“I s it getting hot in here, or is it just you?” Gustav remarked, fanning himself theatrically, as Blair pushed through the kitchen doors and headed straight toward the back door.
“Can it, Gus. You got what you wanted.” “Well, technically, no. But it sure looks like you’re going to. Way to go, Blair.It’s about time. And don’t worry about the restaurant. I’ll lock up.” Blair hesitated, her hand on the back door. “What do you mean, it’s about time?” “Well, you know. Since that whole business with Rhys and Alicia, it’s like all your enthusiasm for the place got sucked out of you.” Had she really been so transparent? Granted, the breakup with Rhys over his betrayal with Alicia and the subsequent legal battle over severing their employment had been draining, but she hadn’t for a minute thought she’d let that impact on her work, or the workplace. Gustav carried on. “Since you came back from Italy, it’s as if you have a new vibrancy about you, and it shows in your food and everything. Everyone here is much happier. It’s good. And quite frankly, if this guy is the one that made you like this, then all kudos to him. He is the one, isn’t he? The one you met while you were away?” “Yeah, he is. You don’t think I’m making a mistake, do you?” “Mistake? You have to be kidding me! Get yourself out of here before I take him off you.” “Thanks, I owe you.” Blair pushed open the back door and shot up the backstaircase to the compact flat she called home when she wasn’t working. She grabbed a backpack from the tiny hall closet and shoved toiletries and a change of clothes inside, then quickly divested herself of her work gear. She wrinkled her nose as she dragged on a long-sleeved T-shirt and a soft cotton skirt with an asymmetrical hemline. Then she shoved her feet into pretty, low-heeled sandals. She would have appreciated time to grab a quick shower, to rid herself of the lingering aromas of the kitchen, but she had the feeling that Draco would be dragging her still wet into the car if she kept him waiting too much longer. A pang of need arrowed through her center. One kiss. That was all it had taken and she’d been lost to him. Lost to the sensual delight he promised with every touch of his skillful fingers, every taste of his practiced tongue. She quickly switched off the lights and locked the door behind her, her sandals clattering on the wooden stairs as she returned to the restaurant. To Draco. He pushed back from the table and stood the second she entered the dining room. Butterflies danced to a crazy beat in her stomach. Was she doing the right thing? Gus seemed to think so. Draco definitely thought so. But wasn’t she just setting herself up for failure? She knew how hot the flame between her and Draco had burned back in Italy. She’d left before there could be any lasting damage. By agreeing to spend this night with him, would she end up scorched and regretful? Worse, would she be able to walk away from him come morning? He didn’t give her time to think. In one instant he had taken her arm to guide her outside, in the next they were seated on the leather backseat of the limousine that had edged forward at the curbside the instant he’d set foot outside Carson’s. Every nerve ending in Blair’s body was on full alert, attuned to the leashed power and strength of the man seated beside her. Draco uttered a clipped command in Italian. The limousine driver closed the smoked glass divider between them and pulled smoothly away, gliding into the late-night traffic on Ponsonby Road. Blair reached across the space between them, and trailed her fingertips across the expensive woven fabric encasing Draco’s legs. The muscles in his thigh tensed beneath her feather-light touch.“Don’t.” His voice was strangled, tight. The single word forced between rigid lips. “If you touch me now I won’t be able to hold myself back, and I promised myself I would wait until we reached my apartment.” Blair’s breath caught in her chest and a coil of anticipation tightened low in her belly. She lifted her hand and laid it back in her lap, her eyes seeking his in the darkened compartment of the car. The knowledge that she could affect him so deeply was empowering. While it was true that the strength of her feelings for him had terrified her, had driven her from his bed and his home and sent her on the arduous and long plane journey home from Europe, right now she was afraid of nothing. The trip from Carson’s to the Viaduct Basin took only ten minutes, and as they pulled into the parking area of the apartment building Blair acknowledged she couldn’t wait another moment to be alone with Draco. His driver came around to her door and held it open for her. As she alighted she heard the two men hold a brief discussion in Italian before the driver cruised away into the night. A trickle of unease shimmered down her spine as she stood in the portico to the high-rise waterfront apartment complex. What the hell was she thinking? A week ago she’d told Draco he’d been nothing more than comfort sex, a couple of weeks before that she’d walked away from him, determined not to succumb to his seductive spell—and yet, here she was on the point of going to bed with him again. A shiver of something else coursed through her. Something that had nothing to do with