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Chapter Twenty-Four:
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2024-10-29 19:42:56I tried to listen to Olivia and stop worrying about my girlfriend, but I didn’t have a good feeling about the way things were going at all. I turned my phone off after getting her text message, and attempted to calm myself down mentally long enough so I could lay down and doze off for a few hours. Napping is a luxury I never had when I lived in Russia. There was my full time job, the impossible time difference between Francine and I, and all of the other tasks I kept myself busy with on a daily basis. Since moving to America, all of that went away and I suddenly found myself bored to death. To combat this, I’d go to sleep after studying some English in my text books, and completing whatever chores needed to be done while Francine worked. There was only so much dusting, vacuuming, cooking and yes- even baking- that I could do before I lost my mind. Thus, I fell in love with naps. More often than not, I’d wake up to Francine kissing some part of my body, tha
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Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty-Five:
I was happy about my decision to stay in Siberia for two weeks, instead of only one like I originally planned. There was still so much to do, and time was passing by quickly. I stayed at Zlata’s longer than either of us anticipated, catching up on what we’ve both been doing for the last year. She even showed me pictures of her late husband, Bogdan, while I indulged myself with delectable pastries and several cups of hot tea. I felt like I was getting to know a side of my former boss that only a few others have seen, and I cherished the honor. Evgeniya came up in conversation, but I made it clear I didn’t want to stay on the subject. My inability to act unaffected wouldn’t allow me to talk about her for long, and I refused to let Zlata see me cry again. She only witnessed me doing this once, when I was so tired after the incident with Yuri that it rendered me unable to sleep for days. I came into her shop a day or two later, wiping away my tears as I groggily
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty-Six:
I was starting to become increasingly frustrated that I couldn’t get a hold of Francine. At this rate it had been almost two days since I last saw her over Skype, and I never heard from Olivia again after she responded to my text with the promise to check on her.What the hell is going on over there? Since dad left for Chelyabinsk early yesterday morning, I had his great big house all to myself. This allowed me to take advantage of blasting my little red portable radio while I thoroughly cleaned up in one of my father's many luxurious showers. It wasn't unlike the one I had back home in America, with it's glass door and expensive tiled walls. Francine insisted we rent from a respectable complex, and wanted to keep "my style of living" up to a nice standard. She knows where I come from, and how I had nothing growing up. It's important to her that I'm comfortable, which is more than anyone has ever given me aside from my dad. Lately all I'm
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty-Seven:
Liza’s Point of View:This was bad. Bad, bad, BAD. Why did we all agree I'd be the one answering Ceen's phone the next time Vasha called? I opened my mouth and started rambling without thinking. "How's your trip going-"“You'll have to forgive me for interrupting. You're talking too fast. I’m very tired and without patience, Liza. Where’s Francine? Let me speak with her.” I heard the sound of a car door slamming shut followed by the roar of an ignition. Small talk was out of the question completely, as neither of us knew enough of the other's native language to make it happen. As I wracked my brain for what to say next, I heard my friend curse softly under her breath. Fuck. Vasilisa was NOT happy. “Give me a second, Vasha.” I attempted to buy myself some time, knowing it would take the foreign girl a second to translate the English sentence.
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty-Eight:
Two days laterLiza’s Point of View:“Has she gotten any better?” I asked quietly as I slipped into Ceen’s room just after five in the morning. It was the soonest I could get here, since Saturday nights heading into Sunday mornings at the Casino are crazy busy. I’d hardly had enough time to wash all the glitz and glitter off my face before racing back to Banner. Olivia’s elbows rested on her knees as she held her head in dismay. She wouldn't look at me. Charlotte was asleep in the chair next to her fiancée’s, slumped against the wall with crossed arms. My friends looked completely spent.Speaking of, my stomach sank as I looked over at my best friend. Two nights ago, Charlotte called to tell me about Francine’s heart attack. The whole time she was talking, I kept thinking to myself; Twenty six year olds don’t just go around having heart p
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty-Nine:
I woke up in blind terror very suddenly.Monsters were chasing me, and I couldn’t get away. No matter how fast I ran. My screams encouraged them, and eventually they had me pinned against a brick wall. One of them reached for my face with it’s menacing claws just as I was waking up. They’d never gotten that close to me before.I used to have nightmares like that one constantly, starting from childhood. Occasionally when I got black out drunk, I could avoid them, but they always found me again. These faceless monsters. They came to me in the form of long, spindly shadows. Every time they made an appearance, I became more terrified than I was when I last saw them. They wanted something from me, but what? I’ve dreamed of these assholes my whole life.Gasping for breath and whimpering, I ran my hands through my hair in exasperation and glanced toward the window. Dark grey clouds were peeking out behind one big,
