“He’s here again. That makes it seven nights in a row, sweetie.” Gustav, Blair’s blatantly gay headwaiter smiled and raised one brow as he brought the new order to the kitchen.
Blair’s knife slipped and clattered on the chopping board, narrowly missing her fingertip. She drew in a leveling breath. Draco had turned up to take a single table each night since the memorial service. He was later than usual tonight, and the anticipation of waiting and wondering whether he’d arrive, or whether he’d returned to Tuscany, had tied her stomach in knots. Her scattered attention, combined with one of her kitchen hands being off sick, had put them uncharacteristically behind schedule.Certainly not the behavior of an award-winning chef in an award-winning restaurant. Blair dragged her recalcitrant thoughts together. There was only one objective that could take priority in her mind, and Draco Sandrelli was not that objective.“What did he order?”She mentally crossed her fingers and hoped it was something she could get out quickly. Anything that would see him leave again. Soon.“The Scaloppine alla Boscaiola, with sautéed mixed vegetables. For a big guy he sure eats light, maybe he saves his appetite for other things,” Gustav responded with a slightly salacious wink before collecting an order from under the heat lamps and swinging back through the doors to the restaurant.Blair allowed herself a brief sigh of relief. The mushroom with pork escalopes dish was simple and easy to prepare, the sautéed vegetables equally so. They were among the many dishes she’d learned to prepare during her culinary tour of Tuscany, the tour that had taken an unexpected detour from the markets and kitchens and into Draco’s bed.As Blair warmed the olive oil in a heavy pan on the stove top she tried not to think about that detour. About the overwhelming pull of attraction she’d felt the instant her eyes had met his across the courtyard, as she’d stepped off the tour bus at Palazzo Sandrelli. Nor did she want to remember the near painful urge to belong in a place like the palazzo, with its generation-worn steps leading to the front entrance and its permanence and longevity.She and her father had lived a nomadic lifestyle after her mother had left them. Traveling from one city to another, usually following the tourist beat of traffic in holiday seasons, to find work. Carson’s had been the only thing in her life that had been a constant. It was her home, her base. And if she was to ensure its continued popularity she needed to pull her head out of the clouds and get to work, she reminded herself dourly as she added the pork slices to the pan and turned to attend to the sautéed vegetables.It was only as she plated up the scaloppine that Blair allowed her thoughts to drift back to Draco. Each night he’d sent back compliments to the kitchen.Normally, she would have gone out into the restaurant to speak personally with her diners, but she was afraid to face him again. Afraid of her own feelings.What if he persisted, as he’d begun to at the memorial service? What if he wanted more? Just knowing he was here under the same roof had her nerve endings singing, her skin feeling too tight for her body. Every sense within her was attuned to him, to the knowledge that, just through the swinging doors, he dined alone. And she knew he was just biding his time. Men like Draco liked to win. She’d had firsthand experience of that.Yet still, for some strange reason she remained on tenterhooks for Draco’s opinion of his meal. Like it even mattered, she scorned herself, as she carried on through the motions of completing the finishing touches on the desserts heading out to the late table of six that had just arrived.“Blair?”Gustav had come back through to the kitchen, mischief written all over his features.“Please don’t tell me a busload of tourists have arrived and they’re alldemanding the Ossibuchi,” Blair countered, naming the dish that had sold out an hour ago.“No, nothing so simple. It’s Mr. Handsome. He wants to speak to youpersonally.”Blair’s heart stuttered in her chest. “And you’ve given him my apologies, haven’t you.”“No, actually. I said you’d be right out.” “Gustav!”“Look, it’s eleven-thirty, the restaurant is nearly empty, bar the dessert and coffees on table ten. You know the kitchen is under control. There’s no reason why you can’t go and enjoy a port with him before we close up. Go on, live a little. It’s about time you had some fun.”Blair groaned inwardly. Ever since she’d broken her engagement to Rhys and summarily dismissed him and Alicia from their duties at Carson’s—a dismissal that had cost her dearly afterwards when their employment lawyer had pointed out she hadn’t followed due process—Gustav had been after her to lighten up and socialize.If only he knew, she thought. She’d already had about all the fun she could handle. It was why she had thrown herself back into work as soon as she’d stepped off the plane a few weeks ago.Gustav yanked on her apron strings and snatched the heavy linen swathe from her narrow hips, then handed her the lipstick she kept in a drawer near the swinging doors for those moments she went out to circulate amongst diners.