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Chapter Eleven:
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2024-10-29 19:42:56The exchange seemed forced. From where I was standing, it looked like my dad was hesitantly offering Evgeniya a seat next to him. She slid into the booth, and then their eyes traveled to my direction. I clenched my jaw, feeling the same lead sensation in my legs as I did at Sky Harbor airport.
Why did I do this? What a mistake!
I debated running for my life out of that damn restaurant, but my father was suddenly beside me before I could regain the feeling in my lower extremities. Sensing my infuriating aura, he took a step forward to speak lowly.
“Before you say anything, I didn’t know she was coming Vasha.” His expression was gentle. I narrowed my eyes at him, and stared into the same exact one’s I had to determine if he was lying. “I swear to you, Vasilisa. She’s here picking up supper for...” He faltered for a second, then shook his head with a scoff. “Anyway, while she’s here for a few min
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Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twelve:
“Dinner was pleasant?” My dad asked mildly as we entered his spacious home just over an hour later. After my luggage had been brought in, we were standing in the foyer when he spoke the words. I removed my boots and shuddered. My blood must have really thinned during my time living in Arizona. I couldn’t handle the harsh Siberian climate any longer.How was I ever homeless in this city!? It’s so hard to believe. “I could not finish it.” I reminded him dryly, rubbing my thin arms for warmth. “Nerves. Too much going on here.” I tapped my temple, and dad smiled with understanding. He didn’t say much as I pushed my mushroom soup around with the spoon, and we had it boxed up so I could have it for later. Once Evgeniya left and I’d hung up with Francine, my mind began working at the rate of a hundred miles per minute. Eating suddenly seemed inconvenient. “Yes well, it’s waiting
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirteen:
"What are you doing back here, in Russia?" With a perfectly red manicured hand, Olya took a long drink from her margarita and raked over my frame with her darkened amber eyes."It's a long story, really." I replied tightly, looking off to the side. The last exchange I had with my EX girlfriend, Olya Frolova, was a disaster. Closing my eyes, I can picture the scene as if it happened just yesterday.********************A year and two months ago“Vasha? Get up, it’s closing time.” A well known female voice urged out of nowhere.“Ngghhhhh, no. Go away, Olya.” I groaned, too dizzy to slide off the bar stool. I heard shouting not far from me, but I couldn’t be bothered enough to even lift my head. The table underneath me ceased to feel cool and all I wanted was another drink. It was always another damn drink. "I need one more..." I attempted to ask, but the words were muffled since m
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Fourteen:
Francine’s Point of View:Whistling wind howled and blew all around me, and I squinted in confusion. This definitely wasn’t my bed.Wait, why am I outside!? I halfheartedly attempted to find my bearings, but the thundering sky’s intermittent crashing made my heart leap every time I tried focusing on any one detail. My feet suddenly felt very heavy, and it didn’t take long to realize I couldn’t move them. A drastic drop began pulling me downward, and I shrieked with fear.I’m sinking....“VASHA!” I twisted my body all around, screaming my girlfriend’s name. The vast echoing made me feel more alone than I already was, and I fought like hell to free myself. A sandstorm swept a thick sheet of dust into my eyes, but I kept thrashing like my life depended on it. The substance swallowing me whole reached my thighs, and I gasped in dis
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Fifteen:
Francine isn’t answering any of my phone calls, and has logged out of VK completely so she won’t see my messages right away.She made it very clear how badly my actions hurt her, and brushed off my every attempt to explain myself. It’s been forty five minutes since she rushed me off the phone in tears, and aside from trying to get her to call me back, all I’ve been able to do is stare at my VK account in anger. I’m in the settings portion, under blocked users. Olya’s name is screaming at me in bold letters. Up until a year ago, she’d always been one of my top friends on this site. I never would have thought she’d wind up here, but it happened so fast. After we had sex, Olya playfully took my phone and re-added herself to my friend’s list. Taking a drag off my cigarette, I’d been too busy staring at her ceiling cursing myself for what I’d done to care.********************A ye
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Sixteen:
“Vasilisochka? Are you waking up?” My father’s questioning tone was followed up with a soft knock on the closed door of his guest bedroom. Because I didn’t answer right away, he continued knocking and calling my name. The persistent beckoning stole me away from my slumber. I squinted at the window and groaned at the dreary grey sky miserably.I hate getting up when it’s cold outside. “No, let me sleep.” I protested, squeezing my eyes shut and curling up under the heavy quilt. I wasn’t ready to face today. “Nonsense, Vasha. It’s almost ten in the morning, don’t be lazy.” Dad scolded with a smile in his voice. I knew he was just teasing, but there was an underlying seriousness in his statement. “Come to the table, breakfast is waiting for you.” My stomach growled at the mention of food, and I sat up to sleepily rub my eyes. Glancing up at the ceiling, an e
