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Our Secret Baby 8
The coffee in Blair’s mug left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. What was it about Blair and her father that they couldn’t find happiness in lasting love? She’d lost count of the failed relationships he’d embarked upon and then left during her childhood, let alone since her teenage years. They’d clung to one another many a time, secure in the knowledge that no matter how often others came and went they’d always have each other. Yet, would they? Blair felt increasingly vulnerable. A heart attack had forced Blair Sr. into early retirement. In fact, it had only been her taking over his dreams and vision for Carson’s that had seen him agree to withdrawing from the restaurant. He’d had to move out of Auckland as well, because he hadn’t been able to stay away, or out of the kitchen, when he’d remained in town. And while he’d been happy to cover for her during her Tuscan culinary tour—a trip that was supposed to have been her honeymoon—she could see how taxing it had be
Our Secret Baby 9
T he next couple of weeks saw Blair take her creativity to new heights. After their nights of lovemaking, she expected to leave work each night drained. But instead, the opposite was true. She’d never been more invigorated in her life. She still suffered from the occasional recurrence of nausea or dizzy spell, no doubt still a hangover from the niggling stomach upset she’d had a few weeks ago, but overall she’d never felt better.Tonight the restaurant was humming, as it had for a while now. This week in particular had been crazy when Draco’s friendship with newly-engaged billionaire entrepreneur Brent Colby had been at the forefront of the gossip magazines. It seemed as if every aspect of Draco’s life was fodder for the papers, and by association, hers too.Reporters still hung around outside each night, but instead of the headlines reading things like “Is Carson’s Going Italian?” or “Italian Stallion on the Menu?” they were more focused on the increasing high number of local celebri
Our Secret Baby 10
“S o, you’re saying that because I didn’t take my tablet at the exact same time every day, being the time I would take my tablet here in New Zealand, that I was unprotected?”Blair fought back tears as she tried to simplify what her doctor had told her.She’d already left a urine sample with the nurse, but if what her doctor said was true, she had a horrible idea she knew exactly what the result of the pregnancy test would be.“Blair, you are on a very low dose contraceptive. You were aware of that at the beginning, weren’t you?”“Yes. Yes I was.”And she’d had a reminder set in her cell phone to go off at the exact same time every day so she never forgot a tablet. But since her phone hadn’t had a global roaming facility she hadn’t taken it overseas with her.Draco had used condoms when she was in Italy, but after a couple of nights, and days, Blair remembered a couple of occasions where their passion had gotten the better of them. He’d gone to great lengths to assure her of his sexua
Our Secret Baby 11
Except for the issue of her pregnancy. It had been a week since her confirmation. Five days since she’d severed contact with Draco. She was still in turmoil about whether she should tell him or not. Her favorite option right now was not, even if it was horribly wrong. He deserved to know, but she didn’t want to tell him. She had no doubt he’d want to take control of her life at that point, and that was not going to happen. Not now, when she had everything else running exactly as she’d imagined when she took Carson’s over from her dad. Blair stopped in her tracks as she came across a high-quality envelope that had been hand-addressed to her. She flipped it over to see who the sender was and frowned as she identified the name as her landlord’s lawyers. She’d dealt with them over the lease for Carson’s when her name had been substituted for her father’s as the lessee. What on earth could they want from her now? She unlocked her car and sat down,
Our Secret Baby 12
“Who else? I couldn’t get you to agree to see me any other way. I’m not above using my wealth and influence when I have to. You’d do well to remember that in future, cara mia.”“Don’t. Don’t call me that. I’m not your darling, your lover. Your anything.” Suddenly it occurred to Blair that antagonizing Draco was probably not the best thing to have done under the circumstances. A roiling wave of nausea rose from the pit of her stomach. She spun around and flew toward the women’s restroom, her hand over her mouth, tears once more streaming down her face. In a toilet stall she fell to her knees and retched until her stomach was empty. “Here.”A folded wet paper towel was pressed into her hand from behind her. Oh no.Had Draco followed her in here? Witnessed her embarrassing loss of control? “When you’re feeling okay I will be waiting for you outside.”There was a tone to his voice that left her in no doubt that
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The next few days turned into a whirlwind of activity. Blair barely had the chance to set foot in the restaurant as Draco commandeered her every waking moment, even going so far as to accompany her to her doctor on the Monday morning before they were due to depart.She felt odd as they entered the doctor’s rooms with him at her side, the breadth of his palm nestled warmly against the small of her back. To all intents and purposes, they’d look just like a normal couple coming for a prenatal visit, but Blair knew they could never be anything so simple. “Really, Draco. It’s only two weeks since I last saw the doctor. Everything’s fine. I wasn’t due to see her again for another two weeks.” “Let me be the judge of what is fine and what is not,” he responded grimly. Blair rolled her eyes. “Are you a doctor now too?”“No, I am about to become a father, and I have a responsibility to ensure that my son or daughter is well.”