“Go on. It won’t kill you. Look, honey, if I thought I stood a chance I’d be at that table pronto, but he’s made it clear he wants you.”Reluctantly, Blair took the lipstick and swiped it across her lips. “There, satisfied?” she said, challenging him.“Not hardly, sweetie.” He reached up and swiped the net she wore over her hair off her head and tousled her hair into a fluffy mess. “Now I’m satisfied.”Gustav took her by the shoulders, spun her around and pushed her in the direction of the restaurant.“Don’t worry about the kitchen. We’ll take care of everything. You just enjoy yourself.”As the door swung closed behind her, Blair could swear she heard the faint sound of applause from her staff. A swift glance over her shoulder through the porthole-shaped window showed Gustav taking a bow. Blair fought back a smile as she turned her attention back to the man waiting on the secluded table set in the deep bay window of the old villa.Draco rose as Blair walked toward him. For a while, he’d wondered if his waiter had been leading him on, saying that Blair would join him for an after- dinner drink, but here she was. Finally.He raked his gaze over her, taking in the weariness that tightened the lines of her angular face. Not classically beautiful, certainly, but the sweeping arc of her slender, dark brows over eyes the color of dark chocolate, and the long straight line of her nose, lent character to a face that might otherwise be ordinary.She walked with the grace of the naturally slender, the bulky chef’s jacket over baggy checkered pants—the standard kitchen uniform here in New Zealand— hiding the long, lean strength of her body and the perfectly shaped breasts he’d bet even now were tipped with rose peaks. A sudden flush spread across her high cheekbones and her eyes glowed with the flame of heat that he knew answered his own.Deep inside him he felt the thrum of anticipation begin to build. By the end of the night she’d be in his bed. He knew it as well as he knew the contours of her body. And he could barely wait to feel her beneath him again. They had unfinished business to resolve between them. Blair Carson would learn she couldn’t run away from him and not expect him to follow.His feral instincts wanted nothing more than to take her by the hand and leadher straight out the front door to his waiting car. To whisk her away to his Viaduct Basin apartment in the city and bare her to his gaze, to his hunger. And then to sate them both.A fine tremor ran through his body as he fought back the urge to do just that. As she neared his table she displayed all the characteristics of a gazelle poised for flight. The last thing he wanted to do right now was scare her off. She’d run from him once before; it was up to him to ensure she wouldn’t do so again.She lifted her hand to him as she drew to a halt beside the table. “I trust you enjoyed your meal, Mr. Sandrelli.”Draco let his lips relax into a smile, watching her pupils dilate in reaction, and her lips firm, as she read his humor at her attempt to keep things between them strictly on a business footing.He took her hand and pulled her toward him, kissing her briefly on each cheek in traditional European style before releasing her hand and gesturing for her to take the seat adjacent to his.“I always enjoy the fruits of your toil, Blair. Your cleverness in the kitchen is only surpassed by your—”“Perhaps I can get you a drink. Gustav mentioned port. Is that your preference?” She wheeled away from the table but he reached out and snagged her hand.“Stay, Gustav will bring us our drinks shortly. I wanted a little time with you first, just to talk.”“If that’s what you want,” Blair answered begrudgingly.“You learned well during your time in Tuscany. The dish you served tonight, that was from your stay in Lucca, si?”“Yes, I’ve incorporated a few of the recipes from the region into our menu.They’ve been popular.”“And you’ve been busy. You look tired.” He reached across the table and brushed the pad of his thumb gently across the bluish tint to the skin beneath her eyes.She flinched, breaking the tenuous contact almost as soon as it had begun. “It’s all good. It’s what I want.”Ah, here it came. Her not-so-subtle wall of defense.“But everyone needs some respite in their life from time to time. Tell me, cara mia, what do you do to unwind—to relax?”“I’ve just come back from holiday, Draco. I don’t need to relax.”He snorted inelegantly. “Holiday? Blair, you worked your way through that culinary tour. You can hardly call that a holiday. Except for—”“Ah, here’s our port.” Blair interrupted him again, taking the two cut-crystal glasses from the silver tray Gustav held in one hand and dismissing him with a look. “Here, salute!”Draco accepted the glass from her and set it down on the table in front of him. He could see straight through her. She thought if she could get him to drink his port, the