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Seventeen:
Evgeniya lived about 20 miles away from my father, in a small home. Wooden cottage style. I parked my vehicle and double-checked my messages to make sure I had the right place. When I was sure, I surveyed the structure gravely. It was a dark brown house, crafted out of logs and various sturdy materials. Just like you’d see with classic housing, the brick chimney produced a thick cloud of grey smoke. Watching it release into the cold starless night, I reluctantly slid out of my car and grabbed three packages from the backseat. In Russia, we always bring gifts when we’re visiting. Even if the hostess is the mother who abandoned us as a child. I felt the scowl creeping up and struggled to hide it. You’re here to talk. You came on your own, don’t be rude. I scolded myself silently, trudging up to Evgeniya’s front door. Before I could change my mind, I quickly knocked three times.Knock, knock, knock
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Eighteen:
Just as Evgeniya was carefully setting a plain white tea pot in the middle of her large table, a young blonde boy walked into the dinning room. His eyes almost matched Sasha’s, but were a slightly darker shade of blue. He shared the same ears as Evgeniya and I, and they became bright red once he saw me sitting among his family.“Who’s that?” He asked his parents warily, slowly making his way to the table.“Dima, this is your older sister Vasilisa. She’s come all the way from America to meet you. Have manners.” Evgeniya scolded gently as she began serving my siblings child-sized portions. Kirill grinned at me, gesturing toward the feast in front of us.“You’re so small. You don’t eat in America, yes? Help yourself dear.”I actually put on ten pounds since moving to Arizona, but the backwards compliment made me smile a little as I served myself a few potato pancakes with a hearty dollop of so
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Nineteen:
Nicole (Brody’s) Point of View:I knew it wasn’t fair. None of it was, to anybody. I didn’t want my friends to start thinking of me as some shitty flake, but I couldn’t tell anyone why I broke up with Liza yet. Mainly because it’d affect everyone else, too.There’s something about Francine though. We’ve always understood each other on another level, and I’ve found myself in situations where I could tell her shit I’d never even spoken out loud before. That includes to Olivia, and Livys been my best friend since grade school.I arrived at the Great Lakes Naval Training Center in Chicago almost a week ago. It’s surreal being back here, after going through the program myself at one time. At this point in my life, I’ve served six grueling years and clawed my way up the ranks. Many of my fellow Officers report under me now, and I’ll admit it’s strange ordering peopl
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Our Blank Canvas A Word From The Author:
Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read “Our Blank Canvas.” ’s point of view, as she navigated through the difficulties of exploring her past as well as trying to move on in an entirely new Country. Additionally, I wanted to include the points of view of my supporting cast for various reasons. Each character has their own unique battle, and I felt it was necessary to allow them the chance to tell their story too. I began writing this novel after I completed “Our Young Funny Voices” June of 2019. I’ve completed it March of 2020. I’ve had an absolute blast writing it— but I’ve also cried and laughed along the way. I hope I’ve provided you with an enjoyable reading experience, despite the tough times my characters have endured. In the event you or someone you know is going through ANY mental illness/addiction/gender identity crisis ECT feel free to take a moment to read about each resource, and the character attached to
Our Blank Canvas Epilogue:
For once, we all seemed to sleep peacefully throughout the night. I don’t even remember going to bed, but I know it wasn’t until a handful of hours ago. Even still, nobody grumbled the next morning when my phone’s alarm went off at 6:30 A.M. I was the first to rise, and I placed my hand on Francine’s bare shoulder as I kissed the nape of her neck passionately to stir her.“It’s time to get up, detka.”“Mmmmm...” She curled into me for a moment, inhaling the sensuous mixture of our friend’s scents on my skin before sitting up to stretch. ”Okaaaaayyyy...”“Morning already?Shit.” Nicole bolted upright with a yawn, rubbing the sleep out of her bleary hazel eyes with an upturned palm. I blushed at the sight of her pierced nipples,
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Forty:
Three months later“Did we remember everything?” Francine hastily asked over her shoulder as I ushered the two of us into the hotel room I rented for all of our friends to enjoy as a group. We made sure to get the largest variety, with two large king sized beds and a spacious kitchen area. Pride is tomorrow, and we all wanted to stay right by where the Parade was being held in downtown Phoenix. Since the room is in my name, Francine and I were the first ones to arrive. Olivia and Charlotte have yet to get off from work, Liza was up North visiting her mother and children and just got back into town, and Brody let us know she had been waiting for her girlfriend so they could get ready and come to the hotel together.“If not, we’ll go back out. Hurry detka, before the ice freezes my arms into useless popsicle sticks.” I’d been balancing two large bags of convenience store bought c