nerves and everything to do with the visceral look of intent on the face of the man walking toward her. Still, he didn’t touch her. Instead, he picked up her pack from where the driver had deposited it and headed for the door. Blair followed, slightly cowed by his silence. Was he having second thoughts? All the way up to his penthouse apartment she sensed the heat of his gaze.Briefly, she lifted her eyes to meet his, only to swallow convulsively when faced with the naked desire reflected in their emerald depths. The doors swooshed open and Blair followed Draco down the heavily carpetedcorridor, to the set of double doors at the end. With the swipe of a key card he opened the doors and stood aside, motioning for her to enter. Her heels clicked on the parquet floor of the entrance, their sound masking Draco’s footsteps as he closed in behind her. The muffled sound of her pack landing on the floor was all the warning she had before she was consumed by a broad band of heat at her back. Strong arms wrapped around her. Draco’s mouth, hot and wet, descended onto the curve of her neck, his tongue tracing a sensual line up to her ear. The hard swell of his erection pressed against her buttocks and she squirmed, her action wringing a harsh groan from his throat. He spun her around to face him, his thigh wedging between her legs with delicious friction, to rub against that part of her that flamed, begging for his touch. Blair’s back flattened against the paneled wall behind her and she lifted her arms to Draco’s shoulders before tangling her fingers in his hair and dragging his mouth down to hers. Suddenly all the hunger she’d held at bay for the past few weeks erupted beneath the onslaught of his lips, the rasp of his tongue against hers. Time and place held no consequence, every molecule in her body focused solely on this moment, this man. One night—it would be their last but it would be the best. Her skirt hitched up under the push of Draco’s hands as he stroked up her legs, his broad palms caressing the backs of her thighs before clasping the roundness of her buttocks and pulling her hard against the demanding line of his arousal. A spiral of pleasure feathered out from her core, a promise of things to come. It was insane, what they were doing, but Blair was incapable of sane thought or behavior any more. Draco invaded her senses, her every thought, her every desire. She shuddered anew as he dragged her panties away and cupped her, his fingers slick on her body, on the evidence of her need for him. He ground the heel of his palm against her and she cried out as the tiny rockets of pleasure sparked through her. “Please,” she begged, “please, Draco. More.” She heard her words—shamelessly wanton—as they hung in the air, and knew she could wait no longer. She fumbled for his belt, sliding the leather loose fromits clasp, and then unsnapped the button before ripping down his fly. She was greedy for him now, reaching past the waistband of his silk briefs, hungry to feel his satin heat against her skin. In the instant she loosed him from the confines of his briefs he hitched her higher against the wall and hooked her legs high over his hips. He pulled a condom from his pocket before his pants slid down his legs and quickly sheathed himself. Blair reached between them to guide his hardness to her entrance and then with one deep thrust they were one. She gripped his shoulders as he surged within her, driving her closer and closer to her peak. And then, in a mad rush of sensation, she was there. Her body clenching and convulsing around him, her hands digging into his shoulders, her thighs tight bands around his waist. With a raw cry of triumph he joined her on the raft of pleasure that soared through them both, his body imprisoning her against the wall, his breath hard and fast, his heartbeat hammering in his chest. Slowly Blair became aware of where they were. God, they hadn’t even made it more than a few feet inside the door. At least he’d had the presence of mind to close it behind them. Her whole body trembled with aftershocks of delight, her breathing came in ragged gasps. “It seems I’m somewhat lacking in finesse tonight,” Draco said close to her ear, his voice uneven but carrying an unmistakable note of humor. “So it would seem,” Blair agreed, grazing her lips along the column of his throat and being rewarded as he flexed against her, sending yet another aftershock of pleasure to ripple through her body. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” “I don’t know if I can take any more. That was so…so…” Words failed her. “So cathartic?”He was right. It had been cathartic. Despite the late hour, despite the fact she’d already been on her feet all night in a busy kitchen, she felt energized, invigorated. Suddenly, she looked forward to Draco’s idea of making it up to her.He lifted her slightly and withdrew from her body, letting her unhook her legs from his waist and slide them down to the ground. She was amazed she could even stand. Her skirt fluttered down around her thighs as she moved off the wall. Draco rearranged his clothing.“Come, I think we both need to shower after that. Let me take care of you.”Blair picked up her backpack and let him take her by the hand as he led her through the apartment. Floor-to-ceiling glass faced the inner harbor and Viaduct Basin. Light glittered off a myriad of buildings and luxury super-yachts and cruisers moored in the basin to reflect on the inky surface of the ocean. The vista was surreal. About as surreal as the fact she’d just allowed herself to be swept away by a sensual hunger she’d only barely begun to acknowledge.The master suite led off the living room, and beyond that, the master bathroom. Soft dove-gray walls softened the black-and-gray marble vanity tops and black-tiled floor. Blair placed her pack