“I s it getting hot in here, or is it just you?” Gustav remarked, fanning himself theatrically, as Blair pushed through the kitchen doors and headed straight toward the back door.“Can it, Gus. You got what you wanted.”“Well, technically, no. But it sure looks like you’re going to. Way to go, Blair.It’s about time. And don’t worry about the restaurant. I’ll lock up.”Blair hesitated, her hand on the back door. “What do you mean, it’s about time?”“Well, you know. Since that whole business with Rhys and Alicia, it’s like all your enthusiasm for the place got sucked out of you.”Had she really been so transparent? Granted, the breakup with Rhys over his betrayal with Alicia and the subsequent legal battle over severing their employment had been draining, but she hadn’t for a minute thought she’d let that impact on her work, or the workplace.Gustav carried on. “Since you came back from Italy, it’s as if you have a new vibrancy about you, and it shows in your food and everything. Every
He lifted her slightly and withdrew from her body, letting her unhook her legs from his waist and slide them down to the ground. She was amazed she could even stand. Her skirt fluttered down around her thighs as she moved off the wall. Draco rearranged his clothing.“Come, I think we both need to shower after that. Let me take care of you.”Blair picked up her backpack and let him take her by the hand as he led her through the apartment. Floor-to-ceiling glass faced the inner harbor and Viaduct Basin. Light glittered off a myriad of buildings and luxury super-yachts and cruisers moored in the basin to reflect on the inky surface of the ocean. The vista was surreal. About as surreal as the fact she’d just allowed herself to be swept away by a sensual hunger she’d only barely begun to acknowledge.The master suite led off the living room, and beyond that, the master bathroom. Soft dove-gray walls softened the black-and-gray marble vanity tops and black-tiled floor. Blair placed her pack
B lair woke to the sound of Draco moving about the room. She kept her eyes closed and focused on keeping her breathing even. She didn’t want to face him. Not now. Not in the cold light of day. She’d agreed to one night, but, if she knew him, he’d want more. And he wouldn’t take no for an answer.She listened to the gentle slide of a drawer closing and then the soft sound of his bare feet on the thickly carpeted floor. She waited until the door to the bathroom was closed before opening her eyes. She wanted out of here, right now.Yes, they’d had the most spectacular night of lovemaking of her life, but Draco would never let it stop there. Men like him wanted more. Needed more. With his position back at home he was expected to marry, to raise a family. He could never do that with someone like Blair, and she didn’t want to be that someone anyway. She didn’t have that kind of person inside her to give.The failure with Rhys was categorical proof of that, and with her family track history—
The coffee in Blair’s mug left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. What was it about Blair and her father that they couldn’t find happiness in lasting love? She’d lost count of the failed relationships he’d embarked upon and then left during her childhood, let alone since her teenage years. They’d clung to one another many a time, secure in the knowledge that no matter how often others came and went they’d always have each other. Yet, would they? Blair felt increasingly vulnerable. A heart attack had forced Blair Sr. into early retirement. In fact, it had only been her taking over his dreams and vision for Carson’s that had seen him agree to withdrawing from the restaurant. He’d had to move out of Auckland as well, because he hadn’t been able to stay away, or out of the kitchen, when he’d remained in town. And while he’d been happy to cover for her during her Tuscan culinary tour—a trip that was supposed to have been her honeymoon—she could see how taxing it had be
T he next couple of weeks saw Blair take her creativity to new heights. After their nights of lovemaking, she expected to leave work each night drained. But instead, the opposite was true. She’d never been more invigorated in her life. She still suffered from the occasional recurrence of nausea or dizzy spell, no doubt still a hangover from the niggling stomach upset she’d had a few weeks ago, but overall she’d never felt better.Tonight the restaurant was humming, as it had for a while now. This week in particular had been crazy when Draco’s friendship with newly-engaged billionaire entrepreneur Brent Colby had been at the forefront of the gossip magazines. It seemed as if every aspect of Draco’s life was fodder for the papers, and by association, hers too.Reporters still hung around outside each night, but instead of the headlines reading things like “Is Carson’s Going Italian?” or “Italian Stallion on the Menu?” they were more focused on the increasing high number of local celebri
