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Chapter Nine:
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Goodbyes have always been difficult for me. The sad truth is even if it’s only temporary, a million things could happen before we have the chance to be reunited with our loved ones again. I’d prefer to stay in one spot, or travel cautiously with Francine. In fact, I’d never ventured outside of Russia before meeting my American life partner on that queer website almost two years ago. I always hoped Russia would accept gay rights in my lifetime, but it was a foolish wish. After living so freely in the United States, it angered me to have to return to the shadows temporarily. I found it strangely ironic how I was going back to Siberia now for answers I wasn’t sure I really wanted...but I suppose the unknown scares me more than goodbyes, or temporary loss of total freedom.
I reminded Francine of that as she cried in my arms late last night, and again before kissing her sleepy expression on my way out to the taxi cab. She offered to take me to the airport,
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Our Blank Canvas Chapter Eleven:
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Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twelve:
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Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirteen:
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Our Blank Canvas Chapter Fourteen:
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Our Blank Canvas Chapter Fifteen:
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Our Blank Canvas Chapter Sixteen:
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Our Blank Canvas Chapter Seventeen:
Evgeniya lived about 20 miles away from my father, in a small home. Wooden cottage style. I parked my vehicle and double-checked my messages to make sure I had the right place. When I was sure, I surveyed the structure gravely. It was a dark brown house, crafted out of logs and various sturdy materials. Just like you’d see with classic housing, the brick chimney produced a thick cloud of grey smoke. Watching it release into the cold starless night, I reluctantly slid out of my car and grabbed three packages from the backseat. In Russia, we always bring gifts when we’re visiting. Even if the hostess is the mother who abandoned us as a child. I felt the scowl creeping up and struggled to hide it. You’re here to talk. You came on your own, don’t be rude. I scolded myself silently, trudging up to Evgeniya’s front door. Before I could change my mind, I quickly knocked three times.Knock, knock, knock
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Our Blank Canvas A Word From The Author:
Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read “Our Blank Canvas.” ’s point of view, as she navigated through the difficulties of exploring her past as well as trying to move on in an entirely new Country. Additionally, I wanted to include the points of view of my supporting cast for various reasons. Each character has their own unique battle, and I felt it was necessary to allow them the chance to tell their story too. I began writing this novel after I completed “Our Young Funny Voices” June of 2019. I’ve completed it March of 2020. I’ve had an absolute blast writing it— but I’ve also cried and laughed along the way. I hope I’ve provided you with an enjoyable reading experience, despite the tough times my characters have endured. In the event you or someone you know is going through ANY mental illness/addiction/gender identity crisis ECT feel free to take a moment to read about each resource, and the character attached to
Our Blank Canvas Epilogue:
For once, we all seemed to sleep peacefully throughout the night. I don’t even remember going to bed, but I know it wasn’t until a handful of hours ago. Even still, nobody grumbled the next morning when my phone’s alarm went off at 6:30 A.M. I was the first to rise, and I placed my hand on Francine’s bare shoulder as I kissed the nape of her neck passionately to stir her.“It’s time to get up, detka.”“Mmmmm...” She curled into me for a moment, inhaling the sensuous mixture of our friend’s scents on my skin before sitting up to stretch. ”Okaaaaayyyy...”“Morning already?Shit.” Nicole bolted upright with a yawn, rubbing the sleep out of her bleary hazel eyes with an upturned palm. I blushed at the sight of her pierced nipples,
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Forty:
Three months later“Did we remember everything?” Francine hastily asked over her shoulder as I ushered the two of us into the hotel room I rented for all of our friends to enjoy as a group. We made sure to get the largest variety, with two large king sized beds and a spacious kitchen area. Pride is tomorrow, and we all wanted to stay right by where the Parade was being held in downtown Phoenix. Since the room is in my name, Francine and I were the first ones to arrive. Olivia and Charlotte have yet to get off from work, Liza was up North visiting her mother and children and just got back into town, and Brody let us know she had been waiting for her girlfriend so they could get ready and come to the hotel together.“If not, we’ll go back out. Hurry detka, before the ice freezes my arms into useless popsicle sticks.” I’d been balancing two large bags of convenience store bought c
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Nine:
The next morningBy my calculations, it took us about twenty minutes to drive to Cactus Front, the inpatient eating disorder clinic Francine was checking into. Liza took us, and she seemed very quiet. All of us were in fact. My girlfriend was staring out of the window at the Aztec style building as she took deep breaths. Her nervousness depressed me, and I wished I could take everything she was going through and bring it on to deal with myself. I couldn’t stand seeing the woman I loved in such distress.“Lyubimyy?” I touched Francine’s forearm with my fingertips, knowing how she loved being called my favorite. “Let’s walk inside. Ok? I’ll grab your bags. Touch nothing.” My girlfriend deflated in response and I had to get out of the car right then. I couldn’t bear to look anymore.“Dude, are you ok?” I heard Liza ask softly as I slammed the door and went to the trunk. I in
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Eight:
Nicole (Brody’s) Point of View:The invitation to accompany me to my best friend’s apartment was an open one, but I think the way I was staring right at Liza got the hidden message across to everyone else.Aside from maybe my very sick friend Francine, she was the only one who knew how to calm me down. There’s no way Vasha would let her girlfriend come along anyway though. This was the last night they’d have together before Francine checked herself into treatment, which I got. Totally. I felt pretty bad about losing my temper in their home, but I couldn’t help but fume over this whole damn evening. You’d think the strict upbringing I had combined with several years in the Military would have done something for my trash anger problem, but it hasn’t really. Especially not when my friends get hurt.When
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Seven:
“...Let her sleep, I’ll see Vasha when she wakes up.” Brody’s deep voice must have been in my dreams, because she’s not in Arizona right now. As I struggled with that in between stage of consciousnesses, I heard Francine’s clear voice respond.“I thought I heard her moving around, give me a second.”I blinked in confusion at the blank space beside me. Wasn’t Olivia taking a nap with me? I was so deliriously tired I had no idea what was going on. As I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I groaned softly and sat up. A moment later, Francine entered our room quietly and smiled warmly at me. Even in my sleepy state, I grinned back and closed my lids. I missed my girlfriend so much, even just seeing her beautiful face brought me unbridled joy. As Francine lost weight, her appearance changed a bit but she couldn’t ever look like anyone other than the woman I loved. Her body would always be familiar, and I neve
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Six:
Francine’s Point of View:“Do you think a month will be long enough?” Liza asked in a skeptical tone as we left Joey’s briskly. Dinner rush was in full swing, and I didn’t want to take up any more of my boss’s time than I already did.“Yeah. I couldn’t ask for anything extra, Joe is already pretty strapped.” I admitted, waiting for Liza to unlock her newish yellow volkswagon Beetle. “Honestly I’m grateful to even get that.”I could now add having to involve my professional life into things my eating disorder has forced me to do. Liza being the amazing friend that she is made Joey aware of what happened the night I fainted, and was sure to update him day by day. I was terrified that I’d lose my job before coming down to talk to him, but he was super cool about the whole thing. He’d shifted a few things around schedule wise, and approved my requested month
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Five:
Charlotte’s Point of View:“Are you really happy here, Charlotte? Stop bullshitting me. I can see right through you.” Andee’s hazel eyes flashed doubtfully as she took a swig of Coca Cola. Sitting across the booth from my EX was a surreal experience, and I blinked blankly at her. It was as if we were just meeting up for a quick bite after work, instead of what was really happening; An attempt to make me question my own happiness in Arizona. I chose to focus on her disapproving facial expression instead of how the see-through material of the white tee-shirt she was wearing made her pink nipples visible.Nice to see her small breasts were still perky and alert, I guess. Her effortlessly sexy style wasn’t lost on me, and I hated myself for my obvious attraction to it.Andee noticed how uncomfortable I was becoming and grinned slyly, like a mischievous kitten. Leaning backwards, she rested an
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Four:
Charlotte’s Point of View:Every part of me knew what a moronic decision this was, but I was going through with it anyway. I needed to know what Andee had to say that was so important, she couldn’t have just called me from Savannah. Paranoia gripped me as I looked back over my shoulder at Banner hospital once I made it halfway into the parking lot.Nobody followed me, thank GOD. After quickly slipping into my car, I gripped the leather steering wheel and closed my eyes guiltily.Text back. Say you changed your mind, go back in there with Olivia...that’s who you belong to. Andee is manipulating you- doesn’t your dumbass remember what happened!? What are you DOING!? That tiny voice in my head got so loud, I could hardly hear myself think. My eyes raked over the egg shell colored medical establishment before I abruptly started the ignition with a sharp