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B lair was awakened the next morning by the clink of crockery on a tray. “Buon giorno, Ms. Carson. I trust you rested well.” A uniformed maid bustledinto the room and placed a tray on a nearby table. “I have brought you breakfast and a request from the Signore to be ready in an hour for a tour of the property. And Ms. Carson, the coffee is decaffeinated as per your doctor’s instructions.” “Thank you,” Blair shoved herself upright in the bed and sniffed the air as the aroma of freshly brewed coffee tantalized her nostrils. Her eyes spied pastries in a small basket on the tray. “Are those cornetti?” “Yes, raspberry. Your favorite, si? Cristiano, our cook, he remembered, and Ms. Carson? There is a small gift here for you also. A welcome to the palazzo from the Signore.” Both curious and ravenous, Blair pushed the bedcovers from her legs and rose from the bed. With a cheerful smile, the maid left the room.
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“I thought I’d take you to the furthest point of our land and then work our way back. Would you prefer we stay closer to home?” Home. His home perhaps, Blair thought, looking back at the size of the palazzo as he helped her into the car. “No, that’s fine. It’ll be lovely, I’m sure.” Draco slid into the driver’s seat, his strong, capable hands settling on the steering wheel. It occurred to Blair that this was the first time she’d seen him drive.“You don’t drive when you’re in New Zealand. Why is that?” “Parking in and around the city is at such a premium, I prefer not to bebothered with such things when I’m there on business. Generally, I keep a carthere for my own use, but for pleasure, I prefer to use my motorbike when I’m in Auckland.” “You ride a bike?” Blair was surprised. Draco had always struck her as so smooth and urbane. Imagining him in black lea
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Our Secret Baby 67
EPILOGUE Deacon Getting Carys to fully believe in me didn’t happen as quickly as I’d hoped. And there was no formal discussion or announcement when things had finally crossed the barrier of trust. Our being back together happened slowly and organically. I spent every day for months showing her I wasn’t going anywhere, and taking the time to learn how to be a good partner to her and a father to Sunny. Because I’d put in the work, I finally reaped the rewards.In the five years since Carys entered my life, I’d learned many things, including the following, in no particular order.One: You can’t prove yourself with words, only actions.Two: You can’t choose who you love. It never mattered what I told myself about not getting into a relationship with Carys. From the moment we connected, I was destined to lose the battle with my brain.Three: Full freedom can’t be achieved until you forgive yourself. I finally so
Our Secret Baby 66
CarysNAUGHTY GIRL The months since Deacon’s return had reminded me a lot of the early days of our relationship. He was there when I needed him but didn’t cross any boundaries. I knew he was being careful not to make assumptions about my readiness to let him back into my life.It all felt a little like déjà vu because Deacon had reverted back to being a good friend I desperately wanted to have sex with. But I hadn’t let myself go there yet. I kept waiting to feel a hundred-percent sure he would never hurt me again. But is it ever possible to be absolutely certain?One Saturday afternoon, Sharon called to tell me she had the day free if I wanted her to come spend a few hours with Sunny. She said she figured I might appreciate some time to myself. Never one to refuse unexpected help, I thanked her and said I would love to take her up on that.She arrived about an hour later. As I kissed Sunny goodbye and headed out the door, I re
Our Secret Baby 65
DeaconHOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE? You’ve heard the saying that life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon? Well, earning Carys’s trust back was more like a slow wade through an ocean. But it was worth it, even if not getting to reach out and touch her was downright painful. A month-and-a-half after I returned to New York, my relationship with Carys was slowly improving.One afternoon, as we sat in her living room drinking the coffees I’d brought over, I presented her with something I’d made back in Minnesota.I took it out of the small bag. “I forgot to give this to you. It’s for Sunny. I made it while I was home.”Carys smiled as she examined the pink hat. “You crocheted this?”“Yup. My grandmother was trying to get me out of her house, where I stayed half the time. She wanted to invite dirty old men over without my being there, but that’s a story for another day.” I laughed. “Anyway, she commissioned me to help her make hats
Our Secret Baby 64