“S o, you’re saying that because I didn’t take my tablet at the exact same time every day, being the time I would take my tablet here in New Zealand, that I was unprotected?”Blair fought back tears as she tried to simplify what her doctor had told her.She’d already left a urine sample with the nurse, but if what her doctor said was true, she had a horrible idea she knew exactly what the result of the pregnancy test would be.“Blair, you are on a very low dose contraceptive. You were aware of that at the beginning, weren’t you?”“Yes. Yes I was.”And she’d had a reminder set in her cell phone to go off at the exact same time every day so she never forgot a tablet. But since her phone hadn’t had a global roaming facility she hadn’t taken it overseas with her.Draco had used condoms when she was in Italy, but after a couple of nights, and days, Blair remembered a couple of occasions where their passion had gotten the better of them. He’d gone to great lengths to assure her of his sexua
Except for the issue of her pregnancy. It had been a week since her confirmation. Five days since she’d severed contact with Draco. She was still in turmoil about whether she should tell him or not. Her favorite option right now was not, even if it was horribly wrong. He deserved to know, but she didn’t want to tell him. She had no doubt he’d want to take control of her life at that point, and that was not going to happen. Not now, when she had everything else running exactly as she’d imagined when she took Carson’s over from her dad. Blair stopped in her tracks as she came across a high-quality envelope that had been hand-addressed to her. She flipped it over to see who the sender was and frowned as she identified the name as her landlord’s lawyers. She’d dealt with them over the lease for Carson’s when her name had been substituted for her father’s as the lessee. What on earth could they want from her now? She unlocked her car and sat down,
EPILOGUE Deacon Getting Carys to fully believe in me didn’t happen as quickly as I’d hoped. And there was no formal discussion or announcement when things had finally crossed the barrier of trust. Our being back together happened slowly and organically. I spent every day for months showing her I wasn’t going anywhere, and taking the time to learn how to be a good partner to her and a father to Sunny. Because I’d put in the work, I finally reaped the rewards.In the five years since Carys entered my life, I’d learned many things, including the following, in no particular order.One: You can’t prove yourself with words, only actions.Two: You can’t choose who you love. It never mattered what I told myself about not getting into a relationship with Carys. From the moment we connected, I was destined to lose the battle with my brain.Three: Full freedom can’t be achieved until you forgive yourself. I finally so
CarysNAUGHTY GIRL The months since Deacon’s return had reminded me a lot of the early days of our relationship. He was there when I needed him but didn’t cross any boundaries. I knew he was being careful not to make assumptions about my readiness to let him back into my life.It all felt a little like déjà vu because Deacon had reverted back to being a good friend I desperately wanted to have sex with. But I hadn’t let myself go there yet. I kept waiting to feel a hundred-percent sure he would never hurt me again. But is it ever possible to be absolutely certain?One Saturday afternoon, Sharon called to tell me she had the day free if I wanted her to come spend a few hours with Sunny. She said she figured I might appreciate some time to myself. Never one to refuse unexpected help, I thanked her and said I would love to take her up on that.She arrived about an hour later. As I kissed Sunny goodbye and headed out the door, I re
DeaconHOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE? You’ve heard the saying that life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon? Well, earning Carys’s trust back was more like a slow wade through an ocean. But it was worth it, even if not getting to reach out and touch her was downright painful. A month-and-a-half after I returned to New York, my relationship with Carys was slowly improving.One afternoon, as we sat in her living room drinking the coffees I’d brought over, I presented her with something I’d made back in Minnesota.I took it out of the small bag. “I forgot to give this to you. It’s for Sunny. I made it while I was home.”Carys smiled as she examined the pink hat. “You crocheted this?”“Yup. My grandmother was trying to get me out of her house, where I stayed half the time. She wanted to invite dirty old men over without my being there, but that’s a story for another day.” I laughed. “Anyway, she commissioned me to help her make hats
CarysJUST COFFEE Despite saying he’d give me time to ready myself, Deacon texted me a few days later to ask if I would be willing to meet him during my lunch break on one of the days I worked in the office. I said yes. We needed to have the conversation away from Sunny.I chose Friday, but instead of a lunch meet-up, I opted to have the sitter stay late so I could meet Deacon after work. I didn’t know how I’d feel after our talk, or how long the meeting would last, so I didn’t want to have to go back to the office.Deacon was waiting in a corner seat at Starbucks when I arrived. It was my first time in here since before he’d left for Minnesota. He looked painfully handsome, dressed in all black. He fidgeted with his hands as his eyes wandered the room. His mouth curved into a hesitant smile when he spotted me. He stood.When I approached, I could tell he wasn’t sure what to do, whether to hug me or not. He leaned in and gave m
