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Chapter Nineteen:
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Nicole (Brody’s) Point of View:
I knew it wasn’t fair. None of it was, to anybody. I didn’t want my friends to start thinking of me as some shitty flake, but I couldn’t tell anyone why I broke up with Liza yet. Mainly because it’d affect everyone else, too.
There’s something about Francine though. We’ve always understood each other on another level, and I’ve found myself in situations where I could tell her shit I’d never even spoken out loud before. That includes to Olivia, and Livys been my best friend since grade school.
I arrived at the Great Lakes Naval Training Center in Chicago almost a week ago. It’s surreal being back here, after going through the program myself at one time. At this point in my life, I’ve served six grueling years and clawed my way up the ranks. Many of my fellow Officers report under me now, and I’ll admit it’s strange ordering peopl
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Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty:
Zlata Likhachyova’s corner bakery has always been popular, ever since I can remember. She’s famous for her freshly baked cookies and Medovik (honey cakes.) That familiar warm, sweet smell filled my nostrils invitingly as I hurried inside. Three people bundled up in heavy jackets and warm clothing waited patiently for their orders, sitting in the only four available seats. I used to hound Zlata about buying a larger space, but she’d wave me off and give me something to “stick my nose in so I’d stay out of her business.” Crowds would come and go, and there were days I’d be rolling out dough, baking, and layering the final products with rich creamy icing without any breaks for eight hours straight.Everyone in Tobolsk came to “Sladkiy obrashchat’sya” for their baked desserts. Even though the establishment was often cramped and uncomfortable, the delectable treats made up for it.
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty-One:
Olivia’s Point Of View:"Answer me Olivia! What’s so hard about talking this shit out!? We’re supposed to be getting married next year. If there’s something you need to say, then say it!” My fiancée was flushed; Fired up, without anything to put her out. I felt frozen in place as I watched Charlotte shriek, grabbing one of our small wooden chairs and hurling it into the hallway desperately. She gets like this when I won’t talk to her.God, she’s so beautiful though.Char’s waist length black hair was tangled alluringly around her toned shoulders as she brought her arms back at her sides. She wore one of the pretty little hand sewn dresses her mom made for her some years back. It was thin. Thin enough that I could see the perfect curve of her breasts through the material. Her caramel colored skin looked radiant against the stark white of the dress,
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty-Two:
Liza's Point of View:"You can just drop me off here—yep, by the curb. Thanks." I slurred to the Lyft driver, throwing the door open before the car had a chance to make a full stop so I could teeter on my blush colored high heels. As I straightened up, my head felt like it'd been slammed through a door repeatedly and I had to take several deep breaths as I started stumbling toward Francine's apartment. Don't hurl, Liza. After way too many drinks with Enrique, the tall glass of sexy stud I met at Bar 1 just hours ago, I'd originally just wanted to go home to sleep it off. If he called me in the morning, great. If not, I wasn't too worried about it. I just needed a distraction right now. That's when I got Francine's voicemail. The only thing better than crashing after a long night of drinking is getting ready for round TWO with your bestie! Yeah, buddy. I shimmied up to her door, admi
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty-Three:
Charlotte’s Point of View:I just barely got the news about Francine, and Liza wasn’t picking up her damn phone. I tried three times before giving up and deciding to just drive down to Banner myself. You can’t just drop a bomb like that and not answer my calls. As I was hurrying out of Applebees -don’t judge me, they’ve got killer specials for Happy Hour- I heard my iPhone 11 notify me of a text coming through.Finally Liza! Fudge. I whipped it out and abruptly stopped walking. My eyes widened in disbelief.Fucking really? Now!? Right now!!?SMS: C’mon baby, just call me? I haven’t heard from you since you flew back to that desert wasteland you call home now. Did your replacement catch on? ;) My EX girlfriend, Andee Calaway, was really doing this. Even after I told her to stop trying to reach out, an
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty-Four:
I tried to listen to Olivia and stop worrying about my girlfriend, but I didn’t have a good feeling about the way things were going at all. I turned my phone off after getting her text message, and attempted to calm myself down mentally long enough so I could lay down and doze off for a few hours. Napping is a luxury I never had when I lived in Russia. There was my full time job, the impossible time difference between Francine and I, and all of the other tasks I kept myself busy with on a daily basis. Since moving to America, all of that went away and I suddenly found myself bored to death. To combat this, I’d go to sleep after studying some English in my text books, and completing whatever chores needed to be done while Francine worked. There was only so much dusting, vacuuming, cooking and yes- even baking- that I could do before I lost my mind. Thus, I fell in love with naps. More often than not, I’d wake up to Francine kissing some part of my body, tha