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Nine:
The next morningBy my calculations, it took us about twenty minutes to drive to Cactus Front, the inpatient eating disorder clinic Francine was checking into. Liza took us, and she seemed very quiet. All of us were in fact. My girlfriend was staring out of the window at the Aztec style building as she took deep breaths. Her nervousness depressed me, and I wished I could take everything she was going through and bring it on to deal with myself. I couldn’t stand seeing the woman I loved in such distress.“Lyubimyy?” I touched Francine’s forearm with my fingertips, knowing how she loved being called my favorite. “Let’s walk inside. Ok? I’ll grab your bags. Touch nothing.” My girlfriend deflated in response and I had to get out of the car right then. I couldn’t bear to look anymore.“Dude, are you ok?” I heard Liza ask softly as I slammed the door and went to the trunk. I in
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Eight:
Nicole (Brody’s) Point of View:The invitation to accompany me to my best friend’s apartment was an open one, but I think the way I was staring right at Liza got the hidden message across to everyone else.Aside from maybe my very sick friend Francine, she was the only one who knew how to calm me down. There’s no way Vasha would let her girlfriend come along anyway though. This was the last night they’d have together before Francine checked herself into treatment, which I got. Totally. I felt pretty bad about losing my temper in their home, but I couldn’t help but fume over this whole damn evening. You’d think the strict upbringing I had combined with several years in the Military would have done something for my trash anger problem, but it hasn’t really. Especially not when my friends get hurt.When
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Seven:
“...Let her sleep, I’ll see Vasha when she wakes up.” Brody’s deep voice must have been in my dreams, because she’s not in Arizona right now. As I struggled with that in between stage of consciousnesses, I heard Francine’s clear voice respond.“I thought I heard her moving around, give me a second.”I blinked in confusion at the blank space beside me. Wasn’t Olivia taking a nap with me? I was so deliriously tired I had no idea what was going on. As I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I groaned softly and sat up. A moment later, Francine entered our room quietly and smiled warmly at me. Even in my sleepy state, I grinned back and closed my lids. I missed my girlfriend so much, even just seeing her beautiful face brought me unbridled joy. As Francine lost weight, her appearance changed a bit but she couldn’t ever look like anyone other than the woman I loved. Her body would always be familiar, and I neve
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Six:
Francine’s Point of View:“Do you think a month will be long enough?” Liza asked in a skeptical tone as we left Joey’s briskly. Dinner rush was in full swing, and I didn’t want to take up any more of my boss’s time than I already did.“Yeah. I couldn’t ask for anything extra, Joe is already pretty strapped.” I admitted, waiting for Liza to unlock her newish yellow volkswagon Beetle. “Honestly I’m grateful to even get that.”I could now add having to involve my professional life into things my eating disorder has forced me to do. Liza being the amazing friend that she is made Joey aware of what happened the night I fainted, and was sure to update him day by day. I was terrified that I’d lose my job before coming down to talk to him, but he was super cool about the whole thing. He’d shifted a few things around schedule wise, and approved my requested month
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Five:
Charlotte’s Point of View:“Are you really happy here, Charlotte? Stop bullshitting me. I can see right through you.” Andee’s hazel eyes flashed doubtfully as she took a swig of Coca Cola. Sitting across the booth from my EX was a surreal experience, and I blinked blankly at her. It was as if we were just meeting up for a quick bite after work, instead of what was really happening; An attempt to make me question my own happiness in Arizona. I chose to focus on her disapproving facial expression instead of how the see-through material of the white tee-shirt she was wearing made her pink nipples visible.Nice to see her small breasts were still perky and alert, I guess. Her effortlessly sexy style wasn’t lost on me, and I hated myself for my obvious attraction to it.Andee noticed how uncomfortable I was becoming and grinned slyly, like a mischievous kitten. Leaning backwards, she rested an
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Four:
Charlotte’s Point of View:Every part of me knew what a moronic decision this was, but I was going through with it anyway. I needed to know what Andee had to say that was so important, she couldn’t have just called me from Savannah. Paranoia gripped me as I looked back over my shoulder at Banner hospital once I made it halfway into the parking lot.Nobody followed me, thank GOD. After quickly slipping into my car, I gripped the leather steering wheel and closed my eyes guiltily.Text back. Say you changed your mind, go back in there with Olivia...that’s who you belong to. Andee is manipulating you- doesn’t your dumbass remember what happened!? What are you DOING!? That tiny voice in my head got so loud, I could hardly hear myself think. My eyes raked over the egg shell colored medical establishment before I abruptly started the ignition with a sharp