CarysTHE TEXT This was a huge day. It would be the first time I let Charles see Sunny without me being there, too. The plan seemed innocent enough. He’d brought his kids to my apartment, and they would be hanging out for a couple of hours.Talia and Xavier had recently met Sunny for the first time. Today was their third visit. The kids had really taken to her, and Sunny liked them. Allowing them to meet seemed to be one of the rare good decisions I’d made this past year.So with Sunny occupied by Charles and his kids, I was off to run a couple of errands and take a breather. I had mixed feelings about leaving her alone with them, but Charles had earned back a bit of my trust in the past few months. While I wouldn’t trust him with my heart again, I knew he was a responsible father to his two other kids. I had no reason to fear for Sunny’s safety while in his care.And also? Mama needed a breather. I mainly had a babysitter for
DeaconHINDSIGHT IS TWENTY-TWENTY Since arriving in Minnesota, I’d avoided being alone with my father. I’d gone over to my parents’ for dinner but left before Dad had a chance to corner me. He hadn’t said anything hurtful yet, but I dreaded encountering the version of him I remembered—the one who did nothing but criticize me. I didn’t need him making me feel inadequate when I already felt pretty damn shitty since leaving Carys the way I did.It appeared I could only hide for so long, though. I was shoveling snow outside my grandmother’s house one day when I looked up to see my Dad’s red truck.Sticking the shovel into the snow, I leaned on it as I watched him approach. He reached over to brush some snow off my coat, and I felt my eyes widen. It was rare my father touched me. Aside from the brief hug I’d given him when I first arrived here, there had been no other contact—no handshakes or pats on the back.I stepped back. “What’
DeaconCOCKBLOCKER “What are you looking at?” she asked.Shit. How long had I been staring at her? I hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable. It was just… I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I’d done a pretty decent job of keeping Carys out of my mind this week. Then I got to the checkout line at the supermarket where I’d been picking up groceries for my grandmother. The cashier looked like an older version of Sunny. Did she think I was staring at her because she had Down syndrome? Shit. That wasn’t it at all.“I’m sorry. I know I was staring at you. It’s because you remind me of someone who’s special to me, someone I don’t get to see anymore. I didn’t mean to be rude.”She rolled her eyes, and it made me chuckle, because I could see Sunny growing up to be as feisty as this girl. My chest tightened at the thought that I might never see Carys or Sunny again.It had been three months since I’d left New York, and my life ther
CarysNICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN Over the next six weeks or so, Charles proved he hadn’t been kidding when he’d vowed to earn my trust back. I appreciated that he was letting me call the shots on his reentrance into my life, though.In addition to abiding by a visitation schedule, he’d also begun depositing money more regularly in my bank account. I’d never refused his occasional offerings, but now that he wasn’t doing everything behind Violet’s back, he’d set up a direct deposit each month. I wasn’t going to complain. Sunny deserved his support.We’d agreed on a twice-a-month visitation schedule for starters. I gave him a few hours on Saturdays. We’d take Sunny out, and she was slowly taking to him, offering occasional smiles and responses to his endless efforts to make her laugh. It was noticeably different than her immediate attachment to Deacon had been, though.Charles hadn’t insisted on using the term dad around her, and I was
DeaconLAST WORDS I’d rented a car for the ninety-minute drive north to Poughkeepsie, and it had been a smooth ride with no traffic. This had definitely been a good idea. I now held Sunny up as she sat atop one of the ponies at Archwood Farms. She was always a happy child, but the ponies brought out a level of excitement I’d never witnessed before.After the pony ride, I went to fetch Carys and me a couple of coffees from the small concession building, while she took Sunny to a grassy area with a bunch of pumpkins laid out. Sunny was now walking independently. While a little wobbly, she was fully mobile.After I ordered our drinks, the woman I knew to be one of the owners of the farm smiled at me. “Your daughter looked like she was having so much fun out there. I’m so glad you guys could come up north today.”We’d spoken to her briefly when we first arrived, but I didn’t realize she’d assumed I was Sunny’s father. I opened my m