooks are too damn small. The words blur together like ants on crack.So I just sat there.Staring into nothing.Replaying that scene over and over in my head until it all blurs into white noise.Then, I must’ve passed out. Thirty-two minutes later, I woke up with a stiff neck and a decision.I’d had enough.I grab my backpack and trudge out, the sunlight slicing through my thoughts as I head to the parking lot. Blast music at full volume the whole ride home, hoping to drown the noise in my head.Home is empty.And I don’t mean no-family-empty. I mean clinically sterile.The only signs of life were the patrol guards sweating in tailored suits, their sunglasses probably like mirrors hiding judgments they didn’t dare voice.I respond to the
~ CALVIN ~“I have dyslexia.”The words hit harder than a slap.I stand there, frozen, as those three words echo in my head over and over again—louder than the rushing blood in my ears, louder than anything else.I have dyslexia.Fuck.How didn’t I see it? The missed words, the awkward pauses when he read aloud, the sudden bursts of frustration when we studied… It all makes sense now. And I thought he was just being lazy, or stubborn, or—God, I was such an asshole.He wasn’t ignoring the work. He was fighting a silent battle I didn’t even bother to notice. And now I feel like shit.He told me like a weapon. Like a secret he'd hidden for so long, only to use it now to hurt me. And the worst part? It worked. Because I deserve it.I still don’t move. My feet feel glued to the floor, and my chest feels… hollow. Like something just got yanked out of me and I didn’t even realize how much it mattered until it was gone. And this isn't about me wanting to fuck him, it's because Alistair Moran
~ ALISTAIR ~ I can't keep running forever. And so, on the second day of my escape, Ray decided he'd had enough. He barged into my room like a goddamn hurricane and dragged me out. Now here I am, trudging toward our next lecture, his hand on my shoulder like he's the one in charge. Meanwhile, he’s rattling on about something, probably to get on my nerves even more. I couldn’t care less. My eyes are glued to the ground, and all I can think about is not running into him. Not him. Not Calvin. Please, not today. So, I whisper a silent prayer, though I’m not the praying type. I just want to make it through without having to face the mess I created. Ray grips my shoulder tightly and I turn to him slowly. “What?” He chuckles. “Your mind is not even here.” “And so?” “You still haven't told me why you didn't come to school for two days, bitch.” I roll my eyes inwardly. That's one of the problems about having one close friend that's good at reading energies. This fucker knew that I'v
Hi Calistair's passengers! Basically, I have four 2 hours lectures today. I'm currently in 1 and I didn't stockpile chapters prior to today(my mistake). And I'm sorry to break it, but update will be very delayed today and I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you today by publishing 3 chapters after my lectures and a short nap but that will be until I get back to my hostel. Thank you so much for understanding. 💗
~ ALISTAIR ~I don't leave my room.Not for breakfast. Not for class. Not even when the fire alarm goes off in the hallway for two whole minutes before someone slams it back into silence.I'm curled up on my bed, face buried in the same damn pillow I screamed into last night. My body still aches in places it shouldn’t. My hole is sore. My throat burns. My brain is fried.And my fucking lips still tingle from his kiss. And I can still taste his cum in my mouth no matter how much toothpaste and mouthwash I'd gulped.Calvin.Calvin fucking Rutledge.The guy I hate. The fake nerd. The know-it-all. The smug academic coach I swore I’d never let get the best of me.He didn’t just get the best of me.He wrecked me.I drag a hand down my face, hard. If I could rip the memory from my skull and lobotomize myself with a spoon, I would. I want to forget. I need to forget.But I can’t.Every time I blink, I’m back there, tied up, blindfolded, trembling, begging like a fucking slut. And the worst pa
~ ALISTAIR ~ I shouldn't crave this pain but I couldn't hold back the moan that slips past my throat through my clenched teeth, my brain failing to register the familiarity in his hand. In his voice.“Please…” i whisper and I don't even know what I'm begging for. More or less?Should he stop because of the pain or should he continue because of the pleasure. I… don't know.Fuck.“Dirty boy.” He growls into my ear.I shiver when I feel his thumb swiping the tip of my cock which is leaking precum and his jerking shifts to focus more on the tip of my cock.“Fuck.” I curse, eye closed between the blindfold, thrashing within the binds, forcing in air through my mouth, sweat and tears trickling down my face.“I'm going to cum.” I grit out.“I won't let you.” He says, his voice low before he comes to a stop.Fucker.A sob claws at my throat, my chest heaving while I raise my hip, chasing the friction.“Please…” The words escape before I can stop it.I feel his hands on my lips, probing my tee
~ ALISTAIR ~I didn’t know who walked in. That was the whole point.No names. No questions. Just darkness and heat and silence.Curiosity had driven me here—curiosity and something uglier, something I didn’t want to name. I told myself I just wanted to know what it felt like. That I’d apply for the dominant role later. That this wasn’t me giving in—it was me exploring.But the second his hands touched me, I knew I’d fucked up.Not because I didn’t like it. But because I did. Too much.He didn’t rush. Didn’t grope. Didn’t treat me like a plaything or a conquest. His fingers were deliberate. Reverent. I bite my lips as his finger grazes the tip of my hard cock, precum leaking into the trousers I was made to wear.“Say it. Say you want this.” He says, his voice unfamiliar.“I want this.” I gasp out. It's a lie.I didn’t want this.I needed it.I needed to stop thinking. Stop feeling. I needed to forget that my life was spiraling, that my father thought I was useless and he will think m
~ CALVIN ~La Debauché is nothing like the trash clubs frat boys sneak into. It's velvet shadows and whispered rules. It's power dressed in silence and control, the kind of place that makes sin feels sacred.Politicians, high ranking officials, sons of people in the higher-ups, bi-curious dudes, dudes like me, people that are married only as a façade. Name them, they are all here. As long as you are able to afford the expensive membership card and you are a regular customer, you already have a name in this exclusive gay club.I have a name here too.And this is my chessboard.The moment I saw the anonymous booking with the name, Moranorebel, I was a little confused.Can it be Brandon?No, can't probably be right?He doesn't know I frequent here and the type of vibe Brandon gives off doesn't include one that visits gay clubs with an Alias like this.Which means only one thing.Moranorebel.I laughed. Loud.That arrogant, conflicted, shame-drenched little hot shit. But the payment was
~ ALISTAIR ~ I’m having a sexuality crisis. It’s messing with my head. My fucking sanity. I'm not gay. I can't be. I'm just… confused. Or cursed. Probably both. I like girls. Tits are great. Fantastic, even. He just… kissed me first. I didn't even see it coming. Technically. And maybe I kissed back. But that’s adrenaline. Not attraction. Could’ve happened to anyone. Right? Right? Fuck. This isn't working anymore. I've tried so hard to tell myself what I want to believe but now, it's not working anymore. My fingers tug at my hair in frustration until pain shoots through my skull. Then, my eyes dart to my bed which had my laptop on it. But ignorance is bliss. I don't want to go down that path, it looks like the path of no return. Confusion gnaws at my insides again before I hop down the stool and hurry to my bed. A little research won't hurt right? I pull up the lid of my touchscreen laptop and slide it open, the ridiculously large fonts welcoming me. Then, I hop on Ch