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty:
“Yulia?”The sound of Evgeniya’s gentle voice came from the Church’s entrance, and echoed to where I was still standing up front by the painting. I wiped my eyes hurriedly and turned to face her. I noticed that she fingered her gold cross necklace as she slowly started walking toward me. The traditional Russian headscarf she wore was long enough to serve as a shawl as well, and it flowed around her delicate shoulders with each movement. The pattern, although beautiful with it’s elaborate pink and yellow floral arrangement, was making my head hurt to look at so I averted my gaze off to the side. I shouldn’t have been surprised to run into Evgeniya here. Maybe caught off guard was a better term.“Vasilisa. My name is VASILISA. Are you absolutely certain you’re the one who renamed me?”“It was a sudden decision, the name. Forgive me, I can’t get used to it.” Evgeniya replied with remor
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-One:
Roughly a day laterThe worst part about traveling is not being able to get clean when I want to. Right before meeting Francine for the first time almost two years ago, I chewed about half a pack of gum and quickly wiped under my arms with deodorizing cloths. It wasn’t very pleasant, but at least I smelled nice enough for a proper first impression. I’d been too anxious to remember to purchase a package of those disposable cloths before leaving Siberia, and I finished my last piece of gum right after switching planes for the final time in Minneapolis three and a half hours ago. I tried not to think about it for much longer, because the third and final plane I was riding on finally landed. As soon as I received decent signal strength on my cellphone, I’d call an Uber and head home to shower immediately before going to the hospital my girlfriend was admitted into.Sick or not, I refused to allow Francine to see me in such a
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Two:
I hated looking at Francine’s confused little face, but I couldn’t pull myself away from it. The expression she wore displayed a mixture of panic and bewilderment after I brought up the inpatient treatment hospital. I’ve been through very few things that were more painful than watching the woman I love stare back at me fearfully with such wide, uncertain eyes. I knew my girlfriend was frightened of the unknown, just like anyone else would be.“Detka? Do you understand why I’m saying this?” I asked softly as she began to shake her head with a nervous chuckle. I tried to gently stroke her hands, but she yanked them away as if they’d been licked by flames. Her delicate features formed into a scowl. I might have found it endearing if we weren’t discussing something so serious.“I have to get back to work eventually, Vasilisa. We’ve been over this, I can’t check myself into an inpatient clinic and ev
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Our Blank Canvas A Word From The Author:
Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read “Our Blank Canvas.” ’s point of view, as she navigated through the difficulties of exploring her past as well as trying to move on in an entirely new Country. Additionally, I wanted to include the points of view of my supporting cast for various reasons. Each character has their own unique battle, and I felt it was necessary to allow them the chance to tell their story too. I began writing this novel after I completed “Our Young Funny Voices” June of 2019. I’ve completed it March of 2020. I’ve had an absolute blast writing it— but I’ve also cried and laughed along the way. I hope I’ve provided you with an enjoyable reading experience, despite the tough times my characters have endured. In the event you or someone you know is going through ANY mental illness/addiction/gender identity crisis ECT feel free to take a moment to read about each resource, and the character attached to
Our Blank Canvas Epilogue:
For once, we all seemed to sleep peacefully throughout the night. I don’t even remember going to bed, but I know it wasn’t until a handful of hours ago. Even still, nobody grumbled the next morning when my phone’s alarm went off at 6:30 A.M. I was the first to rise, and I placed my hand on Francine’s bare shoulder as I kissed the nape of her neck passionately to stir her.“It’s time to get up, detka.”“Mmmmm...” She curled into me for a moment, inhaling the sensuous mixture of our friend’s scents on my skin before sitting up to stretch. ”Okaaaaayyyy...”“Morning already?Shit.” Nicole bolted upright with a yawn, rubbing the sleep out of her bleary hazel eyes with an upturned palm. I blushed at the sight of her pierced nipples,
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Forty:
Three months later“Did we remember everything?” Francine hastily asked over her shoulder as I ushered the two of us into the hotel room I rented for all of our friends to enjoy as a group. We made sure to get the largest variety, with two large king sized beds and a spacious kitchen area. Pride is tomorrow, and we all wanted to stay right by where the Parade was being held in downtown Phoenix. Since the room is in my name, Francine and I were the first ones to arrive. Olivia and Charlotte have yet to get off from work, Liza was up North visiting her mother and children and just got back into town, and Brody let us know she had been waiting for her girlfriend so they could get ready and come to the hotel together.“If not, we’ll go back out. Hurry detka, before the ice freezes my arms into useless popsicle sticks.” I’d been balancing two large bags of convenience store bought c
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Nine:
The next morningBy my calculations, it took us about twenty minutes to drive to Cactus Front, the inpatient eating disorder clinic Francine was checking into. Liza took us, and she seemed very quiet. All of us were in fact. My girlfriend was staring out of the window at the Aztec style building as she took deep breaths. Her nervousness depressed me, and I wished I could take everything she was going through and bring it on to deal with myself. I couldn’t stand seeing the woman I loved in such distress.“Lyubimyy?” I touched Francine’s forearm with my fingertips, knowing how she loved being called my favorite. “Let’s walk inside. Ok? I’ll grab your bags. Touch nothing.” My girlfriend deflated in response and I had to get out of the car right then. I couldn’t bear to look anymore.“Dude, are you ok?” I heard Liza ask softly as I slammed the door and went to the trunk. I in
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Eight:
Nicole (Brody’s) Point of View:The invitation to accompany me to my best friend’s apartment was an open one, but I think the way I was staring right at Liza got the hidden message across to everyone else.Aside from maybe my very sick friend Francine, she was the only one who knew how to calm me down. There’s no way Vasha would let her girlfriend come along anyway though. This was the last night they’d have together before Francine checked herself into treatment, which I got. Totally. I felt pretty bad about losing my temper in their home, but I couldn’t help but fume over this whole damn evening. You’d think the strict upbringing I had combined with several years in the Military would have done something for my trash anger problem, but it hasn’t really. Especially not when my friends get hurt.When
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Seven:
“...Let her sleep, I’ll see Vasha when she wakes up.” Brody’s deep voice must have been in my dreams, because she’s not in Arizona right now. As I struggled with that in between stage of consciousnesses, I heard Francine’s clear voice respond.“I thought I heard her moving around, give me a second.”I blinked in confusion at the blank space beside me. Wasn’t Olivia taking a nap with me? I was so deliriously tired I had no idea what was going on. As I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I groaned softly and sat up. A moment later, Francine entered our room quietly and smiled warmly at me. Even in my sleepy state, I grinned back and closed my lids. I missed my girlfriend so much, even just seeing her beautiful face brought me unbridled joy. As Francine lost weight, her appearance changed a bit but she couldn’t ever look like anyone other than the woman I loved. Her body would always be familiar, and I neve
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Six:
Francine’s Point of View:“Do you think a month will be long enough?” Liza asked in a skeptical tone as we left Joey’s briskly. Dinner rush was in full swing, and I didn’t want to take up any more of my boss’s time than I already did.“Yeah. I couldn’t ask for anything extra, Joe is already pretty strapped.” I admitted, waiting for Liza to unlock her newish yellow volkswagon Beetle. “Honestly I’m grateful to even get that.”I could now add having to involve my professional life into things my eating disorder has forced me to do. Liza being the amazing friend that she is made Joey aware of what happened the night I fainted, and was sure to update him day by day. I was terrified that I’d lose my job before coming down to talk to him, but he was super cool about the whole thing. He’d shifted a few things around schedule wise, and approved my requested month
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Five:
Charlotte’s Point of View:“Are you really happy here, Charlotte? Stop bullshitting me. I can see right through you.” Andee’s hazel eyes flashed doubtfully as she took a swig of Coca Cola. Sitting across the booth from my EX was a surreal experience, and I blinked blankly at her. It was as if we were just meeting up for a quick bite after work, instead of what was really happening; An attempt to make me question my own happiness in Arizona. I chose to focus on her disapproving facial expression instead of how the see-through material of the white tee-shirt she was wearing made her pink nipples visible.Nice to see her small breasts were still perky and alert, I guess. Her effortlessly sexy style wasn’t lost on me, and I hated myself for my obvious attraction to it.Andee noticed how uncomfortable I was becoming and grinned slyly, like a mischievous kitten. Leaning backwards, she rested an
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Four:
Charlotte’s Point of View:Every part of me knew what a moronic decision this was, but I was going through with it anyway. I needed to know what Andee had to say that was so important, she couldn’t have just called me from Savannah. Paranoia gripped me as I looked back over my shoulder at Banner hospital once I made it halfway into the parking lot.Nobody followed me, thank GOD. After quickly slipping into my car, I gripped the leather steering wheel and closed my eyes guiltily.Text back. Say you changed your mind, go back in there with Olivia...that’s who you belong to. Andee is manipulating you- doesn’t your dumbass remember what happened!? What are you DOING!? That tiny voice in my head got so loud, I could hardly hear myself think. My eyes raked over the egg shell colored medical establishment before I abruptly started the ignition with a sharp