B lair woke to the sound of Draco moving about the room. She kept her eyes closed and focused on keeping her breathing even. She didn’t want to face him. Not now. Not in the cold light of day. She’d agreed to one night, but, if she knew him, he’d want more. And he wouldn’t take no for an answer.She listened to the gentle slide of a drawer closing and then the soft sound of his bare feet on the thickly carpeted floor. She waited until the door to the bathroom was closed before opening her eyes. She wanted out of here, right now.Yes, they’d had the most spectacular night of lovemaking of her life, but Draco would never let it stop there. Men like him wanted more. Needed more. With his position back at home he was expected to marry, to raise a family. He could never do that with someone like Blair, and she didn’t want to be that someone anyway. She didn’t have that kind of person inside her to give.The failure with Rhys was categorical proof of that, and with her family track history—
The coffee in Blair’s mug left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. What was it about Blair and her father that they couldn’t find happiness in lasting love? She’d lost count of the failed relationships he’d embarked upon and then left during her childhood, let alone since her teenage years. They’d clung to one another many a time, secure in the knowledge that no matter how often others came and went they’d always have each other. Yet, would they? Blair felt increasingly vulnerable. A heart attack had forced Blair Sr. into early retirement. In fact, it had only been her taking over his dreams and vision for Carson’s that had seen him agree to withdrawing from the restaurant. He’d had to move out of Auckland as well, because he hadn’t been able to stay away, or out of the kitchen, when he’d remained in town. And while he’d been happy to cover for her during her Tuscan culinary tour—a trip that was supposed to have been her honeymoon—she could see how taxing it had be
T he next couple of weeks saw Blair take her creativity to new heights. After their nights of lovemaking, she expected to leave work each night drained. But instead, the opposite was true. She’d never been more invigorated in her life. She still suffered from the occasional recurrence of nausea or dizzy spell, no doubt still a hangover from the niggling stomach upset she’d had a few weeks ago, but overall she’d never felt better.Tonight the restaurant was humming, as it had for a while now. This week in particular had been crazy when Draco’s friendship with newly-engaged billionaire entrepreneur Brent Colby had been at the forefront of the gossip magazines. It seemed as if every aspect of Draco’s life was fodder for the papers, and by association, hers too.Reporters still hung around outside each night, but instead of the headlines reading things like “Is Carson’s Going Italian?” or “Italian Stallion on the Menu?” they were more focused on the increasing high number of local celebri
“S o, you’re saying that because I didn’t take my tablet at the exact same time every day, being the time I would take my tablet here in New Zealand, that I was unprotected?”Blair fought back tears as she tried to simplify what her doctor had told her.She’d already left a urine sample with the nurse, but if what her doctor said was true, she had a horrible idea she knew exactly what the result of the pregnancy test would be.“Blair, you are on a very low dose contraceptive. You were aware of that at the beginning, weren’t you?”“Yes. Yes I was.”And she’d had a reminder set in her cell phone to go off at the exact same time every day so she never forgot a tablet. But since her phone hadn’t had a global roaming facility she hadn’t taken it overseas with her.Draco had used condoms when she was in Italy, but after a couple of nights, and days, Blair remembered a couple of occasions where their passion had gotten the better of them. He’d gone to great lengths to assure her of his sexua
Except for the issue of her pregnancy. It had been a week since her confirmation. Five days since she’d severed contact with Draco. She was still in turmoil about whether she should tell him or not. Her favorite option right now was not, even if it was horribly wrong. He deserved to know, but she didn’t want to tell him. She had no doubt he’d want to take control of her life at that point, and that was not going to happen. Not now, when she had everything else running exactly as she’d imagined when she took Carson’s over from her dad. Blair stopped in her tracks as she came across a high-quality envelope that had been hand-addressed to her. She flipped it over to see who the sender was and frowned as she identified the name as her landlord’s lawyers. She’d dealt with them over the lease for Carson’s when her name had been substituted for her father’s as the lessee. What on earth could they want from her now? She unlocked her car and sat down,