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty-Five:
I was happy about my decision to stay in Siberia for two weeks, instead of only one like I originally planned. There was still so much to do, and time was passing by quickly. I stayed at Zlata’s longer than either of us anticipated, catching up on what we’ve both been doing for the last year. She even showed me pictures of her late husband, Bogdan, while I indulged myself with delectable pastries and several cups of hot tea. I felt like I was getting to know a side of my former boss that only a few others have seen, and I cherished the honor. Evgeniya came up in conversation, but I made it clear I didn’t want to stay on the subject. My inability to act unaffected wouldn’t allow me to talk about her for long, and I refused to let Zlata see me cry again. She only witnessed me doing this once, when I was so tired after the incident with Yuri that it rendered me unable to sleep for days. I came into her shop a day or two later, wiping away my tears as I groggily
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty-Six:
I was starting to become increasingly frustrated that I couldn’t get a hold of Francine. At this rate it had been almost two days since I last saw her over Skype, and I never heard from Olivia again after she responded to my text with the promise to check on her.What the hell is going on over there? Since dad left for Chelyabinsk early yesterday morning, I had his great big house all to myself. This allowed me to take advantage of blasting my little red portable radio while I thoroughly cleaned up in one of my father's many luxurious showers. It wasn't unlike the one I had back home in America, with it's glass door and expensive tiled walls. Francine insisted we rent from a respectable complex, and wanted to keep "my style of living" up to a nice standard. She knows where I come from, and how I had nothing growing up. It's important to her that I'm comfortable, which is more than anyone has ever given me aside from my dad. Lately all I'm
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Twenty-Seven:
Liza’s Point of View:This was bad. Bad, bad, BAD. Why did we all agree I'd be the one answering Ceen's phone the next time Vasha called? I opened my mouth and started rambling without thinking. "How's your trip going-"“You'll have to forgive me for interrupting. You're talking too fast. I’m very tired and without patience, Liza. Where’s Francine? Let me speak with her.” I heard the sound of a car door slamming shut followed by the roar of an ignition. Small talk was out of the question completely, as neither of us knew enough of the other's native language to make it happen. As I wracked my brain for what to say next, I heard my friend curse softly under her breath. Fuck. Vasilisa was NOT happy. “Give me a second, Vasha.” I attempted to buy myself some time, knowing it would take the foreign girl a second to translate the English sentence.
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Our Blank Canvas A Word From The Author:
Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read “Our Blank Canvas.” ’s point of view, as she navigated through the difficulties of exploring her past as well as trying to move on in an entirely new Country. Additionally, I wanted to include the points of view of my supporting cast for various reasons. Each character has their own unique battle, and I felt it was necessary to allow them the chance to tell their story too. I began writing this novel after I completed “Our Young Funny Voices” June of 2019. I’ve completed it March of 2020. I’ve had an absolute blast writing it— but I’ve also cried and laughed along the way. I hope I’ve provided you with an enjoyable reading experience, despite the tough times my characters have endured. In the event you or someone you know is going through ANY mental illness/addiction/gender identity crisis ECT feel free to take a moment to read about each resource, and the character attached to
Our Blank Canvas Epilogue:
For once, we all seemed to sleep peacefully throughout the night. I don’t even remember going to bed, but I know it wasn’t until a handful of hours ago. Even still, nobody grumbled the next morning when my phone’s alarm went off at 6:30 A.M. I was the first to rise, and I placed my hand on Francine’s bare shoulder as I kissed the nape of her neck passionately to stir her.“It’s time to get up, detka.”“Mmmmm...” She curled into me for a moment, inhaling the sensuous mixture of our friend’s scents on my skin before sitting up to stretch. ”Okaaaaayyyy...”“Morning already?Shit.” Nicole bolted upright with a yawn, rubbing the sleep out of her bleary hazel eyes with an upturned palm. I blushed at the sight of her pierced nipples,
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Forty:
Three months later“Did we remember everything?” Francine hastily asked over her shoulder as I ushered the two of us into the hotel room I rented for all of our friends to enjoy as a group. We made sure to get the largest variety, with two large king sized beds and a spacious kitchen area. Pride is tomorrow, and we all wanted to stay right by where the Parade was being held in downtown Phoenix. Since the room is in my name, Francine and I were the first ones to arrive. Olivia and Charlotte have yet to get off from work, Liza was up North visiting her mother and children and just got back into town, and Brody let us know she had been waiting for her girlfriend so they could get ready and come to the hotel together.“If not, we’ll go back out. Hurry detka, before the ice freezes my arms into useless popsicle sticks.” I’d been balancing two large bags of convenience store bought c