CarysJUST COFFEE Despite saying he’d give me time to ready myself, Deacon texted me a few days later to ask if I would be willing to meet him during my lunch break on one of the days I worked in the office. I said yes. We needed to have the conversation away from Sunny.I chose Friday, but instead of a lunch meet-up, I opted to have the sitter stay late so I could meet Deacon after work. I didn’t know how I’d feel after our talk, or how long the meeting would last, so I didn’t want to have to go back to the office.Deacon was waiting in a corner seat at Starbucks when I arrived. It was my first time in here since before he’d left for Minnesota. He looked painfully handsome, dressed in all black. He fidgeted with his hands as his eyes wandered the room. His mouth curved into a hesitant smile when he spotted me. He stood.When I approached, I could tell he wasn’t sure what to do, whether to hug me or not. He leaned in and gave m
Our Secret Baby 63
CarysTHE TEXT This was a huge day. It would be the first time I let Charles see Sunny without me being there, too. The plan seemed innocent enough. He’d brought his kids to my apartment, and they would be hanging out for a couple of hours.Talia and Xavier had recently met Sunny for the first time. Today was their third visit. The kids had really taken to her, and Sunny liked them. Allowing them to meet seemed to be one of the rare good decisions I’d made this past year.So with Sunny occupied by Charles and his kids, I was off to run a couple of errands and take a breather. I had mixed feelings about leaving her alone with them, but Charles had earned back a bit of my trust in the past few months. While I wouldn’t trust him with my heart again, I knew he was a responsible father to his two other kids. I had no reason to fear for Sunny’s safety while in his care.And also? Mama needed a breather. I mainly had a babysitter for
Our Secret Baby 62
DeaconHINDSIGHT IS TWENTY-TWENTY Since arriving in Minnesota, I’d avoided being alone with my father. I’d gone over to my parents’ for dinner but left before Dad had a chance to corner me. He hadn’t said anything hurtful yet, but I dreaded encountering the version of him I remembered—the one who did nothing but criticize me. I didn’t need him making me feel inadequate when I already felt pretty damn shitty since leaving Carys the way I did.It appeared I could only hide for so long, though. I was shoveling snow outside my grandmother’s house one day when I looked up to see my Dad’s red truck.Sticking the shovel into the snow, I leaned on it as I watched him approach. He reached over to brush some snow off my coat, and I felt my eyes widen. It was rare my father touched me. Aside from the brief hug I’d given him when I first arrived here, there had been no other contact—no handshakes or pats on the back.I stepped back. “What’
Our Secret Baby 61
DeaconCOCKBLOCKER “What are you looking at?” she asked.Shit. How long had I been staring at her? I hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable. It was just… I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I’d done a pretty decent job of keeping Carys out of my mind this week. Then I got to the checkout line at the supermarket where I’d been picking up groceries for my grandmother. The cashier looked like an older version of Sunny. Did she think I was staring at her because she had Down syndrome? Shit. That wasn’t it at all.“I’m sorry. I know I was staring at you. It’s because you remind me of someone who’s special to me, someone I don’t get to see anymore. I didn’t mean to be rude.”She rolled her eyes, and it made me chuckle, because I could see Sunny growing up to be as feisty as this girl. My chest tightened at the thought that I might never see Carys or Sunny again.It had been three months since I’d left New York, and my life ther
Our Secret Baby 60
CarysNICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN Over the next six weeks or so, Charles proved he hadn’t been kidding when he’d vowed to earn my trust back. I appreciated that he was letting me call the shots on his reentrance into my life, though.In addition to abiding by a visitation schedule, he’d also begun depositing money more regularly in my bank account. I’d never refused his occasional offerings, but now that he wasn’t doing everything behind Violet’s back, he’d set up a direct deposit each month. I wasn’t going to complain. Sunny deserved his support.We’d agreed on a twice-a-month visitation schedule for starters. I gave him a few hours on Saturdays. We’d take Sunny out, and she was slowly taking to him, offering occasional smiles and responses to his endless efforts to make her laugh. It was noticeably different than her immediate attachment to Deacon had been, though.Charles hadn’t insisted on using the term dad around her, and I was
Our Secret Baby 59
DeaconLAST WORDS I’d rented a car for the ninety-minute drive north to Poughkeepsie, and it had been a smooth ride with no traffic. This had definitely been a good idea. I now held Sunny up as she sat atop one of the ponies at Archwood Farms. She was always a happy child, but the ponies brought out a level of excitement I’d never witnessed before.After the pony ride, I went to fetch Carys and me a couple of coffees from the small concession building, while she took Sunny to a grassy area with a bunch of pumpkins laid out. Sunny was now walking independently. While a little wobbly, she was fully mobile.After I ordered our drinks, the woman I knew to be one of the owners of the farm smiled at me. “Your daughter looked like she was having so much fun out there. I’m so glad you guys could come up north today.”We’d spoken to her briefly when we first arrived, but I didn’t realize she’d assumed I was Sunny’s father. I opened my m