“Who else? I couldn’t get you to agree to see me any other way. I’m not above using my wealth and influence when I have to. You’d do well to remember that in future, cara mia.”“Don’t. Don’t call me that. I’m not your darling, your lover. Your anything.” Suddenly it occurred to Blair that antagonizing Draco was probably not the best thing to have done under the circumstances. A roiling wave of nausea rose from the pit of her stomach. She spun around and flew toward the women’s restroom, her hand over her mouth, tears once more streaming down her face. In a toilet stall she fell to her knees and retched until her stomach was empty. “Here.”A folded wet paper towel was pressed into her hand from behind her. Oh no.Had Draco followed her in here? Witnessed her embarrassing loss of control? “When you’re feeling okay I will be waiting for you outside.”There was a tone to his voice that left her in no doubt that
The next few days turned into a whirlwind of activity. Blair barely had the chance to set foot in the restaurant as Draco commandeered her every waking moment, even going so far as to accompany her to her doctor on the Monday morning before they were due to depart.She felt odd as they entered the doctor’s rooms with him at her side, the breadth of his palm nestled warmly against the small of her back. To all intents and purposes, they’d look just like a normal couple coming for a prenatal visit, but Blair knew they could never be anything so simple. “Really, Draco. It’s only two weeks since I last saw the doctor. Everything’s fine. I wasn’t due to see her again for another two weeks.” “Let me be the judge of what is fine and what is not,” he responded grimly. Blair rolled her eyes. “Are you a doctor now too?”“No, I am about to become a father, and I have a responsibility to ensure that my son or daughter is well.”
EPILOGUE Deacon Getting Carys to fully believe in me didn’t happen as quickly as I’d hoped. And there was no formal discussion or announcement when things had finally crossed the barrier of trust. Our being back together happened slowly and organically. I spent every day for months showing her I wasn’t going anywhere, and taking the time to learn how to be a good partner to her and a father to Sunny. Because I’d put in the work, I finally reaped the rewards.In the five years since Carys entered my life, I’d learned many things, including the following, in no particular order.One: You can’t prove yourself with words, only actions.Two: You can’t choose who you love. It never mattered what I told myself about not getting into a relationship with Carys. From the moment we connected, I was destined to lose the battle with my brain.Three: Full freedom can’t be achieved until you forgive yourself. I finally so
CarysNAUGHTY GIRL The months since Deacon’s return had reminded me a lot of the early days of our relationship. He was there when I needed him but didn’t cross any boundaries. I knew he was being careful not to make assumptions about my readiness to let him back into my life.It all felt a little like déjà vu because Deacon had reverted back to being a good friend I desperately wanted to have sex with. But I hadn’t let myself go there yet. I kept waiting to feel a hundred-percent sure he would never hurt me again. But is it ever possible to be absolutely certain?One Saturday afternoon, Sharon called to tell me she had the day free if I wanted her to come spend a few hours with Sunny. She said she figured I might appreciate some time to myself. Never one to refuse unexpected help, I thanked her and said I would love to take her up on that.She arrived about an hour later. As I kissed Sunny goodbye and headed out the door, I re
DeaconHOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE? You’ve heard the saying that life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon? Well, earning Carys’s trust back was more like a slow wade through an ocean. But it was worth it, even if not getting to reach out and touch her was downright painful. A month-and-a-half after I returned to New York, my relationship with Carys was slowly improving.One afternoon, as we sat in her living room drinking the coffees I’d brought over, I presented her with something I’d made back in Minnesota.I took it out of the small bag. “I forgot to give this to you. It’s for Sunny. I made it while I was home.”Carys smiled as she examined the pink hat. “You crocheted this?”“Yup. My grandmother was trying to get me out of her house, where I stayed half the time. She wanted to invite dirty old men over without my being there, but that’s a story for another day.” I laughed. “Anyway, she commissioned me to help her make hats