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Nine:
The next morningBy my calculations, it took us about twenty minutes to drive to Cactus Front, the inpatient eating disorder clinic Francine was checking into. Liza took us, and she seemed very quiet. All of us were in fact. My girlfriend was staring out of the window at the Aztec style building as she took deep breaths. Her nervousness depressed me, and I wished I could take everything she was going through and bring it on to deal with myself. I couldn’t stand seeing the woman I loved in such distress.“Lyubimyy?” I touched Francine’s forearm with my fingertips, knowing how she loved being called my favorite. “Let’s walk inside. Ok? I’ll grab your bags. Touch nothing.” My girlfriend deflated in response and I had to get out of the car right then. I couldn’t bear to look anymore.“Dude, are you ok?” I heard Liza ask softly as I slammed the door and went to the trunk. I in
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Eight:
Nicole (Brody’s) Point of View:The invitation to accompany me to my best friend’s apartment was an open one, but I think the way I was staring right at Liza got the hidden message across to everyone else.Aside from maybe my very sick friend Francine, she was the only one who knew how to calm me down. There’s no way Vasha would let her girlfriend come along anyway though. This was the last night they’d have together before Francine checked herself into treatment, which I got. Totally. I felt pretty bad about losing my temper in their home, but I couldn’t help but fume over this whole damn evening. You’d think the strict upbringing I had combined with several years in the Military would have done something for my trash anger problem, but it hasn’t really. Especially not when my friends get hurt.When
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Seven:
“...Let her sleep, I’ll see Vasha when she wakes up.” Brody’s deep voice must have been in my dreams, because she’s not in Arizona right now. As I struggled with that in between stage of consciousnesses, I heard Francine’s clear voice respond.“I thought I heard her moving around, give me a second.”I blinked in confusion at the blank space beside me. Wasn’t Olivia taking a nap with me? I was so deliriously tired I had no idea what was going on. As I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I groaned softly and sat up. A moment later, Francine entered our room quietly and smiled warmly at me. Even in my sleepy state, I grinned back and closed my lids. I missed my girlfriend so much, even just seeing her beautiful face brought me unbridled joy. As Francine lost weight, her appearance changed a bit but she couldn’t ever look like anyone other than the woman I loved. Her body would always be familiar, and I neve
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Six:
Francine’s Point of View:“Do you think a month will be long enough?” Liza asked in a skeptical tone as we left Joey’s briskly. Dinner rush was in full swing, and I didn’t want to take up any more of my boss’s time than I already did.“Yeah. I couldn’t ask for anything extra, Joe is already pretty strapped.” I admitted, waiting for Liza to unlock her newish yellow volkswagon Beetle. “Honestly I’m grateful to even get that.”I could now add having to involve my professional life into things my eating disorder has forced me to do. Liza being the amazing friend that she is made Joey aware of what happened the night I fainted, and was sure to update him day by day. I was terrified that I’d lose my job before coming down to talk to him, but he was super cool about the whole thing. He’d shifted a few things around schedule wise, and approved my requested month
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Five:
Charlotte’s Point of View:“Are you really happy here, Charlotte? Stop bullshitting me. I can see right through you.” Andee’s hazel eyes flashed doubtfully as she took a swig of Coca Cola. Sitting across the booth from my EX was a surreal experience, and I blinked blankly at her. It was as if we were just meeting up for a quick bite after work, instead of what was really happening; An attempt to make me question my own happiness in Arizona. I chose to focus on her disapproving facial expression instead of how the see-through material of the white tee-shirt she was wearing made her pink nipples visible.Nice to see her small breasts were still perky and alert, I guess. Her effortlessly sexy style wasn’t lost on me, and I hated myself for my obvious attraction to it.Andee noticed how uncomfortable I was becoming and grinned slyly, like a mischievous kitten. Leaning backwards, she rested an
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Four:
Charlotte’s Point of View:Every part of me knew what a moronic decision this was, but I was going through with it anyway. I needed to know what Andee had to say that was so important, she couldn’t have just called me from Savannah. Paranoia gripped me as I looked back over my shoulder at Banner hospital once I made it halfway into the parking lot.Nobody followed me, thank GOD. After quickly slipping into my car, I gripped the leather steering wheel and closed my eyes guiltily.Text back. Say you changed your mind, go back in there with Olivia...that’s who you belong to. Andee is manipulating you- doesn’t your dumbass remember what happened!? What are you DOING!? That tiny voice in my head got so loud, I could hardly hear myself think. My eyes raked over the egg shell colored medical establishment before I abruptly started the ignition with a sharp