CarysJUST COFFEE Despite saying he’d give me time to ready myself, Deacon texted me a few days later to ask if I would be willing to meet him during my lunch break on one of the days I worked in the office. I said yes. We needed to have the conversation away from Sunny.I chose Friday, but instead of a lunch meet-up, I opted to have the sitter stay late so I could meet Deacon after work. I didn’t know how I’d feel after our talk, or how long the meeting would last, so I didn’t want to have to go back to the office.Deacon was waiting in a corner seat at Starbucks when I arrived. It was my first time in here since before he’d left for Minnesota. He looked painfully handsome, dressed in all black. He fidgeted with his hands as his eyes wandered the room. His mouth curved into a hesitant smile when he spotted me. He stood.When I approached, I could tell he wasn’t sure what to do, whether to hug me or not. He leaned in and gave m
CarysTHE TEXT This was a huge day. It would be the first time I let Charles see Sunny without me being there, too. The plan seemed innocent enough. He’d brought his kids to my apartment, and they would be hanging out for a couple of hours.Talia and Xavier had recently met Sunny for the first time. Today was their third visit. The kids had really taken to her, and Sunny liked them. Allowing them to meet seemed to be one of the rare good decisions I’d made this past year.So with Sunny occupied by Charles and his kids, I was off to run a couple of errands and take a breather. I had mixed feelings about leaving her alone with them, but Charles had earned back a bit of my trust in the past few months. While I wouldn’t trust him with my heart again, I knew he was a responsible father to his two other kids. I had no reason to fear for Sunny’s safety while in his care.And also? Mama needed a breather. I mainly had a babysitter for
DeaconHINDSIGHT IS TWENTY-TWENTY Since arriving in Minnesota, I’d avoided being alone with my father. I’d gone over to my parents’ for dinner but left before Dad had a chance to corner me. He hadn’t said anything hurtful yet, but I dreaded encountering the version of him I remembered—the one who did nothing but criticize me. I didn’t need him making me feel inadequate when I already felt pretty damn shitty since leaving Carys the way I did.It appeared I could only hide for so long, though. I was shoveling snow outside my grandmother’s house one day when I looked up to see my Dad’s red truck.Sticking the shovel into the snow, I leaned on it as I watched him approach. He reached over to brush some snow off my coat, and I felt my eyes widen. It was rare my father touched me. Aside from the brief hug I’d given him when I first arrived here, there had been no other contact—no handshakes or pats on the back.I stepped back. “What’
DeaconCOCKBLOCKER “What are you looking at?” she asked.Shit. How long had I been staring at her? I hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable. It was just… I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I’d done a pretty decent job of keeping Carys out of my mind this week. Then I got to the checkout line at the supermarket where I’d been picking up groceries for my grandmother. The cashier looked like an older version of Sunny. Did she think I was staring at her because she had Down syndrome? Shit. That wasn’t it at all.“I’m sorry. I know I was staring at you. It’s because you remind me of someone who’s special to me, someone I don’t get to see anymore. I didn’t mean to be rude.”She rolled her eyes, and it made me chuckle, because I could see Sunny growing up to be as feisty as this girl. My chest tightened at the thought that I might never see Carys or Sunny again.It had been three months since I’d left New York, and my life ther
CarysNICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN Over the next six weeks or so, Charles proved he hadn’t been kidding when he’d vowed to earn my trust back. I appreciated that he was letting me call the shots on his reentrance into my life, though.In addition to abiding by a visitation schedule, he’d also begun depositing money more regularly in my bank account. I’d never refused his occasional offerings, but now that he wasn’t doing everything behind Violet’s back, he’d set up a direct deposit each month. I wasn’t going to complain. Sunny deserved his support.We’d agreed on a twice-a-month visitation schedule for starters. I gave him a few hours on Saturdays. We’d take Sunny out, and she was slowly taking to him, offering occasional smiles and responses to his endless efforts to make her laugh. It was noticeably different than her immediate attachment to Deacon had been, though.Charles hadn’t insisted on using the term dad around her, and I was
DeaconLAST WORDS I’d rented a car for the ninety-minute drive north to Poughkeepsie, and it had been a smooth ride with no traffic. This had definitely been a good idea. I now held Sunny up as she sat atop one of the ponies at Archwood Farms. She was always a happy child, but the ponies brought out a level of excitement I’d never witnessed before.After the pony ride, I went to fetch Carys and me a couple of coffees from the small concession building, while she took Sunny to a grassy area with a bunch of pumpkins laid out. Sunny was now walking independently. While a little wobbly, she was fully mobile.After I ordered our drinks, the woman I knew to be one of the owners of the farm smiled at me. “Your daughter looked like she was having so much fun out there. I’m so glad you guys could come up north today.”We’d spoken to her briefly when we first arrived, but I didn’t realize she’d assumed I was Sunny’s father. I opened my